by Sarah Bale
Foxy points. “This is our house right here. Look at the backyard.”
I lean forward. Sure enough, the house is a miniature copy of the real one. In the backyard, a little girl plays with a puppy while two grandparents watch. My eyes water at the sweet moment caught in time by her Pawpaw.
“This is really great.”
He smiles, looking proud. “Thank you, Liv. Now, which part of town are you in? I have to make sure you’re here, too.”
I lie, “Right now, I live in the dorms at the college.”
His face lights up. “I don’t have the dorms yet. I’ll have to make one.”
Foxy laughs. “Oh, Liv. You’ve just given him a project to work on. Pawpaw, we’re going to get out of your hair so you can tinker without interruption.”
He waves his hand in acknowledgement as he bends over the college replica, looking around. Foxy closes the door behind us and leads me upstairs, to a room with her name painted in fancy script.
“They seem really nice,” I say.
“They’re the best. They stepped in when my own parents didn’t want to do the job and thought drugs were more important than me.”
My heart pangs at how similar we seem to be, but how different our lives were. I would have killed to have something like this growing up.
Foxy motions for me to sit on the bed.
“I’m texting Fred the address. I’m sure he’s going to want to make sure we get back to the club safely.”
“How’s that going?”
She blushes. “We’re going on date this weekend.”
“No way!”
“I didn’t think he was going to ask, but he did. Said he couldn’t seem to get me off his mind.” She lets out a dreamy sigh. “He’s perfect, Liv, and different than any guy I’ve ever had a thing for.”
“I’m really happy for you.”
“I asked him about the woman he’d been dating. He was very honest and said they’d met a long time ago and it wasn’t right then, so they tried it now. He said it still didn’t feel right, so they both agreed to be friends.”
“I’m glad he was honest with you.”
“Me too.” She grins. “I can’t wait for him to meet Pawpaw. They’re going to have so much to talk about.”
“So, Pawpaw used to be a cop? Is that why this is your safe place?”
“They were both cops back in the day. After Grammy had my mom, she decided it was better if one of them stayed at home. I wonder if she regrets it sometimes, but she says it was the best choice she made in her life.” She goes on, “They’re both older, but I have no doubt that they could protect us if it came down to it. Pawpaw likes the trains, but his other hobby is prepping for the zombie apocalypse. There are guns everywhere around here.”
That makes me laugh. “Does he have a bunker?”
“He sure does. I’ll have to show it to you sometime.” Her phone dings and she says, “Fred is on his way.”
I look at my phone. Fucking nothing.
“I hope they’re okay. I hate that they keep me out of the loop on things like this.”
“That’s how club business goes, sis.”
Grammy stops by a moment later, leaving us warm cookies and milk. I moan when I take a bite.
“Oh my god.”
“It’s peanut butter with chocolate chips. Grammy’s won prizes for this recipe at the fair.”
I take another bite. “I can see why!”
We stuff our faces in silence. I don’t know if it’s just the vibe here or what, but I’m not a bit stressed when Foxy’s phone dings again.
“Fred’s here. I told him we’ll meet him outside, so my grandparents don’t hear what we’re saying.”
We meet Agent Hill outside, where he leans against his car. He’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt tonight, which shocks me. I’ve never seen him in anything other than his slacks and button-up shirts.
“Are you okay?” He asks both of us, though his eyes don’t leave Foxy’s face.
“We’re good. Have you heard anything?”
He does look at me this time. “No. they haven’t gotten back with me. You’re right, though. It had to be something bad for them to leave you unprotected.”
That’s what I’m afraid of.
My phone buzzes. “It’s Razor.” I answer. “Hello?”
“Where are you, Liv?”
He’s out of breath, and there’s a loud commotion in the background.
“I’m with Foxy and Agent Hill.”
He exhales loudly. “Thank fuck. Guys, she’s safe.”
King must take the phone because he asks, “How did you get out of the compound?”
“Foxy and the girls ran a diversion.”
“Have you heard from the others?”
My eyes widen. Shit. I say to Foxy, “Have you heard from the girls?”
“A few of them.”
“Who?”
She rattles off a list.
“Did you hear that, King?”
“Liv, hand the phone to Agent Hill.”
“King-”
“Fucking listen to me. I have to protect you right now!”
My hand shakes as I push my phone toward Agent Hill. “King wants to speak with you.”
Foxy puts her arm around my shoulder as Agent Hill takes a few steps away from us.
“Fuck. Did he say what’s going on?”
“Of course not. They never keep me in the loop.”
Agent Hill ends the call, looking grim. “Bash was ambushed. That’s why they all left.”
Oh, god.
“Is he—is he okay?”
“They forced him off the road and he crashed. He was smart about it. Drove right toward the police station. After he crashed, they took off. King said he’s getting released from the hospital now.”
I sway and Foxy steadies me.
“Why did King want to know if we’ve heard from the other girls?”
“One of the men involved told Bash they were chasing you in a car.”
Fuck.
