‘I know. And don’t think I take it for granted. Or maybe I do, actually. It is lovely. I wasn’t totally sure when we bought it. I thought Mum and Dad were mad to take it on, to be honest. It was a bit of a tip. Had been unloved and unlived in for over a decade. But they had it restored and added all the bells and whistles and creature comforts. It’s the best of both worlds – old-world charm but without rattling pipes or freezing your arse off. Mum had dreams of running it as a guesthouse or wedding venue in her retirement, but she couldn’t really decide. And then she got sick.’
‘When we last talked about it you said she’s all right now, though, didn’t you?’
‘Yes. Thankfully she caught the cancer early enough and has been in the clear for a couple of years. But it reminded them of how short life can be so they decided to do some travelling.’
Lauren opened a heavy wooden door and Alice stared in awe at the vast dining room full of dark antique timber furniture with curved-backed chairs upholstered in striped navy, red and white silk to match the curtains.
‘What did they do before they retired? I don’t think you’ve ever told me,’ Alice said.
‘Dad was in finance. Actually they both were when they met, but Mum decided to be a stay-at-home mother and then lost the corporate urge. Dad managed to time things right and we left London just before the global financial crisis. Then he had a university teaching gig – he still does a bit of teaching. Mum went back and studied sociology and still occasionally does some teaching too, just because she loves it.’
‘They sound perfect,’ Alice said, a little wistfully.
‘Well, they’re far from that, but they’ve always let me know they love and support me, so you can’t ask for more from parents, really. Okay, so this is the front hall, or vestibule. That’s the front door,’ Lauren said, pointing. ‘Know where you are?’
‘Yep. Ooh, I can just imagine this space filled with wedding guests, photos being taken of the bride and groom and everyone up there,’ Alice said, walking over to the sweeping staircase made of a dark timber with a shiny curved balustrade. The stairs were covered with a stunning navy blue runner held down by shiny brass rails.
‘That’s exactly what Mum said when she saw it. She fell in love with the staircase before anything else.’
‘I’m not surprised,’ said Alice.
‘Okay, let’s go upstairs.’
‘I think I’d better carry you, Bill,’ Alice said, looking down at the dog beside her, who seemed to be staring up at the long staircase and finding it all too much to tackle. ‘Come on,’ she said, picking him up.
‘So this is Mum and Dad’s room,’ Lauren said, opening a door at the end of the landing. ‘It’s not the biggest, but Mum likes the view.’
‘Oh, wow,’ Alice said, looking around the room.
‘You’re really going to have to stop saying that, you sound like a broken record,’ Lauren said with a laugh.
‘Sorry. But, oh my. Your mum has gorgeous taste,’ Alice said, taking in the antique timber suite complete with canopy. The bed was draped with mid-blue floral silk fabric and covered with an assortment of cushions.
‘Mum does things the wrong way round – she chooses furnishings and then the paint colour. Dad’s not into all the tizz – nor am I, really – but he’d do anything for Mum.’
‘That’s nice.’
‘Yeah, but it’s probably ruined me. Poor Brett! Mum’s chosen a colour theme for each room. This is the blue room. Obviously,’ Lauren said.
‘I love the colour – it’s almost a Wedgwood blue,’ Alice said before going to the window and looking out. Just like the house, the view – of mainly trees and farmland, and blue hills far off in the distance – was breathtaking.
‘We’re down at the end of the hall,’ Lauren said, heading out of the room and waiting with her hand on the door handle for Alice to walk out before pulling the door closed behind them.
‘I’m in here,’ Lauren said, opening a door to another tastefully decorated room, with walls painted in a deep aubergine. ‘I give you, the purple room,’ she said dramatically.
‘Do you have your own en suite?’ Alice asked.
‘Of course. I did say Mum and Dad did a full update, didn’t I? Every room has its own bathroom and walk-in robe.’
‘Even mine?’
‘Yes, even yours. They’re small, but perfectly adequate. You’re too funny, Alice. You’re like a kid at Christmas.’
‘I feel it.’
