by Lisa Suzanne
We walk into what I can only describe as an upscale sports bar. We’re led to a table against one wall, a signed Camden 88 jersey hanging in the case above us like this table is reserved just for him, and I hear whispers of Chase Camden as we walk through the place. After I take a seat across from him, a waitress takes our order, and then the first fan comes over for a picture. Chase is both gracious and kind, signing autographs and smiling for photos while I sit and watch in awe.
Both men and women approach our table, but for very obviously different reasons. The men come over with the intention of meeting a football all-star, someone who’s basically a hero to them, while women come over with their shirts pulled down low and their cleavage hanging out to try to impress him.
But he doesn’t even glance down a single shirt, much to his credit. Instead, his eyes continually find mine across the table in silent apology, almost like he’s embarrassed by all the attention. I don’t really believe for a second that he is, but he’s got the act down pat anyway. It must just be another thing that comes with the territory for him.
These last few days have given me a glimpse into what a future with him could be like. I don’t dislike what I see in that future.
The more wine I drink, the more convinced I become that there’s a very important piece to the puzzle that might help me make my decision.
Tonight just might be the night.
We’ve spent the day slipping into our old roles. He’s flirty and outgoing with me, he’s rejecting other women’s advances, and he’s making me feel front and center in his life.
It’s everything I dreamed of for the last ten years, and it’s finally happening.
Except I can’t talk to him about Gavin. Not here.
The longer I sit here drinking wine and watching him fend off women who approach our table without any inhibitions whatsoever in favor of me, the more filled with lust I become.
By the time we’ve paid and managed to exit the building amid more pats on the back, signatures, and photographs, the ache between my thighs mixed with the need to feel his lips over mine is unbearable.
As soon as Ray shuts us into the backseat, I climb on Chase’s lap and straddle him, each of my legs falling on either side of him. He grins lazily up at me as I take his scruffy cheeks between my palms. Everything about this scenario is reminiscent of another lifetime—a lifetime I want back.
His eyes edge away from me toward a button in the ceiling. He presses it, and a glass wall moves slowly up to separate us from the driver, and as soon as it’s firmly in place, his smile widens as he raises a seductive brow.
We’ve got privacy back here to do whatever we want.
I smile back as I grind my hips down over his, and he grunts as he pushes up to meet my thrusts. I let out a moan that I can’t seem to help, and then his hand is in my hair, pulling my face toward his. My lips smash down to his, our tongues battering together in the heat of the moment.
It’s the culmination of nearly three days spent together, three days of longing and of need, three days that seem to have brought us back to where we left off.
The upward grind of his hips is a new move, and I find myself relishing the rub of his jeans against my clit. I have a panty barrier in the way, but that’s all that’s separating us, and the rough thrusts are driving me wild already.
Chase’s free hand moves to my breast, and his kiss slows a bit as if to ask if it’s okay for him to touch me there. I push my chest into his palm for reassurance, needing friction there too, and I feel like I might fall apart over the top of him with the way he keeps thrusting his erection at me, his mouth working mine and now his hand massaging my breast. This man truly is multi-talented.
My moans start to gain both momentum and volume as he drives me closer to release without ever actually putting flesh on flesh. My mind’s eye takes me back to Chase in his shower, his hand moving up and down his shaft as he watches me watching him, and it’s my complete undoing. I shudder over him, my body losing control to the bliss as he continues to drive his hips upward and his hand holds my head into place as his mouth assaults mine. My legs shake as pulse after pulse throbs out of me, and once the cliff passes, I slump into his arms. He holds me quietly in the back of the car.
“Jeez,” I whisper. “I haven’t gotten off like that since...”
He chuckles. “High school?” he supplies for me.
I let out a lazy giggle. “Probably.”
I move off his lap but keep my head on his chest. I run my palm along the length of his shaft, and a soft moan rumbles up from his chest, encouraging me to do it again. I do it a few more times before his hand moves over mine to stop me. I glance up at him, a question in my eyes.
“When I come,” he says quietly, his voice nearly a growl, “I’m going to be inside you.”
My eyes flutter shut at the thought of it. I nod my agreement, and it’s only a minute later that we’re pulling into his driveway. The car is barely stopped when he shoves the door open, his fingers laced through mine as he pulls me out of the car and helps me up the driveway toward the front door. He doesn’t even take a second to bid Ray goodbye, which is fine by me because I want what he just said to me in the car, and I’m blind with lust as I stumble my way behind him.
He unlocks his door and we fall into his entry, and then suddenly I’m shoved up against the door as his mouth crashes back down to mine, picking up right where we left off in the car. His hips pin me there, and I feel the delicious anticipation building between my thighs all over again.
I hook one leg around his waist, and he grunts as he lifts my other leg around him, supporting me with both his hands under my ass and my back against the door. I moan into him as the familiar butterflies in his presence batter around my stomach.
He breaks from the door and starts moving toward the stairs with me still in his arms, but he pauses as if something just came to him.
