by V. K. Powell
“And?”
“You know how governments operate. A dozen people are probably reviewing every tiny detail. And they’re notoriously slow handing out money. Be patient.”
Leonard mumbled something under his breath. “So, things are moving along?”
She formed an image of her and Bennett and imagined he’d asked about that. “Things are definitely moving along. I’ve got it under control, Boss.” She didn’t usually call him boss because he didn’t behave like one, but maybe the address would throw him off.
“Okay, but get my damn check to me ASAP.” He hung up without waiting for a response.
She slid her cell back into her pocket. “Pretend you didn’t hear that. I lied big-time.”
“Hear what?” Bennett kissed her hand. “I assume you have a plan for how to handle the subpar issue with him.”
“Not yet, but I’ll make one after I receive all the information. Then I’ll confront him and find out if he and Gilbert conspired about the substitutions.”
“Is this the same guy you said you’d never stood up to?”
“You don’t forget much, do you?”
“Not about you.”
“I hate to leave, but we should probably get back.”
Bennett hugged and kissed her before reluctantly releasing her and starting the car. “Are you okay about earlier?”
“Not really. I’m totally freaked out because I’m not heading for the hills like I normally do. What’s that even about?”
“I don’t know, but I like it. Please don’t run. I meant what I said. I love you, and we’ll work things out as we go.”
“I’m holding you to that, Carlyle. Now drive.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And one more thing. Don’t ever leave me in bed again without saying good-bye. Understood?”
“Totally.”
Maybe it was time to stop running in her professional life as well. If Parrish was involved in fraud, she’d have to be careful how she approached him. She wasn’t quite ready to start her firm, but she might have to adjust her timetable. Right now, she wanted to keep him in the dark until she had all the facts and pray the city didn’t shut the project down completely when she delivered the new delays and costs.
Chapter Twenty-three
Kerstin glanced at her cell beside her on the hotel desk, saw Bennett’s ID, and pushed the answer key. Seven a.m., so she was probably on her way home after night shift. They’d communicated only by phone the past two days, and she’d started doubting the feelings Bennett expressed at the lake, thanks to her overactive insecurities. “Hey, stranger. How are you?”
“Missing you like crazy.”
“Sure. You declare your love and then desert me.”
“I’m really sorry. Night duty will be over as soon as Jazz returns from management training. Weird shifts are a reality of a relationship with a cop.”
She smiled at the connection Bennett so easily assumed but couldn’t resist kidding her because she missed her so much. “So we have a relationship now?” There was a long pause on the other end. “I’m kidding, Captain. Lighten up.”
“You always keep me guessing.”
“And you love that I’m not falling at your feet in adoration like other women.” She warmed at Bennett’s heartfelt laughter. “I miss you, and I need to touch you, soon.”
“Sounds good to me. I’ll be off this weekend. You going to New York?”
The tug of family responsibility and the specter of confronting her boss dampened her mood. “Actually, I have a flight later today. I need to find out the truth about my boss, and it could end my career.”
“You’ve gotten the estimates?”
“Yeah, and they’re not good. I’d like to go over them with you before I leave. Any chance of breakfast this morning?” She needed to look into Bennett’s eyes before she left, to see her love one more time, for courage.
“Sure, if we can go around eight. The chief called me in. He’s already heard about the problem. Apparently he and Henry go way back.”
“Great. Still more problems for the project?”
“I’m not sure yet, but he’s scheduled another full committee meeting on Friday with the mayor. We’ll need to present a united front.”
“I should be back in time, but I’m not sure how Leonard will take the news.”
“Do you want me to come with you for backup? Not that you need me, but I’m certainly available and willing.”
Bennett’s offer startled her for an instant. She wasn’t accustomed to this kind of familiarity in her life or career, but it touched her and filled the empty spaces inside. What was happening to her? She cared deeply for Bennett, but this seemed like more. She shook her head, determined to concentrate on one major issue at a time. “Thank you, but I really have to do this on my own. It’s time.”
“Okay. Give him hell, and remember I’m at your side in spirit. Meet me in the chief’s office around eight, and we’ll hit Smith Street Diner before you leave.”
“Sounds perfect. See you then.” Kerstin hung up and gathered the papers she’d studied most of the night. She’d reached some pretty damning conclusions about Gilbert Early and Leonard Parrish, and Bennett’s legal perspective would help nail down her tactical approach.
She dressed quickly, packed, and entered the chief’s complex a few minutes before eight. She heard voices coming from his office, but his administrative assistant wasn’t in yet, so she stepped into the conference room where she and Bennett had collided a month ago. She smiled, remembering how much had happened since that day, how quickly old feelings resurfaced and became new.
Suddenly the voices in the chief’s office went up an octave. She started toward the door, but the chief’s next comment stopped her.
“This wiring issue, the delays, and associated costs are totally unacceptable.”
“I think we should scrap that whole plan,” Bennett said.
“Are you serious?”
