by Sarah Bale
“There’s only one person who comes to mind, but I just don’t know. I mean, he gives me a weird vibe, but this? This is almost too much.”
King says, “It’s that one prick – her classmate. I met him today. He’s a real fucking tool.”
“Bash has met him, too.”
“The guy from the dinner?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“He was a bit off, but this is some really fucked up shit.”
Razor says, “The neighbor has a security camera. She’s going to send me the footage later. In the meantime, I think we should put up some cameras here and beef up security in general.”
Bash says, “I put your bag by the door.”
They get to work, starting in my bedroom. I’m embarrassed at first, because anyone who looks in there will know what Razor and I were up to. But then I say fuck it. I care about Razor, King, and Bash. And they know it. So, who cares if they know we were having sex?
Razor installs motion detectors at the window as well as a camera.
“Why not put it outside?”
He talks around the screw hanging from the corner of his mouth. “I don’t want anyone to fuck with it.”
“Do you think they would?”
He gives me a long look. “If they’re bold enough to take photos of you, they’re bold enough to fuck with cameras.”
Bash asks, “Should we make sure there aren’t any bugs?”
“Not a bad idea. I have a scanner in my bag. Just be sure to check the lamp and vents.”
“How do you know so much about this?”
Razor shrugs. “We’ve all got hobbies, right?”
King mouths Marine to me, which makes sense. Another thing I didn’t know about Razor, and also explains how he knows Bash and King.
Bash pulls my bed out from the wall and coughs. “Your, uh, toy is over here.”
Toy? Oh my god. My toy. Son of a bitch. It must have fallen between the wall and the bed the last time I used it. He picks up the bright pink vibrator, tip first, handing it to me.
I snort. “Well, now you’ve all seen my vibe. Saint saw it at the clubhouse.”
Razor laughs. “I’m sure that went over well.”
“It fell out of my pussy box and turned on.” I grin. “And when I tried to grab it, it launched out of my hand and hit him in the crotch.”
It was so embarrassing at the time, but now I can laugh about it. I put the toy in my nightstand and help Bash pull the bed out the rest of the way. He picks up my taser.
“You ever use this?”
“I had to take a course at the police department to get the license. Everyone learned how to properly use it and we also had to get tased once.” I shudder. “Not something I’d want to do again, but it was interesting seeing what someone would feel if I did have to use the taser.”
He says, “It’s good that you have this. Any guns in the house?”
“Not that I’m aware of. My roommate doesn’t even know I have the taser.”
“Would you be comfortable having a gun?”
King speaks up, “She won’t need one because one of us will be here each night.”
That makes me smile. “Is that so?”
“That was my plan even before I knew about the photos.” He jabs his thumb in Bash’s direction. “Not sure where he fits into all of this.”
Bash’s cheeks darken. “I’ll be here, if you’ll have me, Liv.”
“Of course. As I’ve told both King and Razor, I never wanted you to leave in the first place.” I can see he’s still bothered, so I go on, “Can we talk in the living room? Alone?”
Razor speaks up. “I’m done in here. You two stay and King and I will work on the rest of the house.”
King winks at me and closes the door as he leaves.
When we’re alone, I turn to Bash.
“Bash-”
“Olivia, I am so sorry. I should have told Saint he was making a mistake. But I think there’s a part of me that thought he was doing the right thing. Like, I don’t deserve to be happy.”
I sit on my bed, patting the spot next to me.
“Bash, I know why you all sent me away. I really do. And I don’t hold it against you anymore. But now it seems we have a chance to start over. I can do that. Can you?”
He nods. “Of course. Whatever it takes.”
“Then kiss me.”
He’s still, and I wonder if he’s going to do it. Leaning forward, his lips press against mine and then gently cover my mouth. It’s the sweetest kiss, which is how my Bash is. Always gentle. Always caring. Always loving.
His voice is thick with emotion. “I’ve missed you, Liv.”
“I know, Bash. I know.”
This time I reach for him. Being with Bash has always been different. He’s the first person who’s ever made me feel cherished and loved. I kiss him with every ounce of love in my body. We’re both breathless when I pull away.
“I’m sorry someone is sending you the photos. I feel like if we had been here, this wouldn’t be happening.”
I lean against his shoulder. “I really hope it’s not Chase, but he’s the only one who makes sense. His roommate says he’s harmless, but I think we all hide parts of ourselves.”
“Oh? What do you hide?”
“A lot. I told you once that I’m broken. There are a lot of things that I’ve never told you.” I pause. “I’m seeing a new therapist. She told me to write a letter to everyone who’s hurt me, and I wrote a few.”
“Was I one of them?”
“Yeah. But your letter ended up being more about how you showed me that I could be loved.”
“Liv-”
“No, it’s true. You know that I was selling myself on the fantasy website. Looking back, I did it because I didn’t think I deserved to be loved.” I pause. “My childhood wasn’t good. I’ve carried that with me for a long time, but I think I’m ready to let it go.”
He takes my hand into his, squeezing it. “I can’t say that I had a bad childhood, but I’ve definitely made some mistakes. Did I tell you how I came to join the Devil’s Regents?”
