by Stacy Eaton
“If you don’t want to be here, leave.” His eyes were the darkest shade of green that I had ever seen, and his face was stony.
“Tucker, that’s not what I meant.”
“It’s not? You know it’s my legs that don’t work, Josey. My ears work just fine, and I just heard you say you wish you hadn’t come.”
“You didn’t hear the whole conversation, Tucker. You’re taking it out of context.”
“Am I?” he bellowed. “I don’t think so.” He rolled his chair back and forth for a moment agitatedly, “You know what? I want you to leave. I don’t need you anymore, Josey. I can do it myself.”
I jumped to my feet. “What? Tucker you aren’t ready to be alone. You need me.”
He glared at me with such force that I stumbled back. “I don’t need you, Josey, and I sure as hell don’t want you here, especially if you don’t want to be here.”
“Tuck—”
He didn’t let me finish as he spun around. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you get to keep your money. You earned it.”
“What?” I shouted at him.
He paused at his door but didn’t turn back around. “I know my parents paid you to be here, Josey. Your job here is done. I’d like you to leave as soon as possible, please. I’m no longer your concern.”
“Tucker,” I began to approach him, but he hurried inside his room, shut the door, and locked it. I wanted to beat it down, but instead I dropped my face into my hands.
How did he know about the check? Did his parents say something to him? If they did, didn’t they tell him I didn’t accept it? Was this why he’d been so withdrawn from me? Did he think I was only here because I was being paid?
So much of the last two weeks made sense now, and I swiped at the tears on my cheeks. I returned to my room and, for a long time, sat on the edge of the bed.
I did want to be here. I’d said that to Ember because I felt so much for Tucker and knew he didn’t feel the same. I knew that I was going to hurt for a long time after this.
I considered ignoring Tucker and staying, but I was so upset and frustrated by everything that I decided it would be easier for me to leave. He was right, he wasn’t my problem. I just wished that he was.
I pulled out my tablet and checked for the next flight to New York. I booked a seat and packed my things. I’d leave a note for Marge with directions on whom to call the next day to hire an aide for him. He might be able to do a lot of things for himself, but he would still need help.
Two hours later, I stared at his closed bedroom door. Was he sorry about what he had said? Did he still want me to leave? I hung my head and walked out the door. I figured I could see if one of the ranch hands could drop me off at the airport, or if not, I’d call a taxi, but either way, I’d do it from outside the house.
I felt like a thief slipping away in the night as I pulled my two suitcases as quietly as I could out of the house and down the sidewalk.
“Josey!” John’s voice behind me stopped me. “What’s going on?”
“John, can you take me to the airport?”
He studied me for a moment. “Sure, are you okay?”
“I will be,” I nodded and fought to hold back the tears.
John went to get his truck and loaded my suitcases into the back while I stared at the house and the window to Tucker’s room. I wasn’t sure, but I thought I saw a shadow of a man sitting there. That’s what he was, it seemed, just a shadow of the man he’d once been.
I climbed in the truck and didn’t look back.
“Is everything alright back home?” John asked as we got on the road.
“Yeah, everything is fine there. Tucker asked me to leave.” I laughed bitterly, “Actually, he demanded that I leave.”
“What?” he squawked from the driver’s seat. “Tuck told you to leave?”
“Yeah,” I sighed as the darkened landscape sped past us. “He walked in on a conversation I was having with a friend back home. I was telling her that I was sorry I had come here, but I was talking about the fact that I didn’t feel like I was helping him, and I was making things worse for him by being here. I care more about him than I wanted to, and I knew that when I left, it was going to be painful. He took it the wrong way.”
“Did you explain it to him?”
“No, he didn’t let me. He accused me of taking money from his parents and said he was basically firing me since I was paid.”
“But you gave the money back,” John declared forcefully.
I spun to look at him, “How do know about that?”
“I saw you go into the office and was going to stop in and say hi, unfortunately I stumbled upon your conversation and stayed to listen. I’m sorry for eavesdropping, but I wanted to make sure you were alright when you left.”
“Oh,” I replied softly, “I didn’t know anyone witnessed that. It wasn’t my finest moment.”
“Are you kidding me? Josey, that took guts to stand up to Theo. I was damn proud of you. Tuck is a lucky man to have had you as long as he did. I’d like to knock him upside the head over this. Damn, stubborn fool.”
“Please do not say anything about this to Tucker, or his parents. Tuck needs help, but I can’t give it to him, and until he’s ready, no one can force him.” I stared at my hands in my lap.
“Do you love him?” he asked quietly.
I shook my head, “I don’t know, maybe. Right now, I can’t think straight, I don’t know how I feel.”
“Well, I learned something a long time ago: If it’s meant to be, it will find a way to happen.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
John dropped me off at the airport, and I told him about the note I had left for them to call for an aide. John said he’d make sure to check in on Tuck himself.
Before I got out, John stopped me. “Josey, you were the best thing that ever happened to that man. He’s a fool not to see it. I hope one day he wakes the hell up and comes for you.”
