Ann x’
Katie felt a stab in her heart. God, I do feel bad about what happened with Paul in the pantry, thought Katie. Maybe Ann did see us? Maybe that’s why she went for Tom? And yet, all along Paul was hitting her, made her lose her baby. Katie shook her head: imagine your husband hitting you so hard you lost your child. Can you imagine?
‘Hey sweetie! How are you?’ Katie realised she was shaking her head. She looked up surprised, then smiled at Naomi, who was carrying a bag of shortbread in cellophane with a white ribbon and making her way towards her.
‘Here, food for the soul!’ she said, throwing it into her lap, ‘Your old boy said I’d find you out here. How are you?’ She leant over and kissed her on top of the head, then sat down next to her.
Katie noticed she looked healthy, her face was tanned, her lemony top billowed over comfortable jeans. ‘You look well.’
‘You mean fat!’
‘No, no- I -’ Katie faltered.
‘I’m only kidding, don’t worry,’ she laughed. ‘I’ve reached my target weight!’ She smiled over at Katie who relaxed back in her chair.
‘So how are you?’
‘Hmm. Ann has sent me quite a full-on text.’ She handed Naomi her phone to read.
‘She’s lonely, possum. You were her friend. She wants you to be part of her life – if you can,’ smiled Naomi.
If I can? Thought Katie. I’m not sure. ‘Don’t know. How do you get over what’s happened?’
Naomi stared at her. ‘I’m not saying what Ann did was right – of course she is guilty and feels terrible; but think about her situation: a husband who was beating her up, a baby she lost; a friendly couple in you and Tom – needing affection and finding it in Tom, but then feeling awful about what happened -’ she shot Katie a look. ‘Are you telling me you’ve never strayed? Been unfaithful?’
‘No!’ Katie surprised herself. ‘Only in my mind,’ Katie half lied. Naomi looked sideways at her.
‘And what about my brother -’
‘He’s gay!’
‘But you didn’t know that, did you?’
Katie looked down at her lap. ‘No, but -’
‘Well, listen, it’s up to you,’ she shrugged getting up. She kissed a silent Katie on the top of her head and wandered away.
Katie watched as Naomi’s silhouette with trendy pink wedge heels wandered out of sight. She waved at her, returned to her thoughts. We’re all human. Perhaps I should help Ann out, put it all behind us?
Suddenly Gramps was by her side. ‘Katie, darling, Carol has just sent me a text! Quite the thing, really. Anyway, she says there’s a meat raffle on at the RSL, do I want to come along … so she’s just popping over in 10 minutes in her car to get me.’
‘Good idea Gramps,’ she smiled up at him.
Katie watched as he did a little half skip on his way into his room to change his shirt. A meat raffle? Gramps is turning more Aussie than the lamingtons he devours, smiled Katie, as she sent a text to Ann asking her to come round for coffee the following week.
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
Three weeks after their coffee, Katie agreed to accompany Ann to the antenatal appointment; it was mid-December and she felt stronger. Ann had pleaded with Katie to come. ‘It’s my last one before the babies are due – can you come with me.’ She’d held Katie’s gaze and as Katie nodded, smiling at her old friend, she felt that the barriers had come down, they were – almost – as they had been. There had been too much heartache on both sides, but how could Katie refuse? Who else could Ann ask? Not her husband who should, quite frankly, thought Katie, be locked up. She didn’t get on with her step mum and Katie, more than anyone, knew what it meant for Ann to have another child.
Sitting in the obstetrician’s office, Katie almost couldn’t look at Ann’s belly; her stretch marks were like vivid white lightening streaks across her abdomen. They were at the private obstetricians rooms having her 38 week antenatal appointment.
Her obstetrician was a youngish man, early 30s with a very soothing voice, Eastern suburbs, well educated. Katie scanned the room, no pictures of a wife, no kids – doesn’t look like he’s ever had egg mayonnaise thrown at him from a high chair, sighed Katie, leaning back on the black leather sofa. He was checking Ann’s abdomen, listening with his Sonacaid for heartbeats. His face was turned away from Ann. He frowned. Then he paced to the other side of the bed and listened to another place on her swollen stomach.
‘I really don’t like the sound of this,’ he said straightening himself up, moving his cobalt blue tie to the left.
