I sighed. “Thank God.”
“Where is Lydia now?”
“Upstairs, asleep. I hope she learns something from the experience, but I cannot be too hopeful.”
“If she does not, I can introduce her to several women who have had their lives ruined by that man.” Darcy’s voice was harsh. He seemed far more agitated than he had been since we first received Jane’s letter.
“What is the matter?” I asked. “Did Wickham say something to you?”
Darcy had walked to the window to look out over the dark square. His shoulders were stiff. Finally, he allowed the curtain to drop and walked towards me to plant a distracted kiss on my head.
“It is nothing. I am merely tired.”
Darcy refused to say more afterwards. Not long later, he announced his intention to retire to bed. And though I joined him, he did not reach for me with his usual eagerness. For many hours, I was aware of him looking at the canopy. His meeting with Wickham had affected him more than I realised. When I recalled his harshness about Lydia, I had a sinking feeling that he was regretting ever marrying into my family. It was many hours before I fell asleep.
Darcy was not there when I awoke the following morning. Kate told me he left the house an hour before but made no mention of when he could be expected home. I stared into the mirror as she dressed my hair and tried not to worry about my husband’s strange behaviour.
Lydia piled her plate high with everything from the sideboard and attacked it with relish. I glanced over at Jane, who looked just as bemused.
“Did you not eat when you were with Wickham?” I asked.
Lydia made a face. “When we could. He always complained about how he had no money and how unfair it was that he was poor when men like Mr Darcy had everything. I grew tired of listening to him after a while. When will you bring me to town to buy new gowns? I cannot keep wearing yours. My bosom feels like a caged animal. I envy you your lack of…”
“That is enough, Lydia,” said Jane, being as severe as she knew how. “I am still not satisfied you understand the severity of your actions. Anything might have happened to you. In another month he might have abandoned you with child. We would never have seen you again.”
“La, it would not have come to that,” said Lydia with a dismissive wave of her fork before she plunged it into her eggs. “Besides, I am here now, and there is no harm done. Do not be tiresome, Jane…”
I knew I should unite with Jane in correcting our youngest sister, but I found I could not pay attention to anything other than Darcy and what he might be thinking. I excused myself from the table with a muttered excuse about making sure my letter to Mama went out and left Jane and Lydia together.
My seal was in Darcy’s study. I rummaged through his desk until I found it and turned to press the letter. There was a sheet of paper on the desk. I pushed it to one side when a name on the top caught my attention and made me grow cold.
“Dear Amelia,
I know you have followed us to London. It is of the utmost urgency that I see you at once. I will be at your house from ten in the morning. I think you know there is much we need to say to one another and much that needs to be resolved.
Yours,
Darcy.
It was already past ten o’clock. Darcy must have gone without sending her advance notice. I felt sick to think my husband was with that woman. I sank into his chair and rested my face in my hands. What did he have to say to her? Would they finally confront their unspoken feelings for one another?
At that thought, I dropped my hands as a surge of anger roared through me. Why should he and Amelia have everything out in the open while I remained in the dark? And if they declared their love for one another, where did that leave me in all this? Did Darcy really think he could wed me and bed me and then leave me to one side while he ran about with the woman he really loved? No, I would not endure that. He was very much mistaken if he thought I was a woman who would look the other way while he courted his mistress. I could not bear it any longer. I needed to know what was between them.
I was shown into Amelia’s drawing-room. Darcy and Amelia stood opposite one another before the mantelpiece, their faces bright red. The sight almost made me turn and leave at once.
Darcy tore his eyes from Amelia’s face. His eyes widened when he saw me.
“Elizabeth. What are you doing here? How did you know where I was?”
I started to speak, but my throat hardly allowed any sound to come out. I swallowed.
“Am I not to know when you are here? Is there a secret you are keeping from me?”
Darcy started towards me then paused and looked back at Amelia. She raised an eyebrow. His steps faltered.
“You should not have come here,” he said. “I will tell you everything when we are at home.”
“You will tell me now,” I said. “Because you will not send me away so you can spend time with your mistress.”
Amelia burst out laughing at that. At that moment, I felt as though I could cheerfully kill her. She shook her head, then walked away to collapse onto her sofa. She looked up at Darcy with malicious amusement.
“You might as well tell her now, Darcy. It will come out anyway.”
I took a deep breath to stem the nausea that had threatened to overwhelm me all morning. My hands curled into fists as I tried to remain in command of myself. Once Darcy told me what was happening, I could never unhear it again. There would be no chance to pretend we might be happy together. And yet to ignore it was to live a lie. A cowardly lie and I had rarely been a coward. I raised my eyes to look at Darcy.
To my surprise, Darcy was glaring at Amelia. He ran a hand through his hair and walked away in a half-circle before turning back again. The look he directed at her was filled with disgust.
