Christmas on the Coast

by Lee Tobin McClain

  Paul and Trey continued working through the mess in the bookstore, sorting the books. Paul started hauling boxes to the storeroom in back while Trey dragged in a carpet cleaning machine.

  As Paul stacked up the boxes of damaged books, he found himself wishing he could do the same with his own problems. Just load them up and put them away. Have things go back to the way they’d been before last night.

  All he’d wanted was to control his life and protect his son. But that had been blown out of the water because his son wasn’t his son.

  Images of Davey kept flashing before his eyes, but it was as if the focus had shifted. Now he kept noticing ways that he and his son—because Davey still felt like his son, absolutely—he kept noticing ways they were different. Had Davey’s freckles come from his biological father? How about his left-handedness?

  And then he would start thinking about Wendy. Her affair had happened years ago, before she had ever gotten sick. She’d carried that lie through their marriage without ever telling him. Had she loved the guy? Had she thought about him every time she looked at Davey? Obviously, it had been at the forefront of her mind in the last days. It had bothered her enough that she told Amber.

  “You okay, man?” Trey’s voice behind him made him realize he’d been standing in the storeroom way too long.

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  Trey just looked at him.

  “I found out something,” he said, and headed back into the front of the bookstore.

  “Something to do with what happened last night?” Trey asked, following him.

  Paul nodded. “Sorry to worry you. I’d never hurt Amber.”

  Drew’s face turned in their direction. “Amber’s a good person.”

  “So everybody says,” Paul said. “I thought so, too.”

  Drew’s eyebrows lifted.

  Trey gave him a sideways glance as he poured something from a plastic bottle into the carpet cleaner. “Whatever she did to make you mad, I can guarantee it wasn’t from a bad heart. Amber’s definitely unconventional, but like Drew says, she’s a good person.”

  Paul didn’t answer.

  “Women can sure make you mad,” Drew said. “There have been times I’ve wanted to walk away from Ria. In fact, I did, for a while.”

  “Coming back was the right thing to do,” Trey said. “You have a good family.”

  Paul didn’t want to hear about other people’s good families. He walked over to a door that led to a supply closet, now ripped off its hinges. He studied it, wondering if he could at least rig something up for now.

  He’d thought he had a good family. Yeah, they’d been stricken by tragedy, but the memory of Wendy, Davey and him had shone bright. Now it was tarnished.

  If he was being truthful with himself, he had to admit that he’d started to have fantasies of a new family, with Amber as his wife, as Davey’s mom.

  That wouldn’t be happening. Amber had known the truth and she’d kept it from him, kept him in the dark. Made him feel like an idiot. Acted like he wasn’t even worthy of the simple courtesy of being told the truth.

  Georgiana hurried into the store, Ferguson right behind her. She waved when she spotted Paul. “We need to talk to you right away.”

  Paul hoped he could be patient with them. His temper was already frayed.

  Ferguson cleared his throat. “Is there somewhere private we could have a conversation?”

  “Maybe we can use Mary’s office,” Paul said, and after getting the okay from the other two guys, they headed through the door behind the cash register, entered Mary’s office and closed the door.

  Paul leaned against the wall, giving the older couple the two seats. The office was small, with a tiny window that faced an alley and let in some pale winter sunshine. Georgiana sat in the seat obviously meant for a visitor, comfortable wood and padded leather. Ferguson took the chair from behind Mary’s desk, rolled it to his wife’s side and sat down. No matter their flaws, they were a unit.

  Now, unusually, they didn’t look smug and sure of themselves. Georgiana kept twisting her hands in her lap, and Ferguson rubbed the back of his neck.

  Paul just waited. He couldn’t seem to find in himself the social skills to make nice with Wendy’s parents. He’d known their values were off-kilter, but he thought they were basically sound, and that they had raised Wendy that way. If anything, her upbringing had made her a little rigid, or so he thought.

  Now he found out she’d cheated on him.

