by Lee Winter
Sid shook his head. “No? How does it feel every morning when you take Bruce for a ride? Every day, you know Mrs. Fenley has that perfect dog you never claimed because you’re so pig-headed.”
How do I feel? Idiotic, but glad Mrs. Fenley loves him, too. “I’m not pig-headed.”
“Then why are you so mad your friends wanted you to have a shot with someone awesome?”
“It’s not that. It’s just you could have butted out and left us to it.”
“And that’d have left you two staring daggers at each other till the clock ran down on Shezan and Alex went home. So sue us for caring enough to throw you together to make you face all that chemistry.”
“And why are you spilling this all now?”
Sid beamed. “Um, we heard your relationship had developments.” He put air quotes around the word.
“For God’s sake, this is not how sane people do things,” Sam protested. “You’re all certifiable.”
“Sam’s right,” Alex agreed, sounding amused. “Certifiably crazy.”
“Good-crazy, though,” Sid suggested cheerfully. “Y’know, Skye said ours was an A-grade plan and that she was an expert at dark arts-level matchmaking.”
Skye offered a sheepish look. “I was sure this was the most genius idea in human history, but in my defense, I may have been on my fourth mojito at the time.”
Sid snorted. “Except you were the most sober one of us.”
“Which wasn’t saying much.” Skye’s expression became somber as she regarded Alex and Sam. “I truly wish the next day we’d all sat down and thought about how it might backfire or hurt you. Instead, I got all caught up in my costume redesigns, and I know Kiri and Bob were flat-out, too, and so we didn’t give it much thought beyond ‘Oh, how lovely if it all comes together.’ Not our most brilliant moment. But we really did mean well. It was for the greater good.”
“Did no one stop to think about how much this cost the movie or the police in lost time?” Alex said.
“Exactly!” Sam glared at Sid.
“It wasn’t supposed to delay production,” Skye said. “I was clear on that from the start. And every incident was chosen for most minimal impact. Well, until things got out of hand.”
Kev snorted. “One word for it.”
Sam gave them both a look more stony than an Easter Island statue. “I’m sorry I can’t see the funny side right now.” She retreated back into the trailer, shutting the door with a bang.
“Give her time,” Alex said, voice muffled through the trailer door. “I know you meant well. But she’s had a tough day and she’s got a lot on her mind. Your big confession just adds to it.”
Sam sighed inwardly. That wasn’t even the half of it.
Ten minutes later, Alex discovered Sam staring into space on the couch of her trailer. Her posture was unnaturally stiff.
“Well, that was fun,” Alex said lightly. “I’ve never been match-made by my own crew before.”
“I’m a laughingstock.”
“More like you’re an unmade bed. An unstraightened painting.” Alex gave her a wry look. “Weird thing about humans is they love to fix things. You know what people are like. I wish my friend wasn’t so alone. Oh look, two single lesbians, let’s…” She interlocked her fingers. “This isn’t even about us. It’s about them thinking they’re helping and meddling because they can. At least it’s from a place of love.”
“It’s from a place of annoying,” Sam grumbled.
Alex snickered. “That, too.”
“You seem weirdly happy.”
“More like relieved. All this time I thought someone hated me enough to bring down my movie, and it’s…”
“My idiot brother and his accomplices.”
“Exactly. They’d be insufferable if they knew I’m not mad, but between me and you? Come on, it is a bit funny.” Alex elbowed her. “And when Bob earnestly quoted Mother Theresa, I thought I was going to lose it on the spot.”
“Bob’s a man of many depths.”
“Right.” Alex laughed. “So why’s this making you so grumpy? Your friends and mine just want us happy. That’s not so awful is it?”
Sam closed her eyes. “I told you about my childhood. Everyone in Ika Whenu knows my business and my secrets. Every time I turn around I see that knowledge in their eyes. Today’s just a tiresome reminder of how small a small town really is. Meddlers and gossips. It makes it tempting as hell to just…”
Alex blinked. “What?”
