Moreover, though they evaded him in terms of physical definition he knew a sense of curious, half-remembered familiarity. Some portion of his hidden self, uncaught, unharnessed by anything in modern life, rose with a passionate rush of joy and made after them — something in him untamed as wind. His mind stood up, as it were, and shouted “I am coming.” For he saw himself not far behind, as a man, racing with great leaps to join them … yet never overtaking, never drawing close enough to see quite clearly. The roar of their tramping shook the very blood in his ears….
His decision to accept the strangers had set free in his being something that thus for the first time in his life — escaped…. Symbolically in his mind this Escape had taken picture form….
The Captain’s voice was asking for the glasses; with a wrench that caused almost actual physical pain he tore himself away, letting this herd of Flying Thoughts sink back into the shadows and disappear. With sharp regret he saw them go — a regret for long, long, far-off things….
Turning, he placed the field-glasses carefully in that fat open hand stretched out to receive them, and noted as he did so the thick, pink fingers that closed about the strap, the heavy ring of gold, the band of gilt about the sleeve. That wrought gold, those fleshy fingers, the genial gutteral voice saying “T’anks” were symbols of an existence tamed and artificial that caged him in again….
Then he went below and found that the lazy “drummer” who talked harvest-machines to puzzled peasants had landed, and in his place an assortment of indiscriminate clothing belonging to the big Russian and his son lay scattered over the upper berth and upon the sofa-bed beneath the port-hole.
CHAPTER VIII
“For my own part I find in some of these abnormal or supernormal facts the strongest suggestions in favor of a superior consciousness being possible. I doubt whether we shall ever understand some of them without using the very letter of Fechner’s conception of a great reservoir in which the memories of earth’s inhabitants are pooled and preserved, and from which, when the threshold lowers or the valve opens, information ordinarily shut out leaks into the mind of exceptional individuals among us.” — WILLIAM JAMES, A Pluralistic Universe
And it was some hours later, while the ship made for the open sea, that he told Dr. Stahl casually of the new arrangement and saw the change come so suddenly across his face. Stahl stood back from the compass-box whereon they leaned, and putting a hand upon his companion’s shoulder, looked a moment into his eyes. With surprise O’Malley noted that the pose of cynical disbelief was gone; in its place was sympathy, interest, kindness. The words he spoke came from his heart.
“Is that true?” he asked, as though the news disturbed him.
“Of course. Why not? Is there anything wrong?” He felt uneasy. The doctor’s manner confirmed the sense that he had done a rash thing. Instantly the barrier between the two crumbled and he lost the first feeling of resentment that his friends should be analyzed. The men thus came together in unhindered sincerity.
“Only,” said the doctor thoughtfully, half gravely, “that — I may have done you a wrong, placed you, that is, in a position of—” he hesitated an instant,— “of difficulty. It was I who suggested the change.”
O’Malley stared at him.
“I don’t understand you quite.”
“It is this,” continued the other, still holding him with his eyes. He said it deliberately. “I have known you for some time, formed-er — an opinion of your type of mind and being — a very rare and curious one, interesting me deeply—”
“I wasn’t aware you’d had me under the microscope,” O’Malley laughed, but restlessly.
“Though you felt it and resented it — justly, I may say — to the point of sometimes avoiding me—”
“As doctor, scientist,” put in O’Malley, while the other, ignoring the interruption, continued in German: —
“I always had the secret hope, as ‘doctor and scientist,’ let us put it then, that I might one day see you in circumstances that should bring out certain latent characteristics I thought I divined in you. I wished to observe you — your psychical being — under the stress of certain temptations, favorable to these characteristics. Our brief voyages together, though they have so kindly ripened our acquaintance into friendship” — he put his hand again on the other’s shoulder smiling, while O’Malley replied with a little nod of agreement— “have, of course, never provided the opportunity I refer to—”
“Ah — !”
“Until now!” the doctor added. “Until now.”
Puzzled and interested the Irishman waited for him to go on, but the man of science, who was now a ship’s doctor, hesitated. He found it difficult, apparently, to say what was in his thoughts.
“You refer, of course, though I hardly follow you quite — to our big friends?” O’Malley helped him.
The adjective slipped out before he was aware of it. His companion’s expression admitted the accuracy of the remark. “You also see them — big, then?” he said, quickly taking him up. He was not cross-questioning; out of keen sympathetic interest he asked it.
“Sometimes, yes,” the Irishman answered, more astonished. “Sometimes only—”
“Exactly. Bigger than they really are; as though at times they gave out — emanated — something that extended their appearance. Is that it?”
O’Malley, his confidence wholly won, more surprised, too, than he quite understood, seized Stahl by the arm and drew him toward the rails. They leaned over, watching the sea. A passenger, pacing the decks before dinner, passed close behind them.
“But, doctor,” he said in a hushed tone as soon as the steps had died away, “you are saying things that I thought were half in my imagination only, not true in the ordinary sense quite — your sense, I mean?”