“Why do you not do the honours? You are the one who tried to ruin everything.”
I looked at Darcy in astonishment. His expression and tone were not that of a man in love. A small flicker of hope came to life, but I pushed it down. I would not allow hope to shine through until I knew everything.
“I would like you to tell me,” I said in a low voice. “You are my husband. I deserve to hear the truth from you.”
Darcy was still scowling at Amelia, but he turned at once when I spoke. His anger melted away. He came towards me and took my hand.
“I hope you can forgive me for making you doubt me. It was never my intention. I wished to know the whole truth from Amelia before I shared it with you but I should have spoken with you first.”
“What is the whole truth?” I asked. My voice was scarcely above a whisper.
Darcy rummaged in his waistcoat pocket with his free hand and held up a letter. “I found this among Wickham’s things.”
I looked between Darcy and Amelia feeling more and more perplexed.
“What does Wickham have to do with Amelia?”
Amelia gave a scoffing laugh and dropped back against the sofa. It was as if something had gone out of her — some fight or spirit.
“Read it, and you will see,” said Darcy.
I gently pulled my and free to read it.
“George,
It will surprise you to hear from me again so soon after we have seen one another. I have a task for you, and you will complete it. Darcy and his wife are leaving for Derbyshire tomorrow. They will remain there for the winter, so that changes our plans. I will follow them to Derbyshire. My parents have begged me to visit ever since I returned to the country so there will be no difficulty there. You will follow us. I do not care what excuse you need to make to the militia. You will work your usual charm on Darcy’s wife. Caroline Bingley informs me you were a particular favourite of hers so you should have little difficulty in seducing her. When Darcy discovers it and puts her to one side, I will send you any funds you need to clear your debts. In the meantime, I will pay for your travel and lodgings in Derbyshire.
Do not let me down. Do not forget, you owe me and one other person a great deal. Make
this right, and I will make it right for you.
Amelia.”
I raised my eyes to look at Amelia. Her face was white. Though she tried to look unconcerned, I knew she was not nearly as unruffled as she tried to pretend. That rumbling of nausea swept through me again.
“Why does Wickham owe you anything?” I asked. It was a silly question, but the only one I could grasp in the circumstances.
Darcy looked at her. “My wife asked you a question,” he snapped.
Amelia turned her head with a look of loathing. “Because he is William’s father, and he ruined my hopes of a life with Darcy,” she burst out.
I lowered the letter and stared at her in astonishment. Wickham was William’s father? What about Darcy? Did he not look just like…
No. William never looked like Darcy. He reminded me of someone, and with Darcy’s dark looks, I thought it was him. I made it fit. But his chin dimple and that curling black hair could only have come from George Wickham. I had been a fool not to see it.
“There was never any hope of a life with us,” said Darcy. “I suspected there was something between you and George and when I saw how much the boy looks like him, it confirmed it. You wished to marry me to pass the boy off as mine, but when I refused, you had to go away. You wanted revenge on me for ruining your life and dooming you to exile and an unhappy marriage. Is that not right?”
“You should have married me,” said Amelia furiously. “You were mine by right. Everyone expected it. I was born to be mistress of Pemberley.”
A flood of relief ran through me. “William is George’s? You are sure?”
“Of course,” said Darcy. “Did you not see it when you saw him? I was sure you would notice it.”
Now that I knew the truth, when I imagined William’s face, all I could see was Wickham. I had allowed my fears and jealousy to blind me to the evidence right in front of me and in doing so, had cost myself weeks of worry. How could I ever have believed he was Darcy’s?
“I thought… you took such an interest in him.”
“I was concerned for William. No matter his parents, he deserved better.” Darcy rubbed his jaw. “I felt a certain guilt that I refused his mother and let him fend for himself. I wanted to know him as an uncle and do what I could to help him.”
“You are a good man,” I said. I reached out my hand, and he took it at once. He released a breath.
“Thank God. I am so sorry I have put you through all this…”
He did not have time to say any more before the door opened. We turned to see William, his little face a smaller version of Wickham’s beaming up at us.
“Mr Darcy, Mrs Darcy. I am so glad to see you. Mama said we would see lots of you if we came to London.”
“William!” Amelia’s voice was sharp. Darcy ignored her and walked over to William. He scooped him up into his arms as William shrieked with delight.
“I am glad he has taken no illness from the river,” I said, smiling up at him. “He has a stronger constitution than you, my love. He must have been in the water longer than you were and took no harm from it.”
“Mama said I should play outside, did you not, Mama? I did not wish it because it was cold and windy, but Mama insisted.”
“That is enough, William,” cried Amelia.
Darcy and I froze as the full impact of what William had just said hit us.
“You told this child to play outside in a storm to attract my attention?” Darcy demanded in a low voice. He handed William to me while he confronted his mother.
Amelia sat upright in the chair, her pretence at languor gone.
