by S. M. Soto
Her eyes grow misty. “I know I said this already, but thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. Anyone would’ve done it.”
She shakes her head. “That’s not true, and you know it.”
A beat passes between us, and I have the urge to take her face in my hands and kiss her. Taste her lips and let my hands disappear into those long strands. But the sound of her phone chiming is our only saving grace. She quickly pulls it out of her purse, glancing at the screen.
“Everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah.” She waves me off. “My mom was just letting me know Luna fell asleep with my dad. I’ll just carry her into bed with me once I get home.”
“How old is Luna?”
She smiles at the mention of her daughter. I don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it. It’s just something that comes naturally when discussing Luna, I assume. “She’s five going on twenty-five. I swear, that little girl is something else. She’ll be six in a few days, actually.”
A chuckle bursts past my lips. “Oh, I can only imagine. She’s…sassy. I find I quite like it.”
Selene rolls her eyes. “Yeah, because you don’t have to parent her.” As she says it, she suddenly deflates, a guilty look passing over her features.
“And her dad? Is he still in her life?”
Her brows tug down, slanting over her face, causing shadows. “Why?”
“Guess I’m just trying to figure out if he’s my competition.”
Selene looks away again, studiously avoiding my gaze. “There’s no competition. Not with him and this…this version of you.”
“This version of me?”
“Forget it.”
“Have you…dated since him?”
She pulls a face. “God, no. Well, there was one guy I dated about a year and a half after she was born, but there was no spark. I felt like I was trying to make something work just to say I did it, you know? I blame Julia. She was the one who suggested I get out and date to help me move on. To help get my life back on track.”
At the mention of Julia’s name, it’s like summoning over the beast. She sashays toward us.
“You guys down for pool? You two against Griffin and me?”
“I’m not very good. I don’t even know how to play.”
Julia smiles, patting her on the shoulder. “Oh, I know. That’s why I’m assigning you to play. You’ll help me look nice and sporty in front of Griffin. Now c’mon, hurry up.”
I let out a chuckle when Julia is out of earshot. “She’s perfect for Griffin.”
Selene purses her lips. “My thoughts exactly. You sure you want me as your partner? I really suck at this. I’m not even kidding.”
I grin, pushing up from the stool. I place my hand between us, palm up. “C’mon, I’ll show you how it’s done.”
When she places her hand in mine, I do my best to ignore the way the currents of electricity stroke my palm at our point of contact.
When I place my hand in his, a thrill shoots up my arm, and the heaviness percolates in the air between us. Whatever the sensation is, it’s potent. My tummy flips when we walk hand in hand toward the pool table. Julia and Griffin are already choosing their sticks. Off to the side, I notice Beth-Ann and Landon flirting in the corner of the bar, standing very, very close.
“Here, give this one a try,” End says, handing one of the smaller sticks to me. I grab it warily, unsure of how to hold it and “give it a try.” He chuckles at my attempts.
“Let me show you what I mean. Set your stick here,” he says, demonstrating with his own on the edge of the table. “Place these two fingers on top and just glide the stick through. Feel the stick move in your hands; it should feel smooth and easy. Nice and controlled.”
My stomach clenches at his words. They sound oddly erotic, even though this is the furthest thing from sexy. But coming from Endymion’s mouth? Anything is sexy.
I shake my head, trying to clear my mind of those muddled thoughts and do as he instructs. It feels the same, even with his pointers, but I don’t tell him so. I just don’t think I have the skill for this. Some people are born to do stuff like this and get it on their first try. I’m not one of them.
“Feel okay?” he asks.
I nod, forcing a smile. His own smirk tells me he sees right through it. Leaning into me, he places his mouth near my ear to whisper his next words.
“I’ll do all the heavy lifting, don’t worry.”
A flutter works its way through my body. I try to focus as Griffin cues the balls and takes the first shot. After he hits, he lets Julia go before it’s our turn. I’m up, and my nerves suddenly make me tremble. I have a hard time keeping the stick still, that’s how nervous I am. I feel End’s heat behind me as he hovers around me.
