What the fuck is wrong with me?
I loved her so much I cared about her feet.
I saw Aira and she didn’t wave to me.
Which was good.
We didn’t need to form a friendship over Nova’s aching heart.
And Aira being Aira, she stayed true to herself.
“I would have rather choked on a seashell than call you,” she said to me.
“Yeah, hello to you too. What’s her deal?”
“You,” Aira said.
“Besides that. Can you cut the shit for a second?”
“She’s losing it, Elijah. I’ve never seen her like this. She gets drunk alone at night. She looks like hell during the day. Always lost in thought. I had to help her escape HCH because she tried fighting two girls.”
“What?”
Aira put her hand up. “To be fair, they put a baby doll in her locker.”
I looked up and swallowed hard. “Fuck.”
“Yeah. Well done, Elijah. As if she doesn’t have enough swirling around this town about her. Now the guy she loves has a baby with someone else. That’s intense shit.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I asked. “You think that doesn’t run through my mind every second of every day here?”
“I don’t know what goes through your mind,” Aira said. “You showed up to stir up trouble over Ryland and look what you did. Dragging your ghosts and your bullshit right into everyone’s lives.”
“You done ripping into me?” I asked. “You called me to come here. And I did.”
“You didn’t leave your baby in the car, did you?” Aira asked. “That would be really bad.”
I curled my lip. “I don’t have the baby right now, Aira.”
“Oh. She’s home with her mother, huh?”
I walked away from Aira.
“You didn’t let me tell you what’s going on!” she yelled.
I ignored her and approached Nova.
I was here for Nova, nothing and nobody else.
In some way, I wished I could take Nova and Cecily and leave. We could make it all work. Except Rory wasn’t a bad person. Or a bad mother, I should have thought. As a person I was still figuring that out. The fact that she never told me…
I chased those thoughts away.
“Hey, babe,” I said to Nova as I stood next to her. “You know, wearing shoes will-”
Nova swung her hand and smashed it against my mouth.
My head jerked back.
“Fucker,” she said, the r so slurred, it was like her mouth was full of Novocain.
She was drunk.
“What are you doing like this?” I asked.
Nova reached into her back pocket and showed me her phone. She flung it behind her as hard as she could.
“Stay away from me,” she said.
I tried to touch her arm but she was gone.
She ran right into the ocean, fully clothed.
“Nova,” I said. “Shit.”
I quickly tossed my phone behind me and chased her down.
The waves hitting didn’t help her at all with being drunk.
When I caught up to her, I touched her sides and she threw elbows at me.
I let her go.
“Aira called me,” I said.
“Fuck her too then,” Nova said.
She dove headfirst into a wave and started to swim.
I gritted my teeth.
How many times have we done this? Me chasing you into the water. Me grabbing you and us splashing in the salty waves. Me holding you tight and stealing a few kisses. Me seeing how far you’d let things go right there in the water for everyone to see.
Now it was something totally different.
I was trying to save Nova from hurting herself.
I swam after her and caught up to her again.
She reached the point in the water where she could barely touch. She had to keep jumping to keep herself from going under as the waves pushed past us.
I stood just fine, towering over her.
She looked up at me, her hair, face and body soaked.
She blinked and I wasn’t sure if it was tears or ocean water.
I lifted my hands from the water and wanted to touch her face. I wanted to stroke her cheek. I wanted to kiss her.
“Aira called and I showed up,” I whispered.
“Good for you,” she said.
“I don’t like you like this,” I said.
“I don’t give a fuck what you like, Elijah.”
“I know. I’m so tired of you being hurt.”
“Then stop hurting me. You said you weren’t going to hurt me ever again.”
I opened my mouth but held back. All I had were bad things to say.
I didn’t know Rory was pregnant.
I didn’t mean to hurt you because of the baby.
“Let me help you get out of the water,” I said. “Get you dried off. Get some dry clothes.”
“Or just leave me alone, Elijah,” she said.
“Can’t do that, Nova. You know that.”
“Why? Not done hurting me yet? What else do you have? Huh? Are you actually in love with Rory? You love your daughter so much that you’re going to do nothing but raise her and forget about everyone else? Oh, wait, here’s the best one yet… you’re leaving Hidden for good. With your fucking family.”
Nova took her hands out of the water and slammed them to my chest.
“Do that again,” I said.
“Fuck off!” she cried at me.
She slammed her hands to my chest again and again. And again.
Then she started to swing at me. Hitting my shoulders. My chest. Trying to go for my face.
A big wave had crept up on us and I saw Nova getting sucked into it.
She tried to keep jumping but couldn’t keep up with it.
I had no choice but to grab her and pull her against me.
The wave was so big and strong that it took me off my feet too.
I had to go with the wave for a second before fighting it.
The entire time I had Nova’s body against mine.
Every possible feeling I had for her suddenly tripled in size. Just the notion of never being able to do this again made me want to scream.
My arms were locked tight around her.
