She had friends who had gone through hurts like this but never her. She stayed above it all. She told herself she was somehow closer to God because she was Charlotte Anne Livingston. Everybody expected her to be a good girl, so of course, she was.
Didn’t she deserve some kind of reward? A special dispensation for having gone through the loss of her father, her mom’s blindness, and now, this?
She didn’t ask for much. Peace, quiet, a family of her own and maybe a little excitement in her life. The good kind, not this kind.
Then she thought about Rance. What was he going through right now? He felt betrayed on so many levels. A family that wasn’t his own. A brother in prison for stealing and drugs. What if Rance had an addictive personality too? What if he not only drank but did drugs, and she hadn’t found out yet?
She wanted to help, but this? This was too much. No. She couldn’t deal with this. It was over between them, and when he came back, if he came back, she would tell him.
When Phil knocked, Rance was waiting. He opened the door, his face revealing the penitence and sorrow he felt.
“Hi, Phil. Thanks for coming.”
“What happened?” Phil’s face was red. He was angry and a little out of breath.
“I thought I could handle it.” Rance sat on the end of his bed, his hands in his hair as he leaned his elbows on his knees. “I’m not like this.”
“I didn’t think so. None of the background checks indicated any kind of alcohol or substance abuse.”
“Don’t worry, it won’t happen again. Having fun is one thing but being out of control is another.”
“What do you mean?”
He looked at the older man soberly. “I called Charly.”
“Girlfriend?”
Rance nodded. “At least she was.”
“I see.” Phil handed him a large cup of coffee from the coffee shop down the street. “Drink it.”
“I think I’ve pretty well sobered up, but I’ll drink it anyway.” He took off the lid and blew on the hot liquid, then took a swig, grimacing at the heat. “I messed up, Phil.”
“Hopefully not so much you can’t fix it. The girlfriend is not our problem right now. We need to get to the bottom of why you went on a bender.”
“I wouldn’t call it a bender exactly.”
“What would you call it?”
Rance paused. His experience with alcohol had been limited. “I guess, for me, it was a bender.”
“Thanks for admitting it.”
“It’s not as if I’ve never had anything to drink, but I never had much. My mom was scared to death of alcohol, and my dad never drank because he saw how it affected people in his job as a parole officer.”
“What about college?”
“In high school and college I drank enough to get by and not get ribbed, and in med school I was too busy and tired to fool with it, so it wasn’t an issue.”
“Too much time on your hands today?”
“Too much time to think, more likely.”
Phil pulled a chair over and sat across from him. He took a deep breath and looked at him closely. “I guess I’m not your typical head-hunter. When I take on a kid such as yourself for a job, I want you to be someone I can vouch for. Someone the company hiring can count on. I’ve had a few young folks who admitted to a little issue here and there, and I’m not here to judge. I think you can do better.”
“Why?” Rance furrowed his brows and looked at the older man.
“Why?” Phil looked at him plainly. “Because I see something in you.”
“Right.” He still frowned and shook his head in confusion.
“I see potential. Whether or not you get this job, I feel led to help you find something. Not sure what it is yet, but there’s something missing in your life.”
Rance looked down. Phil was right. There was something missing. He’d always known it. His family? His brother? Purpose? One special girl for all time? What was it?
“I think you’re searching for something and not finding it.”
Rance jerked his head up. “Why do you say that?”
“Because sometimes I look at you, and there’s a lost boy looking back. You’ve got it all, but something’s missing, and I think it’s right there.” Phil pointed to the area of his heart. “Until you figure that out, there will always be a piece of you that is lost.”
Rance grabbed his suitcase and closed the door quietly behind him. His flight was in two hours. Plenty of time to get checked in and wait. Waiting, thinking. This seemed to be his life these days.
The Thursday morning interview with the board of directors of the hospital went as well as expected, considering Rance had more on his mind than simply getting a job. Like getting a job at a major hospital was simple.
He loved medicine. He had known medicine was his pick from the time he could think about a career. Everything about it fascinated him. The idea of helping people came first, and then the idea of status didn't hurt.
Phil was in the lobby waiting for him.
“Ready to roll?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
This was his shot. Nashville was in his top five cities he would consider for his first practice. He hoped he hadn’t messed it up completely.
His phone buzzed with a voice mail in his pocket. He’d missed Dr. Hobgood’s call.
“Let me get this, Phil, it may be important.”
“Sure. I’ll be in the car out front.”
“Be right there.”
Rance, Clay Hobgood here. Wanted to let you know that Clifton Watson has taken a turn for the worse. Give me a call when you get back to town.
He stared at the phone then at the car waiting outside the revolving doors. It would have to wait. He needed more time.
He loaded his suitcase in the back seat and got in beside Phil.
“Everything okay?”
“Not really. There’s a situation I have to make a decision about, and faster than I wanted to.”
“Not the girlfriend, I take it?”
Rance gave him a half-smile. “No, I may have made that decision the other night. The ball’s in her court, now.”
He nodded. “Rance, are you a praying man?”
Where did that come from? Had he given any indication he would be open to anything relating to prayer or to God, even?