‘You’re in the green room,’ Lauren said. ‘Voila.’ She opened the door and stepped aside.
Alice walked inside, her mouth gaping again. The furniture was white lime washed, and the quilt and matching curtains were covered with a delicate floral pattern. Alice went and sat on the bed before her legs, which were suddenly jelly-like, let her down. She couldn’t take her eyes off the wall in front of her. It was a mid-green with a slight blue-grey tinge. Eucalyptus was the best way to describe it. Suddenly her throat constricted and her eyes filled with tears.
‘What is it?’ Lauren said, coming over and sitting beside her. ‘Are you okay? What’s wrong?’
Alice shook her head, wiped the tears away and sniffed. She tried to speak, but couldn’t. Lauren put her arm around her and gave her shoulder a squeeze. ‘You’re probably going to get sad and homesick – if only for a feeling of home, being settled. You’re going through a major upheaval.’
Alice shook her head again and lifted her hand to point to the wall in front of her. ‘That. That was my Ruth’s favourite colour in the whole world,’ she finally managed, tears starting to stream again.
‘Oh, Alice. I’m so sorry. Let it out. Cry,’ Lauren said, pulling her friend towards her.
‘I miss her so much, Lauren.’
‘I know you do.’
Slowly Alice pulled herself together. ‘Sorry,’ she said as she straightened up.
‘You don’t have to have this room – there are plenty more to choose from. And there’s the cottage.’
‘No, I like it. I think it’s comforting, actually. Now I’ve got over the initial shock. It’s such an unusual colour, I think it’s meant to be. Almost like Ruth is here watching over me. As naff as that sounds.’
‘It doesn’t sound naff at all. You should hold onto whatever gives you comfort. And you can always change rooms later if you want.’
‘Oh, Lauren, thank you for bringing me here.’
‘You’re going to have to stop saying that, too. It’s getting embarrassing.’
‘Sorry.’
‘And that, Alice. You are worthy, you need to get that through your head. And, as I keep saying, you’re doing us a favour agreeing to house sit for us. Come on, I want to show you the view from the end of the hall. Then you’ll really get the lay of the land.’
Alice stared out at the yard dotted with a collection of large and small brick and stone outbuildings.
‘Stables, random building, self-contained cottage – where we lived while doing up the house – well, paying others to do up the house – barn-now-garage, old engine room-now-general storage,’ Lauren said, pointing to each building.
Alice sighed contentedly. Everything was beautiful, neat and orderly and not at all cold and minimalist. Wow, wow, wow. How lucky am I to be here? she thought, keeping the words to herself. She also didn’t tell Lauren that she could feel her broken heart and soul slowly starting to knit back together. This place not only looked beautiful, but it felt beautiful too – calm and welcoming, even on a cold, grey wintry day. If there were any ghosts residing here, they were definitely at peace. Not that Alice thought she believed in ghosts. It truly is a happy resting place, she thought, remembering the name of the house and Rhys’s comment about the meaning of Ballarat.
‘Okay?’ Lauren said.
‘Perfect,’ Alice said.
‘Come on then, let’s bring in your gear. Then I’m doing us a roast lamb with all the trimmings to celebrate your arrival. It’s a bit of a welcome home family t
radition for us.’
‘That sounds wonderful.’ Could things get any better? Alice tried not to let a stray thought of David, how he was spending his day and what he’d be eating for dinner, take hold and ruin her mood. While Lauren had her back to her, Alice literally shrugged and shook him away.
Chapter Thirty-six
Alice looked around the room, taking a moment to snuggle in under the luxurious quilt and to adjust to the soft light filtering in. She smiled at hearing Bill groan in his bed nearby, and while she couldn’t see him she could picture him having a good stretch. She was pleased with how settled he seemed here. She lay on her back and stretched her arms up above her before linking her hands and putting them behind her head. It had been less than twenty-four hours, but she felt really settled here too. She’d slept the best she had in months and was completely refreshed. While she’d assured Lauren she’d make the most of her time here to get some rest, Alice felt energised – exhilarated even. Mainly about sorting out her life. And there was no better time than today to get started. She threw the covers off and got out of bed.
