by S. M. Soto
Her gaze narrows on me. She drags her eyes up and down my body, her upper lip curling in obvious distaste. “You know, I didn’t get it at first, but I think I do now.”
My brows tug low over my face. “Get what?”
“End’s anger with me. He’s never forgiven me for breaking things off with him for Thomas. It’s why they got in a fight yesterday. Everything about last night makes so much more sense.” She scoffs, and my stomach churns unsteadily. Seeing as Endymion kissed me last night, I suddenly have a bad feeling. It worms its way down my spine in a cold chill.
What does she know about last night?
“What do you mean?”
There’s a gleam in her eyes that doesn’t quite sit right with me. “I saw you two last night. And I’m saying this to help you, sweetie, this is End’s MO. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He’s getting back at me through you, don’t you see? I planned on stopping by to tell you myself.”
Acid burns the back of my throat and my lungs clench, restricting air. “Tell me what?” My voice is pensive. Reminiscent of how I feel.
She smiles now, and it’s a dagger to the chest. “After he left you and your sweet little daughter, I went to his place.”
My heart is a dull throb in my chest as I process. Tears burn the backs of my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. Not when that’s clearly what she wants to happen.
“I need to go.” I brush past her, and with each step I take, I feel my heart shattering at my feet, crumbling to pieces.
“Bye, Selene,” she calls out after me, victory ringing loudly in her tone.
I damn near run out of there, phone all but forgotten. My feet skid to a halt when I see who is standing outside of the car, talking to Luna through the window. My heart throbs at the sight of him. Anger and something else I’m too afraid to dissect run through me.
“I was just about to head in there and tell you your phone was in the cup holder this whole time. Wait—what’s wrong?” Julia calls out through the open window as I round the car.
I bypass End, ignoring him completely. I can’t look at him right now, not after hearing what Holly just told me. I’m sure most of it was fabricated to make me angry, but the problem is, it worked. I’ll never feel secure enough with this man. There is too much baggage on my side. I’m not confident enough for this. I went years being invisible to this man. Why should now be any different?
“Selene, you all right?” End asks.
A burning sensation slithers down my throat, slowly seeping into my chest. It’s agonizing.
Just then, Holly walks out with a self-satisfied grin on her face. My gut cramps with anger. Endymion glances from me to her, his brows creasing, obviously sensing that something is wrong.
Suppressed rage bubbles to the surface. “I don’t know, End. Why don’t you ask Holly?”
The muscle in his jaw clenches, making him look severe. “I don’t want to ask her. I’m asking you.”
“I think I know what’s happening here, Endy. See, I told poor little Selene about last night, and I think I upset her.”
Endymion’s gaze swings to hers, fury written all over him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
I glance back toward the car to check on Luna. Through my haze of hurt and anger, I didn’t even notice when Julia turned the car and music on to drown out our voices for Luna. I turn back around to face them, my heart squeezing painfully when Endymion begins to close the distance between us. I put my hands up between us, halting his progression.
“Just tell me she’s lying.”
He sets his jaw in a hard line. “She came to my house.”
My brows jump into my hairline, and that pit in my stomach threatens to swallow me whole. “And that somehow makes it better?”
“She showed up there, and I told her to leave. That’s all.”
Holly laughs. The sound is like nails on a chalkboard for me. “Keep telling yourself that’s all that happened, End.”
Not wanting to hear any more of this, I grip onto the handle of the car and freeze. With a glance over my shoulder, I forget to mask the pain as I let the words fall from my lips. “I listened to what you said last night and was going to tell you today that I think Luna should try staying the night at your place.”
With that, I get into the car, and I’m thankful Julia is in a much better headspace than I am because she drives off, taking me far away from what will always be Dunsmuir’s golden couple.
It doesn’t matter how much time has passed. It will always be Holly and End.
My ears ring from the deafening sound of the waterfall. I sit perched on the boulder that overlooks the stream. I keep my gaze fixed on the white froth of liquid that bubbles at the force of the falls. The stream of water flows from the moss, and the sight is riveting. The stark green and vibrant blue are such a contrast, and it’s breathtaking.
Dunsmuir is known for its waterfalls. It’s one of the many reasons we get so many tourists here. I used to come here a lot with my dad—whenever he needed to get away from my mom—before it got too crowded. I wanted to go to the creek but everything there reminds me of Endymion. The creek is my place to go to stare at the stars and dream, but here…this is the place I can come to when I don’t want to think or dream. I just want to be left alone with my thoughts. There’s something about the noise here, about not being able to hear your own thoughts, that gives you a peace of mind you never truly knew you needed. There’s tranquility in the cascading roar of water.
My dad showed me this place, Mossbrae Falls, years ago, before the tourists ever found it. The water that runs behind Mr. Jackson’s property connects with the Sacramento River. Sometimes it feels like he has the waterfall all to himself. There are plenty of other falls nearby that tourists can visit, but this one, it feels like ours. Reserved solely for the town folk.
“What are you doing here?”
I startle at the sound of the voice. It takes all my energy not to turn and face him. I can’t even bring myself to look at Endymion. I’m still angry, but underneath all that anger is hurt. So much hurt.