“No, sir, I’m not.”
“That’s a shame. When I can’t tell which way is up, I go to God. I’m not sure where I’d be without Him. Probably divorced, sick, and passed out somewhere.”
Rance looked straight ahead. “I don’t think I’m so far gone, Phil.”
Phil didn’t say anything for a few minutes. He was maneuvering downtown traffic, getting to the on-ramp to I-40 toward the airport. “When I was your age, I wasn’t either, but a few mis-steps threw me for a loop, and I crashed. Believe me, when you’ve never failed at anything, and it all comes down around you, it’s a big fall.”
“Sorry you had to go through that.” Was this guy a mind-reader? Was he on an episode of Highway to Heaven?
“Ha! I’m not.”
Rance looked at the side of Phil’s face as he drove, not understanding the smile residing there after what he had told him.
“If I hadn’t hit bottom, I wouldn’t be here.”
“What if you’d kept going down?”
“Wasn’t anywhere further down to go. I was ready to make a deal with the devil, so to speak, but God wouldn’t let me.”
“How’s that?”
“Every time I tried to go a certain direction, I was blocked. I’d try to go ‘round, still blocked. Finally, I gave up. I went in a bar to hear a new ‘up and coming’ band. I just wanted to get drunk or, more likely, stay drunk. Funny thing was, it wasn’t a bar anymore. It was a mission. All they had was coffee and sweet iced tea. By the time I left, I was sober as a judge and wanted to sign this group with a record label. The group ended the set with––”
“Let me guess. ‘Amazing Grace?
’”
They were at a stop light, and Phil looked over at Rance and laughed.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“I’ve had it. I don’t have to deal with this, and I’m not going to.” Charly had ended her rant to Lydia, finally spilling everything.
“He actually drunk-dialed you? Wow. I’ve had that happen before.”
“Really? When? Where was I?” Charly looked at Lydia as if she’d grown two heads.
She shrugged. “It was while we were at CCU. A guy in my art classes was in my study group for a general education class, and I had no idea he had a crush on me. He had my number for study group, and one night he tied one on with a few buddies and had to prove to them he had a girlfriend.”
“You never told me.”
“Because it didn’t matter. I wasn’t his girlfriend and he knew it, but I helped him save face with his friends.”
“That’s terrible. What did you say to him when you saw him?”
Lydia laughed. “Oh, I told him he’d better not ever do it again, and furthermore he’d better not ever get in such a shape again because I would be watching him, and Jesus was too. He’s now married, has two kids, and is attending seminary in Winston-Salem.”
It felt good to laugh. She hadn’t spoken to anyone about the phone call, and she needed to share it with someone.
“He told me he was sorry, and I deserved better than him.” Those stupid tears were back. “Oh, Lydia, what am I going to do?”
Lydia shrugged. “Pray. It’s all you can do right now.”
“I have been, but it seems as if I should be able to do something, you know?”
“Quit your pouting. Pray, and then listen. Remember the verse, ‘be still and know that I am God?’ The main part is the ‘be still’ part. Let Him work on it, and you leave it to Him.”
Another trip to Mount Pleasant wasn’t on Emma’s list for the week, but wedding plan changes wait for no one. She was adding to her list and wanted to look at some new tablecloths she’d seen on their website.
She sighed as she drove into the parking lot right behind a pickup truck and trailer.
Rafe Jernigan. What were the odds of them meeting at the same place twice, in neither of their places of residence?
He was smiling when she got out of the van.
“Hello again, Emmaline.”
“Rafe, fancy meeting you here.” She laughed and felt herself blush.
“Came to pick up my dad’s mower.”
“Tablecloths for me, and I'm bringing an extra chair back.”
“Let me get it for you.”
“Thanks. Your vacation almost over?”
“Yeah, I’ll be heading back to Columbia in a few days. It’s been nice to spend the time with the folks, though. They’re not getting any younger.”
“Neither are we.” She chuckled.
“Hey, now, speak for yourself.” He lifted an eyebrow. “We’re not a day over twenty-nine, are we?” He winked.
“I wish. Just turned the big four-O.” She shook her head. “Time gets away.”
He carried the chair to the door, stopping before entering the establishment. “A mere child.” He paused and smiled at her. “I know we haven’t known one another long . . .”
“Seems like a long time.” She smiled gently, pushing a stray auburn curl behind her ear. He was going to ask her out. She could feel it.
He raised an eyebrow. He was quite good-looking in a mature, red-head sort of way. Nothing like Daniel. His green eyes sparkled with energy. Where had this energy taken him, in the past?
“It does, doesn’t it?”
She nodded, mesmerized by his gaze, until he looked away, breaking eye contact.
“Emmaline, would you consider having dinner with me? This weekend?”
The wedding at Atalaya was this weekend, Pilot Oaks the next. Her face fell.
“I’ll be working.”
“Working? Oh, you have a wedding.”
She nodded and shrugged. “It’s my bread and butter.”
He gazed into her face. “Would you like a wedding date?”
“Really?” Her face must have betrayed her surprise, because he laughed.
