“Thanks?” What am I supposed to say to that?
“So why were you crying?”
I feel like we had a moment there that brought us closer, but I have to assume that anything I tell him could go straight back to Dorian. Obviously, I can’t tell him the part about wanting Dorian to fall in love with me, so I just say, “It’s all just been a lot to process.”
With the look he’s giving me, I don’t need him to say the word that he’s thinking – Liar!
Without a verbal response back from him, I try to continue – babbling as a form of defense. “I didn’t even know any of this existed two months ago, and now I’m a part of it and I don’t know why or...”
“Stop,” he says while holding up both hands like he’s about to break into song. Thankfully he continues on without a melody. “All of that was true yesterday, and the day before that. If you didn’t cry about it then, you wouldn’t cry about it now.”
Grabbing at straws to find a reason he’ll believe, I say “My mother just gave me a lecture…”
I can see from the look on his face that he still isn’t buying it. I’ve always been told that I’m not a very good liar.
“Look,” he says, “He’s just as new to this as you are. Dorian is a good man. His biggest issue is that he puts far too much blame on himself for the curse – he has a terrible self-image and he doesn’t believe he could deserve any warm feelings. You two just need to be honest with each other and enjoy your time together without overthinking everything.” Coan has one hand on each of my shoulders and is looking at me with our faces an arm’s length apart.
I like that Coan can so easily speak his mind. Right after I was ready to think the worst of him, he redeems himself. I give him a half smile and he grabs my chin with one hand tilting my head slightly up as he appraises my face.
“Good,” he says, then quickly lets go of me, turns and jumps out my window. As soon as he’s through, the window closes and latches. I guess I know now how he got in my room.
Maybe if I can follow Coan’s advice, and just be honest with Dorian and enjoy our time together things will work out. If that happens, I think I can get through anything else. The two of us are tied together now to fight against the effects of Dorian’s curse. At some point I’m just going to need to be brave enough to share how I feel about him – at least then he could let me down easy and I wouldn’t be hanging on his every word for hope.
Chapter 14
The next day I decide to take the first step toward opening up to Dorian. I’m not ready yet to go into everything, but I can at least talk with him about the dress.
I don’t know how to bring the topic up, but not long into our meal Dorian does it for me and asks. “Did everything go well with the tailor? The dress should be waiting for you when you get home tonight.”
“I need to talk to you about that.” One sentence in and I’m already starting to lose my resolve – should I just thank him and be done with it? I need to tell him that I can’t accept such expensive gifts – that it’s not right, but I don’t want to offend him either.
“Ellie, if you don’t like the dress I picked out, you can have any other dress you’d like. I can have the shop bring up a selection tonight.” He picked it out himself?
“No, the dress is beautiful” – I think. I really wish that I could have seen it in a mirror. “Thank you.”
“I’m sure you have better taste than I do – I’ll have them send up some more dresses for you to look at tonight and they should still be able to have one ready before the ball Friday.” Two dresses? I can’t let him spend more money and I can only imagine what my mother would say if that lady was there again with more dresses!
“Ellie, is something still wrong? You’ve seemed distracted today”
“I’m very grateful for the offer, but I can’t let you spend so much money on me.”
“It’s just money, Ellie. For what you can do for me,” he says while reaching out and touching my hand, “I would happily give every penny I have.”
“I…when my mother saw the dress last night, well…it was very hard to explain.” Can I tell him that she’s worried he would try to take advantage of me?
“No need to say anymore,” he said looking very contrite. After a short pause he continues, “Ellie, did you want to live with your parents while going to school?”
Odd topic change, but I’m happy to be moving on, so I’ll just go with it. “I don’t think anybody would want to live with their parents during college, but it’s not so bad. I don’t have as much independence as I would have had in a dorm room, but my folks are okay – they just care about me too much sometimes.”
“I’m sorry that my gift gave your mother the wrong impression. I’ll do my best to not let that happen again.”
After that, we both seemed much lighter and Dorian started asking me more questions. It’s amazing how he can still look interested no matter how boring my answers are.
We had another wonderful lunch together and I was expecting to see him in English lit, but instead there was another note almost the same as the one he left yesterday. I can’t believe he’s skipping again.
My mood starts to sour as class lingers on and I’m deprived of time that I could have spent with Dorian. Why would he be skipping class again? I’m slightly worried that he didn’t really understand my message at lunch and is out buying another dress.
When class is finally over, I send a quick text to Em asking if I can borrow a dress for the fall ball. I’m sure she’s bought something new for herself, so I’m hopeful that she’ll have an old dress she could lend me. It won’t be like the dress Dorian bought, but at least I can explain this one to my family. They won’t suspect Emily of trying to rob my virtue.
Pulling into the driveway at home, I see 2 cars I don’t recognize and a red van with the Ripon College logo emblazoned large on the side.
It feels a little like De ja vu as I go into the kitchen and my mother is there telling me that there are people in the living room waiting to see me.
Even more nervous than I was yesterday, I peek around the corner and into the living room.