I promised myself years ago that I’d never let another break my heart, let alone the same man who had done it years prior. What is it about Endymion Black that turns me and this town into complete fools?
I shrug my shoulders noncommittally, avoiding his gaze. “I came here a lot with my dad when I was younger.”
I sense him take the spot next to me on the boulder. Feeling his gaze on me, I keep my focus trained on the water. He’s quiet for a beat, processing that. “I did, too.”
That was also why I loved the falls so much because Endymion was always here, too. Even though he didn’t know I existed, I enjoyed being close to him. But that was before the area here changed. Before it became just another tourist attraction.
“I know. I used to see you out here all the time.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
I shrug off the strain in my heart. “Because I was pathetic.”
He blows out a heavy sigh. “No, you weren’t.”
I don’t reply. I don’t have the energy to.
Luna is at the house with my parents, helping my mom with dinner. I asked her if she could stay with her for a while. I just needed to get out and think after what transpired today.
“We need to talk about earlier.”
My lips press together in a grim line. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
Endymion grunts irritably. “Jesus, Selene. Nothing happened. I don’t want Holly. I’ve told you that already. I just want you. I shouldn’t feel anything for you at all, after everything you’ve done, but I do. I can’t stop thinking about that goddamn night at the creek all those years ago, and what a fucking idiot I was for letting you go—for letting you slip through my fingers. I can’t stop feeling when I’m near you, and that’s the fucking problem.”
My chest tightens with emotion, drawing a tear out of the corner of my eye. “I don’t want to do this. I can
’t. I meant what I said about Luna. We can figure something out. Visits. Splitting the time between us, but…I don’t want this, Endymion. I’ve had my heart broken by you once and barely survived. I won’t be able to do it again.”
A barrage of emotions slams into me at what I just let slip. I’ve told him too much. I need to leave before I make an even bigger fool of myself.
“In everything that has happened since that night, I don’t think I’ve told you the one thing that really matters, Selene. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for that night. I’m sorry for leaving you and Luna. And I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. The very last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
Pain spears through my chest. It’s hot and cold as it spreads, like a disease, or an infection of some sort. This is everything I’ve always wanted to hear. He’s saying all the right things, but why does it still hurt so much?
Pushing to my feet, I try to put some distance between us, so I can think clearly. Why does he have to be so goddamn consuming?
He’s silent, offering me time to gather my thoughts. There’s only one thing keeping me from falling back into him. I know it deep within my soul. It’s fear. I’ve had my heart broken by this man, and now that Luna is in both of our lives, I can’t let that happen again. I won’t.
I turn to face him, and that hopeful look there, the look of understanding in his eyes absolutely shatters me.
“I can’t do this, End. I’m sorry.” A tear slips out of the corner of my eye, and I leave him. I don’t bother looking back because I know if I do, I’ll crumble.
When I get back home, I’m surprised when I find my dad seated on the front porch, waiting for me. My brows furrow as I take the spot next to him, worry tightening my gut.
“What are you doing out here? Is everything okay?”
He jerks his chin toward the setting sun. The sunset casts rich hues of red blended with oranges, purples, and pinks. “Just getting some fresh air. Trying to see what you like so much about sitting out at the creek, staring up at the sky for answers.”
I smile tiredly. “It’s peaceful. And believe it or not, I actually went to the falls today. It made me think of you.”
My dad is silent for some time. It’s so long that it prompts me to cast a glance his way, realizing something is on his mind.
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”
“Okay, shoot.” I try to tamp down the sadness of today and focus on my dad instead. I might be emotionally spent, but I’ll make time for him. When he shifts toward me, meeting my gaze, my stomach drops at the look shining there in his eyes. I’ve never seen my dad cry. Never seen him get teary-eyed or emotional, and seeing it now unsettles me. My lungs squeeze as though in duress, and my heart begins racing in my chest. The skin of my palms is slick with sweat.
“What’s happening?” I whisper.
My dad tries to smile to put me at ease, but it’s wobbly, and he ends up sobbing instead. The sound tears from his chest, shocking me into silence. He drops his head, and I watch as my father breaks down in front of me, right here on the porch. My chest caves with pain, and my heart crumbles. I know what he’s going to say before he even says it. I feel it. And I feel like my world is shattering because of it.
He gathers himself. His next words steal the breath from my lungs. “I’m dying, Selene.”
My chin quivers with emotion, and tears well in my eyes. “Don’t talk like that. We can fight it, can’t we? We still have time, Dad.”
He shakes his head, setting his hand on top of mine. The broken man from just a few moments ago is gone, and in his place is the father I remember. The man who has always been well put together. Stoic and strong. My protector.
“There is no more time, baby. This is it for me.”
I shake my head, feeling my tears carve hot trails down my cheeks. “No. No, we’ll find a new doctor. We’ll get a second opinion. We’ll do whatever it takes.”
My dad squeezes my hand, another round of tears welling in his eyes. “It’s too late for a second opinion. I waited too long.”
