He assured me that without me he couldn’t take Ahern Inc. where he wanted it to be. He’d never be capable of achieving his dream. This time, I won’t let him down. At any cost, this company will become what he dreamed it would before he died.
“You’re complicating everything and letting yourself down, Weston,” Mom said yesterday morning.
She’s right. It’d be easier to fire the board and transition the company into my own vision. I click on my document files and open my personal folder where I saved the drafts of the company I planned to open a couple of years back. Slowly, I open each document. The mission statement was ready, along with the competitor analysis, the financial planning, and the market research. An entire business model that took me almost a year to create sits in the cloud waiting to be deleted.
“You’re a control freak.” Sterling who is a petulant twenty-five-year-old man-child takes away my laptop.
“What’s wrong with you?” I arch an eyebrow crossing my arms.
He sets the computer close to the sink, and I pray to God that he doesn’t do anything stupid because I will make him pay. But instead of turning on the water and drowning it like he did to my Game Boy when I was nine, he just leans against the counter and crosses his arms.
“I assume that you’re here to relax—with Abby. Why in the fuck are you working?”
“That’s none of your business,” I answer and point at his dog. “Why do you have a dog?”
He can barely take care of himself. I don’t see how he can take care of another living creature.
“I’m puppy sitting,” he says, watching the chubby pup walk around the kitchen searching for crumbs. “That’s why I decided to come here for the week. My house is too dangerous for this little guy.”
Well, at least he’s responsible enough to know that his home is dangerous with all the pieces of metal he acquires at junkyards, the dried clay lying around on the floor, and the tools that are everywhere. That place isn’t safe for anyone, not even my brother. I’ve told him several times that he needs to find a studio or a new apartment. He doesn’t care one bit and just rolls with what he believes is right.
Some days I wonder what it would be like to be him. He isn’t the brattish asshole I grew up with, but he’s still selfish. He doesn’t follow the rules. Unlike me, he does whatever he wants regardless of the consequences. Live and let die is his motto. He has the means to do whatever he wants to, and for the most part, he does.
Sterling doesn’t have to prove himself to anyone. Mom and Dad loved him because he’s theirs. Although they assured me that I was just like Sterling, I tried my best to be what they wanted—and needed. I worked hard to show them my gratitude and, even when I fucked up several times, I tried my best to abide by their rules. It would’ve been so easy to forget my origins and believe that everything I had was mine to take and do what I wanted with.
“I debated between lending the pup to Abbs or coming to Tahoe,” he says as an afterthought.
Looking at the pup, I’m sure that Abby would’ve loved caring for him. She’s always saying that it’d be nice to have a dog or a cat, or both if she had more time. I miss that Abby though. The one who was free, open, and always smiling. My mission is to bring her back, and if necessary, I’ll convince her to stay here permanently. It’ll fucking hurt, but it pains me more to see her suffer.
A feeling of disappointment brews in my chest. Every fucking plan I make goes up in flames for one reason or another. I toss my head back, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. Dad, if you’re up there, send me a sign about what to do, please. He always had answers. At least, that’s how I remember him. Would he tell me to stop dreaming and dedicate my life to his company?
Enough about the company, and Abby’s breakdown. I crack my neck and stand up for a beer, offering one to my brother.
“Who are you sitting for?” I focus on my conversation with Sterling.
“For my neighbor. He’s getting married tomorrow.” He shrugs then shoots me an inquisitive gaze. “What’s up with dear Abby?”
I shake my head because I’ve never seen her this bad before. She had a nervous breakdown or a full-blown panic attack on the plane, and as we were arriving, she began heaving. I’m not sure if she caught a bug or her body is giving up after not sleeping for almost a week.
“Your guess is as good as mine,” I answer as honestly as I can.
The clues she’s been hinting at about her past add to the puzzle, and yet they don’t make much sense. I’m not an expert, but I’m thinking that her mind is finally begging for help after all these years. It’s my understanding that she didn’t have any emotional support after her mother died. Abby didn’t allow mom or any therapist into her mind after Ava died either. Something’s gotta give and now, here we are on the edge. What’s going to happen to her if she doesn’t seek out professional help?
She never grieved her mom or her stepsister. I still don’t know how close she was to Ava, but if they shared the same room, at some point they must have become sisterly, maybe even best friends.
“Is she having nightmares?” Sterling asks with a serious voice that he barely uses.
“They’re back all right,” I nod. “It’s like the Abby from California disappeared and the one who came home six years ago is back.”
“Obviously, I know shit about mental stuff,” Sterling twists the cap off the beer and takes a few gulps.
“You surprise us with your knowledge, when you want to share it.” I say teasingly, waiting for some stupid remark.
“She’s a textbook case of PTSD,” he says ignoring my comment. “That doesn’t go away. It’s a permanent condition. The goal isn’t to forget the trauma because that’s impossible, but instead make it easier to deal with so it won’t affect her life negatively.”
“In other words, she suppressed it?”
He nods twice, his face totally serious.
“She was able to keep it in the back of her mind, but,” he pauses, looking down for a few seconds before his eyes find mine, “The girl returned to the scene of the crime so to speak. Every memory she suppressed rushed back within seconds.” He snaps his fingers.
