I Is Another

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by Jon Fosse


  and I don’t answer and then Åsleik goes over to the easel where the picture with the two intersecting lines is and he says St Andrew’s Cross, yes, of course he says that, I think, St Andrew’s Cross he says again and he emphasizes the term, like the words are so important, it’s like he’s saying he can do more than just fish and clear roads you know, like that, wait don’t go over there, I think and then Åsleik says that that’s the picture he wants even if it’s isn’t finished, he says and I freeze for a second, because I want to keep that picture myself, I don’t want to sell it, so I don’t want to give it to Åsleik either no

  But it’s not done, I say

  Doesn’t matter, he says

  It’s good the way it is, he says

  But don’t you want to look at the other pictures first, the ones in the stack there, the big ones? I say

  and I point at the stack leaning solidly against the wall next to the kitchen door

  I’ve found the one I want, Åsleik says

  But I’m not done with that picture, I say

  Doesn’t matter, he says

  But I want to finish it, I say

  Yes yes, but it’s finished in a way the way it is, he says

  And you signed it, he says

  And it wasn’t signed the last time I saw it, he says

  Doesn’t that mean you’ve decided you’re done with it? he says

  and I don’t say anything and I think you can’t pull a fast one on him so easily can you, on Åsleik, he always picks the best picture to give to Sister, often, yes, well, usually, it’s been a painting I’ve wondered if I wanted to keep for myself, in the collection I have upstairs in the crates, but that would be just the painting that Åsleik would say and think and feel the same way about, the one I wanted to keep

  But at least take a look at the other finished paintings, I say

  Yes, at the big ones, I say

  and I stand there and point at the stack of big paintings leaning against the wall next to the kitchen door and Åsleik says he will, yes, he’ll do that if I come and bring him a steaming hot cup of coffee soon, yes, if I put the pot of coffee on while he looks through the pictures, he says and then Åsleik goes over to the stack of pictures and I go out to the kitchen and I turn on the light and I put the coffeepot on and then I look outside and wow it snowed a lot last night, my car is totally snowed in, so it certainly is good that Åsleik cleared the road, I think, and do I really need to drive the pictures into Bjørgvin today? after it’s snowed so much, and with the roads so slippery? and why in the world didn’t I just take them with me the day before yesterday? I can’t understand why I didn’t think of it the day before yesterday, I think, but the first time I drove to Bjørgvin was to go shopping, and the second time was because I wanted to check in on Asle, and actually that’s really why I want to drive to Bjørgvin today too, because I want to go see Asle in The Hospital, and maybe buy him something or bring him whatever he needs from home, that’s mostly why, I think and I look out at the white snow and I see Asle lying there in bed and there are all kinds of tubes and things attached to his body that are hanging down from a metal stand and he’s lying there asleep and his body is shaking up and down, his body is constantly quivering and Asle wakes up and he opens his eyes and he looks to the side and he sees that three other people are lying in three other beds in the room he’s in

  So, you’re awake, one of them says

  and Asle doesn’t answer

  You’re awake now, you’ve been asleep a long time, I don’t know how you could sleep through that noise from the street, a tractor or something, he says

  and Asle doesn’t answer, he just closes his eyes again, and then he’s shaking even harder and then a doctor and a male nurse come in and The Doctor says someone needs to be watching him at all times, so he needs to be transferred, and Asle just lies there and he doesn’t know quite where he is or isn’t and everything’s confusing and he’s shaking and then two men come and take the bed and the metal stand and they wheel Asle out into the hall and he closes his eyes and his whole body’s shaking, jolting up and down, and then they wheel him into a lift and I stand there in the kitchen and look out at the snow and I see them wheel Asle down a corridor and then they open a door to a room and there’s a bed in there and a man is lying in the bed and his hair is all grey and his face is all grey and a man is sitting next to the bed half asleep and he’s watching over the people lying there because they’re so sick, I think and I watch them wheel Asle’s bed in and put it against the wall across from the other bed and the man sitting in the chair stands up and looks at something hanging on Asle’s bed and then he sits back down and after a moment he gets up and goes over to the bed and prods Asle on the shoulder