‘No wonder you don’t want to get up, Bill,’ she said, marvelling yet again at how warm the thick oriental floor rug was under her feet. She pulled on the pile of warm clothes she’d left draped over the upholstered wingback chair the night before.
‘No you don’t, lazy bones,’ she said to Bill as the dog stretched again and curled up with a front paw over his eyes. ‘Yes, you’re very cute,’ she said, laughing at him. ‘But up you get. Surely you need a wee by now,’ she said as she left the room. There was a sigh behind her as Bill got up and then the click of claws as he crossed the timber between the bedroom rug and hall runner.
‘Good morning,’ Lauren said when Alice appeared in the kitchen. She was putting the lid on a travel mug.
‘Good morning.’
‘Did you sleep okay?’
‘Oh my god, did I ever. I had an incredible night’s sleep,’ Alice said as she held the door open for Bill.
‘That’s fantastic.’
‘I tell you, this place has the best energy. Not only a resting place, but restful too. And definitely happy!’
‘That’s so good to hear. So you think you’ll be okay on your own? Even at night?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘So, no qualms?’
‘Nope. Not a one.’
‘I’m so relieved. I’m a bit jittery about leaving you here on your own.’
‘Why, is there something you’re not telling me?’
‘No, of course not. But night time in a big old house can get a bit scary.’
‘I’ll be perfectly fine. Honest. I’ll make sure all the doors are locked. And there are about a million security lights around, which will light up like a stadium if anything sets them off.’
‘Are you sure you won’t be lonely?’
‘Honestly, Lauren, I don’t think I could ever be as lonely as I’ve been in bad relationships,’ Alice said thoughtfully and truthfully. ‘I really appreciate your concern, but I am perfectly fine – better than fine, great – so, you get back to your lovely Brett and stop worrying about me.’
‘So, you wouldn’t mind if I left, like, now-ish?’
‘Of course not. I really appreciate you driving me out and settling me in, but please don’t feel you need to stay. We’re all good, aren’t we, Bill?’ she said to the dog as he trotted in, followed by an icy blast of fresh air. ‘You, mister, need to learn to use the doggy door. That’s one of our tasks for today. I think we’ll wait to see if the rain stops and the sun comes out before going for a walk. Say goodbye to Auntie Lauren,’ Alice said.
‘Bye, Bill, see you soon. Have fun,’ Lauren said, squatting down and patting the dog.
‘Okay, so you’ve got Blair’s number. He won’t bother you, but he’ll come if you need him to – he’s only a couple of miles away. You’ve got the keys to the cars and to the house, and you know the alarm code,’ Lauren said as they walked out to the car.
‘Yep. Just go, Lauren, we’re perfectly fine. You’ve done a great job of showing me everything,’ Alice said, holding the driver’s door open.
‘Well, I’m only a phone call or text away, too,’ Lauren said, hovering.
‘Got it.’
‘And I can always drive back if you need me to.’
‘Lauren, just get in the car and go and be with Brett,’ Alice said with a laugh. ‘Bill and I have got this.’
‘Okay. Cool. Brett and I will see you Sunday week when we bring Mum and Dad home,’ Lauren said, and gave Alice a quick hug before getting into the car.
‘Yes, you will. I can’t wait to meet them. And, please, double-check they’re okay for me to do a welcome home roast dinner for them. I don’t want them feeling jetlagged and wanting to go to sleep but having to be sociable. There’d be nothing worse than that in your own home.’
‘I’m sure it’ll be fine. They’ll only be coming from Singapore. But I will certainly check and let you know.’
‘Great. Thanks. Now, off you go,’ Alice said, checking Lauren had all her limbs inside the car before closing the driver’s door.
‘Have fun. See you soon,’ Lauren said from the open window as she drove off with a wave.
‘We will. Drive safe,’ Alice said, waving. She watched Lauren’s car make its way down the long driveway for a few moments before the cold wind hit her.
