by Chase Connor
Spinning around, I turned and looked off towards the woods as my mind strobed memories and my breath came in gasps.
My mom was making me breakfast.
The shaking of the house and the green light.
My father was tucking me into bed.
“Mom will be back, Robbie.”
He had said that.
Waking up the next morning and being all alone.
Oma showing up.
Dad never coming back.
As I stood there, my hands rising to either side of my head, pressing against my skull as the memories rushed in and then receded, then repeated the process, I sensed movement at the edge of the woods. I looked up; hands still pressed to my head as it did its best to split wide open from the strobe light of memories flashing through my brain. Everything was going so fast—I remembered everything but, then I didn’t, over and over again until I thought I would go mad as I gasped for air, trying to get my lungs working correctly. Just as I felt the memories start to settle back into place, find their home within my consciousness again, the silence of the backyard was shattered by another wolf howl. But this one was close. So very close.
At the edge of the woods, though my vision was still somewhat blurry, I saw dark shapes moving through the trees towards the yard. I let my hands fall from my head as the memories fluttered away like dandelion seeds in a stiff breeze. My body felt frozen in place, from fear or the cold, I wasn’t sure, as three large shapes moved past the tree line into the backyard. Three wolves, larger than I had ever seen before, stalked out of the woods, their red eyes glowing and zeroing in on me. All three had thick black fur, red eyes that seemed to glow in the dark, and toothy snarls affixed on their muzzles. A low, rumbling growl emanated from them as they inched towards me, their massive paws sinking deep into the muck with each step.
My feet began to move of their own accord—my brain was not involved—moving me backward and closer to the house. I screamed out in shock at the sight of the wolves, which only made them growl louder as they continued their forward movements. I slapped a hand over my mouth as I continued shuffling backward, wondering if I should make a mad dash for the house or if that would only make them run after me. There was no way that I could outrun three grown wolves with half of the yard left to traverse. However, if I merely kept inching backward, they would surely catch up to me. They definitely would not continue stalking forward at the same pace once they figured out that I was terrified and unable to make my brain and feet communicate effectively.
Three wolves continued to traverse the backyard, inching towards me as I inched back towards the house. My heart was in my throat again, and my eyes darted from one set of glowing red eyes to another to another. All three wolves snarled, their fangs dripping viscous saliva as they got closer and closer and the house seemed to get farther and farther away. Staring into the eyes of the wolves was like staring into my future—a future full of ripping jaws, clenching teeth, sinew and flesh torn from bones, guttural screams filling the air. I swallowed hard as I started to take more substantial steps backward, my eyes zeroing in on the middle wolf—the one I had decided was probably the leader of this small pack. The middle wolf’s eyes squinted in what seemed like feral anger as I took another substantial step backward. He growled gutturally as the two wolves on either side of him leaned back and howled ferally at the sky.
Something inside of me connected my brain to my body once again, and my mind began to command my body to turn and rush for the house, to do everything I could to outrun these three wolves.
What were wolves doing along the shore of Lake Erie so close to Oma’s house anyway?
What does it matter, idiot?
These wolves are going to tear you limb from limb regardless of the reason.
Then it dawned on me.
I glanced at the sky, but the moon was waning.
Were these werewolves?
How could that be?
The moon wasn’t full.
Looking into the eyes of the wolf I had decided was the leader convinced me further that I wasn’t dealing with standard wolves. There was a human intelligence there. A hunger and longing and anger that a standard wolf could neither express nor convey with their eyes. For several moments, I stared into the leader’s eyes as he squinted ferally back at me. The other two wolves started to inch forward again, coming closer to me as the leader held back. Obviously, the two on either side were going to dash in and attack, and the leader would bring up the rear in case I tried to get around them. I had no choice. I had to turn and run for the house. Even if I could feint and dodge around them, the only place I could run was the woods—and they would surely chase me down before I got close to the tree line.
“Sir?” My eyes widened at the voice that came from behind me.