My eyes filled with tears, and I jumped out of his truck before I made a fool of myself. He pulled my suitcases out, gave me a hug, and wished me a safe trip.
“Take care of him, John,” I whispered before I turned and fled, the tears coursing down my face like a waterfall.
Chapter 24
Tucker
The door closing behind me sounded so final. I was angry and hurt. If Josey didn’t want to be here, then she damned well shouldn’t be. What a fool I was! Somewhere along the line I had developed feelings for the woman who pushed me to work hard and to find a way back to a sane life, yet, as I sat in the dark by the window, I watched her get into John’s truck. She had stared right at me, but I doubt she could have seen me in the dark. If she had, she would have seen how hollow I was as she had closed the door and driven off.
I didn’t need her to be here. I could do this on my own. I knew damned well that I needed to speak to a therapist, but the thought pissed me off so much that I had fought it tooth and nail. Why the hell had this happened to me? Why was I being put in this fucking situation?
I lay awake that night and stared at the ceiling for a long time. At one point, I stared at my pain medication and wondered how many it would take to make it all go away. In the end, I took my prescribed amount and threw the bottle across the room to keep from taking more.
I didn’t need her. I didn’t want her, either, but as the shadows crossed over the ceiling of a car leaving the ranch, I realized they were both a lie—only it was too late to get her back.
* * *
Four weeks later, the miracle began to happen; although as it was happening, it was more hell than joyous. Very slowly, I began to regain feeling throughout my whole right leg, and by six weeks later, I was beginning to feel parts of my left leg.
My therapy was amped up, and I had begun a visual therapy with virtual reality glasses that started kicking my brain into gear and getting the nerves and muscles to start talking to one another.
It had been two months since Josey had left, and I
missed her every single day. I was heading out to the barn to see John, something I did every day now. Since Josey had left, John had been helping me get to my appointments and hanging out with me on and off. I never did hire an aide and learned to get along fine without one.
Josey had taught me well, and someday I would thank her for everything she’d done for me—but not yet. First, I needed to focus on getting better.
A car pulled down the long driveway, and I paused to see who it was. I didn’t recognize the vehicle and waited until it came closer. “Well, I’ll be damned,” I called out as Walker stepped out of the sedan. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“You haven’t answered any of my calls. I was worried you’d blown away in the Texas winds.” Walker and I shook hands, grinning the whole time.
“Sorry, I actually dropped my phone in a pile of manure, and yeah, I kind of tossed it. I don’t have anyone I need to speak to these days, so I never replaced it.”
“What? We’re chopped liver? Tony has been bugging the hell out of me to speak to you.”
“I’ll have to do that video chat thing with him on the computer. How is he doing? How’s Jasmine?”
“Everyone is good, worrying about you, but good nonetheless.”
“No need to worry, Walker. I’m getting along, really making some progress.” I paused, wondering if I should ask about Josey.
Walker noticed my hesitation. “She’s doing well.”
“Thanks,” I didn’t think I had the right to ask more. “So you came all the way down here because I didn’t call you back?”
“I’ve called you like thirty times. I wasn’t sure if you were alive or dead,” Walker commented dryly.
“Alive and kicking,” I lifted my right leg up. “See? Really, I’m kicking.”
“Whoa! You can move your leg!”
I shifted my left leg a bit, “The left one is harder to do, but I’m working hard on it. The doctors think I should be up and taking some steps in another month.”
“Tuck, you have no idea how incredible that is to hear. You planning on going back to work?”
“No, my days of playing good guy-bad guy are over. I’ll be happy to walk again, I don’t know that I will ever run.”
“What are you going to do?” he asked.
“Why don’t I show you? Come on.”
Walker stepped out of the way. “Lead the way. Hey, and there is another reason I came to see you.”
“Yeah, what’s that?” I paused at the entrance to the barn.
“I still want you to be my best man.”
“But I’m not walking, man. I don’t want to ruin your day.”
He gaped at me, “Are you kidding me? If you aren’t there, and in my wedding, you will ruin the day—not only for me, but for Jasmine and Tony. You’re family, Tuck. We don’t care if you walk, stumble, or roll down the aisle, we just want you to be part of our day.”
Josey would be there. Of that, I had no doubt. Would I be ready to see her again?
“Can you let me think about it?” I asked.
“What the hell is there to think about?”
John called out as he approached, “Walker, it’s good to see you again, how’s your son and little woman, Jasmine, is it?”
“Good to see you again, John. Jasmine and Tony are doing well. They miss this bastard, hence the reason I’m here to make sure he’s okay.”
John laughed, “Stubborn as ever, and I’ll answer for him. Of course he will be your best man.”
“Hey,” I blurted.
John didn’t mince words, “You listen here, Tuck. I’ve been playing nurse mate to your ass for almost two months. You’re healing; you’re starting to walk again. It’s time you stepped back into life and the best way to do that is to help your friends celebrate their big day.”
“But I might not be ready then.”
John jerked back, “Ready for what? Ready to see Josey again? Is that what you’re afraid of? After the way you treated her, you should be embarrassed, but it’s about time you apologize to that young lady.”
