by Sophie Stern
I turn back to my food and stare at the pancakes, which are already dripping with syrup.
What the fuck did I do?
And is there going to be any coming back from this?
Chapter Three
Alicia
“Got an interesting visitor this morning.”
I stare at the message on my phone.
Joyce.
We’re so close to the mountains – literally nestled in the side of one – that cell phone service is spotty at best and non-existent at worst. Some people still use landlines or satellite phones to communicate, but I generally just depend on Wi-Fi and different messaging apps to keep in touch with people.
Joyce is no exception.
Now, staring at the messaging app, I wonder what the hell happened after Cage left the office. It’s almost noon now and I haven’t stopped thinking about him. In fact, I’m completely riled up. I’m a total emotional mess. I even called to check on Orlando at school – something I never do.
Shit.
I know Joyce is busy, so I avoid the temptation to call her through the app and get her on the phone. Instead, I quickly type back a reply.
“What happened?”
Instantly, I see the indicator that she’s messaging me back.
“Cage happened. Did he come to see you?”
“Yes. I don’t know why.”
“You didn’t talk to him?”
“Nope.”
“You should talk to him.”
“I’m not ready.”
She sees the message right away, but doesn’t reply to that one just yet. Instead, Joyce makes me wait one, two, and then three minutes. Finally, she responds, and I close my eyes as my phone vibrates because something tells me I don’t what to know what she’s going to say to me.
“You have to tell him, sweetie.”
I read the message three or four times. Finally, I close the app and stare at the turkey-and-cheese sandwich I packed myself for lunch today. The office is empty right now. All of the doctors and nurses went out to lunch. Heather went home to eat lunch with her husband, who is retired. It’s just me left, all alone, and suddenly, I feel it.
I feel so very, very alone.
And I know that Joyce is right.
It’s just that...
Well, part of me thinks Cage hasn’t bothered to be in my life for the last five years. He hasn’t been around me or Orlando. How is he going to react when he finds out that he’s got a kid? How is he going to react when he finds out that not only does he have a kid, but that his mom left everything to me so I could pass it on to him?
Shit.
Somehow, I manage to finish my food, but despite the fact that this is my favorite lunch item, I barely taste the sandwich. I drink some water, walk around the office, and then settle back in my chair. I’ve got to come up with a plan.
Something.
I have to do something because if I don’t, everything is going to go to hell.
The rest of the day drags by in slow motion. Patients come into the office, pay their bills, chat a little, and then they leave. The doctors move in and out of the reception area with questions about files and paperwork, and I do everything that everyone asks of me, but I’m not focused on my work at all.
Finally, just before five, Heather comes up to me and asks if I’m okay.
“I’m totally fine,” I lie through my teeth. Look at that: lying. I’ve never been particularly good at lying, and I don’t think I’m any good at it now. All I know is that I’m not ready.
I’m not ready for any of this.
I wasn’t ready to be a mom, and I’m not ready to talk to Cage, and I’m not ready to discuss the situation with Heather.
“You’re obviously not okay,” she says.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “Did I make any mistakes today?”
“Nope,” she shakes her head. “Your paperwork is all good. In fact, it was even more perfect today than usual, somehow.”
“How is that possible?”
“I don’t know,” she laughs. “But I do know that you’re going through something.”
“That’s an oversimplification,” I sigh.
“Sometimes that’s okay.”
“I just don’t know what the right thing to do is.”
“Maybe you don’t,” she says. “Or maybe you’re scared of doing the right thing.”
“I shouldn’t be,” I tell her.
“Perhaps not,” Heather shrugs. “But don’t even let anyone tell you that doing the right thing feels good. It doesn’t. Usually, doing the right thing makes you feel the worst. At least, that’s what Teddy always tells me, and my ol’ bear is usually right.”
“Yeah,” I say, sighing. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
She leaves, and I finish wrapping things up for the day. Five o’clock rolls around and I leave the office to go pick up Orlando from preschool. The way the sky looks is making me a little worried. If I had to guess, we’ve got some sort of storm about to roll in. No way am I ready for that, so we stop by the store to pick up a few supplies before we head home.
I whip up a quick, healthy dinner and then the two of us play trains and blocks for a little while before I put Orlando to bed. Once he’s all tucked in, I retreat to my little living room with a glass of wine and a book, and I settle down on the couch.
Only, the words are swimming in front of me.
I can’t focus on a single thing.
He’s back.
Cage is back.
He’s back and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. When I got pregnant, the idea of telling him was always at the back of my mind. Obviously, if he’d stuck around, I could have told him. As time passed, though, it became obvious that he was never coming back, and eventually, I stopped thinking about telling him altogether.
But now the idea of him coming back is hauntingly horrifying.
What if he takes Orlando away from me?
The thought makes me feel sick.
