by Linde, K. A.
“All right,” he said with a sigh. “But if it looks like it’s getting heated, I’m going to come intervene. I don’t need him pissing you off again.”
I nodded in understanding. “I’ll be right back.”
Then, I took a deep breath and strode toward Penn Kensington and a conversation I desperately did not want to have.
Penn
25
Where the hell had she gone?
One minute, I’d been talking to Rowe, and the next, Natalie was nowhere to be found.
She’d told me no when I showed up to talk to her and tell her the truth. I respected that. Even if I didn’t want to. I could have shown up with some stupid model and flaunted her in front of Nat, like she was doing to me. Hurt her like she was hurting me. But that was petty and would only prove her right.
And after all, I was the one who had hurt her in the first place. I wanted her to be happy. Just not with him. She didn’t get to choose Lewis and move on in my face.
Rowe nudged me and cleared his throat.
“What?”
He pointed in the other direction, and then I saw her. And she was walking toward me. What the fuck? Hadn’t seen that coming. Not after she’d turned me down earlier.
“Is this when I’m supposed to vacate?” Rowe asked.
“Uh…I don’t even know.”
“When Penn Kensington doesn’t know something about women, it is a new day.”
“Ass.”
Rowe smirked and then disappeared, likely to find the model he’d come with. He was only able to stand her presence in increments, as he found her relatively brain dead.
But my eyes were fixed on Natalie. That green dress that popped against her pale skin. The long, flowy silvery-white hair that stood out in the crowd. Those bright red lips that I missed and her blue eyes that said she was about to rip me to pieces.
I straightened at the fire in that look as she appeared before me. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” I asked calmly.
For all that fire, the closer she got to me, the more uncertain she looked about whatever mission she was on. But, since I didn’t know what she was going to say, I couldn’t prepare myself. Decide if I should wear my Upper East Side mask that she hated and deal with her or just be me…the guy she’d fallen in love with. Both came with their own problems.
“I can feel your eyes on me all over this club. I want you to stop.”
I arched an eyebrow. “You’re that attuned to my presence that you know when I’m looking at you?”
“Please, stop,” she repeated.
I glanced over her shoulder to see Lewis standing in our line of sight, watching her, watching us. A light flipped in my head, and I stepped forward toward her.
“Ah, that’s what you told him so that you could come see me?” I asked. My voice was low and seductive.
Her eyes flicked to my lips and back up.
“Don’t do this,” she pleaded.
“What will he do if I touch you right now?”
“Probably punch you. So, please listen to my words.”
Her eyes searched my face, pupils slightly dilated. Her chest rising and falling at an irregular beat. She clasped her hands together in front of her. Probably to keep them from shaking.
“I can hear what you’re saying. Your body is the one not listening,” I said, taking another step forward.
“All right. Do what you want. I’m going to go. I wanted to tell you that I don’t want this to happen between us at every event. That we could maybe just be normal. But you don’t want to hear it.”
The words broke like shattered glass in my skull. “At…every event?”
She flitted her hand and shrugged. “Yeah, if we’re in the same company again.”
I arched my eyebrows. Anger hit me fresh. She was actually going to continue this fucking charade.
“You know I wanted to talk to you to tell you the truth. But you said no, so I left you alone. You’re the one who walked over here to throw your relationship with my best friend in my face. Now you want to talk about other Upper East Side events you’re going to be at?” I shook my head, trying to keep from boiling over. It didn’t work. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Excuse me?” she demanded.
“Where did the Natalie go who told me that she didn’t want this life, to deal with my friends or a family who hated her? What the fuck, Nat?”
“I’m still the same person,” she said indignantly.
“In a designer dress and heels, on the arm of a Warren. You’re exactly the same. Nothing is different at all,” I said sarcastically.
She winced. As if I’d hit home. She must know that it wasn’t the same. That she was teetering on a precipice. Halfway into the Upper East Side might as well be a hundred percent. There was no in-between. I knew. I’d tried to get away. The only person I knew who had succeeded had to change his name and move across the country without anyone knowing. If Natalie wasn’t careful, that was where she’d be too.
“Fine. It’s different. I was wrong,” she spat. “Is that what you want to hear? I don’t see your crew. Lewis’s family doesn’t hate me. I’ve made friends here. And a designer likes me enough to want me to wear her clothes to appearances. Whatever the fuck that means.”
“If I wanted to hear you say that you were wrong, I would want it to be about us,” I told her earnestly.
I took her hand in mine, and she wrenched back.
“I’m with Lewis now,” she whispered as if it pained her to speak it to me.
“Noticed that.”
“Don’t use that judgmental tone, as if you’re so above it.” Her blue eyes flared with fire. “I’ve heard all about the last year for you.”
“Yeah. Want to hear more about it?” She turned as if she was going to leave, but I reached out to stop her. “Yes, I slept with other people. Because you said that we were never going to be together. You slammed the door shut. And the only way to get back at Katherine for fucking ruining my life was to sleep with her friends until I got bored and realized none of them could ever fill the void that was missing. None of them could make me forget you. So, I packed it up and left society and tried to get out. I’d half-succeeded when you walked back into New York City with your fancy book deal and my best friend on your arm.”