“Here. Let me help.”
He reaches around me, setting my hand and fingers exactly where he wants them. His skin on mine feels absolutely incredible. I find myself leaning into his touch, smelling his skin, and trying to soak in as much of him as I possibly can.
“Perfect. Now push it forward and aim here.”
I do as he says, and surprisingly, I hit the white ball into our solid colors, pocketing a red one. I turn around, a grin spreading across my face. This is the first time I’ve ever played pool, and I’ve actually sunk a ball. Nothing like this ever works in my favor, and I’m sure I have Endymion to thank for that.
When it’s his turn, he pockets one and lets me try for another, and again, he leans into me, trying to help. I feel the strong contours of his body against mine. His pecs, his biceps as they brush the outside of my arms. The heat emanates off his body in waves, rolling through me. It makes me feel dizzy and off-kilter. I can feel myself practically falling back under his spell. Being so close to him, having him show so much interest in me, it’s a strange turn of tables. It makes me want to throw caution to the wind and just give myself over to him.
But like being doused in cold water, I remember why I can’t do that.
Because I’m a liar.
A horrible human.
I’m the woman who’s kept his child away from him, and he doesn’t even know it.
I have everything I need to say all worked out in my head, but every time I try, nothing happens. The words never come forth. It’s almost as if they’re trapped, and my subconscious won’t let them go.
I try not to enjoy the way his body feels against mine. The way his hands curl around my hands, the way his body seems to align with mine so perfectly. It’s cliché; the way it feels like we’re puzzle pieces finally becoming one.
My heart lurches, and my throat closes when I feel his lips near my ear. With his front pressed to my back, his heat, his smell, I have to hold my breath and trap my bottom lip between my teeth, trying to hold in the moan that’s dying to escape.
“Okay, this is our last chance to end them. You ready?”
My stomach dips. My eyes flutter closed, and I don’t realize I’m doing it until I hear his sharp inhale. I realize I’m fully leaned against him, making him take the brunt of all my weight.
Slowly, I shift in his arms, craning my neck to look back at him. My eyes zero in on his lips, and I lick my own, dying to know what it would be like now. Would it be as good as it was years ago?
Would I still feel all the same things I felt then?
My heart knows that answer better than anyone.
That string between us tugs us closer. He’s staring at me with eyes that possess a shade of green that I’ve never seen on him. They’re filled with heat and desire. Slowly, we both inch forward, and he searches my gaze. I can feel his unspoken questions.
“Are you sure?”
“Should I stop?”
I don’t say yes.
But I also don’t say no.
Because even though I know this a disaster in the making, I want him. I want him like I want the stars and the moon. I’ve wanted him for thirteen years. That’s not going to change just because I spent years away from him. If an
ything, I feel more drawn to him now than I ever have before.
“Are you two going to take your turn or what?”
I jolt away from End, my gaze swinging toward Julia. She has her brows raised, clearly impatient with how long we’re taking. She may not realize it, but she just saved me from making a huge mistake. She unknowingly just cut through what would’ve surely been another fall down the rabbit hole for me.
What is it about this man that makes me act so irrationally?
I adjust my stick with jerky movements and hurry up and hit the ball. Without even trying, I sink the eight ball, and everyone eyes me.
Figures, doesn’t it?
“It’s getting late,” I announce to the table, hoping Julia will get the hint that I need her to give me a ride. If I stay here with Endymion any longer, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep myself in check. I cannot let this happen.
“I can give you a ride back if you want,” End offers.
Julia hoots, tossing her arms in the air. She’s obviously too buzzed to drive me anyway. “Look at that! Perfect. You can catch a ride with End, and I’ll catch one with Griffin, if you know what I mean,” she says in a loud whisper that everyone hears. She does this twitchy thing with her eye. I think she’s trying to wink at me, but honestly, I can’t be too sure. She could just have an eyelash stuck in her eye. Because that’s exactly what it looks like.