The wave crashed next to us like a crack of thunder.
My feet were flat on the ocean floor and I had full balance.
“Let me go,” she said.
“I don’t want to, babe,” I whispered. “I never want to let you go. I never did let you go. You know that, right?”
“I said to let me go,” Nova slurred. “And then you just go. Everyone go.”
I had no choice but to let her go. I had to listen to her.
I released my hold and Nova backed away. She put her hands to the water and splashed me.
Then she stumbled her way out of the ocean.
I watched her, my heart slicing into pieces more than ever before.
When she was back to where she had been standing, she finally turned and look back at me.
“Are you coming or what?”
* * *
“She can’t drive,” I said to Aira.
“Oh, wow, are we now saying things that everyone already knows?” Aira threw at me. “Hey, Elijah, the sky is blue. Did you know that too?”
I glanced over to Nova as she sat in the sand. Hugging her knees. Her clothes heavy and tight against her skin.
“I got her to get out of the water, Aira.”
“After you chased her into it. I shouldn’t have called you.”
“Why did you call me then?”
Aira looked at Nova and she swallowed hard. “I didn’t know what else to do. I’ve never seen anything like this before. I’m afraid she’s going to hurt herself.” Aira looked at me. “Not on purpose. At least I hope not. But just stupid stuff. Her mind and heart are just…”
“Yeah,” I said. “I can only imagine. You know, it’s none of y
our business. Or anyone’s for that matter. But what’s happening to Nova is unfair. She did nothing wrong. I had no idea that Rory was pregnant. Okay? And I never… I never cheated on her. We had our arrangement. For the summers. I know she was with other guys. And she knew… I mean, shit, I told her about Rory. Everything about her. But I had no idea…”
Aira waved a hand at me. “I’m sorry, do I look like Miss Carson? Or a fucking therapist?”
Aira’s eyes were mean and cold.
Which actually made me respect her a little.
She could hold herself steady even with me trying to tell her the truth.
The line in the sand of hating me was very clear and that was okay with me.
I swallowed the rest of my words.
It was a clear reminder that I was not welcome in Hidden. And it was a clear reminder why I came back to HCH. Because of that fucking note. Thinking that note had something to do with my brother’s murder. Thinking I was going to clear my name so I didn’t end up with a bullet in my stomach. Only to get sidetracked by Nova. Only to have it turn out the note was from Rory.
I turned and looked at Nova again.
“I’ll take her car,” Aira said. “Drive it to Cherry’s. You can take her to Cherry’s yourself. Let her get your car wet and sandy.”
“Done deal,” I said.
Are you kidding me? Nova could do anything to my car. She could dump the ocean inside of it. Fill it with sand. Get sick in it. She could take a golf club to it. A rock to it. Anything she wants…
It hurt to think that all those recent memories felt so distant.
That I was the one she came to when she found the strength to talk about her parents. That I was the one who helped her get a little revenge on that asshole that was helping her father cover up his actions. That I was the one who was with her when she decided to give her mother a piece of her mind after she ran back to Nova’s father.
Now it was like we were strangers all over again.
The Summer Boy and the Surfer Girl.
But miles apart, even as I offered her my hand to help her to her feet.
“Listen, babe,” I said to Nova. “Aira is going to drive your car to Cherry’s. You’re coming with me in my car. When you get there, you can get showered and changed and maybe just call it a day nice and early.”
Nova looked at me. Her face twisted with anger. “Don’t fucking try a thing with me, Elijah. You’re not getting into my pants. Got it? You’re not getting into the shower with me. No fucking way. I’m not raising your fucking baby.”
“That sounds good,” I said.
She put her pointer finger to my chest. “Tell me that you love her. Right now. Or I’m going back into the water and never coming out.”
“Love who, Nova?”
“Her,” she growled.
“Cecily?” I asked. “The baby…?”
“No. I’m talking about her.”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t love her. I never did. At least not the way I love you. I told you the truth. I…”
I stopped myself again.
Telling myself that Nova was drunk. She probably wouldn’t remember anything. And that it was her pain to feel. Not mine. Hers.
Nova poked my chest harder. “I’m going to be happy without you, Elijah. I’m going to make you leave this town. Forever. And you’re going to miss me. Forever.”
“I know,” I said.
Nova stopped poking me. “What?”
“I’m going to miss you forever, babe,” I said. “If I lose you for good… there will never be another Nova. There will never be another Surfer Girl.”
Nova’s finger lifted. The rest of her hand inched away from my chest. Her fingers slowly opened, one by one, spreading wide. Then she gently placed her hand to my chest. Right over my heart.
She blinked fast as she stared at me.
Her bottom lip started to quiver.
I brought my left hand to her face. Finally touching her cheek. My thumb stroking her cheek.
“Time to go,” Aira announced as she stepped right between Nova and me.
She elbowed me out of the way and then faced Nova.
I put my head back and took a deep breath.
That’s when the worst reality and truth hit me.