  Asle, he says

  Yes, Asle says

  and then I see the man who prodded Asle’s shoulder, who’s keeping watch in a way, sit back down on his chair and I look and look at the snow and I think I have to drive the paintings into Bjørgvin today and then go see Asle in The Hospital, because he’s really sick, I think and I turn around and see that the coffee is ready and I pour out two mugs of coffee and then go back into the main room and I see that Åsleik has set up four or five of the big paintings along the wall where the kitchen door is and now he’s standing there looking at each one and I go over and hand him a mug and he says thanks

  You’ve been painting a lot of good paintings recently, haven’t you, he says

  Thank you, I say

  and then we both stand there, sipping our coffee, and then I go and stand and look at the picture with the two lines crossing and Åsleik says that that’s the picture he wants, the one I’m looking at, but if I really want to keep it then there are several other very good paintings too, Åsleik says, and he’s already picked out one, he says and he asks me if I can guess which one it is and I say I can try and I walk over to a picture of something that might be a kind of boat gliding on the sky, and the picture is brown and purple, a little like heather, the same as a lot of my paintings, but what really makes the picture shine is the thin layer of white paint I painted in a few places after I looked at the picture in the dark, it’s these clear movements, it’s this white and a couple of black movements that make the picture shine, yes, or give off a stronger light at least, yes, in its own way, and now that I look at this painting again I think that this is another one I’d like to keep for myself actually, but if I had to choose I’d rather keep the one of the two lines crossing and Åsleik asks if I remember what I called that picture

  Because you’re good at titling your pictures, he says

  A picture needs a good name, I say

  Yes I can see that, Åsleik says

  and then we stand there silent and I think that I’ve always given my pictures names, and not every painter does that but I always do, because after I’ve decided I’m done with a picture the last thing I paint is a big A in thick black oil paint in the lower right corner of the picture itself, so that it’s easy to see that there’s an A there, and on the top edge of the stretcher I paint the picture’s title, also in thick black oil paint, and now Åsleik asks me what the painting he wants is called and I think I remember, I’m not totally sure but I think it’s called Silent Boat, that’s something you might call a picture, I think, actually it’s an awful title, I don’t know what I could have been thinking calling it that, I think, and I say that I think the picture is called Silent Boat but he can just look for himself, I say and Åsleik says that he’s already done that of course and then he goes and picks up the painting and turns it around and on the top edge of the stretcher, in the middle, it says Silent Boat in thick black oil paint

  You always remember, Åsleik says

  I’ll take this picture, he says

  Sure, I say

  and then Åsleik puts the picture back down on the floor but leaning against the easel now and then he steps back a little to look at it and I go with him and I too can see that it’s a good picture, maybe one of the best ones I�
�ve painted in a long time, but if Åsleik wants it to give to Sister then he can have it, that’s perfectly fine, I think, but the picture on the easel itself that’s been given the title St Andrew’s Cross I absolutely won’t let him have, I want to keep it myself, and Åsleik must have realized that, that he couldn’t have it, I think and then I go over to the picture and I see that I’ve already signed it with an A in the lower right corner and then I turn the picture around and I see that I’ve painted St Andrew’s Cross on the top part of the stretcher and I think that I must have done that yesterday, no, my memory is just terrible, I can’t remember things from midnight till noon, as they say, I think

