by Barbara Goss
While they ate, Bertie tried to lighten the mood. “There’s an opera troupe performing at the park this week. We could walk over and have a listen after we eat.”
“That’s a wonderful Idea,” Conner said, “I love operas. Do you know which opera they’ll be performing?”
“No,” Bertie replied, “it will be a surprise.”
“What do you think Elsie? Would you like that?” Conner asked.
“I don’t care for operas. Their shrill singing gives me a headache,” Elsie said. “But you two go, and I’ll walk home.”
Conner schooled himself not to show anger or disappointment. He asked calmly, “What kind of music do you like?”
“I’m from the country, and we have barn dances where they play what’s called mountain music. It has a great beat for dancing.”
Bertie patted Elsie’s hand lightly. “Well, that’s fine. Opera isn’t for everyone. We have barn dances here, now and then.” Bertie looked at Conner, “You’ll take her to one, won’t you?”
Conner gave Bertie a disconcerted look. “Um, sure.” He pushed away from the table. “It’s been a long day; perhaps we should all go home.”
At first, things seemed to go smoothly with Elsie cleaning while Bertie helped in the clinic. When there were no patients, and Conner didn’t need sterilizing done, Bertie would help Elsie. The only problem was that Elsie wasn’t much of a cook. All she knew how to make was chicken and pork, and the meals were bland and lacking in taste. The whites in the laundry didn’t come out as white as when Bertie had washed them. Elsie folded Conner’s shirts all wrong, and she’d scorched one of them with the iron.
Conner gave the matter a lot of thought before calling Elsie into the clinic. “Sit down, Elsie, we need to have a little talk.”
She sat, and once again, her bright smile nearly made him forget what he’d intended to say. He hoped she’d receive it kindly.
“I would like you to work here in the clinic with me,” Conner said in his best bedside manner voice. “As a husband and wife team, we can work wonders together. I’ll show you how to sterilize my tools and arrange appointments, though most of my patients are walk-ins. We have some patients with regular appointments like Mr. Wilkins, who has a bad heart. I check him once a week. We have many patients that don’t come in bleeding. What do you say?”
Elsie’s smile never faltered. “I’d love to, but... the blood...”
“I will train you so you can look at blood without fainting. When I was in medical school, I and several others felt queasy when we saw some things—it’s normal. What happens is your blood pressure drops, and causes you to faint.
“Now, could you please stand?”
Elsie stood.
“I will show you a cloth with some blood on it, and I want you to rock back and forth on the balls of your feet a few times while looking at it. This will keep your blood pressure normal—well, it should.”
Conner did this four times before Elsie finally could tolerate the sight of blood without feeling dizzy.
“Great!” Conner said. “You did just fine. Now, remember to do this each time you see blood, and after a while, you won’t need to do it anymore, and you’ll be used to seeing blood.”
Elsie smiled up at him, and he felt something weird happen inside, almost like a twitch.
“The clinic is closed for the day unless we have an emergency. Let’s go for a walk, and I’ll show you the town.” When Elsie nodded, he turned the sign on the door around to read “closed,” took her arm, and escorted her from the clinic into the fresh air.
The sun had gone down, but the moon was bright. The town had just two major streets. One of them had mainly houses, and the other, the businesses. His home and clinic were the first or last, depending on if you were arriving or leaving town on the main street.
As they walked down the wooden walkway, Conner decided it was a good time to get to know his contrary wife. "Tell me about your childhood and why you think God didn't care about you."
Chapter Four
Elsie enjoyed the walk with Conner. She had the feeling he wasn’t happy with her, and that saddened her. She felt no one liked her, no matter what she did. Elsie tried to smile a good deal of the time while dealing with people because it seemed to soften those who she upset. Now, Conner had asked her a question she didn’t want to answer, which left her in an awkward position. If she didn’t answer, he might think she didn’t trust her husband with her secret past, but how could she tell him without bringing it all back to her mind when she’d tried so hard to forget?
Conner stopped walking and looked down at her. This time she couldn’t smile. She was too afraid to tell him about her past.
“Elsie, a husband, and wife shouldn’t have secrets. My faith in God is an important part of my life, and I need to know why you feel as if He doesn’t care about you.”
She fought her tears, and she felt her lips tremble. “I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I’m your husband.”
“My past is painful, and I just want to forget it.”
“Maybe I can help by making it less painful. Sometimes telling someone lessens the pain and makes the coping easier.”
Elsie’s mind was spinning. He would be her husband for life, whether or not they consummated the marriage, so he should know her past. “Is there somewhere we can sit?”
Conner looked around. “There’s a bench outside the barber’s shop and it’s closed. No one will bother us here. The street is unusually quiet right now.” He pointed to the far end of the street. “In a few hours, the saloons will rock with music and noise, but it’s still early. Let’s sit by the barber’s shop.”
As they walked the few feet to the bench, Elsie planned where she might start her life’s story.
Once seated, she began. “A coal mine accident killed my father when I was nine years-old. An elevator fell on his head and crushed him.”
“I’m sorry,” Conner whispered.