  “Andrew McMartin came to see us this morning,” Ferguson said. “He had a big shiner, and he said he got it from you.”

  “No more than he deserved.” Then Paul realized what they’d said. “Wait a minute. You know McMartin?”

  Georgiana nodded. “We’ve known his family since the children were small. They belonged to our club.”

  So that was how it was. Paul had figured McMartin to be a wealthy guy, just from his clothes and the way he carried himself and spoke. But to know he and Wendy had known each other all their lives... Yeah. That made a few more pieces click into place, but he didn’t like the picture that was emerging.

  Ferguson cleared his throat. “He said he’d told you about Davey.”

  Paul stared at him. “He did. Did he tell you as well or did you already know?”

  The two of them glanced at each other, which was all the confirmation Paul needed. His fists clenched reflexively but he forced himself to relax them, drawing in deep breaths and letting them out slowly as his PTSD therapist advised when he was having a panic attack. This wasn’t a panic attack. It was more like an anger attack.

  His in-laws had known about their daughter’s infidelity, had known Davey wasn’t even Paul’s child, and they never said anything?

  “You knew.” He spoke carefully, forced his body to stay in a relaxed posture. No matter their flaws, Ferguson and Georgiana were older and they were Davey’s grandparents. They didn’t deserve violence or even a feeling of physical threat from him.

  “It was my fault,” Georgiana said. “I had Wendy’s old computer, and one day a few weeks ago, when I was really missing her, I found her password and scrolled through her old emails. I just wanted to remember her, but...but that’s when I discovered the truth about Davey.”

  Ferguson took over the story. “That’s why we’ve been acting so strange lately,” he said. “We were so confused. Who had the real rights to take care of Davey?”

  “I did,” Paul said. “I still do.”

  The couple glanced at each other. “After the whole...situation over the weekend, with taking Davey to our house, we understand things better.” Georgiana ran her fingers through her normally perfect hair, messing it. “We took Davey to Andrew’s house—”

  “You what?” Paul leaned toward Georgiana, not sure he’d heard her right.

  Her husband stepped in. “Andrew never even saw Davey up close, nor vice versa,” he said. “Davey stayed in the car. It turns out that Andrew didn’t want anything to disrupt his family life, so we just drove back home.”

  Overwhelmed with all the new information, Paul sat on the edge of the desk, shaking his head. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Our counselor—we saw a counselor for the first time yesterday—she says we should try to work it out with you, that we shouldn’t keep secrets.” Georgiana’s chin trembled. “I’m sorry, Paul. I don’t know why Wendy would do that. She wasn’t using good judgment.”

  That was an understatement Paul didn’t even know how to process.

  Ferguson took up the story. “From the email Georgiana accessed, we learned a little bit of the story. She thought, for a short while, that she wanted a different life from what she could have with you, but she pretty quickly regretted the notion. By then, it was too late. She was pregnant.”

  “At first I hoped it wasn’t true,” Georgiana said. “But that da
y we took care of Davey, we dug through Wendy’s things and found her journal. It...” Her voice quavered. “It confirmed everything.”

  Paul tried to imagine such a thing. He’d sometimes felt restricted by Wendy’s desire for a higher-priced lifestyle than he could provide, but he’d always loved her, always been loyal to her, never thought of straying or of breaking up.

  His own faithfulness made him feel like a fool.

  He thought back to the time before Davey was conceived. He and Wendy had fought a lot, usually over money. It had led to such a chill between them that he’d been surprised when she had come up pregnant.

  Now it all made an ugly kind of sense.

  Ferguson leaned forward. “What are your thoughts about keeping Davey in light of what you found out?”

  Paul stared at him. Then he looked at Georgiana. She was intent, too. How could they not know his answer? “Of course I’m keeping Davey. He’s my son. I’m the only father he’s ever known.”

  Only after the words were out of his mouth did he realize that he was directly quoting Amber, what she had said to him last night.

