by Barb Han
Leaving her husband was no longer the number one priority. Her mother had taken precedence over everything else, despite River’s protests that helping her ill mother took up too much of her time. He’d had similar complaints about her work, but her job had kept her sanity in check while she watched the woman she loved, the woman whose sacrifices were great, dwindle into nothingness.
Makena reached up and ran her finger along the rose gold flower necklace she wore—a final gift from her mother.
Despite River’s protests, Makena remained firm. But with a sick mother who needed almost round-the-clock care in her final months, Makena had been in no position to disappear. And she’d known that was exactly what she had to do, when she walked away from River after his threats.
When Makena looked up, she realized that Colton had been studying her.
“What’s his name?” he asked. Those three words slammed into her. They were so on point it took her back for a second.
She opened her mouth to protest the question, but Colton waved her off before she could get a word out.
“Makena, you don’t have to tell me his name. I’ll leave that up to you. Just don’t lie to me about him existing at all.”
Well, now she really felt bad. She sat there for a long moment and contemplated her next move. Having lived alone for six months after losing her mother, barely saying a word to anyone and focusing on the basest level of survival, she now wanted to open up to someone.
She just wanted to be honest with someone and with herself for a change.
“River.”
She didn’t look up at Colton right then. She wouldn’t be able to bear a look of pity. She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her. It was her mistake. She’d made it. She’d owned it. She would’ve moved on a long time ago if it hadn’t been for her mother’s illness.
“Was he abusive? Did he lay a hand on you?” The seriousness and calmness in Colton’s tone didn’t convey pity at all. It sounded more like compassion and understanding. Two words that were so foreign to her when it came to her relationship with a man.
“No.” She risked a glance at him. “He would’ve. We started off with arguments that escalated. He always took it too far. He’d say the most hurtful things meant to cut me to the quick. I didn’t grow up with a father in the house. So I didn’t know how abnormal that was in a relationship.”
“No one should have to.” There was no judgment in his voice but there was anger.
“Things escalated pretty badly, and one day when we were arguing I stomped into the bedroom. He followed and when I wouldn’t stop, he grabbed my wrist like he was a vise on the tightest notch. He whirled me around so hard that the back of my head smacked against the wall. I was too prideful to let him know how much it hurt. It wasn’t intentional on his part. Not that part. But he immediately balled his fist and reared it back.”
Makena had to breathe slowly in order to continue. Her heart raced at hearing the words spoken aloud that she’d bottled up for so long. Panic tightened her chest.
“What did you do to stop him from hitting you?” Colton’s jaw muscle clenched.
“I looked him dead in the eyes, refusing to buckle or let him know that I was afraid. And then I told him to go ahead and do it. Hit me. But I cautioned him with this. I told him that if he did throw that punch he’d better sleep with one eye open for the rest of his life because we had a fireplace with a fireplace poker and I told him that he would wake up one morning to find it buried right in between his eyes.”
A small smile ghosted Colton’s lips. “Good for you. I bet he thought twice about ever putting a hand on you again.”
“Honestly, I don’t think I could ever hurt another human being unless my life depended on it. But I needed him to believe every word of that. And he did. That was the first and last time he raised a fist to me. But his words were worse in some ways. They cut deep and he tried to keep a tight rein on who I saw and where I went.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Go ahead.” She’d shared a lot more about her situation than she’d ever thought she would with anyone. Part of her needed to talk about it with someone. She’d never told her mom because she didn’t want her to worry.
“Why did you stay?”
“My mom. She was sick for a couple of years and then she passed away.” Makena paused long enough to catch her breath. She tucked her chin to her chest so he wouldn’t see the tears welling in her eyes. “That’s when I left him. Before that, honestly, she needed me to be stable for her. She needed someone to take care of her and she needed to stay with the same doctors. I couldn’t relocate her.” Makena decided not to share the rest of that story. And especially not the part where River had threatened her life if she ever left him. He seemed to catch onto the fact that she’d at the very least been thinking about leaving.
But Makena didn’t want to think about that anymore, and she sure as hell didn’t want to talk about herself. She’d done enough of that for one night. She picked up her coffee and took a sip before turning the tables.
Catching Colton’s gaze, she asked, “How about you? Tell me about your wife.”
“There isn’t much to tell. Rebecca and I were best friends. She lived across the street and we grew up together. Her father is the mayor. We dated in high school and broke up to go to different colleges. Her older sister had married her high school sweetheart and the relationship fell apart in college, so Rebecca was concerned the same thing would happen to us.”
“And what did you think?”
“That I was ready for a break. I looked at our relationship a lot like most people look at religion. When someone grows up in a certain church, it’s all they know. Part of growing up and becoming independent is testing different waters and making certain it’s the right thing for you and not just what’s ingrained. You know?”
