“I am sure they will send their regards soon,” he replied. “They have many friends in London and will be in much demand. No, I come here on my own account. I have been walking in the park for some time hoping to meet with you. I suspected home is not a comfortable place for you right now, and I knew a night like this would draw you out. Will you do me the honour of hearing what I am about to say though it may shock you to hear it?”
A thousand possibilities flitted through my mind as I observed his oddly nervous demeanour. Mr Darcy would offer us a cottage on his lands. He wished to offer me a role as his sister’s companion. He knew of a governess’s position that would not tax ones of our limited education. I nodded cautiously, not wishing to get too excited.
“I could hardly refuse now. Not when you are so mysterious. I wonder you do not come into the house?”
“Depending on how our conversation goes, I might do. But I did not wish to do so until I had spoken to you first.”
“Shall we walk?” I glanced at the house. I was still nervous that Mr Collins or Mama might seek me out to demand an answer. If Mr Darcy could offer me any lifeline to escape what I was about to do, I would not allow them to take it from me.
We walked along a gravel path through some old elms Father had always been fond of. Darcy asked me if I was warm enough, and I nodded, impatient for him to begin.
“Before I speak any further, I must ask if you have given Mr Collins your answer.”
“Not at all,” I said, my heart racing. “I will not do so until I cannot put it off any longer. I will enjoy what time I have left.”
Mr Darcy exhaled. “I am glad to hear that. It is why I came now and did not wait until morning. I feared…” He shook his head. “If I offered an alternative to you; one that allowed you to live a life free of being Mr Collins’s wife, which would also see your family provided for, would you take it? Even if it meant leaving Longbourn?”
“In a heartbeat,” I exclaimed. “I hurried home this afternoon and checked the mail. I do not know what I was searching for — some letter from a mysterious old relative who had died and left me his land and fortune perhaps — to see if anything might offer me an excuse to reject Mr Collins’s offer. If I have an unknown relative somewhere who has money and property and is currently expiring, he is taking his time about it. I am afraid he will not depart this world before I am shackled to Mr Collins for life.”
Mr Darcy gave me one of his slight smiles.
“Well, I cannot offer you news of a departing relative, I am afraid, but I can offer you another alternative to a life as Mrs Collins.”
My heart raced. I could hardly believe Mr Darcy was promising to be my saviour. How had I ever disliked him? To think he of all people would be the one to step forward and help me.
“And what is that?” I asked. “If you can offer me anything, I pray you do so quickly, sir because my time is dwindling. What can you offer me as an alternative to becoming Mrs Collins?”
Mr Darcy drew a deep breath. He walked on a few steps further, then paused and turned around. There was an expression on his face I had never seen there before, and I could not make out whether it was happiness or sadness.
“A life as Mrs Darcy.”
I thought I had misheard him. “Excuse me?” An incredulous smile crossed my face.
He stiffened, his earlier softness fading away.
“I believe I spoke clearly.”
“Yes, but I cannot — I cannot imagine I have heard right. You are offering me a life as Mrs Darcy? You are asking me to marry you?”
Darcy continued to regard me gravely as I laughed and shook my head.
“This is not the time for foolish jokes, sir. I thought you had a serious proposal for me. If that is all you have to say, I think we have exhausted the possibilities of this conversation. I must bid you a good night.”
I dipped a curtsey and walked back to the house, leaving him standing behind me.
My earlier amusement slipped away, and I now bristled with indignation. Life as Mrs Darcy! As if that proud man who did not find me handsome enough to dance with would make me a serious offer. What was he about? Was this some foolish joke he would laugh over with Miss Bingley once he returned to London? I would not give him the satisfaction of providing him with humour at such a time. I had too many troubles to give credence to such idiocy.
Yet as I climbed into bed not long after and listened to Jane’s soft breathing beside me, the strangeness of it overcame me. Why would Mr Darcy walk to Longbourn and wait for me in the garden just to play a joke? He was far too proper for such behaviour, yet I could see no other reason for it.
He was not serious in his proposal. Mr Darcy no more wished to marry me than I wished to marry Mr Collins. His pride would not allow him to take pity on a poor girl who faced expulsion from her family home. This was not a gothic romance, and Mr Darcy was no romantic hero. I gritted my teeth as I pushed at the pillow beneath my head, trying to find some comfort as the hours slipped by into the last day of my freedom. If Mr Darcy could not help me in any sensible way, I would wish he would leave me well enough alone. I did not appreciate him coming here and confusing me more than ever.
8
I slept late that morning after a night of restless tossing and turning, and I woke with a headache. Jane had already risen and judging by the light coming in through the window, it was some time after breakfast. That was just as well. I could not keep food down in my anxiety about the day ahead, and I did not wish to encounter Mama or Mr Collins just yet. I was sacrificing enough for them. They could just as well wait another few hours before they got their answer. Perhaps I could descend the stairs without attracting their notice and slip outside. I could visit Charlotte for the day before returning and pledging myself to the most ridiculous man I had ever known.
