A moment later, the man returned with a distraught young woman. “Walt, this is Alice Dubay. See if you can help her.”
The woman slid into the seat across from Viktor and began weeping. Finally getting control, she said, “Mel tells me you’re a private investigator. I’m sure my husband is having an affair with his secretary. I have to know. Can you help me?”
Viktor couldn’t believe his good fortune. “You bet I can. Getting the goods on cheating husbands is my specialty.”
“Oh, thank goodness. How do we proceed?”
“Well, of course I’ll have to prepare some paperwork, and I’ll need all the information about your husband. If you want to pay my retainer fee now, I’ll get started right away.”
“Of course, how much.”
He thought for a moment. “For a friend of Mel’s, a hundred should do.”
She opened her purse and counted out five twenty-dollar bills. “Here you go,” she said, handing him the money and a card. “Call me as soon as you get everything ready. If he’s really cheating, I want to nail his genitals to the wall.”
This was like shooting fish in a barrel. “You can count on me,” Viktor replied, smiling.
He left one of the twenties on the table, and as he left, he waved. “Thanks, Mel.”
Viktor was all smiles as he climbed into his car.
I need to know more about Mr. Williams, he thought. I should check out his home.
He drove to the three-story brick building on Armour Boulevard and parked across the street.
“Hmmm, nice digs.”
He had been there for just a few moments trying to decide his next move, when the door opened and two elderly people came out. He smiled when he saw the old man pinch the woman on the butt and receive a punch in the arm in return.
He watched them walk toward Broadway, and decided to follow.
Viktor made a decision as he watched the two seniors enter the Dairy Bar. He climbed out of his car and followed them inside.
The old man was the first to see him. “Walt! Bernice and I were just about to share a chocolate shake. Want to join us?”
“Uhhh, sure. I’ll have one too.”
After they were seated, Bernice said, “Your dad and I are going to a movie later. Would you like to come?”
“Gee, thanks, Mom. I’d love to but I have a meeting this evening.”
The old couple looked startled. “Mom?” the old man said, “When did you start calling Bernice, mom?”
Viktor realized he had made a serious gaffe. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. It just came out. You two are together so much. Sorry, Bernice.”
The old woman blushed. “Don’t be sorry. I kind of like it.”
“So,” the old man said, “do you and Maggie have plans for the weekend?”
Viktor assumed Maggie was Walt’s wife. He decided to have some fun.
“Actually, I do. I have a big surprise for her. I’m taking her out to a fancy restaurant. While we’re there, I’ll spring it on her. I’m taking her on a cruise!”
The old couple’s eyes grew wide. “That’s wonderful!”
Viktor put his finger to his lips. “Not a word. Promise me.”
They both nodded. “Our lips are sealed.”
“Well, I’d better be running along,” Viktor said, looking at his watch. “I don’t want to be late for my meeting.”
Back in his car, Viktor nearly doubled over laughing.
Mr. Williams is in for a big surprise!
CHAPTER 6
Maggie had been working hard all week, trying to find just the right house for some wealthy out-of-town buyers, so I figured I’d be a good husband and take her out for a nice quiet dinner.
“Anywhere you want,” I said, making my first mistake.
“Oh, goody!” she replied. “How about The Melting Pot on the Plaza?”
Swell! I thought. I just love cooking my own little bits of meat on a stick in boiling broth.
“That would be perfect!” I lied.
As we were heading out the door, we met Dad and Bernice on the landing.
“You two have a good evening,” Dad said, winking.
I turned to look as I was going out the door and saw Bernice grinning and giving me two thumbs up.
Strange, I thought, but in their mid-nineties, strange was to be expected.
The meal wasn’t half bad. The best part was dessert. I got to dip strawberries and other yummy stuff in melted chocolate.
After dinner, I asked Maggie if there was anyplace else she’d like to go. She said she was pooped from her long week, so we went straight home.