“My ma was beautiful with a face like an angel, blonde, shiny hair, and all. She remarried two years after my pa’s death. I had two brothers, but they were older by then, and they worked in the mines, one town over from ours. Since ma remarried, our family wasn’t close anymore. My brothers didn’t like ma’s husband, so it was just my ma, my stepfather, Frank, and me at home. Things weren’t like when my pa was alive. He and my ma had a wonderful, loving marriage, but Frank and ma fought all the time. He was a drinker and got mean when he was drunk.” Elsie took her handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes.
“Hey,” Conner whispered, “I didn’t mean to upset you. You needn’t finish.”
“I might as well. I’ve already gone this far.
“So, I saw a lot of things. Frank sometimes hit my ma, and a few times, he even went after me if I was dumb enough to let him see me when he was drunk.”
Elsie clenched her fists. “One night, he pushed my ma, and she fell down the stairs and died.” Elsie wiped her tears away. “When the sheriff came ‘round, he told them she fell. I knew he’d pushed her because I was hiding under my bed, but I could still see past my half-closed bedroom door.”
Conner grabbed her fists and rubbed them until she opened her hands. He continued to hold them. “Did you tell the sheriff what really happened?”
“No. I was afraid of what Frank would do if I did. I had nowhere to go, and I was scared to death of him.
“After ma’s funeral, the minister told me to pray, so I did. I prayed every night for a way to get away from the house and Frank. I’d just turned seventeen, and I didn’t totally understand religion or God, but I did pray.”
Conner asked, “Did things get better after you prayed?”
Elsie shook her head. “No. Frank still would come home drunk. I’d hide when he did. Usually, I got away with hiding, but one day, he found me under my bed, and he dragged me out and... and...” Elsie couldn’t finish, her words turned into weeping.
Conner put his arm around her.
“I’m so sorry I asked you to tell me this. Please don’t cry. You’re safe, now. I’ll protect you.”
Elsie looked up at him. “That’s why I wrote to the matchmaker. I saw her ad and knew it was my only way out. I needed a protector.”
Conner’s voice was soft and sympathetic. “Did Frank hurt you... I mean...”
“No, but he came close. He pushed up my nightgown... I knew what was coming and felt panicky. I felt around on the floor, found one of my shoes, and hit him over the head with it repeatedly, but it didn’t stop him. I lost my temper and told him if he didn’t stop I’d go to the sheriff and tell him I saw him push my mother down the stairs.” Elsie began to sob again. She felt Conner’s arm around her tighten.
“He swore at me and said that when he finished with me, I wouldn’t be talking to anyone. He said he planned to bury me in the backyard and tell people I’d run away.
“He dropped his trousers. I was frantic, and as soon as I saw what he was about to do to me, I kicked him as hard as I could, right between the legs, because that’s the part that was coming toward me. He fell backward, swearing, and I got up and ran out of the house... in my nightgown. I heard him try to run after me, but with his pants around his ankles, it slowed him down, and I thought I heard him fall. I ran like a rabbit into the dark. I found the road and just kept running.
“I didn’t know where to go. We lived out in the country without neighbors close by, so I just kept running until I came to a small log cabin set back from the road. I’d never have spotted it if a light hadn’t been on inside the cabin. I didn’t know if I was running from one monster to another, but I had no choice, so I knocked on the door to see a little gray-haired woman answer, and to my relief, she invited me in.
“Her name was Mae, and she was a kind woman. She was the first person I thought really liked me since my mother had died. I told her about Frank and what he’d tried to do as well as what he’d planned to do to me afterward.
“Mae was angry, and she said I could stay as long as I liked. After we became close friends, she showed me the ad for the matchmaker, so I wrote to her. I knew I had to get away from Gobbler’s Knob, so I stayed just until I got a response from the matchmaker, knowing that Frank would find me eventually.
“Since Frank worked in the mines during the day, I could run to the general store to check our mail before he could. Two weeks later, I received the questionnaire, filled it out, mailed it back, and waited. You know the rest.”
“Oh. What a horrible experience. You will need to turn Frank in, though. He’s a murderer. Almost a double-murderer.”
He squeezed her shoulders. “I’m so glad you got away from him.”
After Elsie had recovered from the trauma of telling her story, Conner removed his arm from around her shoulders, but he still held her hands in his. “So, why did you say no one liked you?”
“The kids in my town called me names because of my hair.”
“Names? Like what?”
“Carrot-top, Ginger, Pepper-head, Freckle-face, and Fire-top. I always was an outcast.”
Conner reached up and touched the bun on the top of her head. “I think it’s lovely.”
Elsie felt herself blush, but she was pleased. Conner squeezed her hands. “I still don’t understand why you don’t believe in God.”
“If God loved me, why would He let Frank almost ruin me and kill me? Why did He let Frank kill my ma? Why did He give me bright red hair and freckles?”
Elsie looked up at Conner, and he saw her pain and tearing eyes. His heart pounded with sympathy for her. Her soul was as wounded as any of the patients he treated. His mind churned as he tried to think of an answer for her.
Finally, he replied, “I’m not a preacher, and I don’t know all the answers. I go to church on Sunday, and I pray daily, but my life doesn’t always go smoothly either. I know that when Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, that’s when sin entered the world. Since then, there have been bad people. Much of what I know I learned from life.