“I did not know he would fall into the river. I never expected him to go so far. Believe me, I would never have put him in harm’s way. Whatever else you think of me, I love my son more than anything. I would not have done all I did if I did not.”
We left with instructions that Amelia was never to contact us again. Darcy would arrange with his solicitor to have the boy provided for and send him to school. He would even stay with us sometimes. But his mother would not be in our lives.
As we drove home, Darcy cleared his throat. “Did you have any visitors before you left?”
I looked in surprise. “No. Were you expecting someone?” My eyes widened. “You do not think Wickham would be bold enough to call, do you? He would not dare.”
“No, not Wickham. He will never come near me and my family again.” Darcy shifted uncomfortably. “I was wondering if Bingley might have called. I wrote and asked him.”
“Oh. I am glad to hear that. I worried you had a falling out.”
“We did.” Darcy turned to me. “Elizabeth, I have something to tell you. And I take full responsibility for it.”
I looked at him nervously. “Go on…”
“Bingley left Hertfordshire because of me.”
I blinked. “I beg your pardon?”
Darcy sighed. “I did not realise Jane loved him. I detected no regard in her behaviour towards him. Now I know her better, I understand she was shy but I thought she was merely tolerating Bingley to keep your mother happy. Knowing how much he loved her, I could not bring myself to allow him to be hurt. But I know I was mistaken. I have your word for it and I have taken pains to spend time with Jane and discovered she is as much in love with him as ever. I suspect Bingley did not visit because he was angry with me for preventing his marriage to Jane but then marrying her sister. Even if he never talks to me again, I still want to make it right. I told him Jane is here.”
“You kept them apart?” I shook my head in horror. “How could you?”
“I know. I am sorry. I thought I was protecting my friend. Can you forgive me?”
I took a deep breath. A part of me wanted to rage at him. But I now understood the man he was. He would not have hurt Jane or Bingley for no reason. He wished to care for his friend just as I cared for Jane.
“I can. I only hope it works between them but I can understand why you did it.”
Darcy smiled. “I am very relieved. And it seems my note was accepted.”
He nodded towards the window. A familiar carriage stood at the side of the house. A carriage I had not seen since November.
Lydia bounded down the passage to greet us.
“There you are. It has been so dull here this morning. Jane and Mr Bingley have been shut away in the library for an hour at least.” She giggled. “I wonder if he finally has the courage to propose? I should not wait on a man that long.”
Darcy and I glanced towards the closed library door and exchanged smiles. I tilted my head towards the stairs.
I turned to Darcy as soon as we were in my room. “It is good of you to want to help William,” I said. “And now you have righted the wrong you did Jane and Bingley. You are rather an excellent man, Mr Darcy.”
“You thought I would betray you.” Darcy threw his coat on the chair and walked towards me.
I hung my head and nodded. I could not deny it. Darcy lifted my chin with his finger.
“What do I have to do to make you understand how much I love you?” he asked.
I could hardly respond. My heart pounded so rapidly I thought it might burst.
“You could start by telling me.”
Darcy smiled. “I love you. You are the only one I ever wanted for my wife. The only woman for me. Marrying you has been the best decision I have ever made, and I will work every day to make you feel as fortunate as I do.”
I released a breath, several weeks of tension disappearing all at once. “I love you too.”
Darcy’s face lit up. “Really? Do you mean it?”
“Would I lie?”
He realised a sigh. “I cannot believe it. I have wanted to hear you say it more than anything and I was so afraid you never would. I love you, Mrs Darcy. I can never say it enough.”
He kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around him and returned his caresses with joy. He swept me up in his arms to carry me to the bed when another rush of nausea overcame me. I signalled franti
cally for him to put me down. I gestured for the basin. Darcy held my hair out of the way.
“I am so sorry you had to see that?” I croaked weakly.
Darcy gently stroked my back and murmured arms of endearment.
“My father did this for my mother when she was in the same condition. He smiled afterwards and told me when you see your lover in this state and feel nothing but tenderness and love for them, that is when you know it is real. This makes me happier than I can say, my love.”
I turned away from my odd husband to rinse my mouth out with sweet water and to brush my teeth as well as I could. Darcy waited patiently, and he smiled and reached out his hand to me when I returned.
“How can this possibly make you happy,” I said. “I do not know about you, but I have never taken any joy in illness; my own or anyone else’s.”
Darcy wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.
“It makes me happy, my sweet girl because, in another few months, our hearts will grow even larger to accommodate our new arrival. And I cannot tell you how much joy that brings me.”
“Our new arrival?”
“We will have a baby. And if he or she is anything like you, I shall be the happiest man in all the world.”
As my husband wrapped me in his arms and kissed me, I knew in that moment I would have to reconcile myself with being happier than I deserved.
Prevailed Upon to Marry Page 25