by Jacie Floyd
“Does it matter? You had a different favorite for every occasion.”
She tucked her head against his shoulder. “You always made fun of me for that.”
“No, I thought it was cute.” He’d thought everything about her was cute. “And it saved me from having to express myself.” Which he’d never been very good at. “Much easier to fall back on music. Come on,” he coaxed. “Dance with me.”
She took up the beat and moved with him, reminding them of the good times they’d thought would never end. But as the notes died away, her teardrops dampened his shirt.
Chapter Thirteen
Retrieving a crumpled napkin from his pocket, Liam tilted Jillian’s chin up to dry her eyes. The oceans of sadness he saw there punched him in the gut. “What’s the matter, Princess?”
“Too many memories out here.” Her bottom lip quivered. “Too much happiness in there.”
“Too much happiness isn’t usually a problem.”
“I’m thrilled for Zach and Harper. But they’re so freakin’ happy and have so much to look forward. I looked around and my dad wasn’t there. That happens a lot. But it struck me that if I ever want to walk down that aisle—which I don’t—he wouldn’t be there to share that moment. If I ever wanted to have kids—which I’m not sure about—he wouldn’t be there to bounce them on his knee. Just getting through each day without him has been challenging, but this is the first time it’s registered that I’ll be celebrating all these future big events without him.”
He kind of got that. There’d been a cloud over his day, too. A reminder of all the things he couldn’t have. But he wasn’t about to admit that. Hell, no. “If it’s any consolation, all kinds of things could go wrong and screw things up for Zach and Harper.”
She laughed as he intended. “You’re right. There are no guarantees for anyone, but there were certain factors I took for granted.”
“Like your dad always being there for you.”
“Which sounds selfish, I know. A lot of people don’t have that.”
He guessed she meant him. “You don’t miss what you never had.”
Wrapping his arms around her, he rested his cheek against her hair, imagining what his life might have been like if he hadn’t had an absentee father. That one alteration could have changed everything. If their dad had hung around or their mom had been more responsible, Caleb might not have joined the Army. Leah might not have gotten pregnant. Liam might not have been so ambitious, so susceptible to addictions. So tempted by wealth and success. So out of control.
If he had it to do over and could re-write the script, what changes would he make? If he hadn’t lost Jillian when he did, would he still have screwed everything up?
“Dad had Ziggy put to sleep.”
His thoughts had gone in one direction, hers had gone in another. He pulled back to look at her. “What?”
“You told me that the other day, but I didn’t believe you.”
“He didn’t have a choice.”
“I know, but he didn’t always tell me the truth either. It was his way of trying to protect me. He wanted me to feel safe and secure, but now I’m not sure I’m strong enough to manage without him.”
“You are.”
“How do you know?”
“Gut feeling.”
“At least you didn’t try to make a logical case for it.”
“It’s like buying a stock,” he said, then caught himself. “When I used to buy stocks. I considered all the facts and info, but in the end, I either felt it or I didn’t. If I didn’t, I moved on no matter how good it looked on paper.”
“I doubt if I even look good on paper right now.”
“You look good in any medium.”
“Thanks. It feels good to have someone on my side.”
“I’ve always been on your side.” That was true, whether she knew it or not. Whether she’d always been on his side or not.
“Except when you weren’t.” So much for their supportive moment.
He’d better get to what he really had on his mind before he lost his nerve. “About that.” He gave her a final hug and stepped back. “I’m going to St. Louis tomorrow to pick up Adam and bring him back to stay with me for a few weeks.”
“Who’s Adam?” She tensed, as if preparing for a heavy blow.
“Leah’s son.”
Drawing in a sharp breath, she turned away, physically still there but putting miles of space between them. Whatever emotional ground they’d made up in the past few weeks suddenly disappeared. “And you’re bringing this up now, because…”
“I didn’t want you to be surprised when you see him. If you see him. You might not, but two weeks in Sunnyside can be a long time.”