When we entered the building, Dad and Bernice were waiting for us.
“Well?” Dad said, expectantly.
“Well what?”
“Don’t be coy, son. Tell us all about it.”
“Okay, we ate supper, then came home.”
Bernice grabbed Maggie’s arm. “Aren’t you excited!”
“I’m full and I’m happy,” she replied. “I don’t know about excited.”
“How could you not be excited?” Dad said. “A cruise, for chrissakes!”
We were both puzzled. “What in the world are you talking about? We’re not going on a cruise.”
Then, it was Dad and Bernice who were puzzled. “But son, you told us just the other day, at the Dairy Bar, that you were going to surprise Maggie with a cruise.”
Now Maggie was puzzled. “You told them you were taking me on a cruise?”
“No, I didn’t, and I haven’t been to the Dairy Bar in weeks.”
“Sure you were,” Dad replied. “You ordered a chocolate shake.”
Suddenly, it dawned on me. The doppelganger had somehow gotten to Dad and Bernice. “Oh, crap! Go get Jerry, Willie, and the Professor and come to our apartment.”
“What’s so urgent?” Jerry asked as everyone gathered in our living room.
“What’s urgent is that some guy is out there pretending to be me.”
I pulled out my cell phone, loaded the video, and passed it around.
Bernice was the first to comment. “Wow, Walt! Is that you with your nose buried in that girl’s boobies?”
“No, it’s not me.”
“Sure looks like you.”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. The guy in the video is a Russian named Viktor Sokolov. He’s a bad dude and he’s gotten me in trouble three times --- no, make that four. That had to be him at the Dairy Bar.”
Dad snapped his fingers. “By golly, I think you’re right. He called Bernice ‘mom’. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but now it makes sense.”
“That’s why I’ve gathered all of you here. I have no idea why he would make contact with any of you, but he obviously has. He looks enough like me that my own father couldn’t tell the difference. Until we catch this guy, whenever we happen to cross paths, let’s exchange a code word so you’ll know it’s really me.”
“Sounds good to me,” Dad replied. “What’s the code word.”
Bernice raised her hand. “How about snickerdoodles? I know how much you like my cookies.”
“Snickerdoodles it is! Another thing to remember, this Viktor is armed and dangerous. He’s already killed twice that I know of. If you happen to run into him again, just play along, then let me know.”
After everyone was gone, Maggie had to give me a hard time.
“I don’t know. Maybe I should take up with this other Walt Williams. He was going to take me on a cruise.”
“How about I just take you to bed? I’ve got something a lot better than an old cruise.”
“Oh really! I’m game, but this better be good.”
Fifteen minutes later, Maggie crawled into bed beside me. I started to give her a big smooch, but she pushed me away.
“Not so fast, buster. I have to make sure I’ve got the right Walt. What’s the code word?”
“Snickerdoodle.”
“You pass. Let’s see what you’ve
got.”
On Monday, I decided to have lunch at Mel’s Diner.
“The usual?” Mel asked as I walked in.
I nodded, took my seat, and fifteen minutes later, Mel set a huge plate of chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes in front of me.
“How’s it going with Alice Dubay?” he asked.
“Who’s Alice Dubay?”
“What do you mean, who’s Alice Dubay? She’s the client I referred to you last week.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Jesus, Walt! You sat right in this booth, talked to her, and took a hundred-dollar retainer fee.”
Then it hit me. “Crap! Not again! Mel, that wasn’t me.” For the umpteenth time, I pulled out my cell phone and showed him the video. “The guy you’re looking at isn’t me.”
“Sure looks like you.”
“Damn!” he muttered, after hearing my explanation. “That poor girl. He conned her out of a hundred bucks.”
“If you can give me her contact information, I’ll make it right with her.”
“That’s doing the right thing,” he said. “The next time one of you comes in, how will I know it’s really you?”
“The folks in my building are using a code word, snickerdoodles. We could do that here.”
