by Laura Lee
Drew throws his arms up in the air like he just scored a touchdown. “We’ll take it!”
She pulls out two trays with thin gold bands on the left and thicker ones on the right. “First, I’ll need to see your marriage license and photo ID’s. While I’m looking that over, go ahead and find one that fits. Lady Gaga should be finished with her current ceremony by the time we’re done with the formalities.”
“Lady Gaga?” Drew asks, handing the requested documentation to her. “I thought Elvis would be performing the ceremony.”
Smoky shakes her head. “I’m sorry, honey, but Elvis is out sick tonight.” She lowers her voice and shields her mouth with her hand like she has a juicy secret. “He’s having a nasty herp flare-up and the Elvis costume is really tight around the crotch. The poor guy kept yelping with every hip gyration last night. Gaga is filling in for a few days until the sores clear up. But don’t worry; she still performs the service exactly as Elvis would.”
I gag. Okay, I’m normally one to encourage an overshare but that’s taking it a little too far. Drew seems to agree because he’s turning a little green.
I fish my license out of my purse and hand it to her. “Lady Gaga it is!”
She nods to the ring selection. “Neither one of you have a nickel allergy, right?”
Drew and I look at each other in confusion. “Um...I don’t think so,” I answer.
“Me neither,” Drew says. “But I thought you said they were gold.”
Smoky shakes her head. “They’re gold-plated. The nickel’s underneath.”
“Ah,” Drew and I say in unison.
While we try a few on for size, Drew leans down and whispers, “I’ll get you a better one later.”
“But these are so fancy!” I joke. “Why would I want a different one?”
He laughs before his expression turns serious. “Honey, you deserve to be dripping with diamonds.”
I smile softly. “I don’t need anything flashy, Drew.” I hold a ring up once I find something that fits. “This is fine.”
He returns my smile. “Let’s save this argument for another time. We’ve got an aisle to walk down.”
I place the rings we’ve chosen on the counter. “These will do.”
Estelle—I just noticed her nametag—nods as she scoops the rings into her hand. “Great choice.”
“Now what do we do?” Drew asks.
The chapel doors open and an Asian couple comes stumbling out with giant smiles plastered to their faces.
Estelle nods in that direction. “Now you get married.”
She instructs me to hang back by the doors as she positions Drew toward the front, to Lady Gaga’s right. Man, that’s a damn fine impersonator. I’d swear I was looking at the real thing if our officiant didn’t have a prominent Adam’s apple.
Estelle steps to the left and hits a button on the remote she is carrying. Instrumental music flows through the small room. Gaga starts singing the lyrics to “Can’t Help Falling in Love”, which is my cue to move. My eyes never leave my groom’s as I slowly walk down the aisle. He’s grinning like a buffoon but he’s still so goddamn sexy it blows my mind. I’ve never been this attracted to another man. I don’t know why everything is so different with Drew; it just is.
I stumble on the last step—damn you, tequila!—before meeting Drew at the altar.
“Hi,” he whispers. “You looked hot as fuck walking down that aisle.”
I hiccup. “Thank you.”
Gaga clears her throat. “Join hands with your beautiful bride, you gorgeous beast.”
Drew and I snicker as we link our fingers together.
“Welcome to the Hunk of Burning Love Wedding Chapel,” Lady Gaga begins. “We are gathered here today, in the great city of Las Vegas, to join Andrew Summers and Charlotte Harris in matrimony. Andrew, please place the ring on Charlotte’s finger and repeat after me.”
Drew squeezes my hand and nods in acknowledgment.
“Oh, baby, baby, baby,” Gaga says. “I’ve got a burnin’ love.”
Drew smirks. “Oh, baby, baby, baby. I’ve got a buuuurnin’ love.”
“So if you promise,” Gaga prompts, “to be my lovin’ teddy bear...”
Drew and I laugh hysterically before he repeats the words. We are still laughing as she gives him the next verse.
“I promise to never leave you at the Heartbreak Hotel,” Drew repeats with a smile.
