***
Tracy found me later that night as I was brushing my hair. Jack had been MIA for a few hours. Facilitating, I guessed. I pretended not to care when he said he was going to be gone for a while. One of the best ways to find information you want was to act like you didn’t want it. That was my plan.
“Hi.” She really did look the same. Not that I’d seen her the night of the party, but people had snapped pictures and put them online. The wonders of the internet. Even her toes were still painted a baby pink in her sequined flip-flops.
Hey. I just wanted to come and thank you for what you’re doing. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I don’t have a choice.
She sat down on the edge of my bed and crossed her legs. Flipping her hair back, she looked at me as if we were having a casual girly chat.
“It’s what I’m here for,” I said, giving her a smile. Even being almost translucent, she was tanner than I was. “Why do you think I can see you? Jack thinks it’s some sort of fate thing.” I really wanted her take on it.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say fate. I really don’t know how many other people can do what you can. It was a miracle I found you. Actually, Jack found me and brought me to you.
“Where have you been?”
Here, there and everywhere. You kind of forget who you are when you die. It takes a while to put the pieces back together, or at least it did for me. It wasn’t until I saw a black Jetta in a parking lot with a pink rhinestone license plate border that I remembered who I was. Funny that was the thing that triggered it, but once it did, most everything came back.
“Wow.” I knew a little about the triggers, as I called them. It was almost like those who didn’t cross over were forgotten and had also forgotten themselves. They were left to float endlessly until something brought them back to themselves. I wasn’t sure if it was a punishment, but it sure sounded like one. I was still on the fence about who controlled everything.
There’s another reason I’m here. Since you’re the only one who can hear me say it, I also wanted to apologize if I ever said anything to hurt you. I was a little wrapped up in making sure I was what everyone wanted me to be. She got up and paced the room. I didn’t know spirits paced like that.
What do I have to show for it? My life ended in a moment, one stupid drunken decision and now my family and my friends are suffering for it.
“It really isn’t your fault. People go to parties and get drunk every day, but it doesn’t kill them. Things just... happen.” I felt kind of weird giving advice to a spirit. They were usually the ones telling me things.
Her answering smile was sad as she sat down again. How she didn’t go right through the bed was beyond me.
Thank you. That means a lot. What I’d really like is if I could do something so that this doesn’t happen again. I know it will, but if I could save just one family from going through this, it would be worth it. Her legs kicked out and in. I didn’t know her well enough in life to know if that was normal for her.
It sounds so Mother Teresa-ish for me to say that. But being dead gives you another perspective. When I was alive, all I wanted was to have a boyfriend, to be liked by everyone and to hang out with my friends. I didn’t think about anyone but myself and I’ve paid for it. I just don’t want my life to have been a waste, you know?
“Yeah.”
Her legs stilled for a moment. I know who did it.
“You do?” Tracy shook her head before I could ask who it was.
I’m not going to tell you. Even if you asked.
I’d had lots of confessions from spirits. Some of them were, well... unsettling. I’d had a few come out of the closet to me, a few who told me their children were really not biologically theirs, a woman who’d had an abortion when she was fifteen and always regretted it and a man who had stolen money from his parent’s company for years by cooking the books. I considered myself as sort of a Pandora’s Box of spirit secrets. They needed a place to keep them, and I was that safe place. Kind of like a confessional. I locked them up and kept them safe.
I wish we could have been friends. You’re a good person.
I felt uncomfortable, and was about to say something when she got up.
I’m going to go now. I like to watch over my family at night, just in case. If you have any ideas, please let me know. Bye. She faded out and was gone.
“See you later.”
Beautiful Dangerous Love- Teen Sampler Page 51