“Chief, it’s clear we have too many problems. If you want, I’ll step aside, and you can assign someone else to manage the build. I’ve failed you too.”
“Ben, I admire your willingness to take responsibility, but you will be the one to see the project through.”
Kerstin’s insides quivered and her stomach churned in disbelief. Was Bennett actually recommending the chief fire her and scrap her plan? She pushed off her right foot, starting toward the office to confront them, but pivoted to the left and hurried from the complex. “One crisis at a time,” she mumbled as she made her way back to her car. She couldn’t face Bennett right now without totally losing control. Her career and her future depended on her meeting with Leonard. She had to hold it together.
Bennett had betrayed her, again—just like her denial of their feelings years ago and her disagreement with Kerstin at the full committee meeting. This time Bennett had denied her for the sake of her own career. She reviewed the conversation she’d overheard. Did she misunderstand? She should’ve gotten clarification, like any logical professional would, but her insecurities had kicked in. She doubted Bennett’s sincerity, her love, and her loyalty, and retreated to the familiar. She’d repeated what she’d done years ago: left Bennett without a good-bye or an explanation.
Kerstin raced to the airport, bought a ticket for the next flight out, and boarded seconds before the doors closed. She settled in her seat and pressed her cheek against the cold window, needing something concrete. Pain burrowed deep, shredding muscle and bone and leaving her bleeding. She brushed away tears before they fell, denying her grief. Her warm feelings for Bennett chilled with each mile between them, and her disbelief morphed into something more sustainable—anger—at what she’d heard, at life, but mostly at herself.
She got off the plane in New York and saw that Bennett had called six times and left three voice-mail messages. She erased them without listening on her way to the penthouse, unable to confront Bennett’s feelings or her own. Dinner passed with rote conversatio
n about her trip and Elizabeth’s continued progress. After coffee, Elizabeth insisted on going to the building’s ground-floor gym by herself, and a mixture of amazement and pride made Kerstin smile as she waved good-bye.
“She’s been working out alone for the past two weeks. She’s determined to be completely independent again,” Valerie said.
“When hasn’t she been? Is she okay, really?”
“She’s impressive. She still has a few memory challenges, but she does the exercises several times a day and is improving. She uses her notebook for reminders and isn’t embarrassed about it anymore.”
“Very good news.” Her mother’s successful recovery gave Kerstin more courage than she’d had in years. If her mother could overcome her debilitating physical challenges, Kerstin could certainly face her boss…and maybe even her emotional fears. She fidgeted with the hem of her blouse, her mind shifting to Bennett, hundreds of miles away.
“You barely spoke during dinner. Woman trouble?”
“Every kind of trouble. The chief of police lost confidence in my work and is replacing me. Leonard Parrish will probably fire me tomorrow. The federal government may criminally indict me. And Bennett threw me under the bus after saying she loved me. If any of the first three things happens, my career is over, forget my own firm and caring for Mother.”
“Wait. Back up a second. Bennett said she loves you?”
“Yes, but you’re missing the point.”
“I don’t think so. You’ve faced more serious work issues with far less anxiety. You’re more upset about Bennett.”
“Ridiculous, Val. Focus. I could go to federal prison.”
“How do you feel about Bennett?”
“Seriously? I don’t have time to dissect my love life.”
“So, you love her?”
The question stopped Kerstin’s spiral further down a doom-ridden track. “No. I mean possibly. I have no idea. I’m angry because she sold me out…I think.” Damn. Valerie was right. Her feelings were totally out of proportion for only work.
“You think she sold you out? You’re not sure?”
“I overheard part of a conversation and—”
“You didn’t overreact? That would certainly be out of character.”
Kerstin nodded and dropped her head. “What am I going to do?”
“Have you told her how you feel?”
Valerie slid an arm around Kerstin’s shoulder, and she fought the urge to cry. “No.” The word was barely audible. She’d only told Bennett she had feelings for her, not that she loved her. What a coward. “I can’t deal with this right now. I have to prep for my meeting with Leonard.” She rose quickly and escaped to her old bedroom feeling very much like the lost child who’d occupied it years ago.
* * *
Bennett glanced at her cell phone again—still nothing after ten hours. An off-duty officer working at the airport confirmed that Kerstin had taken a morning flight to New York. Bennett shifted in her seat, her small office growing more claustrophobic by the minute.
Jazz waved a heavy stack of papers at her. “Should we put this off until later?”
“What?”
“CompStat? Tomorrow? The chief drilling us about crime stats? Ring any bells?”
“Sorry, Jazz. Guess I’m distracted.”
“Want to talk about it? The it being Kerstin Anthony, I’m sure.”
Kerstin’s departure was reminiscent of seventeen years ago, but this time she knew Bennett loved her and she had still left. “One minute we’re planning breakfast, and the next she stands me up. I feel like a circus punk.”
“What the hell is a circus punk?”
“Those stuffed toys with weighted bottoms we threw balls at to win a prize. That’s how I feel, up and down, over and over. I told her I’m in love with her, and we talked about working things out.”
