"I think it's time we admit this isn't what either of us want, Rachel. We had fun. Most times we did. It's just run its course."
She stared at me for a long moment before that mouth that had given me so much pleasure in the past hitched up into a knowing smile. "Who is she, Cash? I've known you long enough to know when you're in love with someone. Remember? You used to look that way when we got together."
Turning back to look out the window, I took another drink, holding it in my mouth for a second before letting it slide down my throat. "I'm not in love with anyone. You forget who you're talking to. I don't do love. I do sex. Sometimes I do sex exclusively, but I don't do love."
"Yeah, right, baby. Don't tell me you weren't in love with me, Cassian March. I know you better."
I didn't want to have this discussion with her. She wasn't wrong. I had loved her. Up until just recently, I'd thought I still loved her, even after she tore my fucking heart out. I'd lied to myself and convinced some part of me that fucking her like I did would show her I didn't care anymore, but for a long time the spark she ignited in me still burned strong.
Not anymore, though.
Rachel padded up behind me and slid her arms around my waist. "I loved that look you get in your eyes when you're in love, Cash. I thought since I saw that look again tonight that you might ask me to come back."
Her words resonated through my body, but they meant nothing anymore. For the first time since we broke up, I didn't want her. Turning in her hold, I looked down at her beautiful face. "It's been over for a long time with us. You knew that better than I did."
"You never forgave me, did you? You forgave him, but not me. That's the truth, isn't it?"
"No. I never forgave him really either. I just don't have a choice in that."
We stood there silently until I saw in her eyes she understood this was it. "You'll be fine, Rachel. I imagine you already have a few on the hook besides me."
She ran her hand over my chest until it came to rest over my heart. "She's a lucky woman this one who's captured your heart. Any one of the dozens I've seen you out with?"
Shaking my head, I chuckled. "No. You wouldn't know her. She's not like you. She's not like anyone I've ever met."
Rachel laughed. "Really? You're doing the 'she's unlike anyone I've ever met' thing with me? I've known you since you were just that rich teenage boy with too much freedom and money to blow. I've met practically every woman you've slept with since we broke up too. I doubt she's unlike the rest of us, Cash. You like a certain type. I can picture her already. Tall, legs that go on forever, platinum blonde, or she might be the occasional brunette, but only if she has black hair like mine. Am I close?"
I shook my head at how wrong she was. "No. Not even close."
"So you've decided to fall for a dumpy girl with mousey brown hair? Really, Cash. Is this some kind of thing to show me you can go on without me?"
I took the last gulp of whiskey in my glass and pushed past her as she continued with her questions. She wouldn't get anything more out of me on this. For the first time since I was that teenage boy, I wanted whatever Olivia and I would be to remain private. No parading her in front of cameras for publicity at social events just to promote the club. No telling Rachel about her in some misguided attempt to make her jealous or show her I'd moved on. No showing her off to impress others.
No, Olivia was unlike anyone else I'd ever met. Intelligent, confident, and sweet, I wanted to protect her from the life I'd led all these years and the people I'd included in that life. Taking my seat on the couch again, I said, "Rachel, this has nothing to do with you. We had a good time for a while. Let's leave it at that."
For a moment, she got a look on her face that made me think she might actually miss me, but then it was gone, replaced by a perfect smile and a roll of her eyes. "As you wish. You know your happiness has always been important to me."
"Thanks, Rachel."
She dressed and grabbed her bag. Walking behind the couch, she leaned over and gave me a kiss just below my ear before she whispered, "Be happy, baby. Maybe we'll be even better at being friends than we were lovers."
I didn't answer because I had nothing to say anymore. My mind was already past Rachel and onto Olivia and what would happen Friday night. Whatever the future held, I was about to break my cardinal rule I'd lived by since opening Club X. I just hoped it wasn't the biggest mistake of my life.