Natalie gasped. “My…fancy book deal?”
“Fuck,” I grumbled, releasing her. I hadn’t meant to play that card. I’d just gotten so pissed off that it tumbled out.
“How…do you know about my book deal?”
I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair. “Look, it was an accident. Katherine came to see me and flaunt that you were in New York after seeing the picture of you and Jane. I couldn’t figure out why you’d be here and asked Rowe to look for me.”
Her eyes rounded. “You did what?”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that you were hiding your identity for a reason, but we looked through your page and found your editor, who kind of led us to Olivia.”
She blanched. “Who…who else knows? Rowe? Oh god, does Katherine know?”
“No,” I assured her. “No, she doesn’t. I asked Rowe to bury it, so she wouldn’t figure it out. I shouldn’t have done it, but then I found out you were here at that book signing. I drove to the Village to see you.”
“You were there,” she whispered.
I nodded. “I just…you said you didn’t want to be in this life with me. And you looked so happy. I wanted to respect your wishes. Look where that fucking got me.”
She slammed her hand into my chest. “You showed up and didn’t say anything?”
“Didn’t you hear me?”
“I knew you were there. I thought I was crazy, running out of the bookstore, thinking you were there. And you were there all along.”
She looked frazzled. As if I had confirmed something that had been haunting her.
“I should have talked to you. Then maybe you’d be with me instead of getting new material for your next Oli
via book.”
Her mouth dropped open. The spark in her heated to full fury. I liked it better than her contained neutrality.
“Is that what you think of me? That I’m here to get more material to write about?”
“What else should I think?” I demanded, pushing her, wanting her to fight me. “I’d rather think that you’re using us than that you want him over me.”
“I’m not using you for material,” she snarled. “Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but I’m not even writing an Olivia book anymore.”
“One was enough for you?” I goaded. “Wanted to write the shit about the bet and then go on and live happily ever after on the Upper East Side?”
“I own everything that happened to me.” She stepped into me then. Our bodies so close. Her anger so hot. Now we were standing in that in-between space where we were as likely to fuck as fight.
“Fine. Own it. Just like you do right now.”
“If you didn’t like what I wrote about you, then you shouldn’t have been so shitty.”
“I liked your portrayal of me,” I said, catching her off guard.
“What?” she asked in shock. Her eyes going wide.
“Yeah. That Natalie was in love with me on every page. Every damn page.”
I’d read it. Cover to cover. My character was…obliterated. She’d unleashed all her rage on the end of the book and practically destroyed me. I’d read it and only seen how much I’d hurt her. And how much she loved me. Two sides of the same coin.
“What?” she murmured softer. Her heart splintering in front of me.
“Yes, you loved me, even when you hated me. Especially when you hated me. But I’m still here, Natalie. I’m still fighting for you. Even if I can’t reconcile that Natalie with the one who is yelling at me right now.”
“It’s because you broke that girl,” she said. Her voice was low and mournful. “You broke her, and you can’t fix it. And you need to stop trying.”
I slipped the necklace I’d been carrying around all night out from my pocket. Then I transferred it to her palm, closing her fingers tight around the crown charm.
A reminder of my love.
A reminder of that night we’d looked up at the stars.
A reminder that this was real to me, even then.
Then, I uttered one word, “Never.”
Natalie
26
I stared into Penn’s eyes. Blue meeting blue. And I read the sincerity there. Heard it in his voice. The knowledge that he wouldn’t give up on me. Not now. Not ever. Not when he still thought he had a chance.
Slowly, I peeled my fingers back and stared down at the small charm in my palm. A crown. Our crown. My throat tightened. I had the sensation like I couldn’t breathe. It was too much.
Why had I come over here anyway? I hadn’t thought it would be easy. But I’d thought it was necessary. Get this over with and out of the way. Then maybe we could all start to move on. But now, it felt impossible.
He knew I was Olivia. He’d read the book. And he hadn’t concluded that I hated him at all. He’d concluded that…I loved him. Fuck…he was right. I’d loved him so much that I wasn’t able to do anything else for weeks. Just write cathartically into the void until the book was finished. Then I’d been dead. For weeks…months. Amy hadn’t even been able to get me out of the house. I’d sent him away, but he hadn’t left my heart.
Now that I was finally moving on, it all came flooding back. I might think I was okay now, but fuck, I wasn’t fine.
“Choose me, Natalie” he demanded.
“Penn,” I said with a shake of my head.
“I know I hurt you, but what we had was real. And I have no idea how you can throw it away if you felt what I did.”
I fought for words. For something to say to that. I hadn’t thrown it away. He had. Fixing trust issues was infinitely more difficult than he was letting on. But as he drew closer, gripping my hand in his like a lifeline, it was hard to see anything but him. And easy to forget everything else.
“Well, well, well”—a voice laced with accusation rolled over us—“what do we have here?”