Inside I see the Dean of the school wearing a suit, and two large guys that look like members of the school’s football team. At least there’s not a ball gown in their hands.
When the Dean sees me, he calls out to my mother. “Mrs. Rose, will you come in here too, please?” Looking back at me he smiles warmly and says, “This is an event your family should be here for.”
With my mother standing by my side, the dean takes a certificate from the folder that was earlier tucked under his arm.
Standing tall and with an authoritative voice, he says “Ellie Rose, due to the promise that we see for your future at our school, we would like to award you with Ripon College’s first room and board scholarship.” He holds the certificate out to me.
Dorian. He must have been arranging this while he was skipping class. I know he’s behind this but looking over at my mother I can see tears of pride starting to form in her eyes and I know that now is not the time to bring up Dorian. I will not make the same mistake two days in a row, so I reach out my hand to graciously accept the paper. What else can I do?
I’m trying to appear grateful and happy on the outside, but in my head, I’m trying to calculate how much money Dorian must have spent to get something like this done. When he so quickly said that he wouldn’t let another misunderstanding happen, I had no idea his solution would be finding me another place to live! Dorian must be the cause – why would a college do something like this half way through a semester unless it was the demand of an over generous donor. He shouldn’t have done this!
Looking over at my mom, I’m grateful that I don’t see any suspicion on her face – only surprise and pride.
“These two young men, Matt and Michael, are here to help you pack and move tonight. You’ll be staying in Smith hall and you’ll have a suite all to yourself. You’ll also be able to enjoy the delux
e meal plan at no cost to you.” He reaches his hand out to me and as I shake it, he says, “Congratulations.”
The expression on the faces of the two guys roped into helping me move echoes my own – I can’t believe this is happening.
Before I can let go of the Dean’s hand, I feel my mother’s arms around me as she says, “I’m so proud” and squeezes my shoulders tight. Obviously, she isn’t suspicious at all and I’m grateful.
Before long, the Dean has excused himself and my mother and I are packing boxes in my room with all the things I’ll take with me. As soon as we’ve finished a box, one of the guys is there ready with an empty one as they take the full boxes down to the van.
When my Dad comes back in from the barn, my mom takes him aside to explain what’s going on. After hearing that I earned some special new award for being so promising, he looks at me with the same swell of pride that I saw on my Mom’s face earlier.
Even though the two jocks provided more than enough help with the move, my parents both insist on driving to the school to officially see me off.
When we get to the room, the two guys put down the first boxes and look surprisingly around at the expensive interior of the suit. My parents look even more surprised as they step into the room. For starters, it’s very large – this must have been one of the 4 bed suits that everyone fights over. The main room has a sitting area and a small kitchenette. There is a set of Jack and Jill bedrooms on either side. It would be almost unheard of for a freshman to get a spot in one of these rooms, and now here I am with a suit all to myself. This dorm room has more bedrooms and bathrooms than my parents’ house.
My suspicions that Dorian is fully responsible are intensified even further when I see the furnishings. I can tell that they’re expensive and in line with his eclectic taste – they may have even come from his house. It doesn’t resemble the utilitarian setup of all the other dorm rooms I’ve seen.
The two students and my parents all seem taken aback by the opulent interior, which is complete with a chandelier and a decorative mantle in the main area.
When everything has been moved in, Matt and Mike say a quick goodbye as they eagerly move on with their night. My parents start to make their way out too, but not before a few hugs and tears.
Standing in the doorway, my dad grabs me into a giant bear hug and says “Lucky, I’m so sorry that I couldn’t give all of this to you before, and I’m so proud that you found a way to earn it for yourself.” The anger I was feeling toward Dorian for changing my whole life had kept me from thinking about the fact that I was moving out of my parents’ house.
Those words from my dad bring me back to the moment. I hug him tighter and pull my mom over to join in. There is another ten minutes of hugs, I love yous, and I’ll miss yous before I finally close the door and flop down onto the super soft familiar looking couch, that is now covered with the contents of my old closet.
I feel like I’ve just gone through a tornado of emotion. I’m now officially moved out of my parents’ home and it almost feels like a dream. It just doesn’t seem right that this all happened so fast. Why would Dorian do this?
I know that letting Dorian spend so much on me isn’t right, but how can this be fixed? There’s no reasonable explanation for why this scholarship would just go away. I can’t tell my parents that this was another present – if my mom freaked out about me getting a dress, how would she feel about someone I just met paying the school to give me room and board? Why couldn’t Dorian at least tell me he was going to do this? Instead of trying to figure a way out, this all could have just been prevented!
Another day that changed my whole world thanks to Dorian Gray. Just this morning I was going to be living at home for the next 4 years, and now I’m here in my own dorm room with boxes of my things stacked all around me. Tonight, I was going to be sleeping on the same cotton sheets I was used to, and now I have a bed already made up with an expensive looking designer sleep set that I didn’t even know existed an hour ago.