Somewhat cheered by the prospect of a day with my friend, I stood at the top of the stairs, listening for any sign of my family. Voices came from the parlour. If they remained there, I could be out the door before they realised I was awake.
I moved as quickly and as quietly as I could, my ears straining to listen for anyone approaching when one voice caught my attention and almost made me miss my footing. I gripped the railing, my heart pounding, as I caught the voice once again, deeper than all the rest. Did my headache cause me to imagine things, or was Mr Darcy in the parlour? No, I must have imagined it. Yet that low murmur came again. I could not make out his words, but the tone was unmistakable. After standing there frozen in spot for almost a full minute, I hurried down the stairs again and had nearly made it to the door when a shrill cry stopped me in my tracks.
“Lizzy! There you are. I was just telling Mr Darcy I was sure you would join us soon,” Mama cried in a friendly tone that dissolved to a hiss as soon as she reached me. “I do not know what that odious man is doing here or what he wants but you must go to him at once. Mr Collins is waiting to speak with you, you know. I am not sure what business Mr Darcy can have with you, but you must discover it at once and send him on his way.”
“I am sure you are mistaken, Mama,” I said in a shaky voice. “Mr Darcy can have no business with me. Perhaps he wishes to speak with Jane, or maybe he thought he might find Uncle Phillips here. Please make my excuses for me. I will return to the house soon.”
Before Mama could respond, another figure stepped out into the passage. Mr Darcy evidently wondered what had taken so long. He regarded me in that grave manner of his and inclined his head. My mind was in a whirl of confusion. Surely he was not about to repeat his ludicrous offer of the night before? He could not have been serious in it.
No, perhaps it had been a joke, and I had left before he made me his real offer? I had left suddenly. I sighed and cursed that his presence meant Mama had discovered me and I would never escape the house now. But if he could give me a chance to escape the fate waiting for me, I would never cease blessing this man I so disliked. I might even grow closer to my darling cousin and sing Mr Darcy’s praises as high
ly as he sang the praises of that gentleman’s aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. This amusing thought gave me some relief from my anxiety as I reluctantly followed Mama to the parlour.
Only Mr Darcy and Mr Collins waited there. Mr Collins, with his usual servility, had relinquished the master’s chair to Mr Darcy, but it did not stop him from standing over the chimney-piece with the air of a lord surveying his domain. The two gentlemen were close, and the comparison did little for Mr Collins. My cousin was short and portly, his face flat and reddened. Though he was only five and twenty, his hair was shining, and he combed it in such a way that was meant to but did little to hide the red, damp scalp beneath it. His eyes were a watery blue and small, while his lips had always reminded me of fleshy worms.
Beside him, Mr Darcy stood tall and handsome, his dark eyes watching me, his strong jaw set. Even in my moments of most violent dislike for him, I could never deny he was one of the most handsome men I had ever seen. What a shame he did not have a fair personality to match his fair looks.
“I understand you wish to speak with me, sir,” I said coldly, intending to convey at once that I would brook no more of his earlier nonsense.
Mr Darcy inclined his head.
“Forgive me for arguing with you, Mr Darcy, and I hope you know I would never presume to do so in other circumstances but this difficult time is a peculiar one, and the normal rules of society that guide us so magnificently must be put to one side. But I feel I must be present when you speak with my young cousin. If there is anything she has done, as head of the family, I must ask that you include me in your conversation. I will endeavour to check any difficult behaviour you have discovered in the lady and beg your pardon for it a thousand times. My cousin is young and has been dealt a grievous blow. I hope you will forgive her and indeed me as her master if she has…”
“I will see Miss Bennet alone, sir,” Darcy cut in coldly. I was already glaring at my cousin in disgust. How dare he apologise for me? How dare he believe I might have done something requiring Mr Darcy to scold me as if I were a wayward child? If he was already behaving thus, I could not imagine how he would behave when I was his wife. The thought was almost enough to make me turn and leave the house, and my family could manage as best they could.
Mr Collins was about to protest again when Mr Darcy rose from his chair. He did not challenge him exactly, but he made such an imposing figure next to Mr Collins’s squat form that my cousin quelled at once and with shrinking servility, scuttled from the room. I stared after him in amazement. I was sure he would protest at leaving me alone with a man, but he was too intimidated by Mr Darcy to argue with him. My Mama had always been lax about such things, and she thought nothing of leaving us together.
I turned to meet Mr Darcy’s eyes.
“Forgive me for leaving last night, sir,” I said. “Your words caught me by surprise and to be honest, though I dearly love to laugh, I was not in humour for it. I trust you have a serious offer to make me now?”
“I must confess I am confused why you believe I was speaking in jest. I have never been accused of being a man given to idle amusement. But after thinking on it more, I understand my offer must have seemed sudden, and the differences in our stations in life must have made it seem incredible to you. I came here this morning to assure you I am completely serious. I am offering you my hand in marriage.”
I gave a small laugh and shook my head.