7
Olivia
By the time Friday came, I'd lost five pounds from worrying. The minute I pressed Send on the email to Kane to request a fantasy room I regretted it. I wasn't that type of woman, even if I'd always wanted to be. I was the timid girl afraid to send a man a drink in a bar even with my friends egging me on. I was the nose-to-the-grindstone bookworm who felt more comfortable around facts and figures than men.
But I didn't want to be that woman anymore.
That didn't mean I should turn into some Lady Godiva wannabe at my workplace. What was I thinking? I had to work with these men, and now they'd think I was some kind of oversexed woman who didn't have brains enough to shed her inhibitions in private.
Even worse, although Cash hadn't mentioned anything about my request, he'd seemed distant for the last two days. Or maybe it was just my being paranoid. I wasn't sure. I wasn't even sure I'd go up to the top floor at midnight like Kane had instructed me to in his email back to me.
The sound of the music pounding in the club outside my office made concentrating impossible tonight. Now I knew why I usually preferred to work my eleven to seven schedule, but the truth was I wouldn't have been able to get much work done even if it was dead silent outside my door. My mind raced with the implications of my decision to follow my friends' suggestions to let loose and enjoy myself. What if Cash found out? What would he think?
Who was I kidding? He already knew. That's why he'd become colder than Mr. Frosty suddenly. If only Stefan was my boss. He'd understand. The younger March brother wouldn't pass judgment on me. Hell, he'd probably join me. Instead, I worked for the owner who was all business, even though I'd tried in my own very timid way to let him know I liked him.
I stared at my laptop screen, realizing the truth. I was as pathetic as Josie and Erin thought I was.
"Olivia?"
I lifted my head at the sound of a deep voice and saw Cash closing my office door. He looked incredible in a black suit and sapphire blue dress shirt. Damn, he filled out a suit well!
"Yes?" I answered, my mind filled with how good he looked standing there.
"I'm going to be out of the building tonight. I know this is the first time you've chosen to work while the club is open, so if you have any problems, just text me."
"I don't expect to have any problems. No one even knows I'm back here. If I need anything, I can just ask Stefan since he'll be close by."
My suggestion meant to help Cash leave behind the worries of the job for one night caused him to frown. "No. I don't want you bothering Stefan. If you need anything, text or call me. Are we clear?"
"Oh…oh, okay," I stammered out, stung by his sharp rebuke of my kind gesture.
"Have a good weekend," he said, his voice back to its usual sexier softness.
I wished him the same, and as he turned and walked out into the club probably to some great date with a gorgeous supermodel, my heart sank. Even though I'd worried about him knowing what I planned for later tonight, some tiny part of me had secretly hoped it would have made him open up a little more and maybe show me he liked me too.
So much for my pie in the sky dreams.
I walked through the nightclub section of Club X in my tiny black tank dress and almost four inch heels, weaving through the crowds to the beat of dance music on my way to the stairs that led up to the fantasy rooms. Although I rarely dressed up like this, I liked how it felt when I saw a few male patrons check me out. They didn't know I was all walk and no talk, but it didn't matter. Tonight wasn't about impressing them.
Tonight was ab
out me becoming the new and improved Olivia.
My legs shook almost uncontrollably as I climbed the stairs past the second, third, and fourth floors, avoiding the gazes of the throngs of people passing me. Each step I took moved me one step closer to my fantasy. I'd been pretty vague on my request form, only saying I wanted to experience not being in control all the time. I wasn't up for anything too freaky, but I didn't want to put too many restrictions on my request and end up having tea with some pathetic guy in glasses because Kane thought I was looking for something tame.
By the time I reached the top floor, it was nearly midnight and my stomach was completely tied in knots. My palms felt clammy too, and as I walked toward where Kane stood talking to some man, I nonchalantly wiped my hands down the front of my dress, hoping to dry them off a little. The men stared at me as I approached them, and I immediately wondered if this was the person Kane had arranged to spend time with me. Tall and very muscular, he wore his blond hair a little too long for my taste and reminded me of that model who'd been on all those romance novels my mother used to like to read. He seemed intensely interested in me, though, and I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed at the idea that my first venture into the sexier side of life would be with him.