  St Andrew’s Cross, I say

  Yes that was really the only thing you could call that picture, Åsleik says

  and then luckily he doesn’t say St Andrew’s Cross several times

  You’ve finished that picture? Åsleik says

  So you were trying to trick me? he says

  Yes, I probably was, actually, to tell you the truth, I say

  and Åsleik says that he can tell that that painting is finished, even if it looks unfinished it’s still finished, of course it is, he says and then we drink our coffee and Åsleik says now do I really want to drive down to Bjørgvin again today, with all the snow we’ve had? and he says that he doesn’t understand me, two days ago I drove to and from Bjørgvin, and then I even drove back again the same day, all without bringing my pictures to The Beyer Gallery, and now I want to drive back to Bjørgvin again today, it’s almost too much, he says and I think I need to go and see Asle in The Hospital but I don’t want to say anything to Åsleik about that

  I’ll take the paintings in today, get it out of the way, I say

  It’s not only because of the pictures that you want to drive to Bjørgvin, is it? Åsleik says

  No maybe not, I say

  You probably want to go to mass, he says

  and I can hear scoffing in his voice, because it’s true that I drive to Bjørgvin every now and then, and in the summertime usually every Sunday, to go to mass at St Paul’s Church

  You Papist, Åsleik says

  and I think that he’ll never stop with this word, never stop saying that, it’s probably another word that he taught himself and that he’s proud of knowing, Papist, St Andrew’s Cross, he kind of shows off and puffs himself up with words like that

  Papist, yes, he says

  and I think that it would be a good idea to go to mass, but I hadn’t thought of that, really I was only thinking I should go and see Asle in The Hospital and at the same time take these paintings in as soon as I can, the paintings I kind of have to deliver to Beyer

  Or is it because of a woman? Åsleik says

  and he says how dumb he was not to think of that right off, he says and I think that I don’t really like Åsleik, he can be so annoying, but I don’t let it show and I let all the foolishness just vanish into thin air in a way, I think

  No, I say

  No no, he says

  and we stand there without saying anything

  But you probably were thinking of going to mass again soon? he says

  and I say yes maybe and Åsleik says didn’t I go to mass yesterday when I was in Bjørgvin shopping? and I say I didn’t go to mass yesterday and Åsleik says well that’s strange, I usually always go to mass, every time I’m in Bjørgvin, he says and I have to say something and then I say I’ll just start getting the paintings ready then and put them in the back of the car

  You wrap them in blankets, Åsleik says

  Yes, always, I say

  Those blankets have seen a lot of use, he says

  Yes, I’ve had them for many years, I say

  and then I stand there and hope that Åsleik doesn’t ask me where I got the blankets, and that I don’t have to tell him yet again that I got them at The Second-Hand Shop in Sailor’s Cove, I didn’t get them all at once, but one this time, one another time, whenever I was in The Second-Hand Shop I would look for blankets and if I didn’t see any I’d ask if they had any blankets and then they’d always ask what I meant and I’d say wool blankets and sometimes they’d have one or two blankets in the back, sometimes not, but after a while I’d bought quite a collection and now there was a big pile of blankets on the floor in a corner of the attic room where I keep everything I need for painting, tubes of oil paint, canvas, and of course the boards for making stretchers from, getting nice and dry, I think and Åsleik says he can help me pack up the pictures and carry them out to the car and I say thanks and then he hands me his mug and he says thanks for the coffee and I see that I’ve only drunk a little of my coffee, and that’s how it is every morning, I fill up a mug of coffee and then only drink a little, I think and then I go to the kitchen and put the mugs in the sink and then I go up to the attic and I put my arms in a kind of hug around the whole heap of blankets lying tossed in a corner and I go downstairs and dump the pile on the floor in front of the paintings and I see that Åsleik is standing and looking at the picture he chose as a Christmas present for Sister that’s now standing on the floor leaning against the easel and then he looks at me

  Yes so that’s the picture I want, he says

  It’s a deal, I say

  and then I take a blanket and one picture from the stack of finished big pictures and I wrap it up well in the blanket and I put in on the floor and then Åsleik takes a blanket and a picture and wraps it up and puts it on top of the one I put on the floor and we keep going like that wrapping up painting after painting and it’s Åsleik who takes the last painting and then all the big paintings are on the floor in a neat stack and then I take a blanket and wrap up one of the small paintings and Åsleik does the same thing and there are only four small paintings in all

