by Rula Sinara
Carlos, Gray and Damon had all connected right away. They knew what it was like to be deployed and then to try and fit into civilian life afterward. And Jordan, who was like a younger brother to Carlos, fit right in, too. But they were all married or engaged now, which meant they didn’t have as much time to hang out. Just the guys. Single guys.
Zuri exchanged hellos and added another when Gray showed up to pick up Laddie. Gray had to leave pretty quickly, but Jordan lingered with Shamu.
“What books did you two get?” Jordan asked. Caden and Sara were each carrying three books. Sara held hers up one by one.
“One about women mountaineers, one about a lighthouse mystery—those two are for me—and one for the toy drive that’s a dragon fantasy adventure.”
“What about you, Caden?” Damon asked. The boy was sort of holding the books turned over and halfway behind him.
“Just a couple for the toy drive, the usual Christmas stories, and one other.” He didn’t show them off the way Sara had, but one slipped out of his pile and hit the ground. He hurried to pick it up.
“Wait, I recognize that one,” Zuri said. “Isn’t that the series they’re talking about turning into a show because it hit all the lists? I’m not sure it’s for your age group. Can I see?”
Damon knew exactly which books she was talking about. Sure, they were geared toward adults, but they weren’t that bad for teens or even preteens, were they? Then again, he wasn’t a parent. Or he was but he wasn’t experienced at it. Caden’s face tensed and he bit at his lower lip, but he held his shoulders back defiantly.
“Yeah, that’s the one. I’ve already read the first two and a half, so what difference does it make. They’re adventurous, Aunt Zuri. There’s nothing that bad in them. They’re not any scarier or violent than the Lord of the Rings you got me.”
“But that’s fantasy. This one’s realistic. Isn’t it? Have any of you read it? Do you know if it’s okay for a twelve-year-old?” Zuri asked.
“I’ve read them,” Sara offered.
Zuri gave her a sympathetic smile, then turned to the grownups. She obviously didn’t trust teenage opinions on the matter.
Damon felt sorry for Caden. His aunt may have had more experience with taking care of him, but she sure was oblivious to how much she was embarrassing him. Just like when she had almost helped him with his life vest earlier. Damon could see that embarrassment all over Caden’s face and in his body language. Reading people was something he was trained to do. It helped with interrogations and split-second decisions.
“Book choices are so personal. I usually don’t interfere with parent rules and decisions on them,” Eve said. “But personally, I think it depends on the kid. I think it’s okay if he’s not prone to bad dreams.”
“I don’t scare easily. I’m not some wimp.”
“I think it’s awesome. One of my favorites. Especially book two,” Jordan said. He grinned at Damon. Damon gave him a look that warned him to shut up and stay out of it. Eve was right. What Caden was allowed to read or not read was personal.
Zuri nodded, as if to concede, but she frowned and kept glancing at the book. The boy looked like he wanted to crawl in a hole. He’d seen that look plenty of times on his younger brothers’ faces, including Lucas’s, when their parents had put them on the spot in public. They had been so particular about appearances and family reputation and they had expected Damon, being the oldest, to set a good example. That only made them blame him if his siblings did anything that remotely looked like something he might have put them up to or had set a bad example for.
Sometimes he thought that his parents were simply so annoyed with each other and frustrated with parenting that they needed someone to blame. They loved their kids. He didn’t doubt that. However, they didn’t love one another and that bled through the entire family. Being the oldest wasn’t easy. Damon had covered for his siblings plenty of times, but no one had ever covered for him. But that’s what a person was supposed to do. Have the back of those who were counting on them. Help those in need. Zuri had been that way.
“It’s fine, in my opinion. Let him read it. It’s no big deal. There’s nothing raunchy in it. Just action,” Damon said.
Zuri looked taken aback by him putting his foot down and making a decision as the boy’s father. He wasn’t trying to make her uncomfortable. He was trying to smooth things over for Caden. For crying out loud, the boy was twelve and standing next to a girl his age. Zuri had to clue in.