“No.”
“I met King when I was in Army. I joined as soon as I could and was deployed shortly after. I hate to say it, but I was good at my job. One night my unit was hit hard by enemy fire and another unit was sent in to get us out of there.”
“King’s unit?”
He nods. “He was injured, and I ended up being the one to pull him from rubble. We had to wait hours for them to get us out of there and I thought he was going to die a few times. When it was over, he went to a hospital and I was sent on my next mission.”
“Wow.”
“A few weeks later, I get a letter from King, thanking me for saving his life. He said he was being discharged, and then said to find him if I made it out alive.”
“That’s kind of morbid.”
“That’s the truth of war, though. Months went on and the killing never stopped. Finally, I reached my breaking point.” He shakes his head. “You’d hear about it often. So-and-so from a different unit snapped and went on a killing spree. Or so-and-so snapped and killed themselves.
“So, I snapped. But instead of killing more people or myself, I put my gun down and walked away. They picked me up twenty miles away and gave me a chance to say it was a mistake. That I’d gotten lost. I couldn’t do it, so they locked me up for a month.
“That month came and went, and I did it again. I was done killing other people just because of where they lived or for the religion they practiced. My unit saw me as a traitor, and I was sent back to the states and locked up for two years before being dishonorably discharged.”
He snorts. “All that time. All those deaths. It meant nothing. When I got out, I tried to go home. My dad met me on the porch. Wouldn’t even let me see my mom or sisters. Told me deserters and traitors weren’t welcomed in his house.”
“Bash…”
“I went off the deep end after that. It’s honestly amazing I didn’t go
to jail. Or die. Believe me, I thought about picking up a gun one last time and just ending it. But one night I found King’s letter in my bag. So I looked him up.” He smiles. “The rest is history.”
“I’m glad you found him.”
“Me too. Because of him, I have a new family. I never thought I’d pick up a gun again but turns out I’ll do anything to protect the ones I care about.”
I know there’s a lot that happens with the club that I don’t know a thing about. It makes me wonder how many times he’s had to use a gun to protect his brothers.
“I swear, nothing will happen to you again. Not while I’m here.”
I press my lips to his cheeks. “I know.”
Bash smiles. “We better get out there. Don’t want Razor to barge in.”
When we go to the living room, King is asleep on the couch and Razor looks close to falling asleep at the kitchen table.
I tap Razor on the shoulder and his eyes flutter open.
“Hey.”
He stretches. “We got everything done inside. The rest will have to wait until the sun comes up.”
“Then let’s go to bed. You can’t be comfortable here.”
“I’ve slept in worse places.”
But he stands, putting his hand in mine.
Bash says, “I’m going to stay up. Make sure nothing looks suspicious out there.”
I know I’ll be safe with him keeping watch, so I nod my head. Razor and I go to my room and get into bed. He’s asleep before his head hits the pillow. I’m emotionally and physically spent, but I can’t seem to get my mind to shut off. Everything happening with the photos is bringing back old memories that I don’t like reliving. It leaves me feeling out of control.
But then Razor shifts, putting his arm around me, pulling me close.
It suddenly hits me that, for the first time in my life, I’m not alone. I’m safe. And I’m going to get through this.
12
Razor
When I rolled over this morning, Liv was curled against me, looking like an angel, with her red hair framing her face. Okay. I can admit it. I was hasty with the going raw bullshit, but my intentions were good. It’s all because I’m living in fucking bliss – like never been happier type of shit.
I had a thought before the rally, and wanted to talk to Liv about it then, but the timing wasn’t right. When I woke up this morning, I knew what I had to do. Bash was waiting as I slipped from Liv’s room.
“This better be good,” he whispered.
“It is. I had a thought, and it’s something that needs to stay between the two of us. No matter what.”
“Oh shit,” he mutters. “What is it?”
“You mentioned you got a vasectomy while you were in the Army, right?”
His eyebrows lift. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Just answer my question, Bash.”
“Yes. I had one. Now answer my question. What does that have to do with anything?”
“I really like Liv.”
“I do too.”
“I know I freaked her out when I said I wanted to go raw in her, but I meant it. I like her that much.”
Which is nuts. I’ve never been the type to blindly jump into something so serious. With her, I want it all.
“She mentioned that she didn’t want kids, which I get. I’m not sure I do, either. So I woke up and had a thought. Maybe I should get snipped, too.”
Bash lets out a laugh. “I mean, I’m all for making sure you never spawn anything, but are you sure?”
“I am.” I pause. “But I was wondering. Does it, uh, hurt? Like a lot?”
His laugh is genuine this time. “You’re such a pussy. No, it doesn’t hurt. I was in and out in thirty minutes. Just have to take it easy a few days after.”
I nod. “That doesn’t sound bad.”
“You know Doc could probably do it for you.”
“Doc is like a hundred years old. I’d rather not put the family jewels in his shaky, old hands.”
“He’s only sixty, and even if his hand slips, you’ll get the same outcome.”
“Hard pass.”
But, I find myself searching out Doc when I get to the clubhouse. He’s in the common room, reading the morning paper. I pull up a chair next to him.