I scrub two hands over my face, exhaling sharply. He’s right, I know it in my gut. She told me a few days back that she returned to Denver for me.
“If it’s okay with you, she might work from here,” I say out loud.
“It’s fine by me, but for how long?”
“What is fine by you, Sluggy?” Abby’s voice resonates through the house. My gaze lifts and I find her coming down the stairs.
“I heard that you’re taking a long vacation in Tahoe, Absters.”
“Wow, you haven’t called me that in a long time,” she says, smiling at the puppy who is waiting for her at the bottom of the staircase.
Abby sits on the first step and starts petting the little guy. “You’re a handsome boy. I should take you away from Sterling.”
“He’s not mine,” my brother warns her.
“That explains why he’s alive.” Abby sticks out her tongue and stands up. “If you ever plan on having a pet, try a virtual fish.”
She marches toward me, rising on her tiptoes and kissing my lips. “Thank you for earlier.”
I take her in my arms giving her a deeper kiss, before we’re interrupted by my brother’s loud cough.
“Are you okay, Slugger?” Abby frowns.
“What the fuck?” Sterling walks toward us and pushes me away from Abby. “What are you doing? She’s like my little sister.”
“I assume that you haven’t told him yet.” Abby arches an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side and crossing her arms.
Before I can speak, my brother does, “So, he finally manned up and made a move on little Abby.”
“Ugh, you make it sound like some weird taboo,” Abby complains sucking on her lip. “I’m not a kid.”
He looks at her from top to bottom and grins. “You’re right. I should have made a move before this one
did.”
“Sterling,” I warn him.
“Chill, Weston! I’m just joking. Don’t give me that murderous look.” He walks toward the couch and picks up a leash. “I’m walking Terry while you two make out.”
As he marches toward the entry, he stops and says, “Stay away from the terrace in the main room. I’ll let you know when you can go out there.”
Abby scrunches her nose but doesn’t say anything. I’m surprised she’s not going to check on her terrace. I bet Sterling let the dog use it when he wanted to skip the dog-walks.
“We should get a puppy,” Abby suggests as she watches the dog walking away. “There are plenty of trails where we can walk him.”
“Are you sure you have time for a puppy?”
“We can have a puppy-pen in the office.” Her wide, playful smile is back.
“How’s your stomach?”
She twists her mouth and says, “Sorry about earlier. The flight and …” She touches her belly. “I’m not sure why I got sick.”
“Hey, you don’t need to apologize.” I turn around and open the refrigerator grabbing a bottle of Perrier. “Here, let me make you something light. You must be hungry.”
“What would I do without you, Ahern?” She gives me a peck on the lips, opens the bottle, and drinks it down.
“Do you think it’s a bug or something else?” I ask as I search for the deli meat and mayonnaise to prepare a sandwich.
I’m glad I called the management service earlier to ask them to stock the fridge and make sure the house was clean.
“I’ve been edgy lately. It could’ve been a nervous breakdown.” Her thoughtful voice makes me look her way. She’s staring at the window, her gaze totally lost. “There are a lot of little things that are triggering my memories.”
I hold my tongue because there are too many questions I want to ask. What really happened to you, Abby? That’s the main one. If I begin inquiring, she’s going to shut down. I decide to keep quiet and listen to what she has to say.
“It’s like …” She shivers and rubs her arms. “Sometimes I feel like someone is watching me. Following me.”
I grasp the edge of the counter, my heart beating fast. Who could be watching her and why?
Abby shakes her head. “It sounds crazy,” she continues. “Most likely, it’s my mind playing tricks on me.”
“Who do you think would follow you, Abbs?”
“Never mind,” she says absently. “It’s probably all in my head. A few days in paradise should erase the bad dreams.”
Her dismissal doesn’t sit well with my stomach. We can try to search for a specialist later. My goal for the next few days is to make sure that she relaxes and forgets all about Denver. I need to find that witty girl I fell in love with. She’s somewhere underneath the storm raging inside her.
“After you have something to eat, we can spend a few hours at the pool,” I suggest preparing more sandwiches for Sterling and me. “You can forget everything that happened to you in the past two weeks.”
“That’s crazy talk. I wouldn’t want to forget them.” She takes the plate and sets it on the kitchen island. “It’s been difficult, but I’ll take all of that if it means I’m with you, Wes.”
My lips part in a grin. She chooses me over the pain she’s bearing. Heat radiates from my chest. I wish I could tell her how much that means to me. Even better, I’d take her to bed and show her how much she means to me. I’d love her slowly and carefully.
I wrap my arm around her and pull her closer. I kiss her forehead. Her eyes are closed. Her lips are parted, her breathing slow and even. I tilt her head to the side taking her mouth with mine. Her tongue meets mine. Her arms go around my waist and through my kiss I tell her every word I can’t say. How much I love her and need her. That if I could, I’d give my life so that she could stop suffering.