  “That’s good of you, Paul.” Ferguson sounded relieved. “Of course we would take him if you refused, but we’re getting too old to care for a young active boy like Davey. You’ve been a wonderful father to him, and we would very much like to see that continue uninterrupted.”

  Georgiana frowned. “Apparently, Wendy told that woman the truth about Davey. We don’t know why she told her, but not us.”

  It took Paul a moment to realize that that woman was Amber. For just a moment, he thought of Amber and Wendy laughing together and contrasted it with the tears and tension that had usually accompanied a visit from her parents. He wasn’t surprised that Wendy hadn’t told them something so shocking. And when he thought about it, thought about how accepting Amber was, he couldn’t be surprised that Wendy had told her.

  But Amber had been practically a stranger. Wendy must have suffered terribly to let down her usual guard and pour out such a truth to someone she barely knew.

  She couldn’t tell me, either.

  Because Paul was almost as judgmental as her parents. Wendy had made a terrible mistake, and no one close to her had been the type to listen, accept it, help her deal with it.

  “Look, I’ll need time to think all this through,” he said. “Provided we can come up with a safe, comfortable way for it to happen, I’d like for you to stay in Davey’s life. He loves you and needs you.” He paused and looked from Ferguson to Georgiana. “But make no mistake: I make the decisions about him. He’s my son.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  AMBER PUT HER arm around Hannah as they walked out of the doctor’s office. “I’m so glad you could come with me to my appointment,” she said, giving her daughter a side-arm squeeze.

  She still wasn’t used to thinking of Hannah as an adult, but there it was. After so many years of taking Hannah to doctors’ appointments for her yearly checkups, now Hannah was helping her with hers.

  Hannah returned Amber’s gesture, sliding an arm around her waist and bouncing a little. “I’m so happy! You’re, like, perfect!”

  Amber laughed. “Not exactly. You’ve seen my crisscross of scars.”

  Hannah danced away from Amber and lifted her hands, palms up, walking backward. “So you can’t wear a bikini anymore. The important thing is that your scans are good. Your blood tests are good. It’s all good.”

  “You’re right.” When she’d thought something might go forward with Paul, she had let herself worry, a little, what he would think of her body and its imperfections. Now that wasn’t an issue.

  Her thoughts of Paul seemed to transmit, telepathically, to her daughter. “So, this opens the door for you to get more serious with that hot guy you were interested in.” Hannah came back to walk beside her. “What was his name, Paul?”

  Amber shrugged and hoped it worked to feign indifference. “Doubtful anything will happen there.”

  “Why not?”

  Even though Hannah was seeming more and more grown-up and independent, there was no way Amber was going to share dating information with her. So she waved a hand. “We just had a little falling-out. I don’t think he’s right for me, after all.”

  “Even with that adorable little boy?”

  “Yeah, Davey is a cutie, for sure.” Amber’s throat tightened, thinking of him. She wondered how Paul had explained the fact that she wasn’t around anymore. Had he painted her as evil in his explanation to Davey? Did Davey even care?

  She still couldn’t quite believe that it had happened. Both that he’d found out the truth, and that he had reacted so intensely. But when she thought more about it, of course he reacted intensely.

  Paul was an upright, honest person. He knew you couldn’t have a good relationship based on lies, and lying was what she had been doing. She was a fool to have thrown away something so good and promising.

  But that was what she did, who she was. She wasn’t a person who would ever have a good partner like Paul. Didn’t deserve him. Didn’t deserve Davey.

  The familiar feeling of inadequacy and wrongness pressed down on her, but something made her press back. Was she really so undeserving?

  Amber didn’t deserve Hannah, either, but she’d been blessed with her. She tried to tune back into what her daughter was saying.

  “It’s so cool that you can travel again. Because...” Hannah trailed off and looked sideways at her.

  They were walking along toward the bay now, the wind blowing hard, making Amber’s eyes water a little. “What were you about to say?” she asked Hannah. “It’s cool I can travel because why?”