For some moments the doctor made no reply. In his eyes a curious steady gaze replaced the usual twinkle. When at length he spoke it was evidently following a train of thought of his own, playing round a subject he seemed half ashamed of and yet desired to state with direct language.
“A being akin to yourself,” he said in low tones, “only developed, enormously developed; a Master in your own peculiar region, and a man whose influence acting upon you at close quarters could not fail to arouse the latent mind-storms” — he chose the word hesitatingly, as though seeking for a better he could not find on the moment,— “always brewing in you just below the horizon.”
He turned and watched his companion’s face keenly. O’Malley was too impressed to feel annoyance.
“Well — ?” he asked, feeling the adventure closing round him with quite a new sense of reality. “Well?” he repeated louder. “Please go on. I’m not offended, only uncommonly interested. You leave me in a fog, so far. I think you owe me more than hints.”
“I do,” said the other simply. “About that man is a singular quality too rare for language to have yet coined its precise description: something that is essentially” — they had lapsed into German now, and he used the German word— “unheimlich.”
The Irishman started. He recognized this for truth. At the same time the old resentment stirred a little in him, creeping into his reply.
“You have studied him closely then — had him, too, under the microscope?
In this short time?”
This time the answer did not surprise him, however.
“My friend,” he heard, while the other turned from him and gazed out over the misty sea, “I have not been a ship’s doctor — always. I am one now only because the leisure and quiet give me the opportunity to finish certain work, recording work. For years I was in the H — —” — he mentioned the German equivalent for the Salpêtrière— “years of research and investigation into the astonishing vagaries of the human mind and spirit — with certain results, followed later privately, that it is now my work to record. And among many cases that might well seem — er — beyond either credence or explanation,” — he hesitated again slightly— “I came acros
s one, one in a million, let us admit, that an entire section of my work deals with under the generic term of Urmenschen.”
“Primitive men,” O’Malley snapped him up, translating. Through his growing bewilderment ran also a growing uneasiness shot strangely with delight. Intuitively he divined what was coming.
“Beings,” the doctor corrected him, “not men. The prefix Ur-, moreover, I use in a deeper sense than is usually attached to it as in Urwald, Urwelt, and the like. An Urmensch in the world today must suggest a survival of an almost incredible kind — a kind, too, utterly inadmissible and inexplicable to the materialist perhaps—”
“Paganistic?” interrupted the other sharply, joy and fright rising over him.
“Older, older by far,” was the rejoinder, given with a curious hush and a lowering of the voice.
The suggestion rushed into full possession of O’Malley’s mind. There rose in him something that claimed for his companions the sea, the wind, the stars — tumultuous and terrific. But he said nothing. The conception, blown into him thus for the first time at full strength, took all his life into its keeping. No energy was left over for mere words. The doctor, he was aware, was looking at him, the passion of discovery and belief in his eyes. His manner kindled. It was the hidden Stahl emerging.
“… a type, let me put it,” he went on in a voice whose very steadiness thrilled his listener afresh, “that in its strongest development would experience in the world today the loneliness of a complete and absolute exile. A return to humanity, you see, of some unexpended power of mythological values….”
“Doctor…!”
The shudder passed through him and away almost as soon as it came. Again the sea grew splendid, the thunder of the waves held voices calling, and the foam framed shapes and faces, wildly seductive, though fugitive as dreams. The words he had heard moved him profoundly. He remembered how the presence of the stranger had turned the world alive.
He knew what was coming, too, and gave the lead direct, while yet half afraid to ask the question.
“So my friend — this big ‘Russian’ — ?”
“I have known before, yes, and carefully studied.”
CHAPTER IX
“Is it not just possible that there is a mode of being as much transcending Intelligence and Will as these transcend mechanical motion?”
— HERBERT SPENCER, First Principles
The two men left the rail and walked arm in arm along the deserted deck, speaking in lowered voices.
“He came first to us, brought by the keeper of an obscure hotel where he was staying, as a case of lapse of memory — loss of memory, I should say, for it was complete. He was unable to say who he was, whence he came, or to whom he belonged. Of his land or people we could learn nothing. His antecedents were an utter blank. Speech he had practically none of his own — nothing but the merest smattering of many tongues, a word here, a word there. Utterance, indeed, of any kind was exceedingly difficult to him. For years, evidently, he had wandered over the world, companionless among men, seeking his own, finding no place where to lay his head. People, it seemed, both men and women, kept him at arm’s-length, feeling afraid; the keeper of the little hotel was clearly terrified. This quality he had that I mentioned just now, repelled human beings — even in the Hospital it was noticeable — and placed him in the midst of humanity thus absolutely alone. It is a quality more rare than” — hesitating, searching for a word— “purity, one almost extinct today, one that I have never before or since come across in any other being — hardly ever, that is to say,” he qualified the sentence, glancing significantly at his companion.