24
Wes
The sun is about to drop below the horizon. Abby leans against the railing, staring at the Tahoe sky. Streaks of orange, purple, and rose paint the evening. She loves the sunsets here. The colorful shades washing the trees and the lake with a golden glow. She’s always saying that people are like sunsets. Unique and each one beautiful on its own.
“Grandma made a point to watch them every day,” Abby says absently.
“Them?”
“The sunsets,” she chuckles and shakes her head. “Grandma used to say that no matter how bad the day was, the beauty of the setting sun could erase it.”
“You’re right. There’s no two alike.”
“Hey, gorgeous,” I call after her, lifting my phone and taking a picture of her.
The halo of light around her makes her look like an angel. She’s my own beautiful sunset.
“What else do you remember about your grandmother?”
She bites on her lip while exhaling deeply. “I lived with her from the time I was little. Mom moved back home with her right after I was born. A couple of days later she left saying that she was too young to deal with me.”
“How old was she?”
“Twenty-eight.” She shrugs, turning around and staring at the now dark horizon.
“Sorry.”
The trauma from being ditched by a parent never goes away. There’s always that inner child wondering “what is wrong with me?” Believing I must have done something terrible to be left behind—I must be unlovable.
“It’s all good. Grandma was amazing with me. She taught me how to count. We would count steps, marbles, rocks, and while we rode the bus we’d count cars.”
I hold on to the new pieces she’s giving me. Counting soothes Abby, and now I know the connection. Just like the importance of watching the sunsets.
“What happened to her?”
Abby turns around, tilts her head to the side, and exhales sharply. “Respiratory complications.”
“Who took care of you afterwards?”
“My mother had to come back.” She looks at me for several seconds, her lips pressed together. “Look, things weren’t pretty after Grandma died, and I’d rather not talk about my past. Can we talk about something else, please?”
“Did I upset you?”
“I feel like you’re psychoanalyzing me all the time,” she pauses, “It’s clear that our friendship has changed. We’re in this new and different relationship where we’re finding out if we can be more than friends.”
“We are more,” I clarify. “I know you, but I want to know more about you.”
“Be patient and let me tell you my story at my own pace, please.”
Be patient? I’m a fucking saint.
Does she have any idea how much I’m holding back for her. When I’m with someone, I’m demanding as fuck. Not that I’ve been with any other women in the past couple of years, however, before Abby, I’d be fucking the girl by the second date. But by the fifth date I’d usually already fucked up royally and had to move on. The big difference between Abby and every other girl I’ve dated is that I never considered getting to know them. They weren’t casual fucks, but I didn’t plan on having a serious, long-lasting relationship with them either.
In fact, I can’t remember the last time I’ve taken a woman out on a date. If I wasn’t working, I spent most of my nights on the phone with Abby, unless I flew to Berkeley to spend the weekend with her, or we were here in Tahoe. My heart starts to palpitate when I realize that for the past few years I’ve been dating Abigail Lyons, just doing so without an official title.
“What are you thinking, Weston?”
“When was the last time you went out on a date?” I smirk, waiting for her to catch up with me.
We’re those kind of friends, and now that kind of couple. The kind who know what the other is thinking. We finish each other’s sentences. This new turn of events could mean that I can push things further a lot faster. Then, I remember that earlier today she told me that she wanted to take it slow when it comes to sex.
If sex is a trigger for her, it’s a red flag. She
never made it clear if it’s changing the dynamic of our relationship or the act itself that makes her hesitant. Mom should’ve pushed for more information when Abby came to us. If something bad happened to her, I don’t know what I’ll do. I close my eyes tight taking a few deep breaths.
“So, when was your last date?” I repeat the question, relaxing as much as I can. Trying to untie the knot that’s formed in my stomach.
“Formal?” She scrunches her nose. “I haven’t dated in a long time. Between school, work, traveling with you, and your visits, the only person I’ve been going out with for the past couple of years is you.”
Her eyes open wide in surprise at the realization.
“In a way, we’ve been dating since you came back from your year abroad,” I say with a smirk and rise from my seat. “Even there I visited you often. We spent long weekends together either in or around England.”
“That’s … true.” She’s speechless, but I see the flash of amusement behind her eyes.
“There’s a difference though,” I take her into my arms, pulling her tightly against my body, “Now, I can kiss you whenever I want.”
I grab her sweet, beautiful face and kiss her. Her mouth feels like heaven, soft as a cloud. It’s a kiss that makes my head reel. I claim her spirit and hope to win her heart. A small whimper escapes from her lips into my mouth as my tongue thrusts inside her. I tangle my fingers through her wavy hair, claiming her. The real world disappears, melting away like a dream. We embrace in our special place, cocooned from the outside and reality. Just Abby and me.
This moment is everything I wanted. Yet, it’s not enough. I still want more of her.
All of her.
Controlling myself is getting so fucking hard. I swear, staying emotionally close but physically apart requires a particular skill. For the near future I’ll practice the art of balancing lust against patience. I’m sure it’s possible. I’ve been carrying this need for so long. Years.
Still, I’ll wait and give her the necessary space to become accustomed to the idea of us as a couple. It’s not easy to transition from best friends to a couple, and hopefully soon, to lovers.
Love in the Dark Page 139