“All right. It’s fine. I guess.” She sounded defeated and uncertain. Maybe she needed to read the books for herself.
“Like I said, I was going to read it anyway. I have the first ones. You can’t stop me from reading books,” Caden said.
Zuri’s eyes were starting to glisten.
“Hey. No need to take that tone. Your aunt is just looking out for you,” Damon said. “How about apologizing and then take this—” he reached in his wallet and pulled out a few bills to help change the subject. He handed Caden the money “—and take Sara over to the bakery. Get some hot chocolate and lunch.” Damon gave him a look that said, in no uncertain terms, that apologizing wasn’t optional. He was giving the boy a way out. Caden scowled at him, but took the money.
“Sorry,” Caden mumbled. “And thanks,” he added for Damon.
“Thanks, Mr. Woods,” Sara said. “Come on.”
She practically ushered Caden across the street, whispering something to him and glancing over her shoulder a time or two at the grown-ups. Zuri sighed.
“I’m sorry you witnessed that,” she told Jordan and Eve.
“Nonsense. I watch parents and kids interact all the time. It gets pretty wild in the summer when lots of families from out of town visit. Trust me, this was nothing. I actually love watching families and learning from them,” she said, exchanging looks with her husband.
Were those two planning to start soon?
“Well, I have to run. I need to get Shamu home and head in for my shift. I’ll see you around, Zuri,” Jordan said.
“And I need to get back to work. Stop by sometime. Grab something to read while you’re here. On the house,” Eve said.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“First book free for family and friends. A friend of Damon’s is a friend of mine.” Eve smiled and ducked back into her shop.
The minute they were alone, Zuri’s smile disappeared and life seemed to fade from her eyes and her dark, thick lashes lowered like shields.
“Zuri, the stuff we were talking about before—”
“You know what? I’m feeling tired. I don’t want to get into it now.”
“Okay. I can give you and the kids a ride.”
She shook her head and adjusted her purse strap on her shoulder.
“No, thank you. I’ll get them and we’ll walk back to the B and B.” She started to cross the street.
“Are you sure? I don’t mind giving you a ride. Zuri, look, you’re overthinking things again. You always do that.”
Zuri turned on her heel and looked right at him. Her eyes were full of fire.
“Do I? Always, huh? Because you’ve been around me so much in the past twelve years, you’d know. Right? Don’t be condescending, Damon. Especially not now.”
Her eyes watered. Her words may have dripped with sarcasm to some, but he knew it was her way of protecting herself. He couldn’t blame her for feeling threatened, but he had rights, too. He was trying to come to terms with everything, too. He held up his palms and stepped back.
“Fine. Enjoy your stroll. I’m outta here.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away, just like he’d done after he’d graduated high school. Only this time, she was the one who had the power to leave and never come back. Maybe it was time he experienced what that felt like. She wouldn’t be able to keep him from his son, but she could thr
ow up an impenetrable, permanent wall between her and Damon. And now that she was back in his life, he wasn’t sure he could handle her walking away.
CHAPTER SIX
DINNER AT DAMON’S didn’t happen. He had left a message with Melanie to pass on to her that something had come up. That something had to be him realizing that she was right. He was moving too fast. She was relieved when she got the message because she had intended to get out of the plans anyway.
A part of her wanted to pack up and leave, just as Caden had been insisting on yesterday, only now he was the one who’d settled in. He and Sara were eating popcorn while watching a movie. Melanie was bustling around the kitchen and providing an endless supply of snacks for them. A hint of vanilla, cinnamon and ginger permeated the cottage as tray after tray of gingerbread cookies were set out to cool. And Melanie claimed she couldn’t bake? Zuri had already eaten three with a cup of decaf coffee, which she was now cradling outside by the firepit—alone. The kids were supposed to have fun decorating the rest of the gingerbread people and filling tins for neighbors.