My stomach dropped to my toes as my gaze drifted up.
“Katherine,” Penn said. He dropped my hand and effortlessly shifted himself in front of me.
Katherine Van Pelt. I should have known that I would eventually see her. I wasn’t lucky enough to be on the Upper East Side and completely avoid her. And now, she was here…at the most inopportune time.
“Hello, darling,” she crooned.
Her dark eyes feasted on the pair of us. She looked spectacular in a blood-red dress fit for a runway. Glossy, dark hair cascaded over one shoulder, and her lips were the deepest, darkest red. She was striking and treacherous and the devil incarnate. She might as well have her tail and horns from Halloween.
“Look what the cat dragged in,” she said. Her eyes flicked over my shoulder.
And suddenly, Lewis was there too. He stepped up next to Penn so that they were both in between us. A solid masculine barrier that said more than words ever could. Who would have guessed the only way they could stand together would be because of Katherine?
No one said anything. Just waited for Katherine to make her move.
“Why are you all standing there like I’m about to attack someone?” Katherine fluttered her fingers at them. “We’re all adults here. Aren’t we, boys?”
Lewis and Penn exchanged a weighted glance and then moved back a fraction of a step. Apparently, they could work in unison when it was necessary.
“That’s better,” Katherine said. She settled her cool, hard gaze on me.
“Katherine, this isn’t a good idea,” Lewis said.
“On that at least, we are in agreement,” Penn said. “What do you hope to gain from this?”
“Gain? Why would I have to gain anything? Can’t someone else lose for once?” She tittered.
I huffed. “I don’t have to deal with this. I’m leaving.”
“Well, that solves my problem,” Katherine said. She twirled a glass of champagne in her hand and cocked an eyebrow at me. “Though I don’t understand why you’re here in the first place.”
“She’s here with me,” Lewis interjected.
“And even if I wasn’t,” I cut in, “I would have come because Jane invited me.”
“Oh, be sure, I noticed you cuddling up with the owner. It seems there is a long line of people who you’ve tricked into feeling pity for you.”
I shook my head in disgust. Only Katherine could turn around the horrible bet she had made and place the blame on me. “Okay. Sure, Katherine. Whatever you have to tell yourself. But I’m not going to just stand here and let you insult me.”
“Good. Leave,” Katherine said viciously. “Get out of my world and don’t come back.”
I was half-turned to go when the words hit me. Her world. No. If I walked away like this right now, then she would feel like she could continue to do this forever. That I couldn’t be in the same space as her. That I couldn’t be near Lewis or at Jane’s parties or even something as simple as walking through Central Park. There would be no end to this.
Katherine had been my friend for a brief period. Or I was a project, was more like it. But I’d seen enough of her to know how she would react to me scampering off to get away from her.
“It’s not your world.” I faced off with her. Ready to go another round in the ring. “And I can do whatever I want, including being here right now or anywhere else you happen to be later.”
“Not if you know what’s good for you.”
I straightened and took a step forward. My eyes were narrowed in anger. “Is that a threat?”
Katherine just smirked. “If you want it to be.”
“Katherine, stop it,” Penn hissed. He moved forward, as if to put himself between me and Katherine in the likely event that I launched myself at her and ripped her shiny brown hair out.
I shoved him away and took another step
toward Katherine. “I can go wherever I please. You don’t own New York City.”
Katherine laughed in my face. “Actually, I do.”
“Just let it go,” Lewis whispered, trying to pull me backward.
But Katherine wasn’t finished. “That’s what you don’t get, Natalie. What you never understood. You think you can waltz in here and be one of us. That, with my clothes on your body and a Warren or a Kensington on your arm, you’ll be someone. But you’re nothing. And you’ll always be nothing.”
She was goading me. She wanted me to do something stupid so that she could play the victim. But I saw through her. I shook Lewis off and straightened. My blue eyes weren’t menacing but sad. Because Katherine was a product of this world. She was empty inside. And she didn’t know anything else.
“I might be nothing. I might be no one. That’s fine by me. But you…you can’t even come to terms with who you really are. So trapped in the past that you can’t see the future.” I shook my head once. “You’re a desperate, scared little girl who gets her kicks from hurting other people. You have no real friends, and you’re so insecure that you’re entering an arranged marriage for money. I’d rather have nothing than what you have.”
Katherine drew in a sharp breath. And for a solid minute, it felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. The music seemed to go quiet. The lights focused on us. We all waited on a precipice for her response. But I was done. No matter what she said, it wouldn’t matter to me. I was through with Katherine Van Pelt and her weak threats.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” I said.
I turned and walked away. Left Katherine waiting on a clever response. I might have had second thoughts about whether or not I fit into this world earlier today. But Katherine’s torment proved that I did. She thought that, by belittling me, it was proof that I should run and cower. But it was the opposite. I was a threat. A threat that she had to try to squash under her Manolo Blahnik heel.
I wouldn’t be squashed. I wouldn’t go away just because she wanted me to. I would rise from the ashes over and over again and not look back.