“Makes a lot of sense to me.” She nodded.
“Before I committed the rest of my life to someone, I wanted to make damn sure I was making the right call and not acting out of habit. That’s what the break meant to me.”
“Since the two of you married, I’m guessing you realized she was the one.” Why did that make Makena’s heart hurt?
“You could say that. I guess I figured there were worse things than marrying my best friend.”
Makena picked up on the fact that he hadn’t described Rebecca as the love of his life or the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, or said the two of them had realized they were perfect for each other.
“We got married and the twins came soon after. And then almost immediately after, she was hit by a drunk driver on the highway coming home from visiting her sister in Austin. She died instantly. I’d kept the twins home with me that day to give her a break.”
“I’m so sorry, Colton.”
“I rented this apartment after not really wanting to live on the ranch in our home. The place just seemed so empty without her. I go there on my days off with the twins because we still have pictures of her hanging up there and I want the twins to have some memories of growing up in a house surrounded by their mother’s things.”
“Being a single dad must be hard. You seem like you’re doing a really great job with your boys. I bet she’d be really proud of you.”
“It really means a lot to hear you say that. I’d like to think she would be proud. I want to make her proud. She deserved that.” A storm brewed behind his eyes when he spoke about his wife.
“How long were the two of you married?” Makena asked, wanting to know more about his life after college.
“We got married after she told me that she was pregnant.”
Was that the reason he’d said he could’ve done worse than marrying his best friend? Had she gotten pregnant and they’d married? Asking him seemed too personal. If he wanted her to know, he probably would’ve told her by now. The ques
tions seemed off-limits even though they’d both shared more than either of them had probably set out to at the beginning of this conversation.
Despite the boost of caffeine, Makena had never felt more tired. It was probably the rain, which had settled into a steady, driving rhythm, coupled with the fact that she hadn’t really slept since almost running into the pair of men she’d seen with River, not to mention she’d been clipped by an SUV. She bit back another yawn and tried to rally.
“Losing her must’ve been hard for you, Colton. I couldn’t be sorrier that happened. You deserve so much more. You deserved a life together.”
* * *
COLTON HADN’T EXPECTED to talk so much about Rebecca. Words couldn’t describe how much he missed his best friend. There was something about telling their story that eased some of the pain in his chest. He was coming up on a year without her in a few days. And even though theirs hadn’t been an epic love that made his heart race every time she was near, it had been built on friendship. He could’ve done a lot worse.
Being with Makena had woken up his heart and stirred feelings in him that he’d thought were long since dead. In fact, he hadn’t felt this way since meeting her sophomore year. He’d known something different was up the minute he’d seen Makena. Rebecca had texted him that day to see how he was doing and it was the first time he hadn’t responded right away.
Rebecca had picked up on the reason. Hell, there were times when he could’ve sworn she knew him better than he knew himself.
Being here, with Makena, felt right on so many levels. It eased some of the ache of losing his best friend. Not that his feelings for Makena were anything like his marriage to Rebecca. He and Rebecca were about shared history, loyalty and a promise to have each other’s back until the very end.
Colton felt a lot of pride in following through on his promise. He’d had Rebecca’s back. He’d always have her back. And in bringing up the twins, he was given an opportunity to prove his loyalty to his best friend every day. Those boys looked like their mother and reminded him of her in so many ways. A piece of her, a very large piece, would always be with him.
He reminded himself of the fact every day.
Right now, his focus was on making certain the residents in his county were safe and that fearful look that showed up on Makena’s face every once in a while for the briefest moment subsided. She’d opened up to him about living with a verbally abusive ex. Colton had a lot of experience with domestic situations. More than he cared to. He’d seen firsthand the collateral damage from relationships that became abusive and felt boiling hot anger run through his veins.
He flexed and released his fingers to try to ease out some of the tension building in him at the thought of Makena in a similar predicament. He’d also witnessed the hold an abusive spouse could have over the other person. Men tended to be the more physically aggressive, although there were times when he saw abuse the other way around. Women tended to use verbal assaults to break a partner down. He’d seen that, too. Except that the law didn’t provide for abuse that couldn’t be seen.
Texas law protected against bruises and bloody noses, ignoring the fact that verbal abuse could rank right up there in damage. The mental toll was enormous. Studying Makena now and knowing what she’d been like in the past, he couldn’t imagine her living like that.
“How long were you married?” he asked.
“Nine years.” The shock of that sat with him for a long minute as he took another sip of fresh brew.
“Was your mother the only reason you stayed?” he asked.
“Honestly?”
He nodded.
“Yes. She got sick and couldn’t seem to shake it. I took her to a doctor and then a specialist, and then another specialist. By the time they figured out what was wrong with her, she had a stroke. It was too late to save her.” She ran her finger along the rim of her coffee cup.
