When I pulled away to breathe and whispered, "I guess this is goodbye."
He lowered his chin, speaking barely above a whisper, "It's not goodbye, it's goodbye for now. Be strong. We'll be okay."
I nodded, trying to do as he said.
19
On the way back to the school in the jeep, I felt empty. If Ashe could build a wall around himself, so could I.
If Ashe could wait for two years and not think of me every second of every day, then so could I.
I had to move on and protect my heart.
Back at Drake House, I stopped at the open door of my shared room with Becca. Leaning against the frame, the school’s handyman and two student helpers were finishing up moving furniture to add Taya to our dorm.
“Great, another roommate,” Becca said dryly while readjusting a poster that had been partially covered when her wardrobe was pushed against her bed.
“I’m Taya,” the soldier told Becca, hefting her military bag inside.
Eyeing the room, I shrugged. “I’m sorry. I had no choice, no offense Taya.”
“None taken.” The soldier shrugged and moved aside for the handyman and student helpers to leave. Then she tossed her bag to the floor and kicked it beneath before beginning to make her bed.
I couldn’t do this again.
I didn’t want to do this again.
I was tired, frustrated, and angry. Instead of helping Taya or explaining to Becca, I pulled my fleece jacket on and headed toward the steps.
“I’m going outside for some air,” I murmured to the two girls. Taya smoothed out her top sheet and tucked in the corners before following me.
Opening the back door to the terrace, I paced the stone pavers. Streaks across the area marked where someone had swept a fresh layer of snow from the surface.
The wind howled through the canyon, shaking the pine trees and lifting sparkling snowflakes into the air. Its sweeping rock faces stuck out like jagged bald patches. This place looked so peaceful, yet inside me, a storm swirled.
Taya took a seat on the icy picnic table. Her gaze was on the valley before us.
“What’s it like?” She asked after the silence had strung on for several moments.
“What’s what like?” I asked, surprised at her question.
“The bond. What’s it like? I mean, I’ve known Ashe for a while, and I’ve never, I mean never seen him like this. Not even with Lacy,” she breathed out a laugh and watched me. “I mean the way he looks at you—God! I wish someone would look at me like that.”
She plucked the thin string that was my sanity with her words.
“It sucks. It hurts,” I murmured.
She shook her head. “You know, you should look up the age of consent. You might be able to consummate the bond before you’re eighteen.”
“Hmm. I thought it was eighteen.” My gaze shot to her. Was I even sure that I wanted the bond? I hated that I was so indecisive about it. One day I’d want it and another I wouldn’t be so sure. The thought of pledging myself to anyone at this point in my life was ridiculous.
“Yeah. I’m from Washington state, and the age of consent is sixteen,” she raised her eyebrows at me.
“Is that where we are? Washington?”
Her face fell, “No. We’re in Idaho.”
She pulled out her phone, and I shifted my gaze to the trees and the snow.
“Found it, yeah, you’re right. Age of consent in Idaho is eighteen.”
I blew out a breath and sagged into one of the cleared chairs, unsure if I was relieved or irritated. Letting my head lull back, I gazed up into the deep blue sky.
Taya’s voice broke into my contemplation. “I wonder if it’s based on where you are when it happens or where you live. Your Grandparents, the Lamberts live in Colorado.” She examined her phone. “It’s seventeen there. When will you be seventeen?”
“September.”
She raised her eyebrows at me, then snorted. “Huh. School starts again in August. But if you were to be somewhere where the age of consent is sixteen... then…”
“Taya, I know you’re trying to help, but I just can’t think about it now. Besides, Ashe told me that he won’t seal the bond any time soon.”
She sucked in a breath. “Yeah, knowing Carrick, I’m sure he’s researched this already. If he says the two of you need to wait, he probably has a reason.”
I swept the snow from the tip of my shoe with my gloved hand. I felt terrible about being so gruff with her. Softening my voice, I said, “All right, you want to know about the bond? You know Ashe. You know how logical he is, you know he means what he says. But, if I had not hesitated, then we would’ve already… you know? THAT’s what the bond does to you. It takes away your choices. It overrules your emotions, your thoughts, your logic. As far as what happens after that, I don’t know. And I don’t know if I want to find out.”
She sighed, “Pshh... you so do want to find out. God, I want that someday—that feeling.”
I breathed out a laugh. “Yeah, but everything is too much, you know? Even Ashe, he’s so intense, so focused. I don’t want to mess that up for him, you know?”
She smiled a closed-lip smile. “Yeah, I get that. And he is intense. He’s on the path to becoming PL someday—especially if he’s bonded to you.”
I twisted my lips. “Prime Leader? Like my grandfather?”
She nodded.
“What about Durand? Wouldn’t he be in line or whatever?”
She tilted her head back and forth. “No, besides, it doesn’t work like that. Durand pretty much runs the guard. He isn’t married and doesn’t have a mate. I mean maybe someday, but he’s more of a military guy than political. But Ashe, business skills, and having another Prime as a mate? Yeah, he’d probably get chosen.”