‘What is it? What’s wrong with my babies?’ There was hysteria in Ann’s voice. Her twins were due in two weeks; there had been some discussion about inducing her the following week, however.
He took her arm and helped her sit upright. She sat up with a groan, swinging her legs over the side, her pale aqua smock stretched alarmingly over her abdomen. Katie looked up at them both from the other side of the room.
‘Did you have any plans today?’ he was facing Ann.
Katie didn’t like the tone in his voice; she cut in. ‘No, no we don’t – what should we do?’
‘But -’ Ann started to speak.
‘I need you to get to hospital, Ann,’ he said. ‘I’ll phone ahead. I’m not happy with one of the babies’ heartbeats, seems distressed, I want you monitored; I want you to go right away.’
There were tears forming in Ann’s eyes; Katie helped her off the high bed, while Dr Collins picked up the phone.
‘Ann, it’s OK, I’m here,’ Katie put her arms around Ann and hugged her.
They could hear the doctor on the phone, he was explaining that he wanted Ann met at the entrance, monitored immediately; foetal heartbeat, distress.
‘Ann, it’s fine, I’m sure it’s okay, we just need to get you to hospital.’ He smiled at Ann, a very polished, professional smile which didn’t give much away, then turned to Katie.
‘Stay with her, will you? Are you her next of kin?’
‘Yes,’ said Ann, looking straight at Katie.
‘OK, I’ve just phoned ahead. You need to get going.’
Katie didn’t like the look on Dr Collin’s face when he was examining Ann’s stomach; she sensed his urgency about getting Ann to hospital.
Ann waddled to the car as Katie tried not to get too anxious. She noticed how ruddy her face was, knew that she was holding back the tears as she glanced at her in the rear view mirror as she started up the jeep and headed to the hospital, a new private one about 20 minutes away.
Just as they were leaving the slip road, Ann let out a scream. Katie could see her grimacing; she had slipped sideways on the back seat, was almost lying down, yanking at her seatbelt.
‘Oww. God, it really hurts,’ her right hand was over her belly.
‘What is it Ann? Are you alright?’
‘NO I’m not!’
‘What’s happening, Ann, what’s wrong?’
“It’s. It’s … this Mother of a pain ...’ screeched Ann, clinging to the car door handle.
Katie put her foot down on the freeway. They should be there in 10 minutes if she really went for it, thought Katie, glancing in her rear view mirror.
‘Oh. My. God. My water’s have broken,’ Ann said it almost quietly, Katie glanced round to see the seat and her dress covered in bloody liquid.
‘Katie - get me there!’
Katie sped through a red traffic light. She looked again in the rear view mirror to Ann’s face with sweat all over her brow; she was holding onto the seatbelt, her knuckles white. Her face was paler than newly fallen snow. I feel helpless, thought Katie, scanning for the hospital sign. Oh thank God, there it is ahead, thought Katie, pulling into the left hand lane. Ann seems to be having contraction, by the sounds in the back, panicked Katie, might be about to lose one of her babies if I don’t get there. She screeched into a side road just as a man in a silver Volvo pulled out and honked his horn. Ann screamed, but finally Katie turned into the hospital
entrance. Katie scanned for the maternity section and lurched towards it in first gear, the car making a terrible noise.
Two midwives were already waiting there with a wheelchair for Ann. Katie helped her out the car, her sticky wet dress clinging to her legs, the midwives immediately got her onto the wheelchair. Katie ran with them into the glare of hospital light, following the group of them, feeling tears build up behind her eyes.
Next there was a woman with grey hair, glasses, who seemed to be in charge. Ann was taken behind some makeshift curtain – she was screaming in agony again. Katie heard voices from behind the curtain; made out the odd word: ‘internal bleed, no time.’
Suddenly the room was filled with a cry like Katie had never heard in her life. A deep primeval scream from a woman as if her heart has been torn out of her. Then all Katie could hear was sobbing, then shouting ‘do something!’ With that the curtain was yanked back and Ann was lying on a stretcher, her eyes were strawberry red. The midwife looked at Katie.
‘She needs an emergency caesarean, you need to sign this, you’re her next of kin; the surgeon is waiting.’ Katie stood up, signed the clipboard with shaky hands, then ran after Ann who was being taken away on the stretcher. She was yanking the oxygen mask off, and shouting: ‘Are my babies alright?’
