by Tim Ferguson
The truth is, even Shakespeare wrote some crap plays. Coriolanus for one has me reaching for the red pen. Writing comedy is as much about what you cut as what you write. In fact, cutting is the comedy writer’s primary skill. No idea is beyond cutting. Besides, you’re creative. There’s always another idea around the corner.
So, don’t get attached to your baby. It must live in the shadow of the axe. You must be prepared to hack off a line, a scene, a character or even an entire draft at any stage in the process.
Ernest Hemingway said, ‘The first draft of anything is shit’. So, don’t be too quick to say, ‘It’s ready’. Before you present a first draft to anyone, give yourself time to climb off the cloud of catharsis finishing the draft brings. Too often, a writer will present a first draft to a producer before the spell-check has finished. Put the draft in a drawer for a week, then read it again. Its lack of structure, style and clarity will horrify you. And it will seem as funny as Anna Karenina’s teenage poetry.
The demands of comedy cannot be avoided, denied or ignored. A script is funny or it isn’t. It appeals to its intended audience or it doesn’t. There are no grey areas.
The risks in writing comedy are greater than that of drama. In drama, if the writing is bad, the audience goes to sleep. In comedy, if the script is bad, the audience gets angry.
Learn to look at your script the way a surgeon looks at a patient on the operating table. Don’t make the mistake of imagining you are the patient, that your sense of humour is under the knife. It’s not personal—it’s business. Cut, cut, cut.
Chapter Seven:
Selling a Sitcom
PHONE: You’ve reached Fox. If you’re pitching a show where gold-digging skanks get what’s coming to them, press 1. If you’re pitching a ri p-off of another network’s reality show, press 2. Please stay on the line—your half-baked ideas are all we’ve got.
—The Simpsons (‘There’s Something About Marrying’ by J. Stewart Burns)
To get your show made, you’ll have to approach a production company or television network. Networks tend to outsource the production of most of their comedy and drama shows, so for most writers a production company is generally the first option.
Whichever path you choose, the basic selling document for your concept is the ‘series bible’. You may also wish to write a sample episode or segment from the show. If you have the skills and resources, you might also shoot a sample or ‘pilot’ episode or segment. And, finally, you pitch.
The Series Bible
A sitcom ‘series bible’ is, in essence, the best possible summary of the series in development. The bible should give a producer or network executive a clear understanding of the identity of the series, its intended audience, the characters and basic conflicts, and its creative potential.
A bible should be a stand-alone document. It may be passed to various departments (production, programming) and you won’t be there to explain or clarify it. The potential for ongoing stories and character development should be clear.
Try to write the document in a style that captures the flavour of the series. This will make it more readable while also hinting at the show’s sensibility.
Standard components of a bible:
1. THE COVER PAGE.
This should include the series name, logline, writer’s details and copyright ownership. The logline is a one- or two-line pitch. The shorter the better. Forexample:
BOB and BARBARA
The Ropers meets War of the Roses.
© Beryl Barkly, 2007.
c/- BandB Management P/L
88 Barnaby Street
Bendigo VIC 3341
Australia
PH: (+61) 03–9999 8888
E-mail: [email protected]
2. THE ONE-PAGE SUMMARY.
This should include:
The ideal timeslot, series length, episode length and frequency (generally nightly or weekly).
The series sub-genre (domestic comedy, farce, satire etc).
The demographic most likely to watch the series. (The two major adult demographics networks aim for are ages 16–39 and 25–54.)
The primary shooting location (‘studio-based’, an actual location, or a mix of the two).
This should be followed by a paragraph (100–150 words) describing the story premise. It should include:
The series’ main setting (the story locale as opposed to the real-world location above).
The major characters or group of characters (e.g. ‘the Benson family’) around whom the action revolves.
The ongoing conflicts that will drive the main action.
The series’theme.
Below that, a paragraph (100–150 words) describing the essential qualities of the series. This should include:
Points of difference with other series built around similar subject matter. (What is new about the style, setting and characters of your series? If the series takes place in a common setting, for example a family home, say how the perspective of the series is new and fresh. A ‘Points of Difference’ heading may be appropriate.
The shooting style, if this is distinctive.
The conflicts, themes and other qualities that will appeal to its target audience.
For example:
BOB and BARBARA
A 13-part half-hour weekly sitcom aimed at the 25–54 demographic in the 9 p.m. Friday timeslot.The series is shot on location.
Bob and Barbara both have two failed marriages behind them—with each other. Now it’s third-time lucky for this pair of real estate agents. Bob’s a buffoon, Barbara’s a battle-axe. They’ve vowed to make the marriage work or kill each other trying.
Bob and Barbara takes a fresh look at how professional and personal competition causes conflict in a modern marriage. Shot in a junky hand-held style, it brings to life the fast-paced messiness of a modern marriage. The show’s themes of love and rivalry, with a sprinkling of sex, will appeal to its adult audience.
3. MAJOR CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS
These are short descriptions (no more than 100 words) of each major character. They shouldinclude:
Their characterisation (their social role, e.g. ‘mother’, ‘detective’, ‘failed astronaut’, ‘Olympic hopeful’).