Gaga nods, evidently satisfied with Drew’s performance. She hands Drew’s wedding band to me and says, “Now, Charlotte, please place the ring on Andrew’s finger and repeat after me. Baby, you’re my favorite hound dog.”
I wink at Drew as I slide the band over his knuckle. “Baby, you’re my favorite hound dog.”
“You’ve got me all shook up,” Gaga singsongs.
I do a little shimmy. “You’ve got me all shook up.”
“If you promise to treat me nice, and don’t be cruel,” our officiant continues.
“If you promise to treat me nice, and don’t be cruel,” I echo.
“Then I promise to love you tender, and never, ever, step on your blue suede shoes.”
I bite my lip as Drew’s eyes fill with heat. “Then I promise to love you tender, and never, ever, step on your blue suede shoes.”
“By the power vested in me,” Lady Gaga says.
“Wait—” Drew interrupts. “Can I say something real quick?
Gaga nods. “Sure, darlin’.”
Drew cradles my face in his hands. “I know this is crazy. Really fucking crazy. I know we don’t know each other all that well, but I’m absolutely positive I don’t want to spend my life with anyone but you. We have time to learn the details. You’re it for me, Charlee. You have to promise me that you’ll remember that.”
My eyes fill with tears. “You’re it for me, too, Big Guy.”
“That was so beautiful!” Gaga gushes, as she wipes a tear from the corner of her eye. “May I continue now?”
“Sure,” Drew nods.
“By the power vested in me, and the great state of Nevada, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”
Drew’s attacking my lips before the sentence ends. I moan into his mouth as our tongues dip and stroke, making me think of another kind of stroke—and to be clear, I ain’t talking about swimming. His boner digs into my stomach as we make out until my panties are drenched and my clit throbs.
The officiant clears her throat right as I start rubbing my torso against Drew’s cock. “You guys really need to stop. You’re making it awfully hard for me to tuck things under, if you know what I’m sayin’.”
Drew pulls away with one last nibble to my bottom lip, and rests his forehead against mine. “We’re married.”
I sigh dreamily. “We are.”
“Smile!” Estelle says. We only have about two seconds to comply before she’s blinding us with a flash. “Let me print this for you and you two will be all set.”
We follow her to the front of the building and wait as she prints the photo and places it in a cardboard frame.
“Here you go!” she says, handing it over. “The limo is out front waiting. You have one hour from now.”
Drew grabs my hand. “Are you ready to go, Mrs. Drew?”
I swing our joined hands as I practically skip to the exit. “I’m ready, Mr. Charlee!”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
DREW
Just as Estelle promised, the limo driver is outside waiting for us, holding the car door open. “Congratulations, folks. I’m Rupert and I’ll be your driver for the next hour. Where would you like to go?”
Charlee slides onto the bench seat as I shake Rupert’s hand. “Thanks, man. Can we just drive around for a bit? We’re staying at the MGM so if you could head there when our time is up, that’d be great.”
“Sure thing,” he says before closing the door.
Thank fuck the partition is up because Charlee straddles me the second the door closes.
“Whoa there
!” I laugh. “Excited much?”
She grinds into my lap and moans when she feels how badly my dick is dying to tear through my zipper. “Don’t pretend that I’m the only one, dear husband.”
Damn, who knew that last word could be so hot? I didn’t think it was possible, but little Drew is even harder now.
So do something about it already! he says.
Working on it, dude, I reply.
I slam my mouth against Charlee’s, urging hers to open. She parts her lips with zero hesitation whatsoever and kisses me back with matched enthusiasm. My hands slide under her dress and grip the firm globes of her ass as she rides me through our clothes. Goddamn, this woman is no stranger to squats. Charlee has long lean muscles throughout her body, but she was blessed with a little extra junk in the trunk. I’ve always been an equal opportunity kind of guy when it comes to T and A, but this ass could easily tip the scales.
I can feel how wet her pussy is through my jeans and it takes every ounce of willpower that I possess not to unzip and slide her panties to the side. But I’m determined to keep my dick in my pants, because the first time I have sex with my wife will not be in the back of a fucking car.