The mask was placed back on her face. She was shaking her head, yanked the mask off again, screamed at Katie, ‘what are they doing?’
Why hasn’t anybody told her what’s going on, fumed Katie. Huge raspberry stains were spreading across the sheets over Ann’s legs.
Running beside them, Katie caught up with the stretcher; she squeezed Ann’s hand. Her eyes were wild, but she was silent under the oxygen mask. ‘Sorry, you can’t go any further. Katie wanted to scream: can’t go any further? I’ve been to hell and back with Ann recently. Few more miles won’t hurt. But instead she nodded silently. Just then an anaesthetist arrived along with another midwife. ‘Are you alright?’ I don’t know, thought Katie, shaking her head. ‘Yes.’
‘Come with us and get these on,’ said a male nurse handing her scrubs to wear and leading her into the operating theatre.
Ann was lying there, with her hands clutching the operating table and was being told not to move. She looked so pale and vulnerable; her teeth were chattering.
‘Can’t you do anything for her?’
‘We’re doing all we can.’ It was a voice Katie recognised. ‘We need to act quickly to save the babies.’ It was Andrew, she’d forgotten he worked at this hospital. Thank God! Ann would be fine - he was one of the top consultants in the country. Katie stared into his eyes, the only part of his face she could see behind the mask and saw his concern.
‘She’ll be fine.’ His gaze held onto Katie’s eyes.
Katie stood behind Ann, and stroked her hair, told her it was going to be okay. The doctor and nurses were talking among themselves; Katie couldn’t help feel left out, useless. She watched as they cut Ann open; Katie looked down at Ann’s face - she was oblivious to the enormous incision across her abdomen, thanks to the epidural. The doctors seemed to be yanking a lot and there was an enormous amount of blood everywhere. God, I feel faint, thought Katie, but I mustn’t let Ann down. Sweat trickled down her back, yet she shivered, feeling cold.
Suddenly a baby was being held in front of Ann … ‘A girl!’ said the nurse briefly holding the baby up to Ann’s face for her to look at. Katie could see Ann’s face was pale, the tears started as she stared at her baby … a tiny wrinkly little thing, pale and covered in greasy vernix, eyes shrivelled up, teensy hands clutched in a tight fist.
‘I need to take the baby for tests, Ann,’ said the nurse gently, scooping her up and into a blanket.
‘My baby,’ cried Ann, but nobody seemed to notice. ‘What about my other baby?’ She was crying now, there was a lot of discussion; another doctor appeared in the room. Katie couldn’t see what was happening - they had lifted the partition higher. Instead, she stroked Ann’s hair. She had no idea what else to do. ‘Katie, my baby …’
‘I know, shh …’ she said, as she watched the blood pooling on the floor.
*
Andrew came in to talk to Katie after the operation. Ann had been given a sedative and was sleeping peacefully, was in a stable condition.
He explained that Ann had been haemorrhaging in three different places and they couldn’t stop the bleeding. What he also explained to Katie was that Ann’s uterus wasn’t contracting like it should and so the blood wouldn’t stop. He then told Katie that Ann’s tiny baby was being resuscitated next door by a paediatric specialist, and was lucky to be alive.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
Katie wandered along the hospital corridor humming a little tune. No running, no blood, no serious looking midwives, no panic this time round, thought Katie glancing at her watch – she should still make visiting time. She wandered past a shambolic plastic Christmas tree – clumps of silver and purple tinsel clung for dear life around the edges and mismatched baubles perched on a few branches.
Ann looked as radiant as the golden summer sun when Katie walked into the room. And to top it all, a tiny angel, weighing 7lbs 3oz in pink striped yellow booties was feeding from her left breast. Suck, suck, stop.
‘Oh she’s gorgeous,’ Katie beamed at the little baby and placed a bunch of flowers on the side. ‘Well done,’ she squeezed Ann’s hand.
Katie wasn’t sure what else to say, she didn’t want to mention the other twin – what she might have weighed, what colour socks she would have worn today. She didn’t want to discuss with Ann that the bleed in her womb had meant the baby’s tiny heart had stopped beating, that she had been lying very still next to her baby sister. Katie knew that the paediatric doctor had done everything possible for the other baby, but that it had been too late.