He sets me down and looks me in the eye.
“I want this, Dee, but I don’t want it if you’re thinking about somebody else.”
In the moment, I wasn’t thinking about anybody else, and frankly I’m shocked he’d be the one to bring it up. He had to have known it was going to stop the volcano of lust about to erupt right here in his entry.
“I want just the two of us here when this happens,” he adds, and a weight suddenly feels heavy on my shoulders.
I’m about to defend myself, to say something about how Chase is the only one I’m thinking about, but now that he mentioned it, he isn’t the only one on my mind.
Another set of blue eyes suddenly attacks my consciousness, leaving me with a healthy dose of guilt when I should be in a state of total and utter bliss.
I finally nod. “I understand. And I need to talk to you about that.”
He clears his throat and raises a brow as if to tell me to talk.
“I, um...” Words leave me. I can’t figure out what the hell I wanted to say to him all weekend now that I finally have the chance to do it. “It’s Gavin.”
“Brooks?” he asks flatly.
I nod, and he rolls his eyes.
“That guy always had a thing for you.”
How was I the only one blind to that? It seems like everyone else knew but me, but as Gavin said once upon a time, we miss a lot when our eyes are closed.
“I don’t want to lead either of you on, Chase,” I say softly as my heart hammers in my chest with the truth. “I never thought I could have a future with either of you, and then you both stepped back into my life on the same night and presented me with two very different but very real options.” My heart tears at the admission.
I pause as I let him process that, and before he has a chance to say anything, I go on as tears fill my eyes.
“You’re all I wanted for the last ten years, but I don’t know if what I felt for you all those years ago was real or if I’ve held onto some dream all this time. I just need some time to figure it out.”
He takes a step toward me an
d thumbs away one of the tears that spilled over my lashes. “It was real,” he whispers. He presses his lips gently to mine. “I promise, it was real.”
His words are confident, like he never once questioned it.
Yet something pulls at me deep inside. Something still makes me question the validity of his words.
“If it was real, why did you wait ten years to come back to me?” I ask, my voice hoarse with emotion.
He closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them, he reaches out for me and cups my neck with his palm. “Because I did what I thought I had to do for both of us. I swear, Dee, not a day went by when I didn’t regret ending things with you the way I did.”
I lean into his touch, but I force myself away from it for the sake of this conversation. “I changed in the last ten years, Chase. I don’t know what changed, but I’m working on figuring out whether that means there’s still a place for us. I just need you to be patient while I work it out.”
He flattens his lips together and nods before he drops his hand from my neck. “Okay,” he agrees softly.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
I stare out the tiny airplane window as I think back to my goodbye with Chase just over an hour ago when he dropped me off at the airport. “When can I see you again?” he asked me.
I shrugged, because I didn’t know. I’ve got this summer school session to think of, and then there’s Gavin. “Soon,” I told him, but I don’t even know what that means.
He nodded his understanding and that was that, and now that I’m sitting on the plane leaving Denver, I feel all this unfinished business all around me.
I feel hopeful that I’m heading home and might get the chance to see Gavin again.
I feel guilty that I want to see Gavin again after my weekend bonding with Chase.
And, maybe most of all, I feel utterly torn and confused. I don’t know which man I see in my future because I love them both.
When the plane touches down at LAX, I’m no closer to any sort of answers than I was when I left Los Angeles just a few days ago. If anything, I’m even more confused.
And that’s amplified by about a million times when I step out of the secured area and spot none other than Gavin Brooks waiting with the rest of the families, friends, and lovers who are here to greet those who are arriving on various flights. He doesn’t see me when I first emerge, but it’s easy to spot him. He’s the one surrounded by a throng of women as he smiles for selfies that’ll immediately be posted to social media and treasured forever.
My heart races at the sight of him. He’s wearing his signature leather jacket, white shirt, and jeans, and I pause where I stand for a few beats to watch him. Someone behind me bumps into me with an apology, but I’m the one who should be apologizing since I’m the one who stopped. I can’t help myself, though. I want a few seconds of unabashed staring at him.
He turns around, presumably to see if he can spot me, and his eyes meet mine. A relieved smile lights up his face, and he graciously excuses himself as he strides across the lobby area toward me. My heart picks up speed, and I can’t help my smile back at him, even through the guilt that weighs still heavier on my shoulders.
I can’t believe he’s here.
Chase couldn’t even be bothered to leave the impromptu party he supposedly threw in my honor to pick me up himself from the airport when I was going to visit him, yet Gavin made the time for me.
I rush in his direction, and between his striding and my rushing, we crash into each other when we finally meet. He grunts when we collide, and I giggle nervously as I press myself against his chest with the hope that everything can still be okay between the two of us. He buries his face in my neck and takes a deep breath.
He’s here and that’s all that matters in this moment.
That’s what I want.
I want someone who doesn’t care that he might get caught up in a frenzy because coming to greet me at the airport means more to him than fending off his fans.
I want someone who puts me first.