Her grandmother used to do that...giving baked goods as gifts. Her mom never did though. Being a doctor kept her so busy that she typically shopped online for gifts late at night. In fact, no one in their neighborhood up in Boston exchanged baked goods anymore. Everything started with an e, from e-cards to e-gifts sent directly from the seller. Maybe baked gifts were becoming too old-fashioned, but Zuri liked it. There was a warmth and hominess to the scents and sounds that filled Melanie’s place. The kind of comfort that had been missing in Vera’s house since her death.
Zuri had given up her apartment and had moved into her sister’s house, under the advice that it would be easier for Caden. His home would be the constant in a life that was so variable. Just like in an experiment. Life was just one massive laboratory, wasn’t it? In this case, she wasn’t so sure the hypothesis had been proven. Or maybe it hadn’t been set up right to begin with. Nothing felt constant...or solid and secure...at Vera’s house. If anything, the void was cold and everything there was a reminder of their loss.
The fire popped and crackled and Zuri tugged the afghan Melanie had provided around her shoulders. She could smell the cookies from out here, mingling with the earthy aroma of woodsmoke and ocean mist. Laughter emanated from the living room where the movie was playing.
She looked up through the patio doors and could see Caden hugging his belly as he caught his breath. It was good to see him laugh like that. Such a relief. She could see Melanie through the smaller kitchen window setting trays out to cool. It was like looking into the perfect world of a snow globe. And she was on the outside. She was the one who had to keep the glass from breaking. She was the one who knew it was all an illusion and that life was far from perfect and never would be. But, as always, it was up to her to make it as perfect and safe as possible for Caden and she wasn’t about to let him down. She needed to hold herself together. She came here so that he could meet and spend time with his father and that wasn’t going to happen if she let her emotions, past or present, get in the way.
Her cell phone vibrated, jolting her and causing a few drops of coffee to slosh onto her jeans. The screen read Mom. Oh, geez. Did she have it in her to talk to her mom right now? Her parents knew she was taking Caden on a vacation for the holidays, but they didn’t know about Damon.
She considered not answering but, knowing her mom, if she didn’t pick up there would be numerous call attempts back-to-back and her mom would worry. She used to always tell Vera and her that if they didn’t pick up, she’d send a search party out after them. Zuri didn’t have location tracking turned on on her cell phone, but she wouldn’t put it past her mom to track her down anyway. She so didn’t need her parents showing up in Turtleback. Had Damon told his parents yet? What if his mother told her mother and that’s why she was calling?
Zuri’s head was about to explode. She took a breath and answered.
“Hi, Mama.”
“Mija. How are things? I just wanted to check in on you and Caden. Is he doing all right? Is everything okay? I wish you would call or text more, just to let me know you’re okay. You know how I worry. I just need to hear your voice.”
Zuri waited for the well-intentioned onslaught of questions her mom always started calls with to be over. She used to try to get a word in, but soon learned it was easier to wait for.
“Zuri, can you hear me? Are you there?”
That was her opening. Every time. It was kind of funny that her mom still had no clue that she had this pattern of conversation and everyone had to wait their turn.
“I’m here. How are you and Baba?”
“Good. He has a cold, but nothing serious.”
“It’s not a cold.” Her dad’s voice carried through the receiver. Her dad had a tendency to overhear and join phone conversations even when they weren’t on speaker. “Your mother thinks I’m one of her patients. Trust me, I’m fine. You take care of yourself, habibti,” he called out.
“Love you, Baba. Feel better,” Zuri said, a little louder to be sure her voice carried. She heard some coughing in the background.
“She said she loves you and to feel better,” her mom repeated. “Please, Ali, go breathe some steam and drink the tea I made you so the cold doesn’t settle in your chest.”
“Are you sure he’s okay?”
“Well, he was negative for flu and everything else I tested for. I’m sure it’s just a cold but he’s so stubborn and hates taking anything. Not that we want you catching it, but we wish you two were spending Christmas here, mija. He’ll be better by then. This feels so wrong. Why don’t you reconsider. Unless, of course, Caden is having a good time. He comes first, but the holidays aren’t the same without you.”