“Ernst,” I spoke through clenched teeth but did not turn my eyes away from the wolves, “go back in the house! Right now!”
The space of a single breath passed before Ernst had dashed forward, coming to stand before me, putting himself between me and wolves. Ernst was quick. There hadn’t been time to stop him from making himself a target.
“No!” He held a tiny hand up, palm out, towards the wolves. “Ya’ will leave the master alone!”
“ERNST!” I screamed at his insane display of bravado. “GET AWAY FROM TH—”
The three wolves all howled towards the sky again, then they were dashing towards him, teeth gnashing and red eyes glowing angrily. There was no other decision to make. Ernst vapor-locked at the sight of the wolves barreling down on him. I dashed forward and wrapped an arm around Ernst, enveloping him within my grasp as the wolves ran towards us at full speed. I held my other hand out at the wolves, as though this would stop them.
I want them to stop.
I don’t want to die.
I don’t want Ernst to be hurt.
“NO!” I screamed.
My vision flared as blistering fire erupted from my hand, flowing out in a violent wave towards the wolves. Ernst’s burrowed his face in my chest as the leader of the wolves ducked, barely avoiding the blast of fire. His counterparts were not so lucky. The wolf on his right was hit fully by the wall of flames, and the one on the left ducked a little too late, the wall of fire sliding across the side of him, singing off hair and melting skin underneath. I was breathing heavily, my hand still held out in front of myself, holding Ernst against me as the wolf leader snarled and growled but came no closer. The wolf who had taken the full force of the fire was whimpering and thrashing on the ground, and the other one was limping and yipping, putting itself behind the leader.
“Sir.” Ernst peeped.
“Shhhh, Ernst.” I silenced him, keeping my hand up.
Fire had just erupted from my hand.
I didn’t know how.
I didn’t care how.
Ernst and I were safe. For the moment. I didn’t want to drop my hand. The wolves needed to think that I knew what I had done, how I had done it, and that I was willing to do it again. They needed to believe that what I had done was very simple for me to do over and over again. Wolves that wanted to attack me didn’t need to know that I felt woozy but also energized. I felt…alive. The desire to burn all three wolves until they were nothing but ash in front of me filled me up, made my heart beat faster, but not from fear. I wanted to see them as scared of me as I had been of them.
I wanted pain.
Shaking my head clear of those thoughts, grimacing at the very idea of wanting to bring down pain and destruction, I glared at the lead wolf. He glared back, but he was slowly inching away as the other half-burnt wolf yipped and whimpered behind him. The wolf leader and I kept our eyes on each other as he backed up until he was alongside the fallen, crispy wolf before he finally bent down to break eye contact with me. He bit into the fallen wolf’s neck fur and started to drag the unconscious wolf towards the woods. Slowly, still keeping my eyes on the one-and-a-half wolves still on their feet, I rose from the ground as well, keeping
Ernst firmly against me, and my other hand outstretched towards the wolves. As they backed off towards the woods, the leader dragging the unconscious wolf and the other limping and whimpering, I inched back towards the house.
Nearly stumbling, the heel of my foot found the steps up to Oma’s house, so I finally lowered my hand and turned. Racing up the steps, I slung the door open and delivered both Ernst and myself to the safety of the kitchen once again. Immediately, I slammed the door shut behind us and locked every lock on the door. I fell to my knees on the linoleum floor and released Ernst from my grasp, placing him to stand on the floor before me as I knelt there. Ernst stood there, staring at me with wide eyes as I laid my too large hands on his shoulders. My hands covered both of his shoulders and part of his neck. He was so small, and he had put himself between the wolves and me.
“What were you thinking, Ernst?” I shook my head, terrified of what could have happened. “You could have gotten yourself killed!”
“Me?” He scoffed, though he looked more worried than anything. “Ya’ almos’ got yourself killed, sir!”
I pulled one hand away from him to place it against my forehead, my eyes closing as I did my best to slow my heart.