There was no good way out of this.
Chapter 5
Nova
Stupid fucking Aira changed the plan.
Like she always did.
She drove me back to Cherry’s.
In my car. With me in my car.
She decided she didn’t want me drunk and near Elijah.
Like… What. The. Fuck. Ever.
“You can hate me all you want,” Aira said. “I don’t care. I regret calling him. I didn’t know what else to do.”
I was turned sideways, tucked against the passenger door. Elijah gave me a towel to put on the seat and a hoodie to wear. My clothes were stuck to me in every uncomfortable way you could possibly imagine. Parts were wet, sticking, rubbing together that weren’t meant to. And the sand… it was everywhere. But the hoodie smelled like Elijah.
I reached back with my left hand and punched the dashboard by accident as I was determined to find Aira’s hand.
“It’s okay,” I said to her. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay, Nova,” she said. “You’re losing it.”
“I’m just acting out.”
“It’s more than that. I thought if you saw Elijah… I don’t know. I don’t know what I thought. I’m sorry I did that.”
“Not me,” I said. “Did you see him? Desperate. Tired. He looked… weak. And he never looks weak.”
“You think?” Aira asked.
I turned and sat the right way. I turned my head but the hood to the hoodie didn’t move. So my face was half cut off.
“Totally,” I said. “He wanted to kiss me so fucking bad. He wanted to chase me around that water and find ways to touch me the way he used to do.”
I grinned.
Memories flooded my mind.
They were good memories though.
Like… really good fucking memories.
My toes curled in my wet socks, wringing them out into my wet shoes.
Shit.
“Then you need to stop this crazy shit,” Aira said. “Picking fights. Getting drunk. Getting drunk alone. Or going out in the middle of the night with Britt.”
“Hey,” I said. “Talk shit on Britt and you get hit.”
Aira raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”
I made a fist. “She’s the original bitch. She’s my bitch. I’ll kill for her.”
“Good to know,” Aira said. “But I’m being real though. About everything I just said. I don’t want you to hurt yourself, Nova. I kind of like you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “I like you too.”
I turned and curled back up again.
“How am I sneaking you into Cherry’s?” Aira asked.
“You’re not,” I said. “Just drop me off.”
“This is your car. What do you want me to do?”
“Call Wes,” I said.
“What if I already did?” Aira asked. “Or, you know, texted him.”
“See? I figured you out. You weren’t going to hang with me. You need your Wes fix.”
“Shut up,” Aira said. “I was just letting him know what was going on. That’s all.”
“Yeah, right. You want him to rush to Cherry’s to make sure Elijah doesn’t show up. You love when they fight.”
“No, I don’t. I hate it. Our entire group is messed up.”
“Because of Elijah…”
“Yeah,” Aira said.
“I’m sure he’ll leave soon,” I said. “His father won’t want a baby and a girl living there.”
“How does that make you feel?” Aira asked.
I turned myself again and looked at her. “I’m sorry, do I look like Miss Carson? Or a fucking therapist?”
“Ouch,” Aira said. “You heard me
say that to Elijah?”
“You are a rotten bitch,” I said.
“I know.”
“But I understand why.”
I curled up one more time.
We were almost at Cherry’s.
“So what’s the plan here?” Aira asked.
“You drop me off,” I said. “Wait for Wes. Leave. Find somewhere to park. And make his car rock back and forth for about thirty seconds.”
“Shut up,” Aira said. “I’m talking about your plan. You can’t go in alone.”
“Yes, I can,” I said. “I have it all figured out. Even if Cherry does see me, so what? She knows what’s going on. But nothing will happen. I’m going to go to my room, take a shower, and go to bed.”
“I don’t like it,” Aira said.
“I don’t like you.”
“I don’t like you either.”
“Bitch,” I said.
“Double bitch,” she said back to me.
Aira then shook my arm.
“I’m still awake,” I called out. “You drive like a grandma.”
“Better than running a red light,” she said.
“Whatever. At least I enjoy my life. I live on the edge.”
“Sure you do,” she said with a laugh. “You definitely need to sleep this all off.”
“I will,” I said.
I slowly took my phone from the hoodie pocket.
There was a text from Elijah.
U sure?
I bit my bottom lip and nodded.
Just make sure Wes and Aira are gone.
I kept the phone hidden.
It was like I told Aira…
I had a plan.
* * *
I didn’t even see Cherry.
Boom.
I heard her though.
In the kitchen.
And I was sure she heard me.
But Cherry knew when to step in and when to stay away. For that, I loved her. In some strange way it was probably a relief to her knowing I was home.
Home.
How about that?
Cherry’s place was now my home?
I guess I had no choice but to call it that. If I didn’t, then I would be homeless.
How fitting for being a hippie, surfer chick, right?
I could just live on the beach. And sleep under the stars. And talk to the ocean.
It made me laugh as I stumbled into my bedroom.
HIDDEN CREEK CRY: a hidden creek high noval Page 5