by Sarah Bale
Shaking my head, I say, “Say it again, Juliet. Saint and Olivia are here.”
Olivia
King gives me a pleading look, as if he’s begging me to forgive him. But for what?
“Say it again, Juliet. Saint and Olivia are here.”
A woman with a throaty voice says, “She might want to sit down.”
Saint puts his hand on my lower back, urging me to go to the chair next to King. What in the hell is it?
“She’s sitting, Juliet.”
“I was able to hack into the locked file the FBI has on Olivia.”
My head spins. If she looked in that file, then she knows everything about me – things I haven’t shared with Saint, King, Bash, and Razor. Things I don’t want anyone to know.
“I can explain-”
She cuts me off. “Olivia, they told you he was dead after he hurt you.”
No! I don’t want Saint and King to hear this!
“But they lied.”
My ears start to ring, and I feel like I’m going to pass out.
“Wh-what?”
“Olivia, he’s alive. And I have reason to believe he’s in the area.”
My breaths come in shallow, quick gasps.
No!
She’s wrong!
He’s dead!
Agent Hill said so!
Saint says, “Juliet, who in the fuck are you talking about? Who’s not dead?”
“Olivia’s father. He’s still alive.”
My throat is so tight that I can’t swallow. I jump to my feet, but Saint stops me.
“Liv.”
“I’ve got to get out of here. I have to-”
Run!
And then Juliet says it.
She says the one thing that I think I’ve known all along.
The one thing I’ve feared.
“He’s been seen in the area.”
Suddenly, it makes sense. It wasn’t Chase or even Mitch who was stalking me. It was my god damn father.
Juliet goes on, “He’s considered armed and dangerous. My sources at the bureau have been tracking him for years now but lost him about four months ago.”
Four months ago. When Agent Hill asked me to go undercover. It’s all connected. Nothing happens by chance.
“I’m so sorry, but I thought you should know.”
King says, “Thank you Juliet.”
I don’t know how long I stand there.
He’s alive. That fucking monster is alive.
Saint asks, “Liv, is there anything we can do?”
I spin, facing him. “You were supposed to protect me.”
“Liv-”
“I was here with you and I was safe. And then you sent me away. And now he-” My voice breaks as I scream out, “And now he knows where I live.”
The photos. The fucking photos. He was watching me while I was with them.
My stomach roils as bile burns a trail up my throat and I bend at the waist, vomiting on the floor.
King comes to me, but I shove him away.
“I’m dead. He’s not going to let me go.” I look up, feeling dizzy. “My god. He’s been watching me. This whole time.”
Saint puts his hands on my shoulders, holding me until I stop fighting him.
“Olivia, we’re going to get through this. He’s not going to hurt you. I swear to fucking god.”
“He already has,” I moan out. “Please. Let me go.”
“I can’t do that. You’re upset and still in shock. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
“Please.”
King comes over, wrapping his arms around the both of us. “Liv, we’re here. We’ve got you.”
But they don’t.
They never had me.
And now it’s too late.
I’m dead.
They’re dead.
A broken sob escapes my lips. “We need to call Agent Hill.”
King says, “We will.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I reach for it.
Lucy: Hey!
“It’s Lucy!”
Me: Where are you?
Lucy: That’s an interesting question, now isn’t it?
Me: Lucy?
Lucy: You’ve been a bad girl, Livi.
Livi?
I put my hand to my heart. “Oh god. It’s him.”
Lucy: And now a lot of people are going to pay.
Lucy: Starting with your sweet friend, Lucy.
No!
King says, “Liv, put the phone down. We need to call Agent Hill.”
“It’s too late,” I moan. “I’m dead.”
This is what happens when I let my guard down. The demons from my past find me and this time I don’t think they’ll let me go.
Saint whispers, “Liv.”
I pull away from him.
My life was over the day I met the Devil’s Regents. I see that now.
I thought they were my saints and could save me from my past.
But I was wrong.
So fucking wrong.
1
Olivia
Time is strange. One moment can feel like it lasts a lifetime, or it can be gone in a blink of the eye. It’s been four weeks since I found out that he’s alive. That he’s coming for me. That there’s nothing I can do. Four weeks of moving between freaking out and forgetting that there’s something to be worried about. Four weeks of not seeing them even though I want to. Four weeks of battling myself to either get the hell out of here or stay and fight. Both choices are risky, but I decide to stay. I can’t keep running. I won’t keep running.
My phone dings, pulling me from my thoughts.
Agent Hill: Are you ready?
Me: Is it safe?
Agent Hill: Yes.
Me: I’ll be right down.
Funny story. Apparently when the FBI lies to you about your father being dead after he tried to kill you on top of all the other horrors he put you through, well, the FBI kind of owes you a favor. And Saint was fucking quick to cash in. Said I’d be safer under the protection of the Feds. You’d think he would have learned his lesson, but he’s still worried I’m going to die. I’m worried, too, but the only person I’ve voiced this concern to is Dr. Cross. The funny thing, she didn’t say that I was wrong, which means I’m probably in more danger than I realize. Cool, right?
