The man she had known was gone and the man who had taken his place frightened her. She tried to talk to him about the day-to-day problems that occurred in running the motel business, but her words fell on deaf ears. When he did talk to her, he often talked so fast she couldn't follow him. When she was able to catch a word or two, it seemed that he thought he could save the world with his experiments. If he made everyone "feel good" there would be no more wars. He would be a Messiah. He was obsessed with one thing and one thing only, his experiments. He was slipping away from her and his hold on reality was becoming tenuous at best. At least he still knew how to make Freedom and the anti-aging compound. She pushed away the thought that he might be slipping into insanity and how that might affect his ability to make the compounds in the future.
What Jeffrey hadn't told her was that he had decided to stop taking the bipolar prescription medicine he had been taking for years. She knew that he'd had a rough childhood, that people often thought he was crazy. A lot of his behavior must have seemed abnormal to other children. He was always the odd man out, the one picked last. She knew he hadn't had any friends when he was growing up. He had told her that his life became much better when a doctor finally diagnosed him as being bipolar and the medicine had become part of his daily routine.
Maria had never known him when he was manic or depressed, but his behavior now was pretty classic bipolar. Not sleeping or sleeping for days, loss of appetite, grandiose rantings, and inattention to personal grooming were just some of the signs he was exhibiting. Ever since Maria had known him, he took his daily medicine that prevented the extreme highs and lows. He was proud of his achievements, but not boastful and he had never thought he was the most brilliant scientist in the world. She feared he did now.
For some time, she had noticed that Jeffrey had begun to have a wild, crazy look in his eyes. He was beginning to stutter and stammer when he talked to her. It was like his brain had become short-circuited. Maria felt uncomfortable around him because she didn't know what he might do or say. It was an unsettling feeling.
Maria didn't know that in addition to stopping his psychiatrist’s prescription medication, Jeffrey had been self-medicating for several months. He devised a formula, which he believed was a clone of the medicine his psychiatrist prescribed. As he became more delusional, he reasoned that he shouldn't have to see the psychiatrist for a prescription refill when he knew he was capable of making it himself. He didn't tell Maria, instinctively knowing that she would insist he continue with the annual check-ups with his doctor. He was oblivious to the signs that his own medicine wasn't working; worse yet, that it contained levels of ingredients that could prove to be fatal. He was sure that the medicine he had concocted for his condition was just as good as the one prescribed by his psychiatrist. His refusal to admit the obvious and deal with it was one of the telltale signs of his deteriorating mental condition.
Jeffrey had never written down the formulas for the ultimate products that he produced as a result of his experiments. He had pages of notes of the tests and research he had done, but the finished products were committed to memory. Maria began to worry not only about Jeffrey's memory, but his mental and physical wellbeing as well. What would I do if something happened to Jeffrey? She pushed the thought aside. She'd deal with it after this weekend. There was still a lot to do to get ready for the weekend ahead.
In response to Maria's question about an adequate supply of drugs for the guests scheduled to arrive later in the day, Jeffrey told her, "Yes, I've already started piping it into their rooms. Don't worry. I have prepared an ample supply of Freedom, enough to make each of them happy and feeling the best they have in a long time. In fact, they will no doubt feel the best they have since the last time they stayed at Blue Coyote. I've also been successful in converting Freedom into pills. I'm thinking of selling the pills to them; then they wouldn't have to come back to the Blue Coyote when the effect of Freedom gradually wears off. It would probably make them feel a lot better knowing that they can keep their good feelings by simply taking a pill.
"From the research I've done with the rats, it seems that one pill lasts about a month; then the aggression and depression reappears. I think it will work the same way on humans. Maybe I'll have a meeting with them and tell them what I did to them the last time they visited the motel. At first, they'll probably be angry at how they were used as clinical test rats, but they'll want to keep the good feelings that only I can provide to them. When I work out how I can put Freedom in its gaseous form into shopping centers and other public places all around the world, they'll probably feel honored that they were the first ones to participate in my plan to heal all the people of the world from the anger, hostility, and depression that haunts mankind. It should go fine," Jeffrey concluded.
Within a few hours, each of the guests had checked in. The warm spring air had given way to the early heat summer promised and each of the guests was happy to spend the late afternoon and early evening in their air-conditioned rooms, unwinding, knowing they had made the right decision by coming back to the Blue Coyote.
They trickled into the refreshment area when they were thirsty or hungry. Introductions were made and then forgotten as they went back to their respective rooms, feeling better with each additional hour they spent at the motel.
Saturday dawned bright and clear. The pool, which lay idle during the winter months, beckoned and soon, all of the guests were relaxing poolside in the warm sunshine. The talk was effortless, sharing stories and simply enjoying the lazy day. All of the guests were feeling much better than they had when they had arrived at the motel the day before.
Luisa overheard Sam talking to Jill about his horse ranch. "Excuse me," she said, "I couldn't help but overhear you talking about your horse ranch. I spent many summers riding on my grandparents' ranch in Brazil. I didn't know that a horse ranch such as you have described existed in the United States. If you don't mind, I'd love to know more about it." Luisa and Sam spent several hours talking horse talk. She hadn't realized how much she had missed being around horses and was thrilled when Sam invited her to visit the ranch in a couple of months. She couldn't wait.