“Thanks. We miss you, but yeah, I think he’s having fun. This is good for him. I don’t want him wallowing around.”
She didn’t comment on the fact that neither she nor Caden really enjoyed the slightly formal holiday parties her mom always threw. Too many pretentious colleagues. Too much small talk.
“Where are you exactly? You never said.”
Zuri scrunched her face. She had been hoping her mom wouldn’t ask until after they returned.
“A beach. We’re staying at a bed-and-breakfast and enjoying the beach. Nice and simple. There are other kids around and he’s hanging out with a friend, so that’s good.”
“What beach? Are you up at Martha’s Vineyard? That place we stayed at once? They have beautiful light displays during the holidays. Cold but cozy. Or are you closer at Carson Beach or one of the others around there? We could join you. It wouldn’t be that long of a drive. Once I get through the party tomorrow night and the one after that, we could stop by for a day before the medical conference in Rome.”
Oh, heaven help her.
“Um...no, we’re not close enough. Sorry. We’re down South. And everything is booked solid so you wouldn’t have a place to stay.” She didn’t know about places to stay in nearby towns, but she knew that Melanie’s B and B only had a few rooms, so between Sara, Caden and herself, it was full. It wasn’t a total lie. “Besides, I’m getting work done on my laptop while he hangs with other kids.” More lies. Harmless lies were okay, sometimes, weren’t they? Until they got out of control. Like the one she told to cover for her sister going to prom with the son of her mother’s adversary. Their parents had no idea Damon had been Vera’s date. As far as they knew, Vera had gone with a group of girlfriends as a sort of feminist statement.
As upset as Zuri had been, she and Vera had a pact to always cover for each other. Vera hadn’t heard about how Damon had shunned her until after prom and she had been so excited about him asking her out that Zuri had kept quiet. She had been too embarrassed to even tell her sister how stupid she had been, thinking Damon actually liked her.
Vera, the rebel and popular girl, would have thought Zuri’s move was l
aughable. Maybe she wouldn’t have accepted Damon’s invite, because she was a good big sis in general, but at the time Zuri couldn’t handle getting mocked by her own sister. It would have added insult to injury. She also never expected Damon to go ask Vera out so giving her sister a heads-up never occurred to her.
After Vera heard about what happened with Zuri, who had confessed after Vera came to her terrified about missing a period, she had insisted that Damon wasn’t going to be involved in either of their lives. So of course, given how strict their parents were and how their moms didn’t get along and in the name of world peace, neither Zuri nor Vera had ever revealed the father to their parents or anyone else. If Vera had, she’d have never been able to keep him out of their lives. Especially with the whole lawyer versus doctor lawsuit history. Vera didn’t want to bring custody issues into play. Zuri was the one who’d be dealing with all that now. She knew she and Damon would have to bring their parents into the picture at some point, but she wasn’t ready to deal with that just yet.
“Where down South?”
She hated the fishing. It had taken a year for her mom to stop prodding Vera on paternity before she gave up. But it wasn’t like her mom had time to travel this far. A little truth wouldn’t matter.
“North Carolina, but I promise we’ll come visit you after we get back. It’ll give me the chance to get him out of the house again. It really works best that way.”
There was a moment of silence on the other end before her mom sighed loudly.
“Okay. If you insist. But I’m holding you to that promise. Oh, guess who I saw in the grocery store yesterday? She saw me, too, but she acted as if she didn’t recognize me. Mary Woods.”
Oh, boy.
“Well, it’s not like you two hang out. Maybe she needs glasses or wasn’t wearing hers or something and couldn’t see your face clearly. Don’t make a big deal of it, Mama. It’s not like you would have wanted her talking to you.”
“She was at Vera’s funeral for goodness’ sake. A simple hello or nod wouldn’t have been a conversation, but it would have been decent. She was avoiding me for some reason.”