“That’s why you’ve been fixing up your grandparents’ house.” The flat aspect of her voice held all kinds of accusation.
“Yeah. Leah didn’t want him staying at the strip club.”
“Can’t blame her for that.”
He didn’t know what he’d expected her to say or do, but this benign response wasn’t it. “Jillian…”
“I’d better go in now. Even with my coat it’s starting to get cold.”
“About Leah and Adam.”
“Not now. Today’s already been too much.”
“I’ve been trying to talk to you for weeks, and you always shut me down. There’s never going to be a good time to tell you the things you need to hear. I’m going to be tied up for the next couple of weeks and who knows when we’ll have time together alone again. With Adam coming here, you’ll put up another barrier.”
“I don’t need details, Liam. I don’t want to know how it came about that you forgot all the promises you’d made to me about our future.”
“I don’t know how you could forget all the promises I made to you and believe that I would sleep with another girl.”
“You didn’t deny it.”
“I didn’t deny it when Leah needed my support in front of her parents, your dad, and half the senior class. But you never gave me a chance to tell my side of it, did you?”
She put her hands over her ears like she still didn’t want to hear it, but he pulled them away. “If you don’t listen to me now, I’ll think maybe I was wrong a few minutes ago about you being strong enough to make it without your dad. He shielded you then, but that just put off the inevitable. You have to deal with me now.”
“Do I?” There was the frosty-princess tone she’d used on others, but never turned on him before.
Footsteps headed in their direction. Jimbo stepped into the light. “Hey, Liam, sorry to interrupt, but Zach’s looking for you.”
“Tell him I’ll be right there,” he told his cousin, but his legs remained locked in place and his eyes never left Jillian’s.
Jimbo took a few steps toward the library then turned back. “Everything all right here, Jillian? You seem upset.”
“Not upset.” She put on a fake smile as she moved toward the sheriff. “Just more than ready to go back inside.” She linked arms with Jimbo and looked over her shoulder at Liam. “Come on. I think I’ve turned into a Popsicle.”
As they passed through the library’s back door, Liam stepped up to help her remove her coat. As she looked over her shoulder to thank him, he leaned in. “That was a temporary reprieve, Princess. When the festivities are over tonight, I’m coming by your house. Be ready to talk.”
The day after high school graduation … The words penetrated Jillian’s brain, crashing through all her carefully constructed barriers.
She hadn’t allowed herself to think about that day in a long time. Had trained herself not to. Had told herself it didn’t matter. But that day had been the clear delineation between her childhood and adult life. If graduation had opened a door to the future, the “day after” had turned the passage into a slippery slope with no turning back.
The day after graduation her father had thrown a graduation blow-out for her at their lake house property. The afternoon had been all abou
t swimming and a picnic with her friends with dinner and a dance to follow that included teachers and parents. They were all there. Oh, hell, yes. No point in demolishing your reputation and falling from grace without a full audience, now was there?
With a ton of senior activities added to their regular schedules that spring, she and Liam hadn’t seen as much of one another as they wanted, but they were nearly inseparable on graduation weekend. Dinner after the ceremony with Dad and Liam’s grandparents. A late party at Zach’s after which Liam had taken her home, escorted her to the door, said goodnight to Jillian’s father, and drove away. He parked at a turnaround about a half mile down the lane, jogged back, slipped through her upstairs bedroom window, spent the night in her bed, and slipped out again before dawn.
The next day, the picnic had been a blast, reliving their high school days with friends, playing beach volleyball, swimming, kayaking, grilling hamburgers and hotdogs. By late afternoon, Liam and some of the guys headed to the outdoor shower, but Jillian had retreated to the lake house to clean up for the evening party.
After a quick shower, she threw on a robe and stretched out on a chaise for a short nap on the screened porch. Liam woke her up with his hands on her breasts and his mouth on her stomach. The fun continued from there. Why had they thought that was a good idea? Had they even thought at all?