Sean was completely relaxed for the first time in a long time. No therapy, no clients, just a good feeling and the warm sun beating down on his body. This weather sure beats the erratic weather in Denver, he thought. Once again he wondered about this place. Why do I feel so good here? He glanced over at the young man lying on the chaise next to him. Doug had his eyes closed, letting the warm sun wash over him. He sensed someone was looking at him and opened his eyes.
"Hi. I don't think we met last night. I saw you in the refreshment area, but I didn't get a chance to introduce myself. My name is Sean and you are…?"
"My name's Doug. I'm from Los Angeles. I don't know what it is about this place that made me want to return and I know it sounds silly, but I just feel really good when I’m here." Doug laughingly went on, "I don't even need a beer. I'm a salesman. I was in Las Vegas on some sales calls and decided to drive the extra 200 miles to stay here on the return trip. And you, what brings you here?"
"I'm a therapist. I'm here to get away from my clients, have a little down time, and reboot myself." The psychologist in Sean took over and he couldn't help himself when he said, "Tell me about yourself. I'm always interested in hearing what has led someone to this place or that place."
“I had some car trouble,” Doug began, “and had to spend the night at the Blue Coyote. My life was going downhill fast. I couldn’t seem to sell anything, my ex-wife was harassing me about the back alimony I owed. I was really overweight and drinking and smoking too much. After I spent the night here, I felt great.”
“It’s funny,” Doug went on, “When I got back to Los Angeles, my life turned around. I asked my boss for another chance and have been the top salesmen ever since, I’ve lost weight, run half-marathons, paid my ex-wife everything I owed her, quit smoking and really cut down on my drinking, but best of all I have fall
en in love with a wonderful lady. My life has been great, but recently I’ve felt like things are beginning to unravel. I thought that if I came back here I might be able to get those good feelings back.”
As Doug spoke, Sean began to experience a sense of déjà vu. The details related to him by Doug were slightly different, but the pattern was generally the same. He wondered if the other guests were there for the same reason as he and Doug were. Sean decided to talk to each one. He could always use the excuse that he was a therapist and very interested in people and their lives.
He overheard the continuing conversation between Sam and Luisa. “It’s interesting,” Luisa began, “When Jorge and I arrived at the Blue Coyote, we were exhausted. We had been on two long plane rides and had driven over from Phoenix. Jorge has a driver in Rio and hadn’t driven a car in a long time. He had been dealing with the usual problems of gold mining in the Amazon and couldn’t sleep on either flight. He was exhausted and I wasn’t much better. Once we’d been here for a little while, we both began to feel better and let go of the stress that we were under.
“Actually,” she continued, “Our son Carlos was conceived here, so of course I have wonderful feelings about our stay here. But it was more than that. Our lives seemed much happier after we came here. We moved to California and things have been wonderful until recently. Jorge spends two weeks in California with us and then travels to the Amazon to take care of his gold mining business for two weeks. The stress he’s under is incredible. He has to deal with keeping gold production at as high a level as he can, the environmentalists, the natives, and his father. For over a year, he’s handled it well, but lately, we’ve had petty arguments, we’ve been depressed and both of us have felt off.” She went on, “Tell me what brought you here and why you’ve come back.”
“I was disoriented when I came down the mountain after I completed my vision quest and thought the lights of the motel were those of the reservation. It was too late to do anything but stay here. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had problems with anger and rage. I’m pretty sure I know where it comes from, but I couldn’t seem to get rid of it. The tribe and my spiritual father, Strong Medicine, felt I had to get these feelings of rage under control if I was going to be able to effectively practice pediatrics at the reservation. Strong Medicine told me he wanted me to be the next tribal medicine man; that his time on earth was coming to a close.”
Sam took a long drink from his iced tea and continued, “After I left here, my life was as perfect as one can be. My feelings of rage and anger were gone. A lovely young tribal woman by the name of Phyllis took over as director of the clinic, which allowed me to devote myself to the children’s health. She and I have been seeing each other ever since and I’ve fallen very much in love with her. The horse ranch has succeeded beyond our expectations and I spend every spare minute there. But like you, lately things have begun to unravel. The feelings of rage have begun to return and I’m really concerned I’m going to lose everything including Phyllis, my pediatric practice, my medicine man training, all of it. I thought maybe if I came back here I could regain those good feelings that I experienced after my first visit.”
Sean was beginning to get a bad feeling. Something more was going on here than random guests stopping by for a weekend. He knew why he, Sam, Luisa, Jorge, and Doug were here. He needed to find out if Jill was here for the same reason.
He got up and saw her sitting under an umbrella on the other side of the pool. Even though it was spring, the sun was strong and she had wisely taken refuge, not wanting to get sunburned. Sean walked over and asked if he might join her, telling her that he had met everyone else gathered around the pool except her and he wanted to introduce himself.
"Jill smiled her dazzling smile and invited him to take a seat. He told her she looked relaxed and asked her where she lived. She replied, "I have a home in Newport Beach and also one in the Palm Springs area. I could just as easily have gone to my desert home to soak up the sun, but something about this place makes me feel so good.”
