by Indiana Wake
There was nothing aggressive in his tone, certainly nowhere near as aggressive as the tiny, curly-headed girl who stood so defiantly with her arms at her side. But it was clear that he’d had enough of her behavior and wasn’t going to stand for her being rude to the new housekeeper.
Janet looked as if she were about to argue the idea of going to bed while it was still light outside, but her father gave her such a look that she turned suddenly and marched out of the kitchen and away to her room.
“Should I take something into her?” Grace said, speaking lightly, trying not to make too much of it. “After all, she might be rebelling, but I’m sure she really is hungry.”
“And I’m sure that she already had something to eat at Jimmy Dalton’s house,” Josh said and shook his head from side to side. “She’s always over there because they indulge her.”
“Jimmy Dalton?” Grace said with interest.
“Jimmy is her best friend. Actually, he’s her only friend. He’s the only one who would put up with Janet these last couple of years.”
Grace realized that Josh was somewhere between sad and angry and she truly felt for him.
“Well, at least she has a friend. That’s the main thing, Mr. Lacey.”
“Please, just call me Josh. I’m not really used to being called Mr. Lacey.” He sat himself down at the kitchen table with a sigh.
“The food is ready to be served if you’re hungry, Josh?” Grace went on lightly. “And you must call me Grace, not Mrs. Salter,” she said as she set a plate with a healthy slice of meat pie down in front of him.
They were silent for a few minutes as Grace began to serve them both from a large bowl of steaming vegetables.
“Mrs.?” Josh said quietly. “Did I hear you right, Grace? You said Mrs. Salter?”
“Yes, I’m married.” She realized that she would have to explain when she saw the look of confusion on his face. “Well, I’m a widow, actually.”
“Forgive me, I had no idea.” Josh seemed a little awkward. “You seem so young to be a widow.”
“My husband died just a few weeks ago, crossing the trail,” she said the words out loud while trying not to think about their meaning.
She needed that little bit of distance, the idea that she was telling a tale that did not truly involve her. It was her only defense against the grief which was always there, bubbling beneath the surface, waiting for its chance to strike.
“You’ve only just arrived here in Oregon?”
“Yes, with the last wave of travelers.”
“Where have you been staying?”
“With Connie Langdon.”
“Oh yes, I know Connie. She’s a real nice woman. Real kind.”
“She really is very kind, Josh. I wasn’t with her for long, obviously, but she looked after me very well. In fact, it was Connie who advised me to look for work in the local newspaper.”
“And I sure am glad that she did,” he said, and the old anxiety seemed to be back upon him. “And I’m real sorry about Janet. I know it’s not a great start, but please just give it time. Just see how things work out.”
“You were very honest about the situation here and I wasn’t expecting it to be easy straight away. And don’t worry, I’ve got no intention of giving up just yet.” Grace smiled and, seeing their plates now full, sat down at the table herself and set about eating.
In the days which followed, Grace wondered if she would truly be able to fulfill the little promise she seemed to have made. Her determination to have no intention of giving up just yet seemed to have deserted her, and Janet, made powerful whenever her father was not around, was even more willful and insolent than she had shown herself to be on that first meeting.
It seemed that Janet had an amazing capacity to ignore a person and had been successful in making Grace feel most uncomfortable on account of it. Grace realized that she had never been ignored in such a way before and it had not occurred to her how unsettling such a thing could be.
But it was clear that Janet was a master of her craft and had likely used the little device more than once in the last two years.
Whenever Grace spoke to her, however gently, Janet acted as if she did not exist at all. She gave no indication that she had heard a thing, and when Grace moved to stand in front of her, Janet simply looked at her angrily but did not respond at all.
By the third day, Grace was beginning to dread any time that she and the little girl might spend alone together, and she could quite understand why it was that the child’s beleaguered father had struggled to maintain a housekeeper for more than a few weeks at a time.
In the end, Grace had to find her own determination again. After all, had she not taught children to read? Had she not taught them to write and count? It wasn’t as if she didn’t have any experience, although it was true to say that she had never experienced a child quite like Janet Lacey in all her life.
And so, she made up her mind to give Janet a taste of her own medicine. Instead of bending over backward to try to get the child’s attention, Grace would concentrate her efforts on the house. After all, the house certainly needed her attention and, if Janet didn’t want it, she would employ her efforts elsewhere for a while.
And so it was that Grace decided she wouldn’t give in. She would not go back to Connie before the week was up to reclaim her old room, the tiny bed, the comfort of being welcomed somewhere.
She would stay in Josh Lacey’s house and let little Janet do her worst.
Chapter 5
When the schoolteacher, Miss Martin, made her way out to Lacey’s lumber yard, Josh realized immediately that she was not there to buy timber. The look on her face spoke of awkwardness but also of responsibility, and he had known immediately that Janet was at the root of it all.
He had tried his best to listen to everything Miss Martin had to say without reacting too strongly and, by the time the young woman left, he felt as tight as a coiled spring.
He knew he would have to wait out the rest of the afternoon until he closed the lumber yard for the evening before he spoke to her. It would give him time to calm for he did not want to let his initial anger and disappointment be the driving force behind whatever it was he chose to say to his daughter in the end.
The truth was, by the time he had closed up and made his way into the house, he was feeling no better.
Grace was clearly putting the finishing touches on whatever meal she had prepared them for the evening, the wonderful aromas hit him as soon as he walked into the house.
He was surprised to see Janet settled at the kitchen table but soon realized that she was simply continuing in her determination to make the new housekeeper feel uncomfortable and, as they all did in the end, leave.
Josh had to admit to himself that he had been extraordinarily impressed with Grace Salter from the very moment she had arrived. He knew it couldn’t have been an easy thing for a woman well experienced in dealing with children to come across one as awkward and impossible as Janet.
But she had quickly stepped back from his daughter and, although it had concerned him a little at first, Josh quickly realized that Grace was a woman with a plan.
She was not going to indulge Janet and her behavior the way that every other housekeeper before her had done. He had to admit to a little silent respect at her ability to ignore the fact that she herself was being ignored.
But it seemed that Janet was equally determined, choosing to sit in the kitchen and silently stare at Grace as she went about her work. Not for the first time, Josh wondered if there was anything he could have done differently in the last two years or, worse still, if it was something that he had done which had made his daughter the angriest little girl he’d ever met.
“Oh, Josh,” Grace said, clearly engrossed in the meal preparation and seeming surprised to see him there. “I was just finishing up. Dinner shouldn’t be too long now.”
“That works out just fine, Grace,” Josh said and tried to keep his tone calm. “Because I
have a few things to discuss with Janet here before we eat.”
“Do you want some time alone?”
“No, not at all.” Whatever it was Josh finally said to his daughter, he wanted to say it in front of Grace.
She was the