My lids slam shut.
You can do this.
Just a few more minutes.
You can hold it together that long.
Inhaling a breath for strength, I turn and face End, giving him a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes. It’s filled with nerves.
“Thank you.”
The walk out to his truck is quiet and filled with tension. Like the gentleman he is, he helps me into the passenger seat. He places one of his hands along my waist, giving me a boost of sorts. I feel the heat of his hand burn through my clothes, branding my skin with his touch. It has my body breaking out in gooseflesh, just from one touch alone.
My eyes flutter closed, and I drop my head back onto the leather headrest, trying to pull myself together. But in doing so, my senses home in on End. The truck smells like him: a minty, clean scent with a hint of sage and something woodsy. It wafts in the confined space, infiltrating my senses.
My eyes fling open when he hops in. I try to keep my gaze trained on the dashboard. Anything to avoid looking at him. He starts the truck and pulls out of the parking lot, letting me get lost in my own thoughts.
The ride is quick, but I’m still antsy. I keep shifting on the leather, crossing and uncrossing my legs. It doesn’t help that my feet are throbbing. It’s been far too long since I’ve worn heels. It’s not like I have many opportunities to wear them anyway.
When the truck rolls to a stop at the curb in front of my dad’s house, it feels like a repeat of the other night. I tell myself I just need to thank him for the ride and be done with it. But that’s not what I do.
I turn toward him, and that’s my first mistake. My heart jumps into my throat when I realize he’s already watching me with heavy, intense eyes that are wreaking havoc on my breaths. His bright-eyed gaze searches mine, scouring across my flesh. Tonight, his eyes look like a deep emerald green. The intensity with which he regards me has me swallowing thickly.
“Thank you. For tonight.”
The corner of his mouth lifts ever so slightly. It’s the smallest tic of movement, but it’s still a wonder how it has the effect on me that it does. I feel it in my core.
“Anytime. I’ll see you tomorrow, Selene.”
I pause with my hand on the handle. My brows tug low into a frown. “You really aren’t going to give up, are you?”
He shrugs. “You’re worth the wait.”
My traitorous heart skips a beat at his words. My chest squeezes with emotion, and guilt clogs my throat. “Why me?”
He twists, leaning across the center console, just enough that he’s able to tuck stray hairs behind my ears. His fingers graze my cheek in the process. It has my heart pounding, trying to pump its way out of my chest, between the bones of my rib cage and into his hands for safekeeping. There’s a roaring in my gut. It’s the sensation of thousands of angry bees swarming. Buzzing so violently, I have to place a trembling hand over my stomach to calm the riot of sensations.
For so long I thought I was over this. Over him. I was wrong. I thought I left my love for him somewhere between the stars and the moon. But it turns out, my love for this man never left, it never waned. It’s always been there, lying dormant, waiting for him to wake me from this eternal slumber.
“Why not you?” As he says this, his thumb finds its way to my lips, and he traces my lower one ever so softly. It’s incredibly erotic and oh, so enticing. Without meaning to, I lean into his touch, closing the distance between us. My gaze is riveted to his lips. They’re plump, and if memory serves me right, they have the capacity to drive a girl insane with lust. He’s skilled. I remember that. So beyond skilled. My core throbs as images from the past surface, slamming into me. Begging me to do it again. To feel him inside me again.
I dart my gaze from his mouth to his eyes, and he does the same. We lean in closer. So close, I can practically taste him. His breaths ghost across my face, intermingling with mine. Frissons of electricity pass through my body, into my veins and bloodstream as we close the distance. At the last minute, he turns, his lips connecting with my cheek and the corner of my mouth. He pulls away gently, staring down at me with so much heat in his eyes, I’m molten lava.
“If this isn’t what you want, I need you to get out now. Because if you stay in here another second, I won’t be able to stay away. I won’t be able to stop myself.” I feel him writing those words on my skin.