“Go.” Sam sighed and then sagged again.
“Are you serious?”
The silence stretched on as Sam seemed to pick apart her response. “Sorry. No. It’s a really nice fantasy but… Hell, I wish it were that easy.”
“It could be. You have no job, no plans, and you have me…someone who’d love to spend a few months traveling with you. Then, who knows?”
Sam’s mask was sliding into place, her features becoming more closed off. “Sometimes I let myself dream for a minute. Sometimes I even try to trick myself, too.”
“How?”
“When I found out Sid was behind it all, it felt like, well, if he could just throw away family, then maybe I didn’t have to stick to my promises to family, either. I wanted it to be a sign I could leave. But it was just an excuse, and I always come back to one thing: I’m the woman I am today because of Gina, and I made her a promise. Anyway, it’s not just that. People need me here, too. I wouldn’t want to let anyone down.” She hesitated. “Maybe exploring the world’s just not on the cards for me and it’s time I finally accepted that.”
“Sam?” Alex said gently. “Stay tonight? We could talk some more about this.”
“What’s there to talk about?”
“You don’t need to make up your mind now.”
“We both knew this was a short-term thing from the start. Aren’t we kidding ourselves?”
“Maybe, maybe not. At least give us a chance?” Alex urged her. “Maybe do what I’d do: a pros and cons list. I’m good at those.”
“I’ll bet you are.” Sam smiled softly. “I’ll bet you’re good at all sorts of things.” Her face fell. “Feels like I’ve been saying good-bye from the moment we first kissed. I don’t want to keep doing that for the rest of the time you’re here. It hurts too much. It’ll only get worse.”
“It doesn’t have to be good-bye yet,” Alex protested. “Come on, it doesn’t.”
“But it will be good-bye eventually, so what’s the point dragging it out? You belong out there, in a bright, shiny, distant world I don’t fit into.” Sam bent down, cupping Alex’s face, and kissed her more tenderly than Alex ever had been kissed in her life. “And the truth is I’m needed here.”
“Come to dinner tonight?” Alex said quietly. “Please?”
“I don’t think it’s a great idea. I need space to figure things out. I wouldn’t be much company.” Sam studied her and her gaze became soft. “I am really glad about one thing today. Finding out no one’s been trying to sabotage you. No matter what else, that’s a huge weight off my mind.” Sam’s fingers trailed down her cheek. “So beautiful.” She inhaled. “G’bye, Alex.”
CHAPTER 26
Space
Shezan: Mistress of the Forest was finally coming together, Alex thought with grim satisfaction. She’d thrown herself into work with ferocity after Sam’s good-bye two days ago and told herself it was probably for the best. After all, Alex could focus properly now, not wonder what her life would bring, whether she’d have someone else to consider, or what plans to make.
Well, at least her love life was consistent. Why did she still even bother dreaming that someone might think she was worth taking a chance on, and going in boots and all?
Not that she blamed Sam. She’d known all along that what she’d asked was a lot for Sam to overcome, given her life and experience
s.
Too much, it seemed.
It was almost seven, her eyes were gritty, and her head hurt, but the dailies waited for no one.
“There,” Quincy said, pointing at the scene they were reviewing together. “Pause there. The sun hitting behind the mountain. That’s spectacular.” He exhaled in amazement. “Gold.”
It was. One thing Alex hadn’t counted on was just how stunning Shezan’s backdrop would be.
“Cinematography steals the movie,” Quincy continued. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I actually believe you could win an Oscar for Shezan.”
Alex burst into laughter.
“I’m serious!”
“I know. That’s why it’s funny.” She shook her head. “Well, I can see why the first director insisted on filming virtually right under the falls. He had a good eye, even if the sound looping will kill us slowly.”
They watched Chloe and Melody circling each other, the flirting and dynamic tension arcing up.
“Hmm,” Quincy said. “I’m also starting to think you really know what you’re doing.”
