by Belleza
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing you gotta worry about,” he replied unhooking my arms and lifting up off me. I sat up in the bed and glared at him because if it was really nothing, he wouldn’t have mentioned it. I hated when he kept me in the dark about shit. I wasn’t a baby by any means.
“I think I deserve to know when my man is in danger.”
“You’re my woman, not my bodyguard. I wouldn’t dare put you in no mess. Your job is to love me and take care of our kids. That’s it.”
Inwardly I smiled at his choice of words. Yes, he was correct, but I hated to think about the possibility of losing the man I loved. I wasn’t stupid, I knew people respected him, but that didn’t mean that they had to like him. I was sure there was someone crazy enough to do something about it when was really the question.
After he got himself together, I walked him down to the front door where we shared a long deep kiss. He took my car to the airstrip and gave me his car to drive for a reason he wouldn’t fully explain.
I stood by the door until he disappeared down the block and locked up before I returned to the bedroom. I had a few hours before I had to go get Naa from school, so I laid across the bed and allowed sleep to take over my body. Lord knows I needed it because the eight hours I used to take was merely a nap for me.
***
“Hi, I am Ms. Claire, Za’naa’s teacher and may I ask who you are?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but Za’naa beat me to the punch rushing over to us with her book bag draped over one shoulder.
“This is my step mom, KeKe. My dad knows she’s coming to get me.”
Ms. Claire looked from me to Za’naa and smiled extending her hand.
“Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Ke?”
“Keira,” I added, so she knew my full name. Zayne warned me about the possible apprehension the teacher might give me once I came and got Naa which I totally understood because of her mother coming up to the school and taking her.
“Allow me to just give a call to the front desk to be certain you’re on the pick-up list.”
Ms. Claire walked off, and Za’naa looked up at me and smiled. She seemed excited that I came and got her today.
“Don’t worry its proper procedure,” she assured me, and I bust out laughing because she was too damn smart for her own good.
After everything was confirmed Za’naa and I left out of the school hand in hand.
“What do you want to do today?”
“My dad usually makes me go home, change my uniform and we get my homework done before I’m free to go play.”
“Sounds boring.”
“I’m used to it. My homework doesn’t usually take long, and I can do it on my own.”
I unlocked the doors and let her get inside. “That’s because you’re smart,” I told her shutting the door behind her and climbing into the front seat.
“Yeah I know I am,” she boasted causing me to smirk. From the rear view mirror, I wondered if my baby would be just as brilliant as she was
“Well, it’s a change of plans, how you feel about having a girl’s day with me and Mill? We can go get our nails done, do a little shopping and go out to eat. We’ll figure out the homework part along the way.”
Za’naa’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree which caused my smile to broaden. She was so adorable and animated.
I went to go get Mill from the apartment since she was done with her student teaching for the day and we made our way back to Center City since it was closer to Zayne’s house. There were plenty of stores for Za’naa to shop in, so it was an ideal spot.
After lucking up and finding metered parking, the first thing we did was go get our nails done. The Asians had a tendency to ask you if you wanted all these services when you specifically asked for one. Mill didn’t wear fake nails so she just got a simple manicure with Za’naa and I got a polish change before we got pedicures. I paid the tab, and we left out to do a little shopping.
Za’naa was fascinated with pocketbooks to match outfits she already had at home so we racked up on a few and I purchased her a few more clothes.
By the time we were done paying for her clothes we were all hungry, so we went to a pizza shop that was down the street from the shopping area.
I ordered us a pie and went back to the booth where Camille was coloring with Za’naa. My phone rung and I got it out my bag seeing it was Zayne FaceTiming me.
“Yes sir,” I said answering.
“That’s fucked up you haven’t called me.”
“I had a point to prove,” I shrugged.
“Yeah a’ight, what y’all doing? Did the teacher give you a hard time?”
“Nah, not really. We’re out getting pizza for dinner before we go back in the house.”
“Daddy! Can aunty Milly Rock stay the night?” Za’naa shouted, and I passed her the phone.
Zayne started asking her all these questions which consisted of him ask her if she completed her homework.
When she was done talking to him, she passed me back the phone.
“Y’all up there acting up.”
“How? We’re having fun. When we get back home, we will do her homework and watch movies until we fall asleep.”
“Cool.”
“Is everything ok?”
I questioned him, and he ran his hand down his face. “Yeah, I got this meeting in a few, and then I’ll be back.”
“You must miss us,” I teased him and he didn’t respond verbally, but a smile broke out onto his face.
“I do. You taking care of my baby?”
“As much as I can. I’ve been tired as hell.”
“Well get your ass back home and stop running the streets.”
“Yes sir,” I said saluting him.
“Smart ass. Tell Naa I love her and I will be there when she wakes up.”
“I got you.”
I ended the call, and Za’naa was staring at me with a sneaky grin on her face. “So you’re having my little brother or sister?”