Fuck!
He goes on, “So you were right to leave the clubhouse. This was clearly an attempt by your father to get to you.”
“How do you know?”
“The man—the one who popped off to Bash today—is the same man who ran him off the road in Nevada and left him to die. Saint and a few of his men chased after him. They were able to get him and he’s being arrested as we speak.”
Foxy’s phone dings. “This is Kiwi. The only ones I haven’t heard from are Claws and Sissy.”
I meet her worried gaze. “Hopefully, they’re safe.”
“They were going to a house that Claw’s used to stay at as a kid.”
Agent Hill says, “Give me an address. I’ll send a car. You two should go inside. I’ll keep watch out here.”
Foxy and I go back into her house. Her Pawpaw asks if everything is okay as he looks out the window in the living room.
“Yeah. Just chatting with a friend,” Foxy lies as we go to her room.
The next thirty minutes are torturously slow as we wait to hear from…anyone, really. There’s nothing, though. When I look out of the window in Foxy’s room I see there are now two police cruisers behind Agent Hill’s car. Well, that’s not good.
Foxy joins me and says, “I’m worried. No one has heard from Sissy. Out of the two, she’s the one who would get back with us, so we don’t worry.”
“I have a bad feeling about this, too.”
We’re silent after that.
Because both of us know what this means.
Sissy and Claws probably aren’t coming back.
22
Olivia
The next week goes by in a blur of tears and anger.
Sissy and Claws were found just a few miles shy of their destination. Sissy, who was in the passenger’s seat, had a bullet between her eyes. She died instantly. The same cannot be said for Claws. The best anyone can guess is that whoever ran her off the road tried to get information fro
m her before killing her.
The stress of wondering if my father knows where I am is eating me up, and, on top of everything else, I still haven’t told the others about the baby. I mean, now’s not the best time. I’ve barely seen Razor and Saint since the incident last week. Bash is still healing from his injuries. But King… my King has been my saving grace. He’s been at my side each and every day taking care of me.
As if he knows I’m thinking about him, he reaches over, taking my hand. We’re in his new truck, since his old one was totaled when Bash was bumped off the road. It’s nice and I feel safe inside. The same can’t be said for my own mental well-being. I swear, Dr. Cross and I have talked more in last seven days than we ever have. But nothing she says can shake the bad feeling that’s looming me.
My father is coming. Whether we’re ready or not.
We arrive to Dr. Deathridge’s office. I’m so nervous that I feel like I’m going to be sick again, but then King gives me a reassuring squeeze.
“You doing okay?”
“I think so. What about you?”
He smiles. “Never been better.”
We’re ushered into an exam room where I’m told to undress from the waist down and cover with a drape. King helps me get situated on the exam table and I try not to feel weird.
Dr. Deathridge comes in, smiling. “Good morning, Ms. Mayhem.”
“Good morning.” I point to King. “This is my boyfriend.”
“Gideon Kingston. Nice to meet you.”
I don’t know what it is about hearing my guys use their real names, but, damn, is it sexy.
I go through a series of questions with the doctor and then he starts the exam. It’s not as painful as I thought it might be, which is good, I guess.
He points to the screen. “That right there is your little bundle of joy. It’s about the size of raspberry right now.”
My eyes water and King lifts my hand to his lips, kissing it.
“I’m going to take a few pictures that you can take home.”
He clicks some buttons on the screen and then he checks a few more things before finishing the exam and scheduling me for my next appointment.
I’m feeling all sorts of things as we get into King’s truck. He closes my door and climbs in on the driver’s side, holding the printed photo in his hand. He’s looking at it like he’s looking at the most precious thing in the world.
“King?”
He looks up, tears in his eyes. “I never thought I wanted kids. Always figured I’d be a horrible dad or die young, leaving them alone. But this,” he points at the photo. “This right here shows me how wrong I was. This baby is a miracle.”
Now I’m the one who’s crying. “Seeing it on the screen made it so real. Like, now I know I’m doing the right thing.”
“We’re having a baby, Liv.”
We’re both crying as he kisses me. It’s crazy how freaking perfect this moment is. I know there are still things I need to do, like tell the others, but, for now, this is just what I need.
King starts the truck and says, “We’d better go. Don’t want Dr. Cross to have to wait on us.”
She’s waiting when we arrive. King walks me to the door before standing guard outside. I don’t like that he’s out there alone, but I’ve been assured there are other patrol cars in the area.
Once seated on the couch, I open my purse and pull out the ultrasound photo. She smiles as she looks it over.
“I take it your appointment went well?”
“It did. Obviously, King went with me.”
“And the doctor said everything is okay?”
I nod.
“Good. How are you feeling about the pregnancy?”
“I think I’ve had every emotion possible over the last week.”
“Have you decided what you’re going to do?”
I think back to King and what he told me.
“Yes. I’m going to keep it.”
“Are the others excited?”