“Are ya’ awright, sir?”
Taking a shaky breath, I did my best to nod as I squeezed Ernst’s shoulder gently with my other hand.
“I’m fine.”
That’s what I meant to say. Instead, I said it roughly twenty times, as though trying to convince myself that everything was just fine.
I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.
“Sir?” Ernst squeaked. “Ya’ are covered in mud, sir.”
“Yeah.” I nodded, my eyes shut tightly. “I know.”
“Le’s go get ya’ cleaned up, sir.”
“What was that, Ernst?” I shook my head as a shiver overtook my body. “Were those…”
“Werewolves?” He squeaked out. “If I were ta put muh money on it…aye, sir.”
“The moon isn’t full.” I shivered again.
The mud and muck that had caked on the back of me felt cold and gritty and crackly and did nothing to make me feel better kneeling there in Oma’s kitchen. If I had been so inclined, I was sure that I could have peeled the mud off in one big frozen piece. I felt stiff and woozy…and alive.
“What did I do?” I asked, my eyes finally opened to peer into Ernst’s exaggerated wide-eyed face. “What happened? How did I do…that?”
“I wouldn’t be knowin’, sir.” He shook his head ever so slightly.
“I know.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Ernst. It’s just—”
I placed a hand on his head. A jolt went through me, memories flashing through my head rapidly. A fleeting glimpse of a past long since forgotten.
I was young. Ernst and I were sitting on my bed, reading a book. Ernst and I washing dishes together. Ernst and I jumping out and startling another of the Kobolds—Lena maybe?
Gasping, I yanked my hand away from Ernst and stared at him, aghast. My hands went to the side of my head again as I rose to my feet and stumbled away from him backward, my eyes shutting tightly, as though that would block out the things in my head. I shook my head and gasped for breath as the memories fluttered through my head like a film reel flapping to an end, slapping against a projector.
Slap. Slap. Slap.
“Stop it!” I growled, slapping my hands against the side of my head.
Suddenly, it felt as though something went through me, from the top of my head down to my feet. I felt empty. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I heard a giggle.
Did you see that?
“What?” I gasped.
Then the memories were gone. I opened my eyes as my hands cautiously slid from the sides of my head. Ernst was standing in front of me, wringing his hands and looking up at me; concern etched all over his face. Suddenly and inconceivably, I suddenly missed Lucas. The longing to see him felt like a cord pulling my stomach downwards. When was the last time I had seen him? I wanted desperately to hold him, to kiss him, to have him hold and kiss me.
“What is it, sir?” He whispered.
“Ernst.” I swallowed again. “I have something I need to do. I need you to check to make sure Oma is okay. Check on the other…your kin.”
“I can do tha’, sir.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
Stepping away from where I had backed up against the counter, I made my way around Ernst and across the kitchen.
“I’m going to…go clean up,” I said neutrally. “I’ll…I’ll see you in the morning. Um, later today.”
But Ernst was gone. He had disappeared into the shadows to, presumably, check on the other Kobolds and, hopefully, Oma. As I stood in the kitchen, still shivering, I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t pop my head into Oma’s room to make sure she was okay, to see that she was fine for myself. However, I somehow knew she was safe and fast asleep. If something had happened to Oma, I probably would have heard her cussing and carrying on. Instead of checking in on my grandmother, trusting that Ernst would do as he promised, I made my way through the house to the stairs. I needed to strip off my muddy clothes and clean myself off. Once inside of my room again, I grabbed my cell phone, and with shaky hands, shot off a text.
Twenty minutes later, I was clean and in fresh pajamas, quietly opening the front door of the house. Lucas was standing on the front porch, still in his pajamas but with a Carhartt coat thrown on over them, bleary-eyed, hair standing up in all directions. I could tell that he had tried to pat it down to look more presentable but had failed miserably. Even his mussed hair made my heart leap. I quickly ushered him inside, closing the door behind him swiftly but quietly before locking it again. Lucas stood in the foyer, looking at me quizzically as I locked the door.