Slowly, I process. My mind is still boggled over that half-kiss. With slow ease, I pull away the slightest bit. Disappointment passes over his eyes, but it’s brief. He shoots me a crooked smile, so much heat still lingering in the depths.
“See you tomorrow, Selene.”
I nod, swallowing the sudden lump in my throat. A beat passes between us where we stare at each other before I jump into action. I get out of the truck and all but run into the house. My heart is banging against my chest, making it heave as it works to accommodate my heavy breathing.
I press a shaky hand to the side of my mouth where he kissed me. Without permission, a giddy grin spreads across my face. It makes everything feel lighter as though I’m floating on cloud nine. Pushing off the door, I walk past the kitchen and am about to head down the hall to check on Luna when I spot someone in the living room.
“Mom?”
She’s covered in a blanket, her gaze fixed out the window. In this position, she has a clear view of the front of the house, where End just dropped me off. There’s no doubt in my mind she saw what happened. I would think she’d be excited. She’s the one who’s always pushed for me to try my luck with him, but she seems quiet and reserved tonight. Almost pensive. As if something heavy is weighing on her mind.
“What are you still doing up?” I ask, taking the seat next to her. She finally turns to look at me. The lines around her mouth are deep as she purses her lips.
Something is definitely wrong.
She searches my gaze, looking for something. But I have no clue what.
“I want you to be honest with me if I ask you something.”
My heart drops at her tone. Something is most definitely off here. My heart pounds and a stone settles in the pit of my gut.
“Okay,” I say, my voice trembling with wariness.
“Who’s Luna’s father?”
My heart does something weird at that moment. As panic fills my chest, my heart stops beating, yet pounds a violent rhythm all at once. It’s almost like I’m having an out-of-body experience. I can see the moment happening, but I can’t grasp it. I can’t grasp anything. Dread settles, cold and heavy over my shoulders, digging its claws into my skin.
I
can slowly feel the blood drain from my face when she starts speaking again, obviously realizing I’m not going to answer.
“While you were at work earlier, I took Luna to the park with your father. We ran into Freya, Endymion’s sister. Her daughter…her daughter is the spitting image of Luna. It was all we could talk about—Freya and me—just how much they look alike.”
A sinking feeling enters my stomach. It feels like all the walls are closing in around me. Like someone is quite literally stealing the air from my lungs, making it impossible to pull in a single breath.
“That’s…that’s…” I trail off, unable to form a coherent thought. I have no more lies. I have nothing left.
My mom gives me a look. It’s one that’s filled with disappointment and something else I can’t quite put my finger on. That look alone has my heart shriveling, dropping onto the carpet between us and shattering. I place a trembling hand over my mouth, trying to hold in the impending sob.
I collapse into a heap next to her, dropping my head into my hands. The dam finally breaks free. A sob tears from my chest, and I feel my mom’s warm hand slide around my back, trying to comfort me.
“Talk to me, Selene. What’s going on?” she implores.
“Before we left for Pasadena, I was at the creek one night. I just wanted one more night there before I left because I wasn’t sure if I’d ever come back. That night, Endymion came by the creek.” I pause, replaying the events of that night. My heart squeezes uncomfortably as I replay it all, frame by frame. I was so dumb. I was just a stupid girl in love. “That was the first night I felt like he finally saw me. We talked, and it was…it was different. I-I don’t know how, but one thing led to another, then…”
My mom clears her throat, obviously understanding where I’m going with the story. Tears trail down my cheeks when I look back up at her.
“The next day, I went over to see him and talk to him. I thought that night had changed things. I was so caught up in him that I considered leaving the idea of college behind just to be with him.” My mom’s lips thin into a grim line. She obviously doesn’t like that—doesn’t like where my head was. It’s crazy; the things love will make you do. “He didn’t even remember. He was so drunk that night that he didn’t remember me or what we did. I saw him with Holly, and it felt like…it felt like a betrayal. I felt like I had given him every piece of me, and he wasn’t even of sound mind to notice.”