He’s listed as the father on Orlando’s birth certificate, but I don’t think he could just waltz in and claim custody without talking to a judge. He couldn’t, right? Shit. I finish my glass of wine and then pour another. The words on the page in front of me aren’t making any sort of sense, and I realize that I’m fooling myself if I think I’m going to be able to read this book tonight.
I head to bed and lay there for a really, really long time. My thoughts are jumbled and confused, and I miss the days when Cage and I were close. Those days may have been just a few years ago, but they suddenly feel much further away. I lay in bed for what feels like forever, but sleep eludes me.
Eventually, I get up and go back to the living room. The house feels colder than it did earlier, so I adjust the thermostat. Should I make a fire? Maybe I should make a fire. I should probably make a fire. I don’t want to, though. The idea of doing anything at all, even making a little decision, seems just overwhelmingly difficult.
I slump over on the couch and look out the window. In the darkness, I can see snow swirling around outside. My porch light is on like a little beacon, and I can see the snowflakes whirling. Tomorrow, we’re going to have enough snow that I might not be able to go to work. That doesn’t seem so bad, though. The idea of just hiding away from the world with my kid seems kind of...nice.
But then there’s a knock at the door, and I realize that I got my hopes up much too easily. Even before I push myself up off the couch and walk over to peer through my peephole, I know who it’s going to be. Who else could it be? Who else would brave a fucking snowstorm to come bother me?
Sure enough, it’s Cage.
He seems completely unbothered by the cold. I guess I wouldn’t be bothered, either, if I were a shifter.
I open the door and step aside, but I don’t say anything at all. What would I say? It’s not like I’m going to tell him to leave. The storm is awful and the roads are definitely icy. Ex-lover or not, I’m not going to shove him outside in t
he cold. He might be warm because he’s a bear, but he’s in his human form now, and Cage doesn’t deserve to be caught in a snowstorm.
“You don’t seem surprised to see me,” he says, stepping inside. He stomps his boots a few times and snow flakes off of them and onto the mat. He closes the door behind him and bends over to unlace his boot. He pulls them off one-at-a-time and sets them by the door. I’ll never understand how he has the balance to move like that. It completely eludes me.
“I’m not.”
“Why aren’t you surprised to see me?”
“I was surprised to see you earlier today. I’m not surprised now.”
“It’s been a long time. Maybe you think I forgot how to find you.”
“Considering it took you five years to find me, I’d say that’s a pretty good guess.”
I stare at him.
I might have let him into my home, but I’m not about to make this easy for him. Whether he’s here to ask about Orlando or his mom or me, I don’t know. I really haven’t got the faintest idea. What I do know s that no matter what he wants, he’s bear enough to ask, and he can ask without any gentle prodding or pushing from me.
He looks around my house, analyzing it. I watch him, wondering what he’s thinking. He better not judge me. My house might be a little shabby and minimally furnished, but I’m a single mom on a single income. Yeah, I have the money Betty left us, but I’m not touching that. That’s for Orlando, when he’s older. I’m not about to dip my fingers into my kid’s inheritance just because I could use a new couch or better curtains.
That’s not my style.
He looks at everything from the pictures on the walls to the little kitchen. My home is a quaint little cabin in the woods, but it’s bigger than I probably need. There’s a single bedroom and bathroom on the first floor, along with a kitchen and a living room. The first floor is very open. There’s nothing dividing the kitchen from the living room at all. The bedroom and bathroom are at the back of the cabin, and they aren’t connected. You have to leave the bedroom to go into the bathroom because there’s only one. Then there’s a little loft, and I sleep up there. I decided long enough to let Orlando have the bedroom.
“What do you want, Cage?”
He pulls his eyes away from my home, almost like he forgot I was here.
Weird.
“Do I have to have a reason to want to see you?”
“After five years? Yes.”
I cross my arms over my chest and when his eyes drop to my breasts and quickly back up to my face, I realize that not only am I not wearing a bra, but that I’m cold as hell and my nipples are probably hard.
Whatever.
Let him look.
It’s not like he’ll ever be tasting them again.
Cage looks at me as though he’s analyzing me and trying to figure out how much he should share. Of course. Same old Cage. He was always trying to figure out how much information to let people know about. It was one of the many things we fought about while we were dating. He kept a lot of things to himself, especially about his dad, but then again, I can’t really blame him. Cage always really loved and admired his dad, and well, Betty and he were never really super close.
“I heard my mom passed away.”
“Yes.”
“I wasn’t here.”
“No, you weren’t.”
“You were,” he says.
“Yes.”
“Were the two of you...close?”
Ah, so that’s why he’s here. He knows she left everything in my name. Did he visit her attorney this morning? He must have. I wonder if Arnold called me to warn me that Cage was in town or not. It’s not really the type of thing he’d need to warn me about, but I haven’t even checked my phone. Maybe my attorney called or emailed me to let me know. Maybe he figured I didn’t need to know because Cage would be leaving right away.
“I think you know the answer to that.”
