by Sarah Bale
She smiles as she sits. “No need to thank me. He was ready. He just needed some encouragement. Now good afternoon. I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“I’m glad, too. Thank you.”
“Did something happen today to make you need a visit?”
I catch her up on everything. The message from Chase. Hearing that my father is back. All of it.
“I can see how that could upset you.”
“I’m feeling so many things about it. First, and foremost, I’m angry. Angry that he’s back and still controlling people. Angry that it brings back old memories and feelings.” I pause. “Agent Hill said he was seen outside of the duplex we lived in. Dr. Cross, that is the place where he hurt me. He went there just to send me a message.”
“Fred, I mean, Agent Hill mentioned that you recently got your concealed carry permit.”
“I did, but I’m not sure a gun is going to stop him.”
“No, but it gives you protection that you didn’t have back then.”
“True.”
“How is everyone else holding up?”
“Pretty much like you’d expect. They don’t want me to see Chase. I know they’re right, but this is how my father wants this to play out. If I don’t go, then something bad will happen.”
“You mentioned other feelings.”
“Yeah. Scared. Nervous. Worried that this is going to make me resort to my old ways.”
You know—selling my body for sex just to get rid of the emotional void that used to be permanently in my chest from where my father hurt me.
“Have you had any urges to go to the website?”
I cringe even thinking about the fantasy website. Fuck. I think that will always be a mar on my life. When I’m old and grey, I will look back and see how much of a mistake that was. I can’t change my past, but I can definitely change my future and the choices I make.
“No, but what if-”
“Olivia, you’ve already shown how much you have healed and grown in the short amount of time that we’ve been seeing each other. You have to trust yourself and what you’re feeling. You mentioned feeling worried. In the past, you’ve used sex to feel secure.”
I frown. “Is that why I can’t keep my hands off Saint and King?”
“You tell me.”
I think about how I felt when I was using the website and sex with random strangers. I did it to calm the darkness inside of me—the darkness that wanted nothing more than for me to end my life. But it’s not the same with Saint and King, and even Razor and Bash. When I’m with them, it’s because I love them. They never leave me feeling empty inside, instead I feel alive.
I smile. “It’s not the same.”
“Very good. Now, I want you to know it’s very common to have these fears, but you are strong enough to overcome them. Just be honest and communicate what you’re feeling.”
“I want to, but I’m scared about how they’ll react. Like this dinner with Chase. They know it’s bad news. I know it’s bad news, but I still want to go. Part of me needs to know if he has heard from my father.” I look down. “Part of me hopes my father tries something so this can be over. If they knew that’s how I felt, I think they would try to stop me from going.”
“When are you meeting Chase?”
“Tomorrow night. Agent Hill needs time to make sure the area is secure.”
“My suggestion is to tell them what you’re feeling. In return, be ready to listen to their concerns. I think you will all be happier in doing so.” She pauses. “Have you talked to them about your past?”
“No. I wanted to do it when they’re all here.”
But the way it’s going, that might not happen.
“I understand, but if your father is back, it’s important they know everything. I believe it will help them understand where you’re coming from.”
She’s right, even though it doesn’t make it any easier. But I’ll be damned if I let my father hold something over my head.
When I leave the office, King is on his bike, waiting.
“Feel better?”
“Yeah. Let’s go home.”
Razor
I watch as Bash finishes off the bottle of Hennessy, smashing it on the floor. Some of the other guys hoot and cheer, and I groan. Fuck. Now he’s going to get another bottle. If I’m lucky he’ll pass out soon, but with the way he’s been drinking, I can’t be sure.
Hawk leans against the counter and looks over. “He still going at it?”
“Unfortunately.”
“I won’t be around to help carry his ass to bed tonight.”
“Where you going? Got a date?”
He snorts. “I don’t date, I fuck.”
“Okay, are you fucking someone then?”
“No. I’m finishing the project for Grunge tonight. Once everything is neat and tidy and there’s money in my account, I’m out of here.”
“Damn. Any idea where you’re going next?”
“Thinking about swinging through Mississippi to see some friends.” He glances over. “Then I’m heading to Savannah. Got a call tonight about a job.”
“Saint called?”
He doesn’t answer, but takes a sip of his beer. If Saint called him, then that means something’s happened.
“Can you keep an eye on Bash? I need to make a call.”
“Tell Saint I said hello.”
Grabbing my beer, I shove my way through the drunk fuckers dancing and step outside. There’s a few clouds in the sky, making me miss home. I’ve been here so fucking long, but Bash isn’t ready to leave. As much as I hate to say it, I’m getting to the point that I might have to go without him.
Saint answers on the first ring. “Let me guess, Hawk told you he’s coming to Savannah?”
“Yeah. Way to keep me in the loop, man.”
He sighs. “It just happened, Razor, and I was going to tell you when we talked tonight.”
“Is he back?”
“Yes.”
He catches me up on everything before I can bombard him with questions. By the time he’s finishes, I’m fuming.
“I don’t think she should go to the dinner,” I say.