“You’re in love?”
“Surely that’s not a surprise to you, the good twin.” Bennett smiled and told Jazz about the conversation at the lake and her hopes for the future. “I have no idea what happened this morning to change her mind. She hasn’t returned any of my calls.”
“Congrats on finally saying the words, a first for you, if memory serves.” Jazz paused in her casual but intentional way of letting things sink in. “Probably the last thing you want to hear, but my advice on the subject is the same as the first time we talked. Be patient and wait for her to come to you.”
“You’re right. Your advice sucks. We were so close two days ago. Maybe I was too honest and she felt trapped. Someone gets too close, and she runs. I want to find out what happened and fix it.”
“What if you can’t? What if her leaving has nothing to do with you?”
“I’m sure it does. And if I can’t figure out what happened and make it right, then…”
“Finish your sentence, because that thought is part of the problem.”
Could she admit the insecurity plaguing her, making her feel unfinished and weak? She swallowed hard against rising emotions. “I’m not…enough for her…again.”
Jazz walked around Bennett’s desk and perched on the corner, waiting for her to look up. “Which has nothing to do with Kerstin, but you can change.”
Bennett eventually met her sister’s gaze and saw only love and concern. “How did you get so smart?”
“We’re twins separated at birth, remember? I know you. And all the money Mama and Pa spent for therapy after they adopted me is probably paying off too.” Jazz gripped her shoulder and held it for a few seconds longer than her customary squeeze. “I love you, sis.”
“Ditto.” Bennett shoved aside the papers in front of her. “I’ll worry about CompStat tomorrow. If I don’t know what’s happening in our district, you do. Let’s go home for dinner.”
“What about Kerstin?”
As they walked to the parking lot, Bennett said, “I wait and let her make the next move. I’ve offered her all of me, and I’ll either be enough for her or I won’t. But, by damn, I will still be enough for myself.”
Chapter Twenty-four
Kerstin woke acutely aware of a new sensation, the loneliness of separation from the one she loved. Love. The word rolled around in her mind and then sifted lower, settling in every part of her, perfect and absolute. After her chat with Valerie last evening, she’d wrestled with the concept. In the light of a new day, all of her confusion and struggling with feelings finally boiled down to the same conclusion. Emotionally or logically, the answer remained the same. She was in love with Bennett Carlyle.
She started dialing Bennett’s number but stopped. Bennett was special, made her feel special and want things like a relationship and family, things she hadn’t considered possible. Bennett was worth fighting for, but Kerstin couldn’t tell her over the phone or even apologize for her very bad behavior. Bennett deserved to hear her words in person, and she wanted to deliver them eye-to-eye with the woman she loved. If Kerstin was lucky, she’d get another chance, but she had to get her life in order. And the first order of business was Leonard Parrish.
She stared at her reflection in the subway-car window. The charcoal pinstriped suit highlighted her blond hair, and the blue silk blouse accented the clarity of her eyes. She exuded professionalism and confidence, but her looks belied the nervousness of pending battle. She’d dreamed of her father’s parting advice. “Have the courage to fight for what you want.” Strange advice from a man who hadn’t fought for his family; but domestic life never seemed to suit him. She finally understood her father, to a point, because she hadn’t found anything worth fighting for or that she couldn’t live without either, until now.
Leonard Parrish sprawled behind his oversized desk and glared as she entered his office. The few hairs still on his head were slicked back with perspiration, as if he’d already swiped his pudgy hand over them several times. “You keep showing up here in the middle of the week when you should be on site earning me money.”
Kerstin squared her shoulders, reached into
her bag for her report, and tapped the record feature on her phone. “I’ve uncovered a problem, a big one.” A flash of panic crossed Leonard’s face. He wasn’t surprised about the wiring. “Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His face flushed, further confirming her suspicions.
“Then you won’t mind if I share this information with the building committee and our contact at the Department of Justice. We need to find out who’s behind these civil and criminal violations.” She had his attention and went for the kill. “Discrepancies such as these reflect poorly on Parrish Designs and could put you out of business entirely.” She’d already faxed her findings to the chief’s office, along with an apology and her resignation from the project. He could direct the investigation into the criminal aspects of the situation.
Leonard jumped from his seat. “Wait a minute. We don’t need to inform anyone about anything. A little tweak in the cost of wiring is no big deal. Everybody does it.”
“I don’t.” Now she was certain he’d either directed Gilbert to use the substandard supplies or at least been complicit.
“Because you’re perfect.” Leonard’s face was so red she feared he might have a stroke.
“No, because I have integrity and want my work to be above reproach. Reputation is everything, but you’ve effectively destroyed Parrish Designs with your greed and deception.”
“I don’t need you preaching to me about ethics.”
“You’re right. It’s too late for that lesson.”
He pointed toward the door. “Get out and don’t bother coming back.”
Her legs trembled, her first instinct to escape, but this was her chance to right so many wrongs and to stand firm like she had failed to in the past. “Not until we reach an agreement.”
“Agreement about what?”