Foreplay is totally fair game though, my dick offers.
Good point.
Charlee yelps when I band my arms behind her back and swiftly rotate our bodies until she’s lying against the seat. The motion doesn’t mix well with the alcohol I’ve consumed, so I hover over her for a few seconds while the dizziness fades. When my equilibrium gives me the all-clear, I bunch her dress up, and just take a moment to appreciate her tiny red, soaking wet, lace panties.
Charlee gasps and arches her back as I slide my finger right down the middle. “Drew, what are you doing?”
My fingers tease the straps of her thong before sliding them down her shapely legs. “I’m going to eat my wife’s pussy. Do you have any objections to that?”
She shakes her head rapidly. “Hell no.”
I grin as I tuck her panties into my back pocket and guide her legs over my shoulders. “Glad to hear that, honey.”
Fuck, she’s so beautiful spread out for me like this. Her thick dark hair is fanned out against the black leather, her lips are swollen, and her pussy is glistening with want. I would’ve pegged Charlee as a landing strip kind of girl, but apparently, she prefers Brazilian. I couldn’t care less either way but I’m a little disappointed in myself because I’m usually spot-on with these kinds of things.
All the better to see that hot as hell piercing, my dick declares.
Speaking of her piercing, the glint from the little silver barbell between her thighs draws my attention to it. I memorize the shape of it with the tip of my finger, rolling the ball back and forth over her clit. Within seconds, a flush spreads across her skin and Charlee is a squirming, panting mess. God, I love this thing.
“Drew, please,” she begs. “Put your mouth on me.”
I waste no time heeding my bride’s request. I flatten my tongue and give her one long lick from ass to clit.
Charlee’s back bows. “Oh, fuck!”
My hands wrap around her hips, holding her steady as I lick her up and down and side to side. I fuck her with my tongue as the pad of my thumb presses into her piercing. Charlee screams when I work a finger inside her, pumping in and out a few times before adding another and curling them. I gorge on the feast she’s providing like I’ve been starved, which I suppose I have, because no pussy compares to this one. No joke, I could do nothing but eat Charlee’s beautiful cunt for the rest of my life and I’d die a happy man.
“Oh, God, Drew! Right there. Don’t stop. Oh, God...don’t you dare fucking stop!”
I back off right as her legs begin to tense.
Charlee releases the most adorable little growl and comes up on her elbows. “You asswipe! Why the fuck would you do the exact opposite of what I just said?”
I breathe in her musky scent as I place gentle kisses on her inner thighs. “Now honey, is that any way to speak to your husband?”
She grips my hair with both hands and tries shoving me back down. “It is if said husband is withholding orgasms!”
“Aw, baby, I promise it will be worth it in the end.”
Ignoring her death glare, I get back to work on her pretty pussy. I point my tongue and begin slowly spelling my name over her slick flesh. Never too fast, and never too much pressure, because I want to this to last as long as possible. I avoid her piercing entirely because as awesome as it is, I’m pretty sure touching it even slightly right now would tip her over the edge. Charlee whimpers in frustration and calls me some pretty colorful names every time I build her up then back off.
When her fingers release my hair and go straight for her clit, I band both of her wrists with my free hand and hold them against her stomach. It’s cute that she thinks she can take control and when I tell her as much, she reverts back to the name calling. Normally, a woman touching herself would be one of the hottest things she could do in bed—remember that, ladies—but there’s a time and a place for it. I’m running this show at the moment and it will be over when I say it’s over. Call me an asshole if you want, but I promise you, Charlee will be thanking me in the end. You’ll see for yourself soon enough.
Dudes, take note: delaying the O is a risky game—especially when you have a wildcat in the sack, as Charlee apparently is—but it’s worth it if you do it right. Conversely, if you fuck it up... well, you’re likely to wind up with a serious case of blue balls or even worse, a kick to the balls. So in the interest of happy nads, I’m going to do you a solid and give you some tips.