‘Right, Bill, shall we give the doggy door a go?’ Alice said, leading the way into the mudroom. ‘Oh, right. Well, that was easy,’ she said, as Bill disappeared through the flap before she’d even had a chance to bend down to show him how it worked.
Back inside, Alice set about getting breakfast for herself and Bill. As she sat at the kitchen bench eating her bowl of muesli with Bill munching on his dry food nearby, she paused to take stock of how she felt. She’d been telling Lauren the truth. She did feel great. And inspired. As clichéd as it was, Alice really did feel that today was the first day of the rest of her life. And I’m going to make the most of it – the day and my life!
Having tidied the kitchen, she took her laptop and a mug of coffee and went and sat in Mr Finmore’s office. Settling back into his plush, high-backed leather chair behind his antique desk, she let out a deep sigh of contentment as she looked around. God, what a magnificent space. How lucky am I? She gazed at the floor-to-ceiling timber bookshelves spanning an entire wall of the huge room, and could practically feel the books releasing their wisdom. She didn’t feel at all sad or anxious. She felt safe, exhilarated about the future, and grateful for the opportunity to have the freedom to think and sort her head out. And for the first time in months she really felt she was close to doing just that.
She was on the cusp, standing on the edge of a fabulous new life, and shedding her old one along with all the insecurities she now knew she had within her because of her upbringing. She would fight the crippling self-doubt that was the most profound legacy from her family life, and win. Just as Lauren had said, Alice had every right to feel worthy. She’d done well at uni. That was down to her hard work and discipline, and no one could take that away from her. She’d absolutely loved studying and had proven she was good at it. She wasn’t above herself, had never looked down on her mother or sister or been critical of them in her mind for anything other than their mean-spiritedness and bullying of her. Going to university had been her choice just as much as her sister had chosen not to go. Alice would not wear their insecurities any longer, now she understood them and knew their origin.
She’d tried so hard her whole life to be what her mother wanted, but she could now see how impossible that really was. No more being a square peg trying to fit herself into their perceived round hole – a space that kept changing. She’d recently realised that is what her life had been. But now she was free. She felt enormous gratitude to Brett, and in a strange way Carmel, for giving her the box of truth and taking off its lid. The world was finally hearing about the sexual abuse that perpetrators, particularl
y offenders who were rich, famous and powerful, had got away with for many years. Obviously Alice’s experience wasn’t in that league but, still, there must also be a stack of people who were in or had been in situations like she had at Gold, Taylor and Murphy …
More and more organisations will start being held to account for the trauma inflicted and the fallout … Won’t they? Well, one can hope …
Alice found herself thinking about how Helen had surprised her with her kind words the other day at lunch, and smiled. They had a lot more in common than Alice had ever realised. Helen had also said everything happened for a reason. Alice was certainly starting to feel it, believe it – because here she was. But then something else Helen had said and Alice had forgotten about came back to her clearly. She’d said, ‘It’s one thing to learn and overcome, another to use the experience for the good of others.’ And those people wanting to hold those organisations to account will need some help … Won’t they?
The feeling inside Alice that she was really close to knowing what she wanted to do next with her life grew like an inflating balloon – bigger, bigger, bigger.
Oh. My. God. I’ve got it. I know what I’m going to do. Alice’s heart slowed and seemed almost to stop for a second. And then it began to thud hard and fast against her ribs. Oh wow. I am. I’m really going to do this. Her whole being inside fluttered with excitement.
But then a twinge of apprehension seeped in. No, go away. I can do whatever I put my mind to. There are no limits. I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself, and I’m not answerable to anyone but myself. And I can always change my mind if I choose to. But I won’t. This feels right, so right.
Alice flipped open her laptop and almost held her breath as it fired up. If it’s meant to be it will be. Show me a sign, Dad, Ruth, the universe, whatever. Am I right about this? She tapped her fingers on the desk and then brought up the search engine and keyed in her query – Online Law degrees Australia – and then waited for the answers to come up. If possible, she would study online so she could work around it and not have to leave Bill alone any more than necessary.
A Life of Her Own Page 32