I didn’t think she was paying attention, but she heard that loud and clear. I wasn’t sure when we were going to break the news to her but either way, she knew now.
“Yes, your daddy and I are having a baby,” I told her, and she began jumping up and down in her seat.
“I’m going to be a big sister!!!!” she cheered.
“Wow, so you’re going to continue to ruin your life?”
I snapped my head in the direction of the voice to see who was minding my fucking business and I wasn’t shocked to see Alexander standing over me.
“Excuse me?”
“How can you have a baby when you haven’t even finished school?” he asked.
“It shouldn’t matter to you. Don’t you have a family to worry about.”
“You’re my daughter Keira, and that’s not going to change.”
“Unfortunately. Won’t you just leave me alone and let me live my life. I’m a disgrace to you so it shouldn’t be hard for you to let me go.”
“I never said that.”
“It’s not about what you said, but how you treat me.”
“I give you anything you ask for.”
“And that’s not enough! How about being a father for once and owning up to your mistakes instead of thinking it’s ok just because mommy isn't here!” I shouted.
By now all eyes were on us, and I was biting hot with anger.
“Ke, go outside and talk to him. I got Naa,” Camille suggested.
Part of me really want to send Alexander back to where he belonged, but this conversation was long overdue. Whether I admitted it or not the lack of a bond we had was a strain on my mental health. Once upon a time, I was so close to him which is why I admired the closeness Zayne had with Za’naa.
I rose from my seat and stormed out of the pizza store pushing my way through the door. He followed right behind me, and it dawned on me to ask how he even knew I was down here.
“Are you following me?”
“How else could I find you? You avoid me like the plague Keira.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Unbelievable.”
“What else did you expect me to do? I really wanted to speak to you. You put me on the block list. You’re never home. You left me no choice but for me to take matters into my own hand.”
“So you stalk me or find someone else to do it.”
“I know that boy is a drug dealer Keira. A big one and I’m worried about you.”
“Since when? Matter fact what Zayne does or don’t do doesn’t concern you. He’s not the reason why I hate you! Focus on that.”
My father’s face dropped, and I didn’t regret a word I said. Hate was a strong word, but it was how I felt. I used to think of so much of this man, but the way he done changed our lives around the moment my mother passed didn’t sit right with me.”
“I never expected that.”
“Of course you didn’t. I’m no longer a little girl, and I’m not stupid. You cheated on mommy with Rachel. She was a Librarian at your school. How could you do that to my mother and have another child my age?!”
“I’m sorry, Keira. I really am, but you wouldn’t understand that people outgrow each other. I couldn’t help the fact that although your mother and I were together, I fell for another woman and created a family. Trust me, I am ashamed by my actions, but at this point, you and Allison are 24 years old. I can’t take that back. If your mom were here, I would beg for forgiveness. Just know I never meant to hurt her.”
Tears glossed my eyes thinking about my mother’s pain. Hurt wouldn’t be able to describe how I imagined how she would feel.
“But I’m here and suffering from it because now in my eyes you are a liar. You tried to force this life on me because it was a mess you created. Rachel doesn’t like me, and you choose her over me.”
“I don’t. I just want to keep the peace,” he tried to convince me, but I knew his wife was number one in his eyes. “Can you please forgive me? I’m tired of not having both of my daughters.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and sucked in a deep breath of air because I wasn’t even sure if I was ready for that step. He just laid the truth down on me, and now I had to swallow that pill.
“Give me some time.”
“I can accept that but don’t let it be too long. I would love to be a part of my grandchild’s life no matter who the father is.”
I cut my eyes at him because he surely was pushing it. Just like the woman he claimed he loved was put before me Zayne and my child trumped him. That was without a doubt.
“We’ll see. Just give me some time and space to think things through,” I begged because I was overwhelmed with emotion.
“I can accept that.”
I left him standing outside and returned to the table with Camille and Za’naa. I was mellow, but within minutes they had me cracking up, and I was able to enjoy my pizza. Laughter was truly the cure to sadness, and I was grateful to have them to bring sunshine into my cloudy moments.
TABITHA
“So, what are we going to do today, boys?” I questioned my sons as they filed into the condo. Johan let me know he was going out of state and I was welcomed to keep the boys for the night if I wanted to. I jumped on the idea right away because I really did miss my sons.
I let Ernestine know that I was going to have my sons so she could stay away for the moment. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of them being around her, and they knew exactly who she was. I had no clue how I was going to explain to them that she was my girlfriend. They didn’t even know their father, and I weren’t together. It was all a mess, and I was currently taking it one day at a time.
“Who apartment?” the youngest Jace asked.
“I live here now.”
“Really? Since when?” Jarod questioned me.
“Do y’all want pizza?” I asked attempting to change the subject.
“Yeah that’s cool,” Jarod shrugged, and Joey and Jace agreed. Jace was right back with the questions though.