“I’m sure there was a compliment buried in there somewhere.”
Quincy snorted.
Alex trudged back to her trailer a short time later, considering her options. She wasn’t in the mood for pub frivolity tonight. So…drink, sleep, or…
After a warm shower involving troubling thoughts about a certain cop she was already missing far too much for a short-term fling, Alex wrapped herself into her white “Shezan Rulez” robe and slipped on fuzzy socks. With a soothing cup of not-too-terrible coffee in hand, she reached for her phone and tapped Bess’s number, already practicing her excuses given how late it would be in LA.
“Well, well, she lives,” came the amused drawl after the second ring. Her best friend sounded wide awake.
“Hey. Sorry to call so late.”
“It’s fine. We’re still up. Summer’s learning a script. I’m reading a new biography—about that American media mogul Elena Bartell. Spoiler alert: She’s a lesbian. Did you know they’re making a movie about her? I should audition. I’m only one flattened vowel away from perfecting my New York accent.”
Alex snorted and took another sip of drink.
“Do you never check your messages?” Bess continued. “I left several calls after your viral video. My God, I thought New Zealand was such a nice, quiet place. And when you landed smack bang in the gang compound, I about had a heart attack.”
“Oh, that.” Alex laughed. “Yeah, it looked worse than it was.”
“It had better. So…who’s the cute cop?”
“The what?”
“I’ll jog your memory. The one who you had the camera focused on for fifteen minutes? Your dear, brave friend.”
“Uh…”
“The one you dedicated the video to. The one who rushed to your aid. Don’t forget that close-up, from grass level, of her gazing down at you looking scared out of her skull that you’d hurt yourself.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Shit. “We’ve gotten to know each other a bit.”
“Quite a bit, I should imagine.” Amusement laced Bess’s voice. “By the way, Summer’s requesting you do a New Zealand wedding. She’s always wanted to go.”
“Wedding!”
“Personally, I think destination weddings are elitist consumerism. Although she has a point about how lovely New Zealand is.”
“Bess, stop joking about this. I don’t even know how I feel about her.” Actually, Alex had a disturbingly good idea how she felt. Their last conversation washed endlessly around in her head. Not seeing Sam for even a few days was disconcerting; nothing felt right knowing she wasn’t just a call away.
“I’d say you feel a considerable amount given the panic in your voice on that video. And I’m really happy for you. Really.” Her voice was warm. “She’s far better than Bettina. The worry in that woman’s eyes for you was crystal clear.”
“Oh.”
“Why do you sound so stricken? Or…is it over already?” Bess sounded worried.
“I… Yeah. It went pear-shaped after I sort of invited her home with me.”
“Ah.”
Silence fell between them.
Alex winced at how lame that must sound. It was every lesbian U-Haul stereotype, wasn’t it? Even if her offer was only about sight-seeing. Well, mainly sight-seeing—with hope for more. Much more.
Instead, Bess murmured, “So she must care a great deal if you asked her to do that? I mean, you’re one of the most perceptive people I’ve ever met. You must know she has feelings for you.”
Alex considered that. The gentle way Sam touched her. The loaded looks. The way she’d opened up to Alex with secrets not lightly shared. And she did also fling herself at a violent gang of bikers for Alex. Who does that if they’re not…?
“The emotional side, that’s not the issue, I don’t think,” Alex decided. “It’s just I asked too much, too soon. Sam has responsibilities here. And she chose those over me.”
Bess gave a knowing mmmm. “So you want me to tell you it’s okay and not to worry; that it’ll all work out? I can do that. So: What responsibilities does she have? Her police job?”
“No.” Alex frowned. “Mainly some old promise made to her family, I think.”
“And what’s your plan to win her over?”
“My… Wait, I’m not trying to win her over.”
“Whyever not?”
“Um.” Alex stopped and considered that. “I’m being respectful?”
“Is that what you want? To respectfully wave to her from the airport and never see her again?”