First, you have to read your woman’s cues. If she’s not very vocal, pay close attention to her lower body muscles. If her legs begin to shake, or her thighs start turning into a vice, back off immediately. But when you do pull away, make sure your mouth is still touching her in the general area. Fuck her with your tongue, rim her ass, bite her thighs—it doesn’t really matter what you choose as long as you aren’t putting any pressure on her clit or G-spot. If you have no idea where either of those things are, for the love of God man, figure that part out first.
Secondly, wait about a minute before directing your aim at the bullseye again. No more, no less. You need to give her enough time to come down from the near-O, but you don’t want to ruin the mood by waiting too long. And if you approach too soon, she could instantly peak but it would be one of those half-assed orgasms that make you want to cry because they’re so confusing.
Allow me to put that in perspective: let’s say you’re taking a lady to Pound Town. Assuming you’ve already taken care of her multiple times, now it’s your turn. You pick up speed quickly, your swimmers are making their climb up the mouth of the volcano, then right as you’re approaching the summit, your dick accidentally slips out of her warm, wet grip. There’s no way you can stop the inevitable so you’re sitting there like a chump, whimpering as jizz leaks out of your cock. Any guy knows that you need a few more strokes after you first blow your load to get the full effect. Without them, it’s all for naught; the reward is substandard at best. Now do you get the point? Why would you want to put your woman through that kind of disappointment? Spoiler alert: you don’t.
Last, but certainly not least, use every tool that you have at your disposal. Your tongue doesn’t need to pull all the weight and you wouldn’t want it to, if delayed gratification is your game. Fingerbanging is a pretty obvious solution, but it’s not the only one. Think outside the box.
See what I did there?
If you need some ideas, watch lady porn. You know, the kind where the focus is on the man pleasing a woman. Stay away from hard-core because we all know those are mostly about blow jobs and DP and facials. While hot, that’s not what we’re going for here. I made that mistake once in my late teens and never again, my friend. Never again.
Personally, I prefer things like using the scruff on my chin to brush against the nerves around her puckered hole. The bridge of my nose is per
fect for teasing right beneath her clit while my tongue is licking her lower half. I’ll nibble her with my teeth—a personal fave—apply some suction, roll her nipples with my fingers while I’m blowing on her lower lips—whatever I’ve got handy, I’ll use. Feel free to steal my ideas; your lady will thank you.
You’re probably saying to yourself, “But Drew, how am I supposed to do all those things at once?” I feel for you, buddy; I really do. But if you have any hope of keeping a woman around, you need to learn the art of multitasking. Let’s be real; guys and multitasking go together about as well as peanut butter and pickles. But the better you are at it while muff-diving, the higher she’ll climb and the more addicted she’ll be.
Speaking of multi-tasking...
I add a third finger and smile as a litany of curses fly out of Charlee’s mouth.
“I swear to God, Drew,” she growls. “If you don’t make me come, right the fuck now, I will murder you.”
Yep, time to seal the deal. You know she’s ready once the threat of bodily harm comes into play.
I blow on her clit. “Hold on tight, honey.”
Diving straight for her pussy pearl, I swirl my tongue around with some assistance from the metal jewelry. Charlee’s heels are digging into my shoulders, her back is arching so high off the seat only her head is still resting on it. I keep at it until her entire body is vibrating with the need to come. Right when she’s about to reach the point of no return, I add the pìece de resìstance. I lube the tip of my index finger with her juices and rim her ass, putting just enough pressure to activate the pleasure center, but not breach the barrier. You never, ever, want to attempt backdoor access without explicit permission, but I get the feeling that Charlee wouldn’t mind some light ass play. My theory is confirmed as she enthusiastically pushes into my finger, causing it to slip inside a little. I give a slight twist and lo and behold, that’s all she needs for detonation. My beautiful wife screams my name over and over until her voice is hoarse. When she finally goes limp, I carefully set her back on the seat, and smile against her salty skin as I trail kisses over her calf muscles.