I know what you mean," Sean said. "There seems to be a bit of magic here. I think everyone feels it."
Jill continued, “I happened to come here a few months after my husband's death. I had no plans to stop and spend the night. It just happened because I was too tired to drive anymore and I was afraid I might fall asleep at the wheel. I wasn't coping with life very well and I really didn't feel there was any reason to live. In fact, I was seriously contemplating suicide. I couldn't imagine that I would ever feel good again, but after spending the night here, I felt wonderful. Everything changed. My life had meaning again and I fell in love with a wonderful man that I subsequently met. Then, starting a few weeks ago, my old sense of nothingness returned and I seemed to be aging much faster than normal. My doctor gave me a complete physical and can't find anything wrong with me. On a whim, I decided to return to the place where I had felt so good, right here at the Blue Coyote Motel. I feel much better. I think it's working for me again."
"I'm sure you'll find whatever you need," Sean said. "There must be a little magic here for everyone to feel so good. I feel it myself. Well, I think I'll go in and take a nap. Any more sun and my skin will be fried. I enjoyed talking to you, Jill. I'll see you later."
Sean couldn't wait to be alone. He needed to think about everything he had learned. Something very strange was happening here. He had spent a lot of time in therapy sessions and facilitating groups of recovering drug addicts. What he had heard this afternoon was not unlike what he often heard from his patients. There definitely seemed to be some nexus between the motel and the good feelings people got when they stayed here. All of the guests had been having problems before they came. Then, all of a sudden, for some time they all felt better after coming to the motel, but for reasons that were unclear, they all reverted back to the feelings they had before they had come to the Blue Coyote the first time. All of them decided to return and all of them for the same reason; they wanted to get back the "feeling good" sensation they had after the first time they visited.
What was happening here didn't seem to be much different from the garden variety of the drug abuse cases that Sean had seen on many previous occasions. The usual cycle of events with a drug-dependent person started with unhappy feelings alleviated by taking a drug. When the drug stopped working, the drug-dependent person looked for a stronger drug to get back the good feelings. The cycle continued to repeat itself, oftentimes in a downward spiral.
In theory, his thinking worked. In reality, it didn't. No drug had been given to him. There had been no magic pill, nothing. He had simply come to the motel, stayed, and felt better. What am I missing? He asked himself.
As he had been getting ready to go back to his room, Sean had overheard Luisa talking to Sam, telling him about Jorge and a little about the Amazon. Sean wondered if Jorge knew anything about drugs, if something could have been given to them without them knowing. He promised himself he would talk to Jorge and see what his thoughts were as to why they were all feeling so good.
All of this heavy thinking made Sean sleepy and he quickly fell into a deep and dreamless sleep. He awakened feeling refreshed and ready to get back to Denver and Jeanne. What is making me feel so good? He again asked himself. Do the others feel it? He dressed and headed for the refreshment area, hoping that Jorge would be there. He felt a pressing need to talk to him.
The refreshment area was empty and Sean spent some time looking over the dinner choices. Meat loaf, lasagna, chicken, and a beautifully composed salad were arrayed before him, along with some vegetables and fruits. For dessert, there was chocolate mousse in the refrigerator. He had just picked up the lasagna when the door opened. As if answering Sean's unspoken call, Jorge walked in.
Sean turned to him, held out his hand, and said, "I'm Sean Moriarty. We haven't met, but I talked to your charming wife earlier today. I understand you spend a lot of time in the Amazon. It's always been an area of the world that fascinates me. I was wondering
if you could spare some time to chat with me later this evening."
"Of course. I couldn't join everyone out by the pool as I had to take care of some business, but my wife told me of your wonderful work at your clinic in Denver. It would be an honor to talk to you. Let me get something for Luisa and me to eat and I'll come to your room in about an hour. Will that be all right?" Jorge asked.
"Certainly. Take your time. I'm in room 3 and I look forward to talking with you."
Sean went back to his room and thought about what he was going to say. He hoped Jorge would understand and agree with him, that something strange was definitely going on at the Blue Coyote.
An hour later there was a soft knock on Sean's door and he opened it to see Jorge standing there smoking a cigarette. "I hope you don't mind, but Luisa has become a true Californian. Now she won't let me smoke around her or in the house and an after dinner cigarette is a must for those of us who enjoy them. When I travel, there is always the cigarette dance between California and Brazil. In Brazil no one cares if you smoke, while here in California, you feel like an outcast or worse. This is the one thing I have had a hard time adjusting to since we moved."
"I understand," Sean said. "It was not too long ago that I, too, had to have that wonderful after dinner cigarette. Enjoy! If that's the worst habit you have, you're still better off than most of the people I know.”
Sean invited Jorge into his room and closed the door. They sat opposite each other at a small writing table in the room. "What I'm going to say to you may sound strange, but please, just take a moment to listen to me. I wanted to talk to you because of your knowledge of the Amazon and I would like to hear your perspective based on what I have read about the Amazon and the addictive, mind-altering drugs, which I understand are readily available in that area of the world.
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