Never see her again? Oh God. The clench in Alex’s gut was almost painful. “I need her.”
“As I thought. So fight for her. Anyone who gets you this worked up has to be worth it.”
“Look, she’s big on doing right by her community and her family. How can I fight that?”
“Are you sure that’s her issue?”
“You think she’s lying?” Alex’s eyes widened.
“I think it never hurts to check on why people really do things. It’s human nature, shying away from what scares us most.”
Alex rubbed her temples. “Or Sam really is honorable and wants to keep her promises. She’s like that.” She sagged at the truth of her words. “Damn. I really have no hope, do I?”
“Don’t count yourself out yet.”
“It’s fine. I’m used to being second choice.” Oh hell. She bit her lip at the clumsy words.
Silence fell. Then Bess drew in a sip of air, barely audible. “Alex? I’m sorry about…when we dated. Truly. I was lacking a great deal of self-awareness, not to mention being deep in denial about my…situation back then. But we’re better as friends, aren’t we?”
“Definitely. It’s not you, it’s just…why does this keep happening to me?” Frustration filled her.
“I know it’s a dreadful cliché, but when it’s meant to be, it will be. And you can’t abandon hope yet. You’re good at research, so research. Talk to whoever knows her best. Come on, you’re great at getting to the truth and heart of people. It’s why you’re an exceptional filmmaker.”
“Why are you so sure it’s worth it?”
Bess snorted. “Darling, I saw the video. You two… My God, if someone bottled whatever emotion was arcing between you, they’d be rich. I mightn’t know Sam, but I know this: The way she ran over to you in that compound, the fear in her eyes over you, no one’s that good an actor. I find it hard to believe you’re her second choice on anything.”
Hope soared fierce and strong.
Bess’s voice faded out as she spoke to someone away from the phone, and then: “Summer’s just come to bed.”
“Right. I won’t keep you.”
“Before you go, may I offer some final ad
vice?”
Alex went to her mini-bar and grabbed a bottle of water. “God help us all,” she said dryly. “Come on, wasn’t your grand idea of wooing Summer to ignore her for months?”
“That’s out of context,” Bess claimed in amused indignation. “I wasn’t wooing her, I was protecting… Look, forget it, just listen.”
“Okay.” Alex took a gulp of the drink.
“Just don’t underestimate yourself. You are witty, empathetic, clever, and cute, and unlike me, you have plenty of charm.”
Alex knew that tone. “Uh-oh, what’s happened now?”
“The gossip rags are claiming I’ve been indulging in eating baby placentas as a health kick. I think the subtext was I’m trying to live forever, wicked witch that I am.”
“Life goals!” Alex burst out laughing. “At least they never suggest you aim low.”
“There is that.” Bess sounded pleased at the idea.
“Me, I’m apparently working on a film setting back feminism fifty years.” Alex sighed.
“Fifty? That does sound impressive. Right, I’m turning in. Good luck on getting the girl.” A low murmuring sounded, then she added, “Summer says to stay away from bikers and, also, that there should be an ancient Chinese proverb about marrying the woman who throws off two assailants to reach your side.”
“I’ll bear that in mind. If it’s not too late. She may not still be interested.”
“How could she not be?” Bess asked, a smile evident in her voice. “You’re you. Special. Night, Alex.”
“Night.” Alex hung up, warmed to the tips of her toes.
CHAPTER 27
Permission
It’s for the best, Sam reminded herself for the umpteenth time in three days, as she climbed off Tiger outside Mason’s milking sheds.
She would have been kidding herself—well, both of them, really—dragging things out. Sam had so many responsibilities here. People needed her. She flipped the rusty latch over and tugged the door open.
Mason gave her a grateful wave, assorted cows mooed, and she trudged back to her bike.
Alex didn’t understand. How could she? It was hard for Sam to explain all the little things that made up the press of responsibilities in Ika Whenu that she could never abandon. That was that.