“Chosen? I mean, is there like a vote or…?”
She sucked in a breath. “It’s for life. When the old Prime dies, a new Prime is nominated, and all the living Primes are sequestered together. They deliberate with their dragons and come to a unanimous decision about who they deem most worthy.”
“Geesh. So, what happens if you want to quit?”
“You don’t. If Ashe were to become the PL, then he would be the PL until he died.”
Would I want to live in the Dragonborn community for the rest of my life?
We sat in silence again.
The door squeaked open, and instead of another student, I straightened at the sight of my grandmother. Her shiny brown hair in a perfect updo, pearls around her neck, and a fur-collared leather coat rounded off her winter ensemble.
Her shrewd brown eyes glanced between the two of us. “Miss Warren,” grandmother said, addressing Taya. My guard nodded, giving me a shrug behind the older woman’s back as she crossed the terrace to provide us with privacy.
Great.
Power radiated from Elise like sunshine. Her dragon was speaking to Aaraeth, but about what, I didn’t know.
My grandmother swept off a spot on the bench where Taya had been before settling down.
“Arthur and I have been worried about you,” came her soft comment, saying Arthur the French way like Artur.
I clasped my hands, not focusing on anything—not the view, not her.
When I didn’t speak, she continued, “I guess I should have explained things better to you.”
I raised my eyebrows and snorted silently to myself. You think?
Daende, my grandmother’s dragon, made a growling sound at me.
“You look so much like Celine, I forget that you haven’t been raised in the community.”
I didn’t plan on speaking. I thought I could hold my tongue until she left, but everything had been building up inside, and I was spewing it out before I even realized.
“You couldn’t have just left us alone? You couldn’t have just gone on with your life?” I spat. Getting up, I had walked over to the low rock wall that lined the edge of the terrace. “If you’d have wanted to know me, why not visit earlier? Why
bother now? You’ve ruined my life. You’ve ruined everything for me, and you don’t even care.”
When she was sure that I’d finished my speech, she stood and strode up next to me—her gaze on the sweeping gorge below.
“Did you know that George kept you from us? He hid you from us the way he did Celine. Do you know how long we’ve been trying to find you? How long we’ve been searching for you?” She sighed and shifted in her heels, probably cold. “He is the one who you should be angry with.”
My mouth fell open with a puff of incredulity. “Whatever.”
“Do you really wish you’d never come here? Do you really regret Aaraeth?”
I sagged, thoroughly chastised by her question. “No. No. But I should’ve been prepared. You put me on that flight... I was still freaked out. I’m still worried about my dad…”
This time she did cut me off. “That man is not your father. He’s a monster. If we could’ve gotten you away from him before this, then we would have. He is the reason Celine is dead.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Stop. You don’t know him. He would never hurt anyone.”
“He lured her away, and then he stole you,” her voice had become faint, barely rising above the wind. Her aura of power pulsed with pain and regret.
But I defended my father anyway. There had to be a misunderstanding. In a small voice, I said, “He protected me from you—he protected me from all of this. And part of me can understand that. Can you?”
“Is that protection when he’s been hiding like a criminal? Can a thief protect what they’ve stolen?”
“You don’t know him. I’m telling you there must be some kind of mistake.”
Elise blew out a resigned breath, a sad smile on her lips. “Then tell me, why did you leave with me? Why did you leave the hospital if your life was so great?”
I glanced around, wondering that same thing myself. I shook my head. “I don’t know. I just... felt...” compelled to go? “I must have been in shock. I’d just been in a motorcycle accident…”
She cut me off. “Who rides around on a motorcycle with a child? That’s not safe!”
I chewed my lip. “So, tell me—do you also think that George Miller isn’t my real dad?”
She covered her mouth with her brown leather, gloved fingers. I recognized the gesture—I did it myself when thinking.
“It sounds like you have everything already figured out. Is it even important what I think?” She asked.
“So, you don’t really know, do you? Celine…”
“Your mother,” she reminded me.
I blew out a breath, trying to refocus. “If you think George Miller isn’t my father, then who is?”
I looked over at her, and she met my gaze unflinching.
“You know, don’t you.”
She tilted her head, “I have a guess.”
My mind went back to what Ashe had told me. There’d been a rift between our families when he was a kid. I nearly rolled my eyes. “Am I related to Ashe?” I groaned and frowned sardonically. “Great!”
“Well, no, not like you have in mind. But all Dragonborn are somewhat related.”
I looked heavenward. Good grief!
Not only was I probably inbred, but possibly even related to my boyfriend.
After pacing the terrace twice and Elise not talking, I decided to take matters into my own hands. “I need to get out of here. I need to be with my dad…”
“No, you don’t get it, do you? If he wakes up, he’ll take you and run. That man—George Miller...” She sucked in a breath to calm herself. “That man shouldn’t have just been given the stygian ritual… he should’ve been locked up.”
I shook my head. “Does that mean he’s Dragonborn?”
A crease formed between her eyes, but she didn’t speak.
I squinted at her, “So, he could be my dad.”