  There were thirteen paintings in all, Åsleik says

  Yes, I say

  That’s an unlucky number, he says

  It can be either lucky or unlucky, at least for me, I say

  and Åsleik says he’s never heard that before and I say that that’s how it is for me anyway

  Yes I guess it might be, he says

  and then Åsleik says he can’t understand why I want to drive back to Bjørgvin again today, and I say I’ve already told him, I’m going to take the pictures to The Beyer Gallery, get it over with, I say and Åsleik says there must be some other reason and I say there might be and Åsleik says that I should dress warm, yes, I should put on my coat, and then we’ll need to carry the pictures out to my car, he says and I nod and then it’s silent

  You’ve always gone and done whatever you wanted to do, Asle, Åsleik says

  and he wraps the picture he chose up in a blanket and puts it back down leaning against the easel

  You’ll get the blanket back after I’ve given the picture to Sister, same as always, he says

  and I say yes it’ll be the same as usual and I say I want to go start the car and turn on the heat and brush off all the snow of course and Åsleik says he can help me with that and then I put on my black velvet jacket and I go out into the hall and put on my black coat and a scarf and then I slip into my shoes and then I go out and start the car, and it starts at the first try like always, and then I open the back and find the snow brush and then I brush off the car and then we start carrying the pictures I’m going to drive down to The Beyer Gallery out to the car and we put them down carefully in the back and after we’ve done that Åsleik says well then he’ll get the picture he’s planning to give Sister for Christmas and I see Åsleik go into the house and I shut the back of the car and I see Åsleik come out onto the stoop and he stands there with the picture under his arm and I go back inside my good old house and go into the main room and I see my brown leather bag hanging on its hook, between the pile of small paintings and the pile of big paintings, the pictures I’m not done with yet, and I put the shoulder bag on and then I stop and I look at the picture with the two lines crossing, yes, St Andrew’s Cross as it’s called, and there’s a lot in that picture, I think and I t
hink that now I need to go, because Åsleik is waiting, and I go into the little side room and I turn out the light and I go into the main room and I turn off the light there and I go out to the kitchen and I see that there’s still a little water in Bragi’s bowl so I fill it and then I cut a slice of bread and break it into chunks and put them down in the other bowl even though there’s still a lot of bread there from before and I think that Bragi is still lying asleep in my bed so I guess he can stay here at home, I think and I turn off the light in the kitchen and I go out to the hall and I turn off the light there and then I open the front door and go outside and I see Åsleik still standing where he was before on the stoop with the picture wrapped in a blanket under his arm

  That took a while, he says

  Yes, I say

  What were you doing in there? he says

  and I don’t answer

  I almost got tired of waiting, he says

  I guess you had to go to the bathroom and had trouble getting it out? he says

  Yes that’s right, I say

  But here you are at last, Åsleik says

  No, I know you, I know what you were doing, he says

  All right, what? I say

  You were looking at the picture with the two lines, St Andrew’s Cross, he says

  and I nod and Åsleik says that he’s always been able to take the picture he wanted to give as a present to Sister, every time before, but then again he’s never asked for a big painting before, Åsleik says and then he says that this isn’t exactly weather to stand around outside in, so he’ll go sit in the tractor, he says, and we’ll get driving, him first, so that at least the driveway will be all clear, and the country road until the turn-off to his farm, and I’ll drive after him and he hopes I have a good drive to Bjørgvin and drive carefully since the roads might still be slippery in some places, because there might be ice under the new snow, he says and I say that I always do drive carefully and Åsleik says he knows that, of course I drive carefully, he says and we’ll see each other soon, he says and I say it’s just a day trip, I’ll drive home after I’ve dropped off the paintings, I say

 

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