“Dammit,” Cage growls, stepping closer to me, and I take a step back. I hate how handsome he still is. He’s not a huge guy, but he fills up my cabin. His presence takes up a lot of room. A lot. I don’t know how much of this I’ll be able to handle.
He looks me up and down. For a second, I think he might reach out and touch me, but Cage has never been the type of guy to grab a woman.
Not even when he’s mad.
“What aren’t you telling me?” He asks.
“Probably about five years’ worth of information,” I spit out. “Now what the fuck do you want, Cage?”
“I want to know why she left you everything.”
So, there it is.
I figured he’d be mad, but he’s not. He looks...hurt, almost.
Pained.
Regretful?
Does he wish he’d never left town without so much as a goodbye?
Does he wish he’d reached out to his mother before it was too late?
I know Betty never stopped hoping he’d come home. We didn’t talk about Cage too much. Not until the end. Then she used to say she wished she could find him. She wished she had one last chance to make things right with her little boy.
This is my chance.
This is the moment when I tell him everything.
This is where I tell him that he’s a dad, but I don’t know how to put it.
“Sit down, Cage.”
He’s surprised.
“What?”
“Sit down.” I gesture to one of my worn kitchen chairs.
“Excuse me?”
“Dude, just sit down.” I press my hand to his shoulder and gently push him in the direction of the chair. Cage seems shocked, or maybe just surprised, but he moves just the same, and he sits down in the chair.
For just a moment, I tower over him. For this one moment, I’m the one in power, but it doesn’t feel as good as I thought it would. Instead, I mostly feel sad, and a little bit anxious. This is it. This is the moment.
“After you left, my life changed,” I finally tell him gently.
“Alicia, I can explain.”
I hold a finger up, silencing him. I’m sure he’ll tell me where he went, and why he didn’t say goodbye, and I’m sure he’ll answer all of the burning questions I’ve had for so long, but right now, I just need to spit this out, and I can’t do it if he keeps talking.
“You’ll get a turn,” I tell him quietly.
I look at him, long and hard. He’s different than I remember. I thought he’d be harder, sadder, but he’s not. If anything, it looks like life has been kind to him. He’s got a nice haircut and his skin looks soft. He’s been taking care of himself. For just a moment, I wonder if he’s married, or if he has someone special in his life, but I push those thoughts away.
I don’t need to know.
That’s not my business.
“My life changed,” I continue, “because I found out that I was pregnant.”
He’s silent, but stares at me. Instantly, I can feel the tension radiating off of him. I’m not a shifter, but I am a human, and I’m smart enough to know when someone is having a hard time. This information? It’s not exactly hitting him easily.
“What are you saying?” He whispers.
“I was a virgin, Cage.”
I’ve never told him this.
I never would have, either.
“What?”
“I was a virgin. You were the only person I ever slept with, and after you left, I found out that I was pregnant with your baby.”
“With my...”
He pales. He doesn’t look scared, angry, or sad. He just looks shocked, and I realize that this was the last thing he expected to hear from me.
“I went to your mom because I thought she had a right to know, and I’m glad that I did because I had no idea you were a shifter, Cage. You never told me.”
I try my best to keep the accusation out of my voice, but oh, it’s hard.
He should have told me.
He definitely should have trusted me.
&nb
sp; As soon as the word “shifter” is out of my mouth, reality seems to hit him.
Hard.
Cage stands up, walks to my front door, and leaves. He doesn’t close the door behind him. He doesn’t take off his clothes. He doesn’t say a word at all. I move swiftly to look outside, to call him back, but I’m too late. I watch helplessly from the front door as he walks out into the snow wearing his damn socks, and Cage shifts into his bear.
He changes, tearing his clothes, and before I can even take a moment to admire his true beauty, he’s gone.
Again.
Chapter Four
Cage
I run.
The sound of my paws against the snow is the only thing I hear.
And I run.
My vision clouds and then clears once again, allowing me to see where I’m moving. Right now, the only thing I think about is getting far away from her.
From them.
From this place.
I didn’t come back to Storm Haven to find out that I was a father. To me, this is brand new information. To Alicia, and apparently, to my mother, this is old news. This is something they’ve known for years.
And they kept it from me.
You kept it from yourself.
My bear chides me, reminding me that I’m the one who chose to leave.
I’m the one who walked away.
I’m the one who didn’t seem to have a care in the world when it came to walking away from them. I left without a second glance back, and what’s worse is that I didn’t miss Storm Haven at all.
Except for her.
Except for the girl with the beautiful eyes.
Now, I’m running again, but this time, I know it’s not going to be forever. The truth is that the first time I ran, I never planned on going back. My dad needed me – at least, he said he did – and I believed him. I trusted my father and he fucked me over. He didn’t want a relationship with me, he wanted a fall guy.
I gave up everything for him, and he screwed me over. I never felt like I was good enough to return to town. I definitely wasn’t good enough to return for her. Alicia was incredible. She still is, apparently. I didn’t miss the way she smelled like sunflowers and honey.