“I confess, I am bewildered. Why are you asking me to marry you? It cannot be because you wish to rescue me from a future with Mr Collins? It is gallant, I suppose, but I do not understand why you are making it your problem to solve. Did I somehow make you feel indebted to me when I unburdened myself yesterday? That was not my intention. You were kind to listen, but I never sought to make you feel responsible for fixing it.”
Mr Darcy turned and paced the room. I still stood near the door, and my fingers curled into my hand as I struggled to make sense of his offer.
Finally, Mr Darcy stopped pacing and turned to face me.
“I am flattered you think me so generous that I would offer to marry you based on our conversation alone. But no, it is not that. Though it pains me to say it, I am grieved that I did not move faster to help your father. If I had done so, perhaps I might have saved him. Perhaps your family would not now be in the situation it is in.”
I shook my head and stepped back even as my eyes filled with tears.
“There is nothing you could have done. Both of you were too far for help to arrive on time. You cannot blame yourself for that.”
“I do. And as I feel the fault is mine, so must the remedy be. I cannot restore your father to you, but I can see that you suffer as little as possible by his absence. I can see that his family is cared for and wants for nothing.” He glanced about the room, looking everywhere but at me. “As your family has made it clear that matrimony is the only way for the matter to be resolved, I am offering you my hand.”
I shook my head. Mr Darcy looked at me then and frowned.
“You are refusing me?”
“I do not know what to say. This proposal has come out of nowhere. I assure you, again and again, sir, that you do not need to make amends to us. None of us blames you in the slightest way. I cannot believe your proposal is anything other than misplaced guilt and the marriage is one you will regret once you have had the distance to see the situation in a different light.”
Mr Darcy listened to me without speaking. He turned and paced to the fireplace where he stoked the fire. I watched his broad back, wondering what thoughts were going through his mind right then. A wave of despair swept over me. He would make a better husband in some ways than Mr Collins. I disliked both men, but Mr Darcy was at least attractive and intelligent. But I did not wish to marry anyone, never mind having a choice between two men I disliked. I could not believe I found myself in a situation where I was forced to decide which man I disliked least to have for my husband.
9
Mr Darcy turned to me, his hands clasped behind his back. His face was impassive.
“Do you wish to marry your cousin?”
I covered my mouth to smother the choked laugh that almost escaped me.
“Of course not. There is nothing in the world I am less inclined towards.”
“And you agree that if you do not marry him, he will turn your family out of Longbourn and you will have to fend for yourselves as best you can?”
I nodded, fighting back the wave of helplessness that swept over me as he described my predicament.
“And there is nothing in the world you are less inclined to do than become Mrs Collins.”
“As I have already said.”
“Then, I do not see the difficulty. Marrying me will solve those problems. I will provide for your family. They will never want for a home or security. You will not have to marry a man whose character you doubt —“
I blanched as he said this and only hid it with some effort.
“I despise false displays of modesty so I will not hide that I think myself a far better alternative to Mr Collins. I am determined to do right by your family, Miss Bennet.”
“Surely, that does not require marriage?” I said. “Perhaps one of us could be a companion for your sister? That would ease your conscience, would it not? Or, I hope I do not speak too boldly, but perhaps you could provide us with a home on your grounds? If you are serious about wanting to make amends…”
“I am, but your suggestions are impossible. My sister already has a companion, and she is very attached to her. And I am an unmarried man. I cannot provide a home for six single women unconnected with me. It would serve no good to any of our reputations. No, Miss Bennet. I am offering to help you, but it can only be through marriage.” He frowned. “What troubles you so much? I had thought I was offering you a better alternative than living with your cousin.”
What troubled me? Where did I begin?
“That is unfair, sir. You have offered this out of nowhere. I have no notion of
you as a man who needs a wife, and this is the last thing I would have expected of you. It feels - condescending. I do not wish someone to marry me out of pity or from a misplaced sense of obligation.”
“And you believe Mr Collins marries you out of true love for you and the purity of his heart?”
I flinched at his words. “No, of course, I do not.”
“I would have thought most young ladies would jump at such an opportunity.”
“I am not most young ladies.”
“No, you are not.” The words were clipped, but there was a strange look in his eyes that I might have called admiration if I did not know how little he thought of me. His voice softened. “By this evening, you must be engaged. That is already clear. The question is, do you wish to be engaged to Mr Collins; a man who is using your family’s desperate situation to force you into compliance to punish you for refusing him when he might have married a sister who is far more suited to him? Or will you be engaged to me, a man who has no ulterior motive, who will always provide for your family, and who will do his best to be a good husband even if the circumstances are less than ideal?”
Neither of those sounded appealing. Why could I not already have an understanding with a man I loved who had a fortune that could take care of my family? If Wickham were as wealthy as Darcy, he would have done so. I did not doubt his generous heart. But Wickham did not have a living because of the very man before me.
But it was no good thinking that way. Wickham was not an option. My options were my cousin, whose character caused me to fear in a way Mr Darcy’s at least did not. Or Mr Darcy? It was a sad situation to be in.
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