“I don’t like it either, but Agent Hill thinks it’s a good idea.”
“How does Hawk play into this?”
“I’m hoping he can help track down her father.”
“He’s got a heavy trigger finger.”
“As long as he’s dead, I don’t care who does it. But one thing’s clear—we’re not leaving this up to the Feds so they can fuck up again.”
“Agreed.”
“Any idea when you’re coming back? It would be great if you came with Hawk.”
I glance back to the clubhouse, where rowdy laughs and cursing drifted into the air.
“He’s still not ready to come back, Saint. If anything, he’s getting worse. He’s inside, drinking right now.”
Saint sighs, and it sounds different—more tired. “I don’t want to be the one to say it, but maybe you should come home without him.”
“You’re only saying what I’ve been thinking. I miss Liv and I want to come home. It would be different if Bash were getting better. Then it wouldn’t feel like I’m wasting my time.”
“It’s your call. You’ve done as much as you can do.”
“I’ll try and talk to him in the morning, when he’s sober.”
“Keep me in the loop and I’ll do the same.”
I end the call and look up. Hopefully Bash will listen. Otherwise, I’ll be going home without my brother.
The next morning, I’m up bright and early. Hawk is at the bar, filling a mug full of coffee. He’s got his cut over a long-sleeved shirt and his chaps on over his jeans.
“You about to head out?”
“Yeah. I want to beat the heat.”
“Guessing everything went well last night.”
He grunts. “Yeah.”
“It’s been a pleasure, brother. I’ll see you soon.”
This makes his eyebrows lift. “You really going to leave your boyfriend behind?”
“If he doesn’t pull his head out of his ass, then yes.”
“Damn. Okay. See you in Georgia.”
He grabs his mug and heads outside. A moment later his bike roars to life as he leaves. I glance at my watch. Bash is probably still passed out, but I can’t wait any longer. I go to the kitchen and fill a gallon jug with ice, cold water. Time to wake up the fucker.
Bash is dead asleep in one of the whore’s rooms. She’s not there, and there aren’t any signs that they fucked, so I won’t kick his ass for that. I will, however, send a very clear message. It’s time to go home.
“Wake up, motherfucker,” I say loudly, as I pour the water over Bash’s head. “Rise and fucking shine.”
He screams and thrashes as I keep pouring until the jug is empty. He scrambles from the bed, not giving a damn that he’s naked.
“What the fuck, Razor!”
“Bash, my friend, go take a shower. You look and smell like shit.”
“I can’t,” he bites out. “The showers are backing up.”
Which would explain the smell.
“Well, put some clothes on and meet me outside.”
He glares but reaches for his pants.
I walk to the door and pause. “If you’re not out there in five, I’m coming back with more water.”
“Fuck. Off.”
I’m grinning as I walk outside. The air is crisp and doesn’t smell like shit. Two wins, if you ask me. Bash comes out a few minutes later and sits next to me on the bench.
“Liv’s father is back.” I see no point in bullshitting around. “It’s time to go home, Bash.”
He stiffens. “You felt the need to wake me up? For that?”
“Are you fucking listening to yourself? Yes, I fucking woke you up. Not for that, for Liv.”
He doesn’t show any signs of emotion, so I press on.
“We’ve been here for two fucking months. You’re not getting better and, to be frank, I’m tired of dealing with your ass.”
“Then leave.”
“Don’t you think I’ve wanted to? But every time I think about coming home without you and seeing Liv’s reaction it kills me. Doesn’t it bother you?”
“Can’t say I’ve thought about it.”
I laugh. “Bullshit.”
“I haven’t.”
“You might be able to lie to everyone else, but you can’t lie to me, Bash. I was in the room when you killed that fucker. I saw what you did because he was threatening the woman you love.”
“Stop.”
“No, I won’t. Do you remember what you did right before he died?”
“Razor, I mean it.”
“You cut his fucking heart out of his chest and showed him. It was the last thing he saw before he died.”
“Stop talking!” He screams. “Just. Stop.”
“Bash, I’m not going to make you come home. I can’t. But I can tell you what it will do to Liv.”
He lets out a deep moan, and I’m not sure if he’s listening.
“If you don’t come home, you’ll be cutting out her heart. She will never get over it. Sure, she’ll live, but it won’t be the same as if you were there.” I stand. “So, get your head out of your ass before it’s too late.”
I take a few steps before adding, “I’m leaving in two days, whether you’re ready or not.”
I’ve done everything I can. The rest is up to him.
14
Olivia
I glance in the mirror, trying to decide if this outfit is too revealing. I don’t want to give Chase room to assume anything, especially after last time. My jeans were too tight, probably from all of the stress eating I’ve been doing, so I opted for black leggings and a long, green tunic that nearly reaches my knees. My hair is piled high atop my head in a messy bun, and I’m not wearing a lick of make-up. I look hideous.
“You look so fucking beautiful,” King says from behind me.
That makes me grin. “Thank you. You don’t think it’s too much, do you? I don’t want him to get any ideas.”