The look of loss on Makena’s face when she spoke about her mother was a gut punch. She didn’t have that same look when she talked about her ex. With him, there was sometimes a flash of fear and most definitely defiance. Her chin would jut out and resolve would darken her features.
“I miss her every day,” she admitted.
Since the words I’m sorry seemed to fall short, he set his coffee down and pushed up to standing. He took the couple of steps to the other couch and sat beside her. Taking her hand in his, he hoped to convey his sympathy for the loss of her mother.
“She’s the reason that I got to go to college. She, and a very determined college counselor. It was just me and my mom for so long. She sacrificed everything for me.”
“Your mother sounds like an incredible person.”
“She was.” Makena ducked her head down, chin to chest, and he realized she was hiding the fact that a tear had rolled down her face.
“I can imagine how difficult it was for her to bring you up alone. There are days when I feel like my butt is being kicked bringing up my boys. Without my family by my side, I don’t even see how it’s possible to do it. I don’t know what I’d do without my tribe and their help.”
“Whoever said it takes a village to bring up a child was right. We just had two people in ours and it was always just kind of us against the world. It wasn’t all bad. I mean, I didn’t even realize how many sacrifices my mom made for me until I was grown and had my first real job out of college. Then I started realizing how expensive things were and how much she covered. I saw what it took to get by financially. She didn’t have a college education and insisted that I get one. She worked long hours to make sure that it could happen without me going into a ridiculous amount of debt. I never told her when I had to take out student loans because I wanted her to feel like she was able to do it all.”
“It sounds like you gave her a remarkable gift. Again, I can only compare it to my boys but I also know that I want to give them the world just like I’m sure your mom wanted to with you. The fact that she was able to do as much as she did with very little resources and no support is nothing short of a miracle. It blows me away.”
He paused long enough for her to lift her gaze up to meet his, and when it did, that jolt of electricity coursed through him.
“It’s easy to see where you get your strength from now.” Colton was rewarded with a smile that sent warmth spiraling through him before zeroing in on his heart.
“Colton...” Whatever Makena was about to say seemed to die on her lips.
“For what it’s worth, you deserve better, with what you got from your marriage and the loss of your mother so young,” he said.
She squeezed his arm in a move that was probably meant to be reassuring but sent another charge jolting through him, lighting up his senses and making him even more aware of her. This close, he breathed in her unique scent, roses in spring. The mood changed from sadness and sharing to awareness—awareness of her pulse pounding at the base of her throat, awareness of the chemistry that was impossible to ignore.
He reached up and brushed the backs of his fingers against her cheek and then her jawline. She took hold of his forearm and then pulled him closer, their gazes locked the entire time.
When she tugged him so close, their lips were inches apart, and his tongue darted across his lips. He could only imagine how incredible she would taste. A moment of caution settled over him as his pulse skyrocketed. His caution had nothing to do with how badly he wanted to close the distance between them and everything to do with a stab of guilt. It was impossible not to feel like he was betraying Rebecca in some small measure, especially since his feelings for Makena were a runaway train.
He reminded himself that his wife was gone and had been for almost a year. It was a long time since he’d been with someone other than her, and that would mess with anyone’s mind. Not to mention the fact he hadn’t felt this strong an attraction to anyone. In fact, the last time he had was with the woman whose li
ps were inches from his.
Makena brought her hands up to touch his face, silently urging him to close that gap.
Colton closed his eyes and breathed in her flowery scent. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. Hers were delicate and soft despite the fiery and confident woman behind them.
All logic and reason flew out the window the second their mouths fused. He drove the tip of his tongue inside her mouth. She tasted like sweet coffee. Normally, he took his black. Sweet was his new favorite flavor.
Makena moved toward him and broke into the moment with a wince. She pulled back. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He wanted to offer more reassurance than that but couldn’t find the right words. Either way, this was just the shot of reality that he needed before he let things get out of hand. Doing any of this with her right now was the worst of bad ideas.
They were two broken souls connecting and that was it. So why did the sentiment feel hollow? Why did his mind try to argue the opposite? Why did it insist these feelings were very real? The attraction was different? And it was still very much alive between them?
“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he finally said.
“You couldn’t have. It was my fault. I got a little carried away.” Her breathing was raspy, much like his own.
He’d never experienced going from zero to one hundred miles an hour from what started as a slow burn. Don’t get him wrong, he’d experienced great sex. This was somehow different. The draw toward Makena was sun to earth.
Colton was certain of one thing. Sex with Makena would be mind-blowing and a game changer. With her hip in the condition it was, there was no threat it was going to happen anytime soon. That shouldn’t make his chest deflate like someone had just let the air out of a balloon. He chalked it up to the lack of sex in his life and, even more than that, the lack of companionship.