With their nude, sunburned, and satiated bodies wrapped around one another, they’d dozed off murmuring words of eternal love and devotion. They woke up to a piercing shriek. Dad, Leah Watkins, the Reverend and Mrs. Watkins, the mayor, Zach, and half the town were peering down at them.
As Mrs. Watkins shrieked again, Jillian groped for her robe. Liam tried to keep her naked bits from being exposed while he pulled up his shorts. She’d just begun wrapping her brain around the idea of being discovered in such an embarrassing position when her dad tossed her a beach blanket, turned everyone else around, and herded them into the house. “You’ll want to join us immediately,” he said over his shoulder, avoiding any eye contact.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Liam repeated while he helped her into her robe. “It was all my fault. I’ll take all the blame. Don’t worry about it. I’ll make it up to you.” He kissed her, and she kissed him back. “ How can I make it up to you?”
She tried to smile, but in her heart, she knew there would be no way of making this up. She’d been exposed to the town. They would think the worst about her. They would blame him. Her dad would be disappointed in them both.
It would be much worse if she didn’t have Liam in this mess with her. Of course, if she didn’t have him with her, she wouldn’t be in this mess. Thinking about what she could do to fix the situation, she bit her lip. Avoidance seemed like the best plan. She’d rather shave her head than go back in the house and face all those people. “Do you have your invisibility cloak? I wouldn’t mind borrowing that about now.”
“I could dig us a big hole to hide in.”
“Maybe if I slip out the back door, I can come back in ten or so years, and this will all have blown over.”
He tightened the belt of her robe and pulled her into a hug. “It will take longer than ten years, and I would miss you, so please don’t do that.”
“As if I would.” She kissed him again trying to offer him her support and reassurance that he wasn’t in this alone.
Her dad interrupted them again. “For God’s sake, Jillian, enough of that. We have a situation here that demands Liam’s attention.”
“Liam’s?” She wouldn’t let Liam take all the blame, no matter how much she wanted to disappear. “Mine, too,” Jillian said, squeezing her boyfriend’s hand. As they headed through the door, she whispered, “Love you.”
“Love you more,” he whispered back and those were almost the last words he said to her for more than a decade.
Dad waited with three other people in the living room. Through the front window she could see a crowd gathered on the front porch. Inside, Leah Watkins stood with her hands clasped between her parents, wearing an expression that combined apology, terror, and pleading.
Coming into the room, it had been her expectation that she was in big trouble with father. Although he also wore an expression she never hoped to see again, his concern was focused elsewhere. Not on her, oddly.
His gaze was fixed on Liam. “I tried to get the Watkins to hold off, but they have accusations to make and insist on making them immediately. Whatever other stuff has happened tonight will have to wait while we discuss Liam’s problem.”
“What kind of accusation?” Jillian asked.
The Watkins family were neighbors of Liam’s grandparents and had always been more accepting of him than some of the other townspeople. Leah was only a junior, and her parents hadn’t allowed her to socialize much with anyone they thought would be a ‘bad influence’, which they apparently thought about everyone. Jillian had been friendly to Leah, but the girl wasn’t easy to get to know. Although Leah had a crush on Caleb, not Liam, Jillian had seen Liam and Leah with their heads together before school several times. It was nice of Liam to make a point of drawing her out.
The fearsome reverend’s jowls shook with anger over his stiff preacher’s collar as he pushed his daughter forward. “My ungrateful daughter is with child.”
An audible gasp rose from the crowd on the porch. Jillian’s heart sank for Leah. That would be a hard road for anyone but especially for this strict preacher’s daughter and his mousy wife. Liam stiffened beside Jillian, but he simply put his arm around her while they waited for more information.
“I’m sorry, Leah,” Jillian said. “How can we help?”
The Reverend Watkins face turned red, he pointed his finger at Liam, and his voice thundered through the tiny cottage. “You can make this heathen do his duty.”