“King’s the only one who knows.” I pause. “I know the father is either Saint or Razor. I’m not really sure how they’re going to react, but just knowing what I want to do is reassuring. And King said he’ll be there for me.”
She smiles. “I thought he’d say as much. He has so much love to share.”
“I agree.”
She picks up her notepad and shifts in her seat. I’ve come to think of this pose as her Come to Jesus look. Shit is about to get real whether I’m ready or not.
“Olivia, have you talked about your past yet?”
I feel sick but shake my head. “No.”
“I think you should, and I think you should do it soon.”
“I know.”
God knows I know! When Sissy and Claws were killed, it served as a reminder that my father is still playing his game, waiting to hurt me. And we all know it’s only a matter of time-
“Are you worried or scared about what they will think?”
“I think that’s some of it.” I look at my hands. “I think I’m worried about how I’ll feel after opening that door. I’ve shoved some of those memories far away. While you’ve helped me so much, there are still dark bits that I haven’t thought about since they happened.”
She nods. “That’s an understandable concern to have. When you touch those dark places in your past, just remember who you are now. You survived, Olivia. You are here. You are strong.”
My eyes burn with prickly tears that I swipe away before they can fall.
“What if I’m not strong, though? What if those memories make me hate myself? Or this baby?”
Because the last time I was pregnant was under totally different circumstances.
“Then we’ll work through them.”
I’m so tired of running from my past. From him.
“Okay. I’ll talk to them.”
I owe that much to myself and to the sweet, innocent baby I’m carrying.
We talk for an hour before the session is over. King is waiting for me when I step outside of the office.
“How’d it go?”
I make a face. “She thinks I need to talk about my past.”
“Oh?”
“She’s right. I just—I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“We’re here for you, Liv. No matter what.”
He helps me into the truck and then turns to face me. The expression on his face is grim.
“Agent Hill called. Said the DNA result came back on the finger.”
“It’s Lucy’s, isn’t it?”
He nods. “Yes.”
Opening the truck door, I jump out and vomit on the pavement. He rushes to my side, holding my hair. Holding me, really. When I’m done, I turn to him, burying my face against his chest as I sob. I can’t begin to imagine what Lucy was going through when my monster of a father cut off her finger. His words from that night come back to me. He said he’d cut something else off to prove a point if needed. I moan and King holds me closer.
“She’s never going to be the same, if she lives.”
And I’m not just talking about her physical appearance. She’s going to have the same emotional scars that I carry. Ones she may never get over. When she looks in the mirror, the person looking back will be a stranger because she’ll learn how to hide her pain with a fake smile.
King kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry, Liv. I wish we could find this fucker and end this.”
I hold onto him, praying my life was different. That I was anyone but me.
King forces me to look up at him. “Liv, you need to tell them. Everything. Your father has already struck once, and we need everyone to be prepared.”
I hate that he’s right.
“I’ll do it tonight.”
“Good. I’ll make sure everyone is there.”
I nod, numbness spreading throughout my body. Time to see how much the men I love can take before they reach their breaking points.
23
Olivia
I’ve
gone over this a thousand times in the mirror. What I’m going to say. Who I’m going to look at while I’m speaking. Each time I feel more scared and sicker to my stomach. I don’t want to do this. I’m not emotionally prepared for the outcome. Fuck.
They’re all in the living room, just like King said they’d be. He had a hard time getting everyone in the same place, but here we are. One big fucked-up family.
I stand in front of the doorway. You know - in case I need to get the hell out of here.
My hands are shaking. “We need to talk.”
This gets their attention, well, except for Bash, who looks like he’s flying high on pain meds right now. I focus on Razor and Saint, who are sitting on the couch. They are, after all, the men of the hour.
“Is this about your past?” Razor asks, startling the shit out of me. “Dr. Cross said you might want to talk about it soon, with everything going on.”
“You’re seeing Dr. Cross, too?”
His cheeks darken, but he nods. “Figure it’s helping Saint, and it’s helped you. Might as well sort through my fucked-up past, too.”
I moisten my lips. “I, uh- Fuck. I don’t know where to start. I didn’t have the best life growing up. My mom was awful. She was hooked on drugs for as long as I can remember. When I think back, I’m not sure how I survived.”
They’re all listening, not saying a word.
“My mother was bad. My father was worse. The earliest memory I have is of him beating me with a belt because I wasn’t being quiet. He hit me until one of my mom’s friends came in and got between me and the belt. I stayed with her for a bit after that. I was three, maybe.”
I remember the belt hitting me and begging him to stop. As a child, you don’t have the vocabulary to express the pain you’re in. All I could say was it hurt. God, I was so injured from the beating that I couldn’t sit for a week. I had to lie on my side while my mom’s friend would play with my hair as she tried to make me comfortable. I was safe there. Probably the only time I was safe, to be honest.
I don’t know if my mom noticed I was gone, or just needed money from her friend. When she came by and saw me, she told me to get my stuffed animal and took me home. The look on my father’s face when he saw my bruises scared the shit out of me then. He liked what he’d done to me.