“Come over right now but be super careful?” He cocked an eyebrow at me. “What’s goin’ on, babe?”
“I just…” I turned to stare at him.
“Are you okay, Rob?” He looked as concerned as I would have expected after having received such a desperate, cryptic text at one o’clock in the morning.
“No.” I shivered again.
Then Lucas’ arms were pulling me into him. I folded my arms in so that he was hugging all of me against his chest. As soon as my body connected with his, I felt that feeling again. It was that feeling of being alive and powerful—just like when I had burned the wolves. Something that I felt had been missing, something that had once made me feel like Robert Wagner, something I hadn’t even known was missing, was back for the briefest of moments. Before I could stop myself, I had pried my arms out from between our bodies and placed my hands on either side of his head. My lips found his, and I kissed him desperately, as though I were a man lost in a desert and his lips were water. Lucas gasped in shock, yet appreciatively, as I fed at his mouth. His arms pulled me tightly into him as I kissed him passionately, needing to taste him.
“Rob.” He gave a nervous laugh as I pulled away from his mouth.
“I missed you,” I said.
“You missed me?”
“Desperately.” I felt my eyes water, but no tears fell. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. I don’t know why.”
“Does it matter?” He whispered against my mouth.
“No.”
“I missed you, too.”
“I need to have sex with you,” I said, feeling that surge of power zip through my body again. “Right now. Can you do that? Can you make me feel better right now?”
“Right here?” He smiled wickedly.
“In my room.” I jerked my head towards the stairs. “Now.”
“Okay.”
Moments later, we were a flurry of arms and fingers, tongues and lips, stumbling into my room together. My hands were doing their best to push Lucas’ coat off of him and rip his shirt off over his head as he did his best to both shut the door as gently as possible and push me towards the bed. We fell onto the bed as one, a little too roughly, though my body told me not
to worry if we woke Oma. I needed to feel every part of Lucas, have him feel every part of me, to forget about what had just happened less than thirty minutes prior in the backyard. I didn’t want to think about wolves with red glowing eyes and flames shooting out of my hand. Lucas and his body were all I cared about at that moment.
Lucas gasped in delight as I flipped him onto his back on the bed and planted a knee on either side of his hips and leaned down to smother his mouth with mine. I ground my pelvis into his, grabbed one of his wrists in each hand and held him down, taking control of him. When I pulled my mouth away, his mouth tried to find mine again, but I held back, smiling wickedly down at him as he did his best to keep kissing me.
“Please, Rob.” He pleaded.
Giving him another, fleeting, yet passionate kiss, making him groan once again, I slid down his body, kissing a trail to lower places. Muffled groans and whimpers filled the air as I did my best to bring Lucas to the brink with my lips and tongue as he twisted my hair in his fists. When I released him, I shimmied up his body again, presenting myself to his lips. Lucas accepted me eagerly as I braced my hands against the wall over the headboard, groaning in desperation as he returned the favor. Before either of us could fall over the edge, Lucas released me and we were ripping our pajama pants the rest of the way off. From seemingly nowhere, Lucas produced a condom, smiling hungrily up at me as he tore the wrapper open and slid it onto me. Then I was yanking his legs onto my shoulders and positioning myself against him. Lucas wrapped his arms around my neck, his eyes pleading with me to do the thing we both needed so desperately.
When we were both spent, my body on top of his, our lips and tongues dancing once more, I felt like Rob again. There were no flashing memories or incorporeal whispers or surges of power through my body. All I could feel was myself still inside of Lucas, his arms around my neck, his lips on mine, and a kind of sleepiness I hadn’t felt in days. I was barely able to extract my body from Lucas’ so that he could turn on his side and I could wrap myself around him. As I drifted off, feeling as though I couldn’t stay conscious even if I had wanted, Lucas whispered to me.