“Doc, got a minute?”
“Sure do.”
I glance around, making sure we’re alone. “Have you ever done a vasectomy?”
“I have.”
“When was the last one that you performed?”
He rolls his brown eyes. “I’m the doctor for a motorcycle club, Razor. My biggest business comes from suturing wounds. My next is taking care of problems that stem from all the sex that occurs here. To answer your question, the last one I did was a few weeks ago on Jesus. His old lady is pregnant with their seventh kid and he doesn’t want any more blessings, but she’s a devout Catholic. So, praise god, it’s a miracle.”
I vaguely remember hearing Jesus complain about his wife being pregnant, and that he couldn’t afford another mouth to feed. I’ll have to tell Saint to give him a raise. He’s the best Road Captain I think we’ve ever had.
“I, uh, I think I need to get one. Soon.”
He grins, showing his missing teeth. “The pretty redhead caught you by the cock, I see. No problem. We can do it now, if you want.”
“Now?” Fuck, did my voice just squeak like a fucking prepubescent teen?
“Yeah. Come on. Let’s go to my office. It’ll be over before you know it.” I hesitate, and he says, “I’m not promising I’ll be sober later. It’s now or never.”
“Fine. Let’s do it.”
I feel like I’m marching to my death as we cross the clubhouse. Doc rattles off bits of things that I try to remember. I might have swelling afterward. If I do, put an icepack on my scrotum. Jockstraps can help, too, especially if I have to ride my bike. No sex for a week, but I still need to use a protection. When I ask why, he laughs as he unlocks the door to his clinic.
“You’ll still have sperm in the pipeline. Usually takes a few months to get it out of your system, but with the way you fuck, it may take less. Still, better safe than sorry.” He points to the exam bed. “Strip from the waist down while I get my supplies.”
This is all for Liv, I tell myself as I take off my pants and boxers. All for Liv.
Doc comes back with a tray. I try not to look at the fucking biggest needle I’ve ever seen in my life but can’t help it.
Doc pats my leg. “Don’t worry if you pass out. It’ll make it easier on me. Now, let’s get you shaved and then numb your gonads.”
Oh sweet fucking god.
Thirty minutes later, the procedure is finished, and to my joy, Doc’s hand didn’t slip.
“Alight, Razor. You’re good to go. Take it easy for the rest of the day and keep an eye on your nuts. If they look inflamed or if they hurt after a few days, come back to me.”
He hands me a jockstrap and my clothes. I dress gingerly, while he puts away his tools.
“Thanks, Doc,” I say as I leave.
I make a beeline to the kitchen, where I grab an icepack. When I check my phone, there’s a text from Bash.
Bash: Well?
Me: It’s done.
Bash: Good deal.
Me: I’m going to bed. Can you help keep Liv away? I don’t want her to know. Not yet.
Bash: I’ll do whatever it takes.
That makes me snort.
Me: Thanks.
Bash: No problem.
Dropping my phone, I climb into my bed and fall fast asleep, knowing I’ve done the right thing today for the first time in a long time.
Olivia
When I wake up, Razor is gone, but Bash is next to me, sleeping peacefully. And he’s gloriously nude – one of the many things I love about him. The sun is up, but I snuggle closer to Bash, feeling the warmth of his skin. I’ve missed this – waking up next to him. Bash is a gorgeous man, but when he sleeps, he looks like a
n angel. His dark lashes fan across his tan skin and his hair is falling across his face. I brush a piece aside and he stirs.
“Sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“No. This is a good way to wake up.” He smiles. “Better than dreaming you’re here and then finding an empty bed.”
“So it happened to you, too?”
“Every day that you were gone.”
Rolling onto my back, I say, “We were pretty stupid to let this go so long.”
“I agree.”
“What do you think Saint is going to say when he finds out?”
“If he’s smart, he’ll grovel at your feet and beg to be a part of your life.”
“I don’t see that happening.”
“He hasn’t been the same since you left. None of us have.”
I think back to the Purring Pussy and feel warm.
“I saw him,” I admit. “I was trying to get any of you to see me, so I started dancing at a club. When he found out, he showed up.”
“That’s where the first photo was taken?”
“Yeah.”
“Looked intense.”
“He told me I had to stop chasing after you all. That we all needed to move on.”
“He’s an idiot.”
That makes me grin. “I’m just glad you’re here, with me.”
“Me, too.”
He shifts and his morning wood presses into my side. When I look up, I see heat in his eyes. I’m feeling the same way, but I didn’t know if this was too soon.
“Bash?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ride you?”
“Fuck. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to hear those words come from your lips.”
“So, is that a yes?”
He rolls over onto his back, nodding.
I grin. “I’m so glad you sleep nude.”
“I tried getting in the bed with my clothes on, but it felt like I was suffocating.”
Reaching into my nightstand, I grab a condom. He puts his arm behind his head, watching as I fist his dick, pumping it back and forth. When he’s groaning, I roll the condom on and move over him. We both moan as I settle onto his cock.
“I wanted to drag this out, but I need you too much.”