I grab my bag and look through the peephole. Agent Hill stands there, staring at his phone.
I open the door. “You get a new tie?”
He looks at his Sesame Street tie with the character in a trashcan, as if he didn’t know what he was wearing. “What? Oh. Yeah. My daughter is visiting and bought it. Said it reminded her of me.”
“Looks good.”
He watches as I lock the door and the deadbolt. I know he’s watching because he looks over my shoulder, as if I’m some dolt who doesn’t know how to properly lock a door. And he’s done this every day for the last four weeks. Guess it could be worse. On the first day he actually jiggled the knob to ensure it was locked.
“Ready?”
“Let’s go.”
I follow him down the wooden stairs to the parking lot. Today he’s driving a black unmarked car that looks like something out of an old cop movie. It’s exactly the kind of vehicle a cop would drive trying to fit in.
He opens the door and waits for me to get in before going to the driver’s side.
“How long is she in town for?”
“Who?”
“Your daughter. How long is she in town for?”
He starts the car and I don’t think he’s going to answer. He knows all about me, but doesn’t like to talk about himself. Guess that’s because I’m a just a part of his job, but I have high hopes of breaking him down one of these days.
He surprises me by saying, “She came for my birthday. Usually, she only comes during the holidays. She’s thinking about moving back here after she graduates in the spring, but something is holding her back. I think there might be a boy.”
&nbs
p; That makes me smile. “Have you met him?”
“Once. Seems like a nice kid, but I don’t think they’ll last.”
“How long have they been dating?”
“Since high school.”
Now I’m biting back a laugh. “Sounds serious.”
“Why are you so chatty today?”
“I just love seeing how human you really are.”
He makes a sound in the back of his throat. “Hear from your bikers?”
“Don’t try to put me in a bad mood just because you like talking to me, too, Agent Hill.” I pause. “And, no, I haven’t. Have you?”
He doesn’t answer, which means he has.
“Whatever. Tell Saint he’s being a dick about this.”
“He’s just trying to keep you safe.”
“Just because there haven’t been any more photos doesn’t mean he’s not still out there, watching,” I snap.
We all know it. My father’s been one step ahead of us this entire time. I’m not stupid enough to think he’s magically gone away after I discovered he was still alive. And I still haven’t been able to tell Saint, King, Bash, and Razor one very important piece of information. My past. Don’t get me wrong - I don’t want to tell them, but they have to know now that my father is back. Otherwise, my father will use it against me and maybe even against them. He always has.
Agent Hill glances at me. “We’re going to get him.”
Should have gotten him the first time.
I don’t say this, though. Dr. Cross would say it’s because I’m growing, but I just don’t want to see Agent Hill’s guilt. It’s not his fault my father isn’t dead. Not entirely. I blame the other agents involved, too. And I kind of blame myself. I mean, I had the chance to end it when I was thirteen, but I didn’t take my shot. I won’t be making the same mistake twice.
Agent Hill surprises me by asking, “Has Mrs. Jackson reached out to you?”
My throat burns. “No. Not since the last candlelight prayer ceremony at the campus.”
She told me that she didn’t want to see me anymore. She needs someone to be the bad guy and I’m it. I’m Lucy’s roommate and I’m the last one who saw her before she disappeared— as far as her family knows, at least. Mrs. Jackson lashes out at me, and I let her. Because it is my fault Lucy was taken. I put her in danger the day I became friends with her. Dr. Cross says it’s bad to take on that kind of guilt, but if I don’t, who will?
I say, “I heard from a classmate that the family wants to have another press conference. See if anyone will call in with more information. Maybe someone saw her…”
“Might not be a bad idea. There were over a thousand tips after the last press conference.”
We both know it won’t do any good, though. It’s been over a month and there’s been no proof that she’s alive. Hell, Lucy’s body is probably in a field somewhere, decaying as we speak. I try not to dwell on it, but it’s all I can think about. That and how Mitch is dead. And Bash is gone. And how it’s all my fault.
“Olivia? We’re here.”
“Oh. Right. Thanks.”
“I’ll be here when you’re finished. Make sure you use the bathroom before you leave.”
Because we’re going to take the long way home.
He doesn’t have to say it, because I already know. Another safety measure so my father doesn’t know where I’m being kept. Again, we all know he’s still out there, biding his time. But, this plan of Agent Hill’s must be working, because I’m not dead.
Yet.
“Okay. See you in a few.”
Dr. Cross lets me come in through the back door now. We all agree it’s safer since not many people know about this entrance. It’s also a faster way to leave if I need to get out in a hurry.
She’s waiting for me, smiling. “Good afternoon. I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“Hi. I’m glad I’m here, too. I was going stir-crazy in the apartment.”
She takes me to her office and closes the door, locking it. Another safety measure that not all of her clients get. Today, her office smells like lemons, but not in a just-cleaned sort of way. More like a summer picnic. It’s nice.