“He’s not.” My grandmother closed the space between us and plucked a stray blond hair off my shoulder.
She took my chin in her hand to make me look at her. “Look, I’m sorry we didn’t find you sooner. But you are one of us. You belong here and not with him. Do you understand?”
I shook her off, annoyed that she’d grab my face like that. Her words played in my brain, not with him.
Elise pulled at her gloves before gazing out at the valley. “There was a time when we almost had you. You were around two or three. But Arthur likes to do things within human laws. And when we’d come for you, it was too late. George was gone, and so were you.”
I faced her, trying to gauge if she told the truth or not.
She shook her head. “We wanted you even if you weren’t Dragonborn. We thought there was a very high chance that your father had been human.”
Mentally, I pushed on Elise’s dragon Daende. Is she telling me the truth?
Instead of the dragon answering me, my grandmother laughed, “You see? You’re already beginning to master your gifts as a Prime. But it won’t work on me because Arthur and I are bonded.”
I gave her a strange look.
“That’s right, your grandfather and I are different than even most Primes,” she raised an eyebrow, knowing she had my attention now. “The ability runs in families. Many Dragonborn can’t bond even if they wanted to. Most Primes aren’t in a bond.”
“The headmistress said that to me, but I thought that maybe she was senile or something.” I was getting cold but didn’t want to say so, it would look weak.
She pressed her lips together. “Does Angeven seem senile to you?”
I shook my head wearily and whispered, “No.”
We were standing close enough for me to see the perfectly applied pencil marks that filled in her eyebrows.
“No, she isn’t.”
I tilted my head, my mind reaching in different directions. “Angeven said that my mom had a bonded mate. Who was her bonded mate?”
Pressing her lips together, Elise bit the side of her cheek before speaking. “Sydney, focus! The fact that you and Ashe Carrick are both Primes and have a bond means that you could be very formidable. There’s power in the bond, more power than I can explain to you. This is another reason you can’t go running off to visit George Miller. Do you understand me? He could take all that away from you.” Her eyes bore into my own, and I stared at her. “I can only protect you if you do as we say.”
I shook my head slightly. We’ll see, I told Aaraeth.
No. Elise thought to me, nearly shocking me out of my skin when I heard her voice in my head. “If you go anywhere, you aren’t only putting your life in danger, you are placing Ashe Carrick into danger as well. Would you accept that kind of consequence should he be harmed or killed because of you?”
I wasn’t sure I agreed with her threat assessment, but I shook my head to get her off my back.
Was she bluffing? I wasn’t sure.
She speaks the truth, warned Aaraeth.
But I couldn’t fathom my dad being what they said. They didn’t know him.
Leaning back against the stone of the building, its chill seeped in through my fleece coat.
My grandmother turned toward the double doors of Drake House, and a pulse swept through me.
“You summoned someone?” I asked.
I had no idea she could do that. Who did she summon?
A man and woman strode onto the deck. They were stiff like Military, but wore more casual clothing.
Giving me an indulgent smile, Elise raised an eyebrow at me.
“Sydney, I must go now,” her eyes weary as she took me in again before closing the space between us. Leaning forward, she squeezed my shoulders and kissed my cheek. Whispering in my ear, she said, “You’ll find your footing here. After all, you are my granddaughter.”
I bit the side of my cheek, unsure what to say as she walked away. Part of me wanted to be everything Elise thought I could be, yet another part knew that I would never live up to her expectations. I wasn’t Celine.
At the door, she turned, her ex
pression unreadable, “Please, stay out of trouble.”
Standing there, shivering as the cold had seeped into my coat, I sucked in the frigid air.
It was clear now that I had no allies except myself. Even Ashe was compromised by duty and responsibility. But how far was I willing to go to leave? At what cost?
Would it really be like my grandmother said if I went back to my dad?
Stiff with cold, I finally wandered inside.
A twinge of guilt nagged at me in my room when I realized that Taya was still shivering. She’d been quietly standing on the deck the entire time.
That night, I formed a barrier to surround my mind. I blocked out everyone, including Ashe and Eondian. I couldn’t do much, but I could protect myself by distancing everyone.
And for the first time since I’d been changed by the ritual, I didn’t dream of my mate.
I dreamt of my dad dying in a foreign country alone.
20
After spending my weekend on a botched escape attempt, I was in no mood to attend my classes. And to top it off, Becca was not happy with the additional roommate. That weekend, she'd gone from smiley and talkative to cold and silent... not enough for me to call her out about it, but enough to make sure I knew I'd messed up.
Monday morning, I sat at my desk alone, frowning at my computer. Taya had popped out to go to the bathroom, and Becca had hurried off to get ready elsewhere.
I stared at Ashe's unopened email. My finger lingered over the button, but I hesitated.
Ashe wasn't mad, only worried about me, I reassured myself.
However, I had been the source of most of his problems lately, and I was afraid of what might be in that email. Had he received news of my dad? Had my dream come true?
Finally, I clicked it. Taya and I were already late for breakfast, what would a few more minutes matter?
* * *
Cracked Open: The Dragon Born Academy Page 17