Their motivating desire. (One desire is ideal in this section of the document. Two is acceptable for a central character, provided they are clearly incompatible. Three is too many, even for a character who’s out of their mind.)
Their unconscious need. What do they need to learn, gain or overcome?
The chief character flaw that condemns them to regular conflict (e.g. ‘a man whose determination blinds him to the feelings of others’, ‘a failure whose bitterness at the world has inspired a path of vengeance’, ‘a doe-eyed sweetheart whose naïve choices pave the road to Hell’).
For example:
CHARACTERS
BOB: Bob Barrett is a well-meaning but clumsy real estate agent working for a shifty agency in Toorak. What he lacks in ability he makes up for in get-up-and-go. He loves his wife Barbara, knowing he’d be lost without her guiding hand. Bob wants success but after years of knockbacks and pussy whipping he’s lost faith in himself. If Bob can overcome his meekness and self-doubt he’ll take command of his life and become an equal to Barbara at last.
BARBARA: Barbara Barrett is Bob’s wife and business partner. Ambitious and forceful, she hates losing anything—especially her husband. She loves Bob for his good heart but is maddened by his inability to focus and reach his full potential. A thin-skinned control-freak, Barbara often goes overboard in asserting herself. What she won’t admit is that her dominant nature masks a fear that she is unworthy of her successes. She needs to take a good look at herself or risk alienating the only man who has ever truly loved her.
4. THE EPISODE SYNOPSES
For a series of more than ten parts it is not necessary to do a synopsis for every episode, however there should be at least six. Each should be:
A single p
aragraph outlining the premise and developing conflict in the episode.
Written in the present tense.
50–150 words and open-ended if the stories are self-contained (e.g. ‘Bob and Barbara must race to get the toothpaste back in the tube …’)
Up to 500 words and complete if serial (ongoing) story elements predominate, or if the structure or story is unusual in some way.
Free of dialogue. Fragments are okay if they are the most succinct way to encapsulate a scene, but even then a single line is preferable to an exchange between characters.
Named or numbered. Episode names are not compulsory; you may simply number each episode.
For example:
Ep 1 : The Eye of the Beholder
Bob and Barbara arrive home from their third honeymoon to find Bob’s mother waiting for them. She holds a ‘Bob + 1’ invitation to a gala ball. Who will Bob take to the ball? To put it another way, who is he more eager to please?
5. A ONE-PAGE CURRICULUM VITAE FOR EACH MEMBER OF THE WRITING TEAM.
Dos and don’ts
Do:
Keep it concise. Producers and executives are not known for their patience or literary appreciation.
Mention successful precedents for the show. These precedents need not be sitcoms. (A crude but efficient convention is to put two contrasting precedents together to represent the overall thrust of the show, e.g. a series following the adventures of three amateur detective senior citizens might be described as ‘The Golden Girls meets CSI’ or ‘Murder She Wrote meets Seinfeld ’.) Choose these precedents carefully as producers frequently latch onto them when describing the show in a quick pitch to their associates or to executives. Choose one they don’t like and it’s all over.
Where appropriate, use humour.
Remember that some, if not all, of the producers and executives who will deal with your bible will specialise in fields other than sitcom. More likely they’ll be experienced in light entertainment or drama. The ongoing conflict in the series will always be the element most readily grasped.
Don’t:
Go on about how wonderful and hilarious the show is. Producers prefer to make their own appraisals regarding a series’ brilliance and potential for humour.
Use irony or sarcasm! These are easily misconstrued.
Tease. A bible is a working document, aimed at professionals who need a clear summary of the structure and intention of the show. Ambiguity or unanswered questions (e.g. ‘Is Bob truly in love with his wife?’ or ‘Is it all really happening in Bob’s head?’) leave doubt in the reader’s mind as to the show’s identity and the writer’s grasp of the material. (The exceptions, of course, are the episode synopses for which resolutions are not compulsory.)
Include your dream cast in the bible. Actors will say ‘Yes, darling’ to many a speculative job until they actually have to do it, and if they do change their minds their names become an albatross around the neck of your project. Also, producers and executives usually have irrational yet unshakeable views on who is a ratings draw card. If you have profile actors interested in the project, save their names for the verbal pitch. Only include an actor’s name in a bible if your series or a character is specifically based around them, and they’ve given their consent.
Spec Scripts
Short of an actual pilot episode, a ‘spec script’ (a sample episode or excerpt) is the strongest indicator of your show’s identity. If the network is unfamiliar with your work, a spec script can also demonstrate your ability to write narrative comedy.
If they know your work then a spec script is less important than a soundly developed bible.
Shooting a Pilot
Producing a pilot episode or excerpt is the most tangible proof of the show’s qualities. An excerpt can be a closed sketch, with beginning, middle and end, or it might be open-ended, raising the stakes and finishing at a point that leaves the viewer wondering ‘What happens next?’.