  “I was going to say... You can come see me when I go abroad! Did I tell you I’m practically signed up for a semester abroad? If you sign off on it, of course, and it’s expensive, but...”

  “I’m in favor.” Amber ignored the lurch in her chest. “I want to hear all about it.”

  Hannah glanced sideways at her again and seemed to be reassured by the calm, curious expression Amber had pasted on her face. “I’m loving my international business class so much, Mom. And I’m doing really well in French, too. So I’m thinking about a minor in modern languages, and...” Hannah hesitated and studied her face. “Honestly, I didn’t think I could do it because of your health, but now it sounds like you can come see me wherever I am, anytime you want to.”

  Pain tried to wrap around Amber’s heart, but she shoved it down. “I’m so glad you’re excited about your schoolwork and your future.” Her voice croaked a little at the end, but fortunately, Hannah got a phone call and couldn’t analyze her reaction.

  The thing was, she was happy for Hannah. Hannah must have inherited some of her adventurous genes and Amber wouldn’t dream of stopping her.

  Amber had always known how important it was for parents to have a life of their own, rather than living through their children, and this was why. It was what enabled you to open your hands and let your little bird fly free.

  It was time for Amber to think about her own life, and the good news from the doctor just hadn’t struck her yet, probably. Probably, she would be thrilled about the opportunity to travel, to take up her book project again, once this gloom about Paul had worn off.

  They’d parked right by the Coastal Kids preschool building, and as they approached the car, children’s voices rang out from that direction. When Amber saw that a group of children was outside, she paused and squinted, and there was Davey. He was talking to the teacher Kayla. Kayla reached down and gave him a little hug before sending him back to a group of boys playing some kind of a game with the ball.

  So Davey was fine. Of course he was fine, and that was good.

  It was good he was close to his teacher. Maybe she and Paul would get together now. Kayla was a far better match for him, far better for Davey, as well.

  T
hat tight feeling in her chest wouldn’t go away, though, it seemed, no matter how much logic she threw at it.

  It was just that everything was turning upside down for her. She had wanted an adventurous life, but now she was realizing something: love was the adventure. Love was the challenge.

  But you had to merit that love, deserve it, earn it, and the truth was, she didn’t. She wanted to be loved for who she was, but who she was, well, it wasn’t that great.

  She swallowed hard, trying to keep her emotions under control. No way was she going to inflict this mood on her daughter.

  But Hannah was talking excitedly into her phone. “Okay, see you in a few!” She clicked off and turned to Amber. “Steff and Hailey are home, and I’m going to go meet them at Goody’s.” She paused, studying Amber’s face. “If that’s okay with you.”

  Amber forced a smile. “Of course, go have fun with your friends. Thanks for coming with me to the doctor.” She swallowed. “Love you,” she managed to say through a tight throat.

  “I love you so much, Mom.” Hannah hugged her tight. “You’re the best.”

  Appreciation and gratitude for her daughter brought tears to Amber’s eyes. Fortunately, Hannah didn’t notice, but spun and half jogged down the street.

  And Amber made it to the car before she started to cry.

  * * *

  ON SATURDAY, PAUL took Davey to the Christmas Fair at the Pleasant Shores Community Center. It was the nineteenth, just six days before Christmas, and Paul hadn’t finished his shopping. He hoped to remedy that at the fair.

  And he hoped to cheer himself up, or at least avoid inflicting his bad mood on Davey.

  Sarge loped along beside them. The dog was adjusting surprisingly well to civilian life and seemed to be perfectly content to be a pet. Still, Paul cringed when he thought about what the guys in his old K-9 unit would have to say about taking a police dog to Pet Pictures with Santa.

  The community center was a big, wide-open room with tables set up around the edges, featuring local, handmade gifts, candles and Christmas ornaments, and sea glass decorations. The scent of doughnuts and baked goods filled the air, and big urns of coffee and hot chocolate were set up in one corner.