“And the boy?” O’Malley asked quickly, anxious to avoid any discussion of himself.
“There was no boy then. He has found him since. He may find others too — possibly!” The Irishman drew his arm out, edging away imperceptibly. That shiver of joy reached him from the air and sea, perhaps.
“And two years ago,” continued Dr. Stahl, as if nothing had happened, “he was discharged, harmless” — he lingered a moment on the word, “if not cured. He was to report to us every six months. He has never done so.”
“You think he remembers you?”
“No. It is quite clear that he has lapsed back completely again into the — er — state whence he came to us, that unknown world where he passed his youth with others of his kind, but of which he has been able to reveal no single detail to us, nor we to trace the slightest clue.”
They stopped beneath the covered portion of the deck, for the mist had now turned to rain. They leaned against the smoking-room outer wall. In O’Malley’s mind the thoughts and feelings plunged and reared. Only with difficulty did he control himself.
“And this man, you think,” he asked with outward calmness, “is of — of my kind?”
“‘Akin,’ I said. I suggest—” But O’Malley cut him short.
“So that you engineered our sharing a cabin with a view to putting him again — putting us both — under the microscope?”
“My scientific interest was very strong,” Dr. Stahl replied carefully. “But it is not too late to change. I offer you a bed in my own roomy cabin on the promenade deck. Also, I ask your forgiveness.”
The Irishman, large though his imaginative creed was, felt oddly checked, baffled, stupefied by what he had heard. He knew perfectly well what Stahl was driving at, and that revelations of another kind were yet to follow. What bereft him of very definite speech was this new fact slowly awakening in his consciousness which hypnotized him, as it were, with its grandeur. It seemed to portend that his own primitive yearnings, so-called, grew out of far deeper foundations than he had yet dreamed of even. Stahl, should he choose to listen, meant to give him explanation, quasi-scientific explanation. This talk about a survival of “unexpended mythological values” carried him off his feet. He knew it was true. Veiled behind that carefully chosen phrase was something more — a truth brilliantly discovered. He knew, too, that it bit at the platform-boards upon which his personality, his sanity, his very life, perhaps, rested — his modern life.
“I forgive you, Dr. Stahl,” he heard himself saying with a deceptive calmness of voice as they stood shoulder to shoulder in that dark corner, “for there is really nothing to forgive. The characteristics of these Urmenschen you describe attract me very greatly. Your words merely give my imagination a letter of introduction to my reason. They burrow among the foundations of my life and being. At least — you have done me no wrong….” He knew the words were wild, impulsive, yet he could find no better. Above all things he wished to conceal his rising, grand delight.
“I thank you,” Stahl said simply, yet with a certain confusion. “I — felt
I owed you this explanation — er — this confession.”
“You wished to warn me?”
“I wished to say ‘Be careful’ rather. I say it now — Be careful! I give you this invitation to share my cabin for the remainder of the voyage, and I urge you to accept it.” The offer was from the heart, while the scientific interest in the man obviously half hoped for a refusal.
“You think harm might come to me?”
“Not physically. The man is gentle and safe in every way.”
“But there is danger — in your opinion?” insisted the other.
“There is danger—”
“That his influence may make me as himself — an Urmensch?”
“That he may — get you,” was the curious answer, given steadily after a moment’s pause.
Again the words thrilled O’Malley to the core of his delighted, half-frightened soul. “You really mean that?” he asked again; “as ‘doctor and scientist,’ you mean it?”
Stahl replied with a solemn anxiety in eyes and voice. “I mean that you have in yourself that ‘quality’ which makes the proximity of this ‘being’ dangerous: in a word that he may take you — er — with him.”
“Conversion?”
“Appropriation.”
They moved further
up the deck together for some minutes in silence, but the Irishman’s feelings, irritated by the man’s prolonged evasion, reached a degree of impatience that was almost anger. “Let us be more definite,” he exclaimed at length a trifle hotly. “You mean that I might go insane?”
“Not in the ordinary sense,” came the answer without a sign of annoyance or hesitation; “but that something might happen to you — something that science could not recognize and medical science could not treat—”
Then O’Malley interrupted him with the vital question that rushed out before he could consider its wisdom or legitimacy.
“Then what really is he — this man, this ‘being’ whom you call a ‘survival,’ and who makes you fear for my safety. Tell me exactly what he is?”
They found themselves just then by the doctor’s cabin, and Stahl, pushing the door open, led him in. Taking the sofa for himself, he pointed to an armchair opposite.
CHAPTER X
“Superstition is outside reason; so is revelation.” — OLD SAYING
And O’Malley understood that he had pressed the doctor to the verge of confessing some belief that he was ashamed to utter or to hold, something forced upon him by his out-of-the-way experience of life to which his scientific training said peremptorily “No.” Further, that he watched him keenly all the time, noting the effect his words produced.
Collected Works of Algernon Blackwood Page 62