“My mother, bless her soul, died at age thirty-nine. I prayed at her bedside for her to live, but she died quickly and painlessly. I also felt like God had let me down.
“When my father remarried two months after we buried my mother, it made me ill. Later, I did some snooping by talking to people he’d confided in and discovered that he had been seeing his new wife a year before my mother had died. He’d planned on leaving her for that other woman. To my mother, the sun and the moon rose because of my father; she loved him that much. She had no other family other than me, and the medical school had already accepted me. She would have been alone on twenty acres of land, but I would have given up college had she lived, yet knowing her, she wouldn’t have allowed it. If she had survived, her life would have had more pain than she could have borne.
“What I’m getting at is that sometimes God allows things to happen for a reason; death saved her from more pain than she’d have been able to handle.”
Elsie put her hands to her cheeks and whispered, “I’m so sorry. Is your father still alive?”
“Yes. He and his young bride are living in Colorado, and she’s had several children with him. It was hard for me to forgive him, and it took me several years, but finally, I did. God tells us to forgive and let Him be the judge, but he doesn’t say we have to continue with the relationship. I have almost nothing to do with my father except to send him a Christmas greeting letter each year.”
“I’m not sure I’d be able to forgive him. In fact, I can’t forgive Frank,” Elsie said.
“Maybe everything happened in your life for a reason. Look—you wouldn’t be here living as my wife in Hays City had that not happened to you.”
Elsie gave him a tearful smile. “I’m grateful to be your wife, but I hate living in the city. I’m more of a country girl.”
“With me being a doctor, I have to live where people can reach me quickly.”
“Aren’t there people living in the country on the outskirts of town where it’s quiet and dark?”
“Yes. More and more people are building both in and outside of town. Are you saying that you aren’t happy living in Hays City?”
Elsie pulled her hand free of his. “It’s hard to sleep at night with all the noise from the town. I’m used to dead quiet at night and total darkness.”
“I see,” Conner said, thoughtfully. “But if we moved away from the city, people would have to ride miles, perhaps with a dying patient, to seek my services.”
“Listen, Conner, I came here, we married, and we live on the city’s main street. I might not like it, but I’m willing to make the best of it.”
Conner stood and helped Elsie to her feet. “I’ve been thinking of adding an addition to our home so we’d have more room. I’d also be willing to build us a new house, but only as far as a half-mile from town. Is that a suitable compromise?”
“It would be dark and quieter?”
“I think so. I know of two perfect pieces of land for sale. We can take a ride there later in the week if you’d like.”
He held her hand and led her toward home. “It seems like we need to compromise on a lot of things. Did you fill out the matchmaker’s questionnaire honestly?”
Elsie chuckled. “I was wondering the same about you.”
Chapter Five
Elsie chose a dress Bertie had picked out when they’d shopped. She’d never had such fine things. Was that what Conner had meant when he’d said that God had chosen him and Hays City for her? Had God saved her from Frank? Had everything in her life happened in order for her to reach this point? She felt something for Conner, though it wasn’t love... at least, she didn’t think it was. Regardless, she had a fine home and beautiful clothes.
She pulled the mint green dress off the hanger. Green had always complimented her red hair. Elsie slipped on the prettiest shoes she’d ever owned. They tied above her ankle and had a two-inch heel, which gave her slightly more height.
When she looked int
o the mirror, she frowned upon seeing the same plain, freckled face and bright red hair. She couldn’t change that. Was Conner sorry he’d married her? Sometimes, she felt his disappointment. He still didn’t know about her temper. She kept smiling to help keep her temper under control. The children she grew up with had made fun of her, her stepfather had abused her, and now, she realized she had a temper she fought to control. Her playmates had stopped calling her names when she’d knocked Ronald Greenway’s tooth out after punching him in the face.
How long could she hide her temper from Conner? He was such a mild-mannered man, yet sometimes, she wanted to give him a piece of her mind. Instead, she smiled as prettily as she could.
Elsie sighed and twisted her hair up into a bun at the top of her head; her hair was too wild and curly to wear any other way.
Now, she had to get her smile ready because she was being forced to go to church.
Bertie had accompanied her friend, Hazel, to church, leaving Elsie and Conner to walk into the tiny white building alone.
Conner introduced her to the many people standing in the lobby—he told her they always stood there talking while waiting for the pianist to play. As soon as the piano music began, Conner led her behind all the others into what he called the sanctuary. The people in front of them each found a bench, and she and Conner took the last empty seat, which was in the front row.
The preacher, Reverend McDougal, was a stocky man who Elsie guessed to be in his forties. He had a jovial face and a smile that came so easily that she knew he used it often. Reverend McDougal had a face that made people like him immediately. Before addressing the congregation, he looked right at Elsie and Conner and winked. He’d married them less than a week before, and he’d remembered them.
Elsie smiled back at him, and he cleared his throat and announced the first hymn.
She looked at the hymnal Conner held between them and read the words as the congregation sang Nearer My God, to Thee. Some people didn’t have hymnals and sang from memory.