The risk is that a poorly executed pilot will not do justice to your show. Pilots are always made on a shoestring and an example that is poorly shot or acted can leave too much to the imagination of the buyers. There’s not much sales technique in saying, ‘Imagine it’s like this, except good!’.
To give a good impression on a low budget, always prioritise the sound quality. Poor vision is forgivable but bad sound (echoing rooms or unclear dialogue) always feels amateur. Use a professional-quality boom or lapel microphones and a trained recordist. Peter Moon and Brendan Luno’s brilliant Australian sitcom Whatever Happened To That Guy? was successfully pitched with a pilot episode shot on a home digi-cam—with professional-quality sound.
If you don’t know anyone with the resources you need, contact a local film society and ask them for the contact details of people who’ve made short films in your region. Short-filmmaking is often a no-budget exercise and such producers often have contacts that are open to donating their time for a worthy cause. The TV and film industry is more open than one might realise—and a good idea will always attract people.
Pitching
‘Pitching’ is the art of selling the right to produce your show to a network or production company.
You may already have a strong relationship with your customers so an informal ‘elevator pitch’, a pitch comprised of a logline and a brief summary of the setting, characters and conflicts that lasts as long as an elevator ride, may be enough. Newcomers will most likely be invited to give a more formal, longer office-based pitch.
Before the pitch, learn as much as you can about the network or production company you’re pitching to. All networks have timeslots they must fill and demographics they must attract. Your pitch should deliver on both fronts. When pitching to a producer, you should select one that has made shows that appeal to you or that aim for the same audience you are targeting. This ensures they are appropriate for your show and vice versa, and you’ll be able to pitch with reference to things they’ve done.
The first step in a pitch is the ‘logline’: one or two sentences that sum up the show in a nutshell (see ‘Cover Page’, ‘The Series Bible’). This will give the listener a handle on the project and shows your understanding of the show’s important elements.
Next, present clear and concise descriptions of the setting, the main characters and central conflicts.
A brief description of one or two episodes will give a sense of the show in action. You may also wish to mention the show’s series arcs (developments in character, cast or the setting that occur throughout the series). For example, in Season Four of Murphy Brown, Murphy has a baby out of wedlock, a life-changing event that alters the focus of the series. On the other hand, your concept may feature no major series arcs at all. Some sitcoms, such as Mother and Son, start afresh each episode with few, if any, significant changes to the characters or setting.
Rather than referring to a document in the meeting, you should have all this material in your head so you can remain focused on the pitch recipient throughout. You don’t need to be word perfect, but you should be fluent when outlining the elements that best describe the show.
Some famous pitches have been driven by simple stunts or props. There’s a famous, perhaps, apocryphal account of the pitch for the movie, Twins. Legend has it that producer and director Ivan Reitman brought photographs of Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger into Universal Studios, pointed at them, said ‘Twins’, and then left. True or not, it shows how a stunt can tantalise its target. If you do go for an audacious or gimmicky pitch, however, make sure you have a more detailed version ready to go so you can provide detail when it’s asked for. Or a couple of A-list movie stars.
Above all, you’ll fare best when you pitch a project that is well developed. Pitching half-baked concepts or scripts can end in a no-sale.
Brace yourself for the fact that your idea is likely to have many siblings. The producer or executive has probably had similar shows pitched to them before. Or shows they feel are similar, even if you don’t. For instance,
a domestic comedy set in a suburban home, or a political satire set in a politician’s office, will both have famous precedents. There are, after all, only three comedy sub-genres : dom-com, farce and satire. It’s possible your concept is a hybrid of some kind that hasn’t been seen before, but the genres themselves are fixed.
That said, it’s possible to come up with a thoroughly original hybrid by drawing upon the dynamics of a dramatic genre. For example, Wilfred is a comedy named after its central antagonist who is a dog, played by a man in a dog costume. But the dog/man is only one trademark feature of the show. It also boasts a genre-hybrid of domestic-comedy and psychological-thriller. All these aspects of Wilfred are original and intriguing, but they’re not compulsory selling points for the show.
The true selling points of any narrative comedy are:
The conflicts within and between characters
The pressures the characters face
The stakes the characters face
Your firm grasp of these points and your plan to exploit them.
In Wilfred’s case, the dog is threatened by his female owner’s new boyfriend and employs ruthless tactics to remain the favourite male in his owner’s life. He constantly threatens her boyfriend with the destruction of the relationship through villainous means. Coupled with the talents of screenwriter/actors Jason Gann and Adam Zwar, it proved to be a fascinating combination of elements the network (SBS) couldn’t resist.
PITCHING RULES OF THUMB
Whether you personally know the producers or executives or are meeting them for the first time, feel free to chat with them for a while before you get into the pitch itself. This keeps the exercise relaxed and informal.
If you’ve never pitched before, feel free to say so. This will make your nerves understandable and forgivable. If you don’t know the answer to something, say so, but make your response positive, e.g. ‘I haven’t considered that question but it’s a good one—I’ll get you an answer asap’. This is not only polite and reasonable, it may buy you another meeting, or at least a discussion. You will have time to consider their question or suggestion and devise an appropriate, clear response.