“Kind of a dumb code word, but okay.”
This Viktor Kozlov was making my life miserable. Somehow, I had to figure a way to find this creep and put an end to this nonsense.
CHAPTER 7
Viktor couldn’t wait to tell Ivan what he had learned.
“Ivan, there’s something you should know. There’s a man here in Kansas City who looks just like me. We could be identical twins!”
“So what?” Ivan replied, obviously upset at being disturbed. “Why should I care about this man?”
“I’ve been checking him out. He’s a private investigator, but he used to be a cop. I think he’s still tight with many of them.”
Now Viktor had his attention. “Go on. Tell me more.”
“He also has some kind of relationship with Carmine Marchetti. The guy I whacked thought I was this Walter Williams.”
“Hmmm, that could prove helpful. What else?”
“I know where he lives and where he likes to eat. I even met his father. He had no idea he wasn’t talking to his very own son. Oh, yes, he also owns a flop house over on Linwood Boulevard. I think it’s called the Three Trails Hotel.”
“The Three Trails? He owns that dump?”
“I’m sure of it. Why is that important?”
“You’ve just got your next assignment. A guy by the name of Owen Gilmore rents a room there. He works on the loading dock at Harmon Imports. Harmon gets shipments of marijuana from Mexico for us. The weed is packed inside of ceramic dolls made in Juarez. One of the crates fell off the conveyor belt and busted open. Gilmore swore he didn’t see anything, but our man on the inside thinks he did. We can’t take the chance. We have to tie up that loose end.”
“Owen Gilmore,” Viktor said, smiling. “He’s as good as dead.”
“So who’s this new client?” Kevin asked, as we awaited her arrival.
“Her name’s Alice Dubay.”
I told him about how Viktor Kozlov had impersonated me at the diner and conned the poor girl.
He rolled his eyes. “So I suppose that since Viktor has her hundred bucks we’ll be working this one gratis?”
“At least the first hundred. We’ll see after that.”
At that moment, there was a knock on the door.
After she was seated and introductions were made, she said, “So good to see you again. Do you have any information for me?”
“About that,” I replied, “there’s something you need to know. This is actually the first time we’ve met.”
I saw her bewildered look. “But ---!”
“I know, this sounds crazy, but the man you spoke to in the diner wasn’t me.”
“Sure looked like you!” she replied indignantly. “He took my hundred bucks!”
“I understand. It’s a long story. He’s been impersonating me. The important thing is that this is really me. How can we help you?”
“I think my husband is having an affair with his secretary. I hope I’m wrong, but if I’m right, I need to get the proof to nail his sorry ass!”
“What’s your husband’s name and where does he work?”
“His name is Peter, Peter Dubay. He owns the Dubay Insurance Agency. The name of the little tart is Mary Lou Gossett.”
“What makes you think something is going on?” Kevin asked.
“The usual, working late in the evening, weekend trips to insurance conferences, that kind of stuff. Plus, he always gets defensive when I mention anything about her.”
“We’ll get started right away,” I said.
“How much is this going to cost me?”
“You’ve already paid my imposter a hundred dollars. That part we’ll eat. Then we’ll see after that.”
“Thank you,” she replied, extending her hand. “Mel said you were stand up guys.”
“What a dump!” Viktor muttered as he parked in front of the Three Trails Hotel.
As he stepped out of his car, a heavy-set, older woman on the porch swing waved.
“Hi, Mr. Walt. I was going to call you to come by. I’ve collected all of this week’s rent. Let me get it for you.”
As Viktor stepped onto the porch, the woman returned with an envelope. “It’s all here,” she said, proudly handing him the envelope. “Everyone’s paid up. $800.00.”
He couldn’t believe his good luck. “Thank you so much, and good job! One more thing. I need to talk to Owen Gilmore. What room is he in?”
“He’s in #14 at the end of the hall. How’s Maggie? Seems like weeks since I’ve seen her.”