“Welcome back,” he says, planting a soft kiss in my hair. I want his mouth smashed against mine, but an airport probably isn’t the best venue for that given our circumstances.
I shift away from his chest so I can look up at him. “I missed you,” I whisper.
“Thank God,” he murmurs back as his arms tighten around me, and it’s only then I realize how much he missed me, too.
He grabs the handle to my little carry-on suitcase, dragging it behind him. I want us to hold hands as I walk beside him, but I’m also not sure if that’s where our relationship is. Besides, it’ll only give fodder to gossip about Gavin, and I don’t want that for him.
He leads me out of the airport, which takes longer than it should as he’s stopped for more photographs on his way, and I can’t help but silently observe his reaction to the attention. He’s embarrassed about it, shy even, but he stops anyway because it’s part of what he signed up for when he decided to front a band that skyrocketed to instant fame. He’s sheepish when he apologizes to me after every single photo, and I just smile and tell him to enjoy the moment.
What else can I do?
It’s fascinating to note the differences between Chase’s reaction to his fans, where he seemed to eat it up even as he still lavished me with attention, versus Gavin’s reaction, where he seems to be doing it out of obligation and feels bad that I have to wait around while he takes photos.
We finally make it out to the parking garage, where Gavin snagged a close spot. He tosses my bag into the back of his Land Rover before coming around to the passenger side to open the door for me. I smile my thanks and take a deep breath as I buckle into the seat, prepping myself for the conversation I know we need to have.
He gets in and starts it up, and I study his profile for a few seconds as he backs out of the space and puts it in drive. My eyes focus first on his square jaw. It’s covered in the perfect smattering of stubble, and I have the sudden urge to feel its scratchy perfection beneath my fingertips. But what I notice first is how that jaw is clenched tightly, like he’s biting back something he wants to say. His cheek moves with the working of his jaw, and I know I need to say my piece before I lose my nerve.
“I didn’t sleep with him, Gav. But I’m still not sure what to do.”
The words blurt right out before I can filter them or soften them, and his shoulders drop. He doesn’t say anything, just continues to concentrate on the road ahead of us.
“When I make this choice, I need to be one hundred percent sure that there’s only one of you in my heart. I think I’m in love with two men.” The words come out a whisper. “And I have no idea what to do.”
He scrubs a hand along his stubbled jawline. “Well, I’m only in love with one woman.”
I wish we weren’t in this damn car. I wish I could rip those sunglasses from his eyes and look into his eyes and tell him that I love him, because I do.
I love him, and not just like a friend loves another friend.
I’m in love with him.
And I never even saw it coming.
It’s twenty minutes of awkward silence as we head toward my place, and once he pulls into the parking lot, he opts out of pulling into an empty space. Instead, he pulls up behind the parked cars near the entrance to my building, and he throws the car into park. He gets out and grabs my bag for me.
“You’re not coming in?” I ask. I grab the handle to my suitcase, unsure whether a goodbye hug or even a little kiss is the right move here.
He shakes his head, those sunglasses still firmly in place hiding his eyes and his emotions from me. “Can’t, sorry. I have band practice.”
I nod my understanding even though it’s a clear lie.
“I’m sorry, Gavin,” I say.
He presses his lips together as he formulates his reply. “You need to decide what you want. I promised you time, and I’m giving it to you.” He averts his gaze away from me. “I’m trying to be patient, but I’m not sur
e how much longer I can hold on.”
I close my eyes, trying to fight the tears that are pooling. “You’re right. I don’t expect you to wait around while I figure this out, not when you’ve got a million women who would die to be the one who you love. You deserve better than me.”
His fingertips trace the outline of my jaw. “That’s just not true,” he whispers, and then he turns and gets back into his car without a goodbye.
My heart cracks as he drives away. I take my bag inside to an empty apartment. I don’t know where Porter is, but I’m grateful for the quiet. I cry as I unpack my bag. The tears aren’t for myself, but for Gavin. For hurting him. For making him feel like he’s second to someone else when he deserves nothing but first place.
I flick on the radio as a distraction. I manage to halt my tears, but I sniffle as I sort through my clothes and determine what needs to be washed and what I can put back in my drawers. It’s when I grab my toiletry bag out of my suitcase that the deejay says, “The latest release from Beyond Gold is already topping charts. It’s the most requested song this afternoon, and here it is, ‘Ten Years Gone.’”
I don’t even feel the bed behind me as I back into it and sit, and then I finally hear the words that Gavin sang at the reunion—the words I missed while I was getting drink refills and bumping into Chase and the date he brought to make me jealous.
The words wash over me, and the tears begin to fall from the first line I hear Gavin’s raspy voice sing.
Have ten years really gone by
In just the blink of an eye
Though memories fade
I still can’t forget you
Stuck there forever on my mind
Ten years, ten years, ten years gone
I miss you, I want you, it feels too long
Ten years, ten years, ten years gone
And I keep waiting for a brand new dawn
It was only yesterday when I held you
Couldn’t help admiring the view