"Olivia, I almost didn't recognize you," Kane said in an unusually pleasant voice for him.
I looked down at my dress and back up at him. "Yes, well, I thought I should…" I felt foolish explaining my choice of clothes and by the look on the mystery man's face, he couldn't figure out why I was boring them with the information either, so I let my sentence trail off into awkward silence. My brand new sexy life wasn't starting off well at all.
Kane pointed down the hallway I'd walked with Cash the week before. "Go to the last room on the right. Be sure to follow all the directions on the card. Most important, have a good time, Olivia."
The scary owner seemed downright chipper tonight, but I had the feeling it was more amusement at me than a new outlook on life. I turned and walked through the crowd of already drunk partiers directly to the room, just as he'd told me to, finding only a note and a plain, white box on the table next to the ordinary tan sofa. Taking a deep breath, I sat down and opened the note card.
Welcome to your fantasy, Olivia. This night is all yours. For the next two hours, let yourself go. You want to experience not being in control, so you'll do as I desire. If you don't obey, I'll correct you once. The second time you make any mistake, our time will be over.
In the box, you'll find a blindfold. Put it on and wait.
Nervous but exhilarated by the promise of the evening, I opened the lid and nestled inside sat a black silk blindfold. Lifting it out of the box, I ran my fingertips over it, loving the cool, smooth feel of it against my skin. I took one last look around the room that resembled the one I'd sat in with Cash and put the blindfold up to my eyes, tying the ribbons behind my head to hold it in place.
And then I waited.
Without my sight, the sound of my heart pounding became my focus, but I listened to hear my companion for the evening approach, unable to make out anything outside this room because of the soundproofing. Every puff of cool air from the ducts overhead, every hint of my favorite perfume gently wafting the scent of vanilla and floral up from behind my earlobes became so pronounced. I felt vulnerable and on display, and I wondered if anyone stood behind the window waiting for the moment when the covering would rise and they could see everything inside the room. Straining my ears, I waited to hear the sound that would tell me the wall had lifted, but after five minutes or so, I stopped and let myself relax, as the note had told me to.
The door opening put every cell in my body on red alert. The person who entered said nothing, but I felt them standing there watching me. I sat ramrod straight, my heart hammering away in my chest, as I anticipated their first words to me. The air around us nearly crackled with excitement, mine mostly I imagined, but I wanted to think this person who'd spend the next two hours with me wanted to be there too for their own reasons.
As the door closed, I heard them move toward me, and then the first touch of their hands made my breath catch in my throat. Large and strong, the man's hands slowly caressed my upper arms, sending goosebumps all down my skin. A mixture of exhilaration and fear rippled through me. Closing my eyes, I reminded myself that this was what I wanted. I couldn't go on living life so safe that I never truly lived at all.
Unsure of how to act, I nervously asked, "What's your name?"
A deep voice whispered, "Shhhh," and he took my hand to guide me from my place on the couch. It wasn't even a real word he spoke, but it was an order—a command—that I was supposed to listen to, and I did willingly, loving how little control I felt already.
His hand slid down my back to the base of my spine as I walked, an unmistakable act of power. Our time would be governed by his rules, not mine. The thought of him controlling my fantasy excited me. What would he do? What would he want me to do? I'd only reserved the room for two hours, a basic fantasy, so there wasn't supposed to be sex involved.
But at that moment, I so wished it would be. He'd barely touched me, and I wanted him so badly. No, I wanted Cash, but for tonight, this man would be him, at least in my mind.
I sat on the barstool he'd led me to and sensed him move around me. His warm breath slid over the skin on my neck, making every hair stand at attention. Never before had I been so aware of another person near me. My hands ached to reach out and touch him to learn more about the man who already had such an effect on me, but I had the surest sense that wasn't allowed until he said it was.