“What the hell do you know about it?” I asked him angrily. There wasn’t a day that passed that I didn’t miss her and wish she were here with me to see what I had accomplished.
“I know this,” he leaned down and got in my face, “you think she was doing the job because your parents paid her.”
“They did,” I retorted angrily.
“And she tossed the money back in your father’s face. You might have known that if you had let the little lady talk before you kicked her out, and as for what you overheard on the phone, she was telling her friend she shouldn’t have come to help you because she had feelings for you and thought you didn’t care about her. The woman was in love with you, you fool, and you kicked her to the curb.”
“How the hell do you know all this?” I sputtered. Walker stepped back and crossed his arms while he leaned back against the barn wall, a smirk on his face. He was enjoying this.
“She told me how she felt about you on the way to the airport. If you had asked, I would have told you sooner, and as for the money, I was there when it happened. Damn, I was so glad to be a fly on the wall that day because she not only gave the money back to your dad, but pretty much kicked his ass around the room, too, for the way they were treating you. I was damn proud of the little lady.”
“She didn’t take the money?”
“No, she didn’t. She practically told your father to shove it where the sun don’t shine.”
I grinned, “So they didn’t hire her?”
He threw his hands up in the air, “No, you dimwit. She was here because she cared about you.”
I glanced at Walker, he nodded. “I can vouch for everything he just said. Josey didn’t want the money. She gave it back to him.” He sighed, “And she’s been pretty damn miserable since she came back.”
I stared at the ground, looked at my legs, and let my gaze scan around the barn. “Well, shit.”
“So, what are you going to do about it?” John asked as he planted his hands on his hips.
What the hell was I going to do about it? I looked between the two men.
“I’m going to stand up at your wedding,” I said to Walker, and turned to John, “and I’m going to apologize like crazy to Josey and beg her to forgive me.”
John slapped me on the shoulder. “Now we’re talking.”
I looked up at Walker nervously. “But I’m going to need a favor.”
He pushed off the wall. “Anything, you name it, it’s yours.”
“Don’t tell Josey I’m coming, and don’t tell her I am getting the use of my legs back. I want to surprise her.”
He tilted his head. “Can I at least tell Jasmine so she stops worrying about you so much?”
“Yeah, but you have to make her promise to keep quiet.”
“The woman is a hopeless romantic. She’ll do anything if it will cheer Josey up.”
Chapter 25
Josey
I went back to work as soon as I returned home. I needed to keep busy. I kept so busy that I barely had time to sleep. I worked fourteen to sixteen hours a day, and I hung out with friends every chance I got. I immersed myself in the wedding planning, and at the end of each day, I lay down and cried myself to sleep.
I cried for what I could have had, what I should have had. I sobbed over the fact that I had no idea how he was, if he was going to therapy, getting help, learning to take care of himself, or if he still sat in his room every day and stared out the window. I cried over the memories of our first kiss and the glorious moments of lying beside him while he slept. I wept over the fact that I would never love another man like I loved him.
When I thought back to Walker, I wanted to laugh. The feelings I’d had for him were like a small chocolate kiss; Tucker was like a two-pound peanut butter cup. There was no comparison.
It took me a month to be able to make it through the night without tears. What a mess I was, but eventually, I stoppe
d crying and instead worked harder so I would pass out at night without any thoughts at all. I not only exercised in the morning, but every single night, too.
I was fighting a war within myself—or maybe I was trying to fight for Tucker. It didn’t really matter. I would probably never see him again, and if I did, I would keep my distance. He had his own opinions of me, and while they were wrong, it was too late to change his mind. It wouldn’t make a difference anyway.
I never even noticed men. Who could possibly hold my interest after I’d had the most incredible man in my life for a short time? No matter how Ember and Jasmine tried to cheer me up, I shrugged it off and put on my happy face for them. This was their time, not mine.
It was two weeks before the wedding, almost five months since I’d seen Tucker. I still thought about him every day, but I had found a way to get through the day without the memories weighing me down.
“Hey, Jasmine,” we were seated at Shot Therapy having a drink after doing a final cake tasting, “you never told me who Walker’s best man was.”
Jasmine and Ember shared a look. “An old friend of his,” she answered. “You don’t know him.” They shared another look, and Ember hid a grin behind her hand.
“What are you two up to?” I sprang up higher in my seat. “Do not try to set me up with this guy! You got that?”
They both laughed. “Don’t worry; we aren’t setting you up with anyone.”
I studied the two of them. “Well, you’re up to something. I can see it on your faces.”
Ember rubbed my arm. “Don’t worry. We aren’t doing anything. I’ve met the guy, though; you might find him really interesting.”
I groaned, “Don’t tell me he’s a doctor.”
Jasmine shook her head, “No, he works with kids, actually.”
“Why would that interest me?” I asked as I picked up my beer.
She shrugged, “I don’t know, just thought it might interest you.”
“Whatever. Like I said, don’t go getting any ideas in your head. I’m not interested in meeting anyone new or getting involved with anyone.”