“Let’s chat about it. Did something happen to make you feel this way?”
Real talk: actually talking about your feelings and emotions sucks at first, but once you start, you realize how freeing it is. I never thought I’d get to this point, but I settle on the floral print couch and speak.
“I don’t have any online classes today, and I’m caught up on most of my work.” I sigh, deciding to tell her the truth. “Everyone is getting ready for Halloween. It’s all they talk about on our online chats. I know it’s petty as hell, but I really thought this was the year I’d finally be able to do the same things as other people my age.”
I even bought a costume, and I never buy costumes. This was before my life went to hell, though. Like I said, I know I’m being petty, and maybe even childish, but I was really looking forward to partying with my men and having a good time.
“That’s an understandable feeling.”
“It wouldn’t be so bad if I were at least with them.”
Them. The club officers of the Devil’s Regents. I don’t even have to say their names now, because she knows all about them. Our unconventional relationship. My love for them. My fears of losing them. All of it.
Well, most of it…
“Have they reached out to you?”
“No.”
Dr. Cross is the only person outside of the guys who knows what happened the day I found out my father was alive—how much they blame themselves for not being able to protect me. But she doesn’t know everything, and it’s eating me up. Telling her opens another can of worms, though. I’m not sure patient/physician confidentiality covers something my boyfriend did. If I tell her, then I’m putting Bash in jeopardy.
I can’t stop myself from saying, “Dr. Cross, I’m worried about Bash. I thought he’d be back by now.”
He promised.
“I tried calling him last night, and his phone was off.”
Not that he’s been taking my calls, but this time the call went right to voicemail, which hasn’t happened before. And the last text I got from him was…weird.
“That’s not unusual, Olivia. Maybe his phone was dead, or maybe he was out of range.”
“I just can’t shake this bad feeling I have.”
“Do you think your father is involved?”
“Honestly? No.”
No, I think something broke inside of Bash when he killed Mitch, making it look an overdose/drug deal gone bad. What if he couldn’t take it? What if that’s why his phone is off? We all knew what he was doing when he got information from Mitch and Chase was risky. What if he paid the ultimate price?
“Have you been writing in your journal?”
I blink. “Yeah. Well, not every night, but more than I normally do.”
“Good. I think it’s important to keep track of your thoughts right now. What you’re feeling is driven mostly by stress. Writing about it will help you destress. Do you have anything else that you want to talk about today?”
“Actually, I do. I feel bad.”
She doesn’t miss a beat and asks, “Why is that?”
“I know this is all to protect me, but why can’t I be with them? I’m safer with them.”
“Sometimes we may think something is true when, indeed, it’s not.” She flips the page on her notepad. “Agent Hill says the warehouse the Devil’s Regents were using as a clubhouse burned down a few nights ago. Suspected arson.”
My breath hitches in my throat. “I hadn’t heard.”
How would I? I’m practically being locked up in the safehouse. The internet has a parental block on it, so I can’t look at half the things I want to, and there’s not even a TV. All I get is my laptop and Netflix. Thank god for sexy mafia films to keep me entertained at night.
“While you may think you’re safer with them, you also have t
o be aware of what’s happening. Agent Hill believes your father is behind the fire.”
“Was anyone hurt?”
A look flashes across her face but is gone so fast that I think I imagined it. “Not to my knowledge.”
For the first time since I’ve started seeing her, I think Dr. Cross has lied to me. But why? Is it that bad?
“Let’s practice some calming exercises,” she says.
I nod, but I can’t stop thinking about it. What if they’re dead? Would anyone even tell me?
Saint
The monitors beep, detecting the pain I’m in. I’d take road rash over this any day, and that says a fucking lot.
“Fuck. Can’t you do that some other way?”
The nurse glares at my tone, but keeps rebandaging my burns. She’s a tough lady, I’ll give her that much. I’ve been told three other nurses refuse to take care of me because I’m, and I quote, a dick. But she doesn’t even bat an eye at me and my bullshit.
“I’m afraid not, Mr. Massacre.”
That has me cussing, but for a different reason. “I told you. Call me Saint.”
She finishes with the bandages and says, “I’ll be back in a bit with your tray.”
When she gets to the door I call out, “How is he?”
“Still no change.”
Fuck.
I grab my phone and send a text.
Me: Any leads?
Agent Hill: Not yet. The investigation is still ongoing.
Agent Hill: How are you?
Me: Dying to get out of here.
Me: How’s Liv?
Agent Hill: She’s fine.
I let out a sigh of relief. I’ve thanked god at least a dozen times that she wasn’t there when the club went up in flames. It was a fucking close call, which is why I sent Olivia away in the first place. I knew something like this was bound to happen sooner or later. Too bad I wasn’t prepared for it, though, and my men paid the price.
Agent Hill: Dr. Cross told her about the fire.
Me: I thought we agreed that was a bad idea.
Agent Hill: I did, too.
Agent Hill: But she’s the professional.
Me: She’s going to want to see us.
Agent Hill: Sounds like you better get ready, then.