Rage sparks in my chest. “Why did you do that? Why would you wait?” My bottom lip quivers.
“Because if I’m going to die, I’m going to do it in my right mind. Not with countless drugs passing through my system where I won’t even be conscious of what’s happening around me. I want to be here for you and Luna, not stuck somewhere in a bed waiting to die.”
Everything he’s saying makes sense, but it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. It hurts. The torment battering against my chest is crippling.
Sniffing past the pressure, I wipe at the tears soaking my face, trying to suppress the quiver of my bottom lip.
“I get it…I just…it feels like I just got you back,” I choke out, pain lancing through my heart, tearing the organ to shreds.
My dad’s eyes slam shut. When he opens them again, he looks like he is on the verge of crumbling again.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I went about our relationship the wrong way, and that’s no one’s fault but mine. I regret so many things, but you…you’ve always been the one thing I did right. I love you, Selene. Like the sun loves the moon. Like you love the moon. Years from now, don’t ever forget how much I love you. How much I regret letting so much time pass without speaking to you.”
A sob rips past my lips, and I fall into my dad’s arms, squeezing him to me. I grapple at his back, feeling like he’s going to slip away from me at any given moment. I want to turn back time. I want him to stay. For me. For Luna. For Mom.
Doesn’t he know how lost we’ll be without him?
My dad holds me for a while longer, and we sit together out on the porch, both of us sniffling as we stare up at the blanket of stars in the dark velvet sky. The moon gleams, and unlike every other night, she brings me no comfort tonight.
I ring the doorbell with my heart in my throat, and my nerves shaking chaotically. I don’t know what I’m doing here. This is a stupid idea. He’s not going to be happy to see me, but after the mess in the parking lot the other day and at the falls the other night, I need to talk to him.
He’s been away the last two nights, having to run contracts for work, so we haven’t had to deal with each other, and he hasn’t been able to see Luna. She’s been asking about him like crazy, so we’ve opted to do phone calls and FaceTime until he gets back.
He mentioned he’d be back sometime tonight or tomorrow morning, so after Luna fell asleep, I left her with my parents and decided to drive to his place and try to have a civil conversation with him. I need to clear the air of any awkwardness between us. Because I can’t handle it. I need to do what’s best for Luna, and that means keeping my distance from Endymion, but that also means keeping the peace. Whenever I’m near him, I don’t think straight. He’s always had this hold over me, and being so close to him, seeing him with our daughter, has only heightened my attraction to him.
I wish I didn’t love him. I wish I didn’t feel anything for him at all. That would make all of this much easier. But that’s not the case. There has never been a day that I haven’t loved Endymion Black. From the first moment I laid eyes on him, he imprinted himself on my heart, leaving a mark that promised to last a lifetime, and since then, I’ve never truly let go.
Standing here on his doorstep, I glance out at the quiet street behind me. Amusement tugs at the corners of my lips. How fitting is it that Endymion lives on a street named Stardust?
The door suddenly opens, and a gasp gets caught in my throat at the sight of a shirtless Endymion. Something is happening inside me. My heart is pounding uncontrollably, and my legs suddenly feel like they’re going to give out on me. Warmth pools in my core, and electricity buzzes through my veins. I feel hot. There is an incessant throbbing between my legs that should not be there as I stare at my daughter’s father.
Endymion’s brows furrow, his gaze raking up and down my body as he takes me in. He’s obviously taken aback by the sight
of me on his porch. I shift awkwardly, suddenly feeling like this was a bad idea.
“Hi.”
“What are you doing here? Where’s Luna?”
My heart takes a beating. I refrain from flinching at his cold words. Of course, he wouldn’t care that I’m here. He only cares about our daughter. I need to remember that. This is what I told him I wanted, after all. He’s giving me exactly what I want. Still, that doesn’t make it sting any less.
Then why does it hurt so much?
“She’s fine. When I left, she was already in bed asleep. I actually came here to talk to you.”
There’s a long beat where End just stands there staring at me before he moves. Stepping back, he opens the door for me, indicating I walk in. I do so cautiously, feeling out of my element. It’s never just been the two of us. Luna is always between us as the buffer. Without her here, the air is thick with tension, making it hard to pull in a single breath. All I can smell is him. Everything about him and his very essence percolate around us.
Closing the door behind him, Endymion crosses his thick arms over his broad, tan chest, causing the muscles to jut out. It’s a painfully beautiful sight. The veins in his forearms and hands protrude, and I find myself swallowing thickly, struggling to look away.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” His tone is all grit and no-nonsense. His hand has a white-knuckle grip on the door, as if he’s holding himself back from something and barely keeping it together.
Tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, I square my shoulders, searching for the courage to get the words past my lips.
“I thought we should talk about what happened. A few days ago.” His jaw clenches, but he doesn’t say anything else, so I proceed. “I overreacted in the parking lot about Holly. And I apologize. That’s what I should’ve said to you at the falls that day. But…I meant what I said about everything else. I can’t do this. That kiss from the other night can’t happen again. I think we’re all in a good place. We’ve found a good balance, and I think it’s best if we forget it ever happened.”