He stood in front of me, and I imagined him silently watching me. I didn't know what to do or how to react. Fulfilling fantasies was his job, but this was all new to me. I licked my lips to moisten them as my nervousness made my mouth as dry as cotton and I heard him exhale. Then he touched my cheek and instantly I felt lightheaded. The pad of his thumb traced a line from just under my cheekbone to the swell of my bottom lip I'd just licked with my tongue and as his finger reached the corner of my mouth, his fingernail grazed my skin, sending a shiver down my spine as he moved his hand away.
I listened as the sound of his shoes hitting the floor signaled he'd moved around behind me. Tensing my muscles, I waited for him to touch me again, desperate to feel his skin on mine once more. My mind swirled with thoughts of Cash as the man there with me. For the first time, I let myself fantasize about him without fear.
This was a fantasy room, after all.
Without realizing it, I relaxed as I imagined what being with Cassian March would be like. Eyes closed behind the blindfold, I let my mind's eye create images of how he looked out of those expensive suits, his muscular body revealed just for me. As I enjoyed my private fantasy, the man behind me softly pushed my hair off to my left shoulder and pressed his lips against my neck. His mouth was warm and gentle on my skin, and an involuntary moan escaped from my throat when I felt his hand moved around to stroke the column of my neck.
I lifted my chin, needy to feel him touch me more, and deliberately his fingers squeezed my flesh ever so lightly. Fear spiked inside me at the fact that his hand, so big and strong, could crush my windpipe in one swift move if he chose, but his touch was gentle, if insistent. I was his to control, not hurt.
He moaned low and quiet near my ear, sending a shockwave straight to my core. I had no idea who he was, what he looked like, or even what he sounded like when he said my name, but at that moment if he had wanted me I would have willingly given myself to him. I knew it was foolish, but that didn't change how I felt.
His thumb rubbed against my neck, leaving a trail of heat wherever he touched. Then just as I thought I couldn't take another instant of his teasing touch, he moved his hand away and I heard him walk around me again. I sat there confused why he'd stopped. Our time couldn't be up yet.
Swiveling my head left and right to try to get a sense of what was going on, I caught a hint of his cologne. Vaguely familiar, I'd never s
melled anything more delicious in my life. I wanted to fill my nostrils with that masculine scent as I buried my head in the curve between his neck and shoulder and pressed my lips against his skin.
He stopped my head with a gentle touch of his hand on my jaw. Every movement stimulated my senses because even though he never touched me harshly, there was no mistaking his control over me. Yes, I'd requested this fantasy and I knew this was all an act to him, but to me our time together brought out a part of me I'd never really knew existed. I wanted to give up the control I'd always thought was so important, and this stranger brought that out in me.
And then he kissed me, his lips soft and warm. They moved over mine like they knew exactly how to excite me. His strong hands cradled my face as our kiss deepened, nearly burning my lips with the heat between us. The first light touch of his tongue on mine made my pussy run wet. I wanted to feel that tongue slide over my clit as I slipped over the edge into a toe-curling orgasm.
My mind reeled between fantasy and reality. The person I wanted to do all these things to me was Cash, not this unknown man playacting because it was his job. Desire mingled with the truth, pushing it aside as his kiss deepened even further, his tongue eagerly gliding over mine.
Timidly, I reached out to touch the man who so easily brought out in me such sensuality that even I couldn't believe I wanted these things. He didn't stop me, so I pressed my hands against his chest, broad and hard under a dress shirt. My mind flashed back to what the man standing with Kane had been wearing. This was not him. A lick of fear tore through me. Was it Cash's brother there with me?
I ran my hand over the back of his neck and instantly knew it wasn't Kane I was touching. He wore his hair cropped to his head, and this man's hair was a little longer, just barely hitting the collar of his shirt. It felt as soft as silk as I slid the ends through my fingers. Who was this?
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