“Since when you started living here? I thought you were in New York with Aunt Taleena.”
“I was.”
“So why do you have this apartment?” he shot back.
“Jace, do you mind hushing your mouth? I’ve had a long day, and all I wanted to do was spend time with my boys. It’s long overdue.”
“Yeah, we haven’t really seen you in a while,” he added. I couldn’t even get upset because it was the God honest truth.
I left them in the living room and walked to the bedroom where I shut the door and buried my head in the pillow and screamed loudly. Not only was it frustrating, it broke my heart because nothing was going as planned. Leaving Johan seemed so easy when I thought about it, but it was the worst decision I’ve ever made because I missed my family.
I gave myself fifteen minutes to get myself together before I ordered pizza and wings through Uber Eats. When I returned to the living room, the boys were doing their homework while they watched TV. I went and got us all a bottle of water and sat around with them assisting them in their homework and holding conversations.
Every so often my mind wandered off to the years I spent with their dad and watching them grow up. It had me so emotional, but I held it together. Today was just a day for me to rekindle with my boys.
The pizza came in about a half hour, and we ate and watched old movies on starz. The night went without any more questions, and they were laid out across the couches sleeping.
I cleaned up the living room and packed away their book bags before I washed all the dishes and retired to my bedroom. Night time was the worst because I was alone and had nothing but my thoughts. It wasn’t like I could occupy myself with shopping because the stores were closed and there was no way I could sit and read because my mind wouldn’t allow me to concentrate.
I ended up dialing up Taleena, and I cringed when I heard his voice.
“Hello, sweetie.”
My heartbeat stopped momentarily, and I pulled in a sharp breath to snap back into reality. “Put my sister on the phone.”
He laughed knowing I couldn’t stand his triflin ass. Seconds later Taleena was on the phone.
“Next time I call you, please make sure you’re answering and not him,” I sighed.
“My bad, my phone was on the charger, and I was in the bathroom.”
“It doesn’t give him a reason to answer your phone Taleena. You know I don’t like him.”
“Here we go again. You called me, what do you want?”
“Johan is divorcing me,” I choked feeling myself tearing up.
“Tab, did you expect him to beg to stay with you? To choose him over a woman when you should’ve picked him regardless if another man or woman wanted you.”
As much as I tried to fight it, tears were streaming down my face. She was right, but I couldn’t believe he didn’t put up a fight for us.
“He hates me Taleena. After all these years I’ve been with him and loved him he hates me!”
Taleena was quiet as I cried my heart out and I was thankful that she even sat on the phone listening to me vent and cry. It was better than wallowing in my sorrow alone in the dark.
We stayed on the phone for another half hour not saying much until I told her I was ready to go to bed. We hung up, and I went got myself two Advil and took it back with some water in hopes of getting a full night of rest.
It felt like I was only asleep for five minutes before I was snatched up out of bed. I screamed until I realized it was Easy.
“What are you doing here? I told you I were going to have my kids and I wanted to be alone with them.”
“You had your fun, and now it’s time to put in some work.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, and she placed a duffel bag on the bed and tossed a black outfit my way. I took notice that she had on all black as well. “Where are we going?”
“Put the shit on and let’s fucking go,” she demanded.
“I ca
n’t just leave my kids here.”
“Don’t make me say the shit again.” She warned me with an icy glare.
I scrambled to get my clothes off and then slipped my black Nikes on my feet.
My mind was going a mile a minute trying to figure out what she was up to. We haven’t said much to each other since I’ve been back to Philly. The romance part of the relationship died, and I kind of felt like she was avoiding me.
Once I was dressed, I followed her out the condo praying the boys didn’t wake up. I was so upset I didn’t take my coat because it was freezing outside.
Easy was in a rush speed walking to a van that was blocks ahead. I hurried behind her hoping to get into some kind of heat.
She opened up the door to the van for me, and I got into the passenger side. A few other guys were seated in all black as well, and they all eyed me with lustful stares.
I was creeped out but too scared to ask what was doing on. I kept quiet while they all spoke to each other and I was trying to figure out what was going on. They mentioned the fact that Johan and his brothers were out of town with Ern and they were going to make a move tonight. Panic surged through my body because I didn’t want any of this. I could’ve passed out when we pulled up onto the dark block where I knew Ernest resided.EASY
Everything was falling into place as I thought how easy this shit was, Ernest just thought he was untouchable and I had to remind him he bled just like me. The only thing that was different between us was his money and his reach but what good was money and power if you weren’t alive to spend and utilize it?
A few dollars was just enough to pay a Mexican to cut off the power to the surrounding blocks so it was pitch black and allowed us to make our move.
We parked on a back block and moved through the alley that was behind his house. My group of men were ahead of me as I practically had to drag Tabitha with me.
“What are we doing?” she kept whispering until I stopped in my tracks to face her.
“Just shut the fuck up and do as I fucking say!” I told her.