“She’s doing just fine. She said to say hello. Well, guess I’ll go check on Owen. Thanks again.”
Viktor pocketed the money and climbed the stairs. He had just reached the landing when an old gent emerged from a hall bath.
“Hey, Mr. Walt! Good thing you’re here.”
“Why is that?”
“Come in here and I’ll show you,” he said, opening the door to the bathroom.
Viktor figured he’d better play along. He stepped inside and nearly gagged.
The old man raised the toilet lid. “The darn crapper’s plugged up again. Better send Willie over to ream it out.”
“I’ll get right on it,” he replied, trying not to breathe.
Back in the hall, he asked, “Which way to #14?”
The old man pointed down the hall. “Last one on the right side, but if you’re lookin’ for Owen, he ain’t home from work yet.”
“What time does he usually get home?”
“About five-thirty, unless he stops at the tavern for a beer. Then it’s anybody’s guess.”
“Thanks, I’ll be back.”
Kevin pulled to the curb across the street from the Dubay Insurance Agency. The office was housed in a store front with a Subway on one side and a beauty shop on the other.
“Pretty bland,” I remarked.
“I’ll say,” Kevin replied. I doubt you’ll see any Dubay insurance ads on TV. Speaking of that, have you seen the Geico commercial with the camel roaming around the office asking, ‘What day is it. What day is it?’ Then a gal finally says, ‘Hump day,’ and the camel gets all giddy. I love that!”
“My favorite is the one where the father buys his kids a possum for a pet. I crack up every time I see it.”
“Then there’s the one where a guy who looks like Rod Serling says, ‘Can you save 15% with Geico Insurance? Does the fifth little pig say, ‘wee, wee, wee, all the way home?’ Then it shows a mom driving with the pig squealing. It’s a gas!”
I looked at my watch. “It’s almost lunch time. Do you think they’ll go for a nooner, or wait until after work?”
“We’ll know soon enough,” he replied, looking at a photo Alice
had given us. “Here comes Mary Lou.”
We watched as she walked to her car and drove away.
“Should we follow her?” I asked.
“Nope, it’s Peter we’re after. If they’re really going to a rendezvous, he’ll lead us right to her.”
Ten minutes later, Peter emerged and locked the office door.
“Now we follow.”
He wound through town, then turned south on I-49 toward Grandview where he turned off the freeway and into a motel parking lot.
“Bingo!” Kevin said. “We got the bastard!”
Kevin pulled into the lot and we watched Peter knock on one of the ground-floor units. A woman opened and gave Peter a big smooch.
“Holy crap!” Kevin muttered. “Old Peter’s doing the nasty, but it’s not with Mary Lou. Quick! Get a photo.”
I snapped a shot just before they stumbled, groping one another, into the room.
I gave Alice a call, and she arrived at my office just as we were pulling up.
When we were all seated, I took a deep breath. “We have good news and bad news. The good news is that your husband isn’t having an affair with Mary Lou.”
“That’s a relief. What’s the bad news?”
I handed her the photo.
“That slimy s.o.b!”
“Do you know the woman in the photo?”
“Hell yes I know her. That’s my best friend! At least I thought she was. I’m going to make their lives a living hell. What do I owe you?”
“Not a thing. It was one afternoon. The hundred you paid the other guy would have covered it.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it. I don’t suppose either of you would know where I could hire a hit man?”
Alice had just left when the phone rang. It was Mary Murphy, the housemother at my Three Trails Hotel.
“Mr. Walt, I just wanted you to know that Owen Gilmore just got home from work.”
“Uhhh, thanks, but why would I care about that?”
“Because you came by to see him earlier and he wasn’t here.”
“Mary, I haven’t been at the hotel today. I’ve been with Kevin.”
“Sure you were. Remember? I gave you the rent money for the week.”
Lady Justice and the Evil Twin Page 3