“Yes, really. I’d like to get to know you, Emmaline.”
Her lips curved up in a grin. “I think I’d like to get to know you, too, Rafe.”
When Rance landed in Charleston, he considered a couple of options. Go straight back to Georgetown and try to fix things with Charly or go by his mom’s house and try to learn more about his beginnings.
He decided to do neither. At least not now. When the choice came to go north to Georgetown or Charleston, or go south to Ridgeland, where Sam Watson was being held, he knew what the choice had to be. He went south.
As he drove through the checkpoints of the correctional institute, he noted the high fences with barbed wire on the top and the men with rifles in the turrets surrounding the property. His brother was here, and beyond the fact that he had never thought he had a brother, the idea he was in prison hurt.
He waited in the visitation room once again, watching as prisoners were escorted in and out. He looked at the visitors. There were wives, girlfriends, and parents. Some were children. Some, like him, might be siblings.
When Sam came out, he was carrying something, and when he saw Rance sitting there, he was surprised. “Hey! I thought it was Tom visiting me today.”
“Tom?”
“Tom Livingston. He comes every other week pretty much, and we do a Bible study together.”
“I’ve met Tom. He’s a great guy.”
“I’ll admit I wasn’t his biggest fan when he helped put me in here, but God has a way of changing our outlook doesn’t He?”
Rance stared at his brother. He didn’t know him. All he knew was what he had found online, about his arrest and subsequent conviction, and now his incarceration.
“Can you tell me about our father? About you? I’ve missed out on an entire part of my life, and I’m trying to fill in the blanks.”
Sam looked at him sadly and then spoke. “First, tell me about Mom.”
He should have led with that. Here he was feeling gypped for not knowing about his family, and Sam had been deserted by his mother, the one person you should be able to count on.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been pretty selfish, haven’t I?”
“No, I understand.” Sam held his hand up to stop Rance when he would have spoken. “I do. You’ve had a freight train run over you with information you never knew existed.”
“Well, you’ve had a semi-trailer-truck, then.” Rance growled out the words and then grinned.
Sam smirked. Was that a mist of tears? “You sounded like Dad just then.”
“Nice.”
“What’s she like?”
“Mom? You know I’ve never had to describe her before. She’s always been there for me, as far as I knew. She worries a lot, but I tried her patience, I’m sure. I ‘live life to the fullest,’ she likes to say, which means I was up for any daredevil stunt anybody suggested.”
“Sounds like we would have had fun together.”
“I imagine we would have.” Rance nodded sadly. “I guess that’s what makes me angry. We never had any say in all this.”
“God’s got a plan. He’s in control.”
“Clifton––er, our dad said the same thing.”
“It’s a fact.”
“How do you know?” Rance still wasn’t convinced. Those people at Calvary Church. They didn’t seem particularly special. They welcomed him, were nice to him. Wasn’t being nice part and parcel of being a good person?
“Because of where I was and where I am now.”
“Explain. I mean, look around. Before, you were free. Now, you’re in jail.”
Sam laughed out loud. “Man, I was so not free when I got here. I was mad at the world. I was mad at Dad, I had been mad at Mom so long it became part of who I was. I tried to frame Tom Livingston for stealing money so I could buy drugs. How low d
o you have to be to do such a thing? I was crazy when I got here.”
“What about Jared Benton? What did he have to do with any of this?” It still wasn’t making sense to him.
“Wow.” Sam raked his hands over his face. “That’s a tough one. I started drinking and doing drugs in high school. I started dating this girl I knew had a college boyfriend, but she was lonely, and pretty hot, so I didn’t think about it as being wrong. One thing led to another, and one night I came in and she told me she was pregnant. She was afraid to tell her parents. I felt trapped, angry, and I hit her.” He looked up at his brother. “I’m not proud of it. I got mad at Jared because he wasn’t here. I didn’t even know him, and I hated him. If he’d been here, it wouldn’t have happened. Or maybe it would have. I don’t know.” He shrugged, shaking his head.
“What happened?”
Sam let out a deep breath. “Jared took care of her. He was driving her to Charleston to stay with friends when he had a wreck on a rain-slick road. She didn’t make it, and he ended up with a concussion. Her parents blamed Jared for the wreck and for her pregnancy, which wasn’t on him. He took the blame for over ten years, not knowing who was responsible. I knew, but I never said anything, never took responsibility for my own actions.”
“Why did you go into law enforcement?’
“I didn’t start out to be a cop. I majored in computer science in college and picked up a minor in law enforcement. When I graduated, I didn’t want to work for my dad and grandfather, and there was a job opening with the SCSP. I got it then found out I was good at it. I was still doing drugs, thought I had it under control, and I was successful in my job, until I wasn’t.”
“What happened?”
“It’s more what didn’t happen. I left home, got out on my own, and decided I could become a different person. I did to some extent. It all came creeping back when I came back to Georgetown.”
Rance was stunned at his brother’s story. He never expected to visit a man in prison and come out feeling as if he had been the one to be helped.
As he walked out into the sunshine, he stopped to look up. “Are You there, God?” He was a little startled when he heard a voice answer.
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