Katie handed Ann a bag of trashy magazines and bent over to look at the baby properly in Ann’s arms. She was adorable. Ann smiled proudly, then she said: ‘Here, Katie, you’ll want this as well.’ Ann was holding out a tiny test tube with a swab in it.
‘What’s that?’ Katie peered at it.
‘Lilly’s mouth swab. I asked the doctors to do it this morning when you said you were coming. You can check her DNA.’
Katie stared at Ann, while what she’d said sunk in.
‘Sure?’
‘Positive. I owe you and Tom my life – really I do – this is the least I can do. We all need to know,’ she said quietly.
Katie nodded, and took the tube from Ann and turned round and popped it in her handbag. As she neared the bed, Ann took her hand. ‘Thank you. You have been an amazing friend.’
Katie smiled then sat down on the bed. ‘How are you?’ She reached out and stroked Lilly’s head.
‘Fine. Can’t move much, but it’s a small price to pay,’ She bent her head down towards Lilly and gave her a kiss. Then she looked up at Katie and pushed her hair off her face. ‘I am very lucky, very lucky to be holding a baby right now.’
‘Does Paul know?’ asked Katie.
Ann made a face. ‘I sent him a text, but I also said I was going to organise a court order so that he only gets to see her – and Ed - when his mother was with them,’ she looked up defiantly.
‘Well done,’ said Katie softly, ‘I think that’s for the best.’ She stared at the tiny downy mop of hair on Lilly’s head. Is that Tom’s daughter? Then she shook herself, and stood up. ‘I’ll see you soon, I have to go.’ Katie watched as Ann put on a brave face.
‘Course. Naomi’s coming over this afternoon, thanks for organising her to have Ed – she’s bringing him in to see his sister! She texted me and said he is beside himself with excitement, they’re stopping on the way to buy a present.’ Katie nodded. Knew how much this meant to Ann, to have her family.
As she travelled back down in the lift she opened her handbag and stared at the test tube. It had Lilly’s date of birth and name on it. It has our future in it.
Tom was waiting in the car for Katie, staring ou
t the window, his arms stretched out over the steering wheel, his head nestled in them. When she got in he looked up abruptly. ‘How’s Ann?’
Katie nodded, ‘She’s OK.’
‘And the baby?’ He looked over at his wife.
‘Fine,’ Katie nodded. ‘She’s called her Lilly.’
They picked up the boys from Naomi’s and on the way home decided to give them some fresh air at the park. Tom drove to Dobroyd Head.
‘Katie, what are you grinning at?’ smiled Tom as he swung into a parking spot.
‘It was here, remember, when I was stranded …’
‘Oh yes and Andy nearly got bitten by a ‘snake’!’ The whole car erupted, but Andy’s little lip wobbled.
‘Mummy I was scared-y,’ he said as Katie let him out the car.
‘I know sweetheart,’ she said gently, then leant down and picked him up, cuddled him. That day seems a lifetime away, thought Katie. Picnic at Hanging Rock, where did I get that idea? She smiled and said a silent prayer to Carol. She’d been in Australia eighteen months now and on quite a journey with Tom – and the country. Things had buried themselves into her consciousness: the gum trees, street signs, cackle of a kookaburra, the rainbow lorikeets in the garden, tiny lizards scuttling under dry leaves in the driveway, the song of the currawong. Australia had been seeping into her soul when she wasn’t looking, like osmosis, silently usurping her cold British blood with a glowing Aussie warmth. It was familiar, she realised. Mine. Home.
There was a bleep from her phone as she strode towards the open grass, pushing Rory in the buggy. She took her phone out of her bag and saw a photo from Lucy. She and Adam were standing underneath a pub sign, the Cart & Cushion, somewhere in the country, holding onto a pram. Rosie was standing next to them, beaming. It was snowing in the photo; December 18th. I wonder if they’ll have snow at Christmas, thought Katie. She peered at the photo; Lucy and Adam were both grinning madly, wearing silly woolly hats. Lucy had texted Katie. ‘William Arthur’s first trip to the pub!’ She has caught my dream in her hands, thought Katie, my old dream. She has the life I thought I wanted … as she looked over at her boys charging around the field and at Tom, striding ahead, she realised that Lucy didn’t have her dream any more – she had it.
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