“He’d be an idiot if he still thought there was a chance with you.”
The thing about my father is that he has a way of making people believe things that aren’t true. That’s how he was able to get to Mitch, and then Chase. So, I’m not going to assume shit.
King hands me a small box. “This might help.”
Opening it, I find the smallest handgun I’ve ever seen before.
“Thought you could keep in in your purse. Just in case.”
My eyes water, and I throw my arms around his neck. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”
“Damn. Didn’t know giving you a weapon would make you so weepy,” he jokes.
“Sorry. I think it’s just stress. Like, I’m so fucking wound up about everything and my emotions are all over the place.”
He peers down at me, making a sound in the back of his throat. “When’s the las-”
“We need to head out,” Saint calls from the living room. “Agent Hill just texted and said everything is ready for us.”
“What were you going to say?”
“Doesn’t matter. Come on, let’s go.”
We’re taking King’s truck today. They both think it’s safer than taking one of the cars and definitely safer than the bikes, even though I’m dying to ride on Saint’s newly finished motorcycle. But, sitting between them in the truck is also kind of nice. Never mind the fact that one of us could have sat in the back.
Saint asks King, “Did you give it to her?”
“She loved it so much that she cried.”
That makes me snort. “I didn’t cry. My eyes just got a little misty.”
The grin falls off my face as we pull up to the restaurant. I don’t see Chase’s car in the parking lot, but that doesn’t mean he’s not here. I do, however, see Agent Hill standing in the back of the lot, near a tree. Saint parks next to him and we get out.
Agent Hill smiles at me. “How are you feeling?”
I’m getting tired of everyone asking me this, but I answer, “Good. A bit nervous.”
“I have five guys inside and six out here. If anything happens, run to the kitchen. I’ve made sure that you will be seated close to it.”
“Okay. Do you know if he’s here?”
“Not yet. He left his parent’s home a bit ago, so he should be here within the next ten minutes. I’d like you to go inside and be seated. Make sure your back is to the wall. That way no one can walk up on you unexpectedly.”
“Right. Back to the wall. Got it.”
“You’re going to do great.”
“Do the staff know what’s going on?”
He shakes his head. “Since we don’t know who’s working with your father, we thought it was best not to tell them.”
Makes sense. I wipe my damp palms against my leggings and straighten my shoulders.
“I’m ready.”
I’m surprised when King and Saint walk with me to the door.
“Are you going in, too?”
King shoots Saint a look before answering, “Yes.”
Saint says, “I’m going to stay outside, in the truck.”
They’ve obviously had some sort of argument over this, because the tension is suddenly very thick.
“Okay. Well, wish me luck.”
Saint brushes a kiss across my cheek. “Good luck, darlin’.”
King and I walk inside. At the hostess desk, King gives my hand a squeeze before going to the bar.
The hostess looks up. “Do you have a reservation.”
I give her my name, and she types it into her computer.
“Ah, here we go. The other party hasn’t checked in yet, but I can seat you if you’d like.”
“That would be great.”
She grabs two menus and leads me toward the back to a table near the kitchen door.
“Most people don’t ask to sit back here,�
�� she says.
I come up with a lie. “I think it’s more romantic. Not as busy or as loud.”
“Only when we’re not training someone new.” She pauses. “Is that your dad who came in with you?”
I bite back a laugh. “Uh, no. Just a friend.”
“He’s super sexy. Think he’d mind if I sent him a drink?”
Her cheeks are flushed, and I don’t have the heart to tell her he’s taken.
“I’m sure he’d like that.”
Because King will never say no to a free drink.
“Can I get you anything? Wine? A cocktail?”
“Water with lemon will be fine.”
“I’ll be right back.”
I watch as she makes a beeline to the bar, whispering something to the bartender. He shakes his head, but reaches for a bottle of Jack. Good choice.
I take my seat, making sure my back is to the wall. It gives me a sense of security, which is probably part of Agent Hill’s plan. My phone dings and I pull it out of my purse.
Saint: Everything okay?
Me: Yeah. I’m at the table near the back.
Saint: Good.
Three lines appear and then disappear.
Me: Everything okay on your end?
Saint: Agent Hill had to leave.
Me: Why?
Saint: You know why. There was a sighting of your father in town.
Me: Should I leave? Am I safe here?
Because right now it doesn’t fucking feel like it.
Saint: No. All of the other agents are still in place. You’re safe.
Am I? I want to scream the question, but don’t. From across the room King reaches for his phone. He looks at the screen before looking up at me. Guess Saint must have told him.
King: Fuck. Are you okay?
Me: I guess.
King: Saint wants me to come outside so I can help keep watch. Are you okay with that?
No! I’m not!
Me: I guess.
King: I have my phone on me. Text me if anything feels out of place.
He tosses back his drink and drops some bills on the bar top before leaving. I know I’m probably safer here, inside, but right now I feel like a deer in a wide, open field. Anything and anyone can get me here. As if my fear summons him, Chase enters the restaurant. Wonder if he saw King on his way out? I doubt it, because he doesn’t look scared.