“What?” It took her a minute to understand what the old man was saying. Liam was the baby’s father? “No way! Right, Liam?” she turned to him, expecting him to deny the accusation and set everyone straight. His face paled beneath his sunburned cheeks as he concentrated on Leah.
“You told them I was the father?” His eyebrows soared.
“I’m s-s-sorry, Liam.” Leah held her hand out to him, asking him for help, or comfort, or support. As Liam took Leah’s hand, Jillian was incensed to see welt marks on her arms. The preacher had taken a belt to her? Leah hung her head. “I had to tell them it was you.”
Still, Jillian waited for Liam’s denial. He loved her. Always had. Always would. He’d told her so hundreds of times.
“You’ll be married as soon as it’s possible to get a license,” the preacher ordered. “No daughter of mine will bear an illegitimate child.”
“I’ll do whatever’s right and necessary,” Liam said. “But I’m gonna need to talk to Leah. Alone.”
“No,” Reverend Watkins said.
“Let him talk to her,” Mrs. Watkins got up the gumption to say. “The damage has been done.”
“Come on, we’ll talk on the back porch.” Liam gestured for Leah to go first.
“No.” This time the word came out of Jillian’s mouth. She couldn’t stomach the idea that Liam, the love of her life, was going to take his other girlfriend out to the same spot where they’d made love just an hour before. His pregnant girlfriend. The betrayal was too much. “The rest of us will go out there. You and Leah should stay here.”
He looked at her then with an expression like Leah’s. Beseeching, despairing, asking her for something. Understanding or support. Too bad. Too late for that. He should’ve thought about that before he cheated.
“Jillian…”
She held up her hand to stop him from speaking but lowered it when she noticed it shaking. “Do what you need to do. We’ll talk later.” Much later. She had to get out of there before she threw up.
As soon as she hit the back porch with her dad and the Watkinses, she apologized to her dad and took off. Her thoughts tumbled all the way home, calming down somewhat as she left the humili
ating scene behind. It really couldn’t be true. Leah had been more interested in Caleb than Liam.
She’d never once doubted Liam’s fidelity. Other guys got bored and strayed. Not sweet, thoughtful, devoted Liam. There were haters who said he got more out of the relationship than she did, but Jillian never saw it that way. Whatever she wanted, he wanted, too. It wasn’t that she was bossy or anything, just that she was out-spoken and he let her have her way.
They’d shared so much. He had single-handedly gotten her through her mother’s death, spending long hours holding her while she cried, rearranging his schedule to be at her beck and call. He had two part-time jobs, played on the baseball team, kept his grades up, helped his grandfather on the farm, and spent the rest of his time with Jillian. Which hadn’t been that much lately, but he wouldn’t have had time for an outside relationship, would he?
Except… There were those times when she’d seen him talking to Leah at school. He gave the girl a ride home on his motorcycle a few times, but Leah didn’t have a car, lived down the road from Liam, and didn’t have many friends. Liam had just been being helpful. But maybe Leah read more into it than that. Maybe she’d been looking for something else and had thrown herself at him. Maybe he’d reminded her of Caleb. Maybe no guy could or would say no when easy sex was offered to them.
But no. That didn’t seem right.
What had Leah said? “I had to tell them it was you.” And what had Liam said? “I’ll do whatever’s necessary.” He hadn’t seemed surprised by the news. He hadn’t denied it, and he had been willing to help. Assume responsibility. All of it pointed to guilt for Liam and humiliation for Jillian.
After half the town had caught her in a compromising position with Liam, it would soon be known that he’d been unfaithful to her. Were there others besides Leah? She scanned her brain for any incidents when she’d caught him alone with other girls.
Her heart broke thinking of it.
At home, she curled up on the family room couch with Ziggy and the soft comfort quilt her mother had made for her long ago. It was hotter than a pizza oven outside, but her hands continued to shake, and she couldn’t get warm. Her phone blew up with calls and texts. Maddie and Rachel would be genuinely worried, but she ignored every contact, even theirs.