Obviously, my effort to set some boundaries with Dorian failed – miserably. Buying an expensive designer dress for me was a big deal, so I don’t even know how to describe this. If it was anyone else, I wouldn’t feel so bad about yelling at them to stop, but I think anyone else would understand that this isn’t normal.
How can someone his age not understand that this is over the line? Then, I think of what he’s been through – that he’s only had one friend for over a hundred years and he’s only ever seen him once. Maybe there is good reason for him to not fully grasp social norms.
At the door there are three quick knocks.
I get up from the couch, weave my way through the boxes and open the door.
Dorian is standing in the hall with the same large white garment bag that I remember from the night before draped across one arm. His leather jacket is glistening with rain. Small drops of water are clinging to his still perfect hair and he has a proud smile on his face.
He raises the dress slightly in his arm and says, “Problem solved.”
Yes, he really doesn’t understand. I open the door and stand back to let him through. After looking at the stacks of boxes, Dorian’s expression changes to disappointment.
“Did they not send anyone to do your unpacking?” he says.
“No…I” I was going to say that I wouldn’t want someone to do my unpacking, but I’m interrupted before I get the chance.
“Don’t worry,” he says while walking across the room to lay the dress across the arm of the couch. “I’ll send a message to my housekeeper right now to have this taken care of.” He’s got a phone out of his pocket and is typing a message before he even finishes speaking.
Dorian Gray is a run-away train (a very sweet and beautiful one), but I’ve got to stop him before my life gets completely hijacked.
I slam the door shut and say “NO!” Even I’m surprised by how forceful I sound.
Dorian turns around and looks at me like he’s completely confused and stunned into silence.
“You can’t rearrange a person’s life without talking it over with them first.” The look on his face curbs my anger, but I still need to tell him. He is utterly and completely lost trying to figure out my sudden pique. Obviously, subtle doesn’t work on him.
“But we did talk about it.”
“What?” I say, trying to think of our conversations.
“You said that you couldn’t accept that dress because your mother didn’t approve, and that you’d rather not live at home because you’d have more independence in a dorm.”
I guess I did say those things, but this isn’t the outcome I had in mind. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I blamed my mother. I should have been more honest.
“I did say that, but there was more to it. I don’t feel comfortable accepting such large gifts. I know that you have lots of money, but I was raised to be independent and that means that I can’t let someone spend all their money on me.” I feel like some of the tension inside of me has been released now that I’ve taken ownership for my own feelings, but Dorian seems unaffected. His look of confusion is still exactly the same.
“Ellie,” he says pausing obviously still trying to put his thoughts together. “I’m glad that you’re independent, but the things I’ve done for you are just tokens.” He tosses his phone down onto the couch, walks up to me and holds both of my hands in his. “I would give you the world, Ellie, and you deserve it.” He’s looking at me like he’s trying to press those words into my mind. I can see each fleck of color in his eyes and each softly curved lash, and I almost lose track of time and place. Why do I notice these things at the most inopportune times?
I’m so lost in his gaze that I fail to respond before he continues. “Money is really worth very little compared to all of the things that it can’t buy.” He looks down at our hands. “like the feel of someone’s hand in your own.”
The look on his face reminds me of the first time he held my hand in the quarry. It has
the same mix of peace and wonder that pulls at my heart. I feel like I’m going to melt when he looks at me that way, but I still can’t let him spend all of his money on me just because I want to keep that look on his face. It’s not like I’m really doing anything to earn the money. I wish I was doing something – then I would at least know what gave me this ability.
Looking away from his face and down at our entwined hands gives me the strength to try getting through to him again. “I am happy that I can ease some of the burden of your curse. That’s enough of a reward – I don’t need all your money.”
He takes one hand and tilts my chin up to look into his eyes. Being this close and looking directly into his eyes make me feel like I could swoon at any moment.
He again tilts his head to one side and his words are quiet but confident. “Ellie, I didn’t spend all my money on you – in fact, I’ve only spent a very insignificant part of it as I am a very wealthy man. Now, do you like the dress and having your own place on campus?”
“Yes, but…” He cut my response short by placing one finger over my lips.
“Then let me have the pleasure of giving them to you.” His eyes look pleading as they stare into mine.
“Dorian, I’ve seen your house, so I know you have a lot of money, but it still doesn’t make it right.”
“That house is nothing – I could afford a thousand like it. If you wanted, I would give it all to you. Can’t you see that you’ve given me so much more than money?” What? I’m trying to tell him that he’s already given me too much and now he offers to give me his entire fortune?!? I can see the sincerity in his eyes and I feel like I’m losing ground.
“Stop,” I say trying to figure out a way to make him understand. “You may be rich, but I’m not. You giving me expensive things makes me uncomfortable and before you do things that change my living situation, you should ask me first.” I’m deliberately trying to keep my voice soft and even. He did these things because he is such a kind man and I’m trying to remember that. I can see that he’s really thinking through what I’ve said, and I pray that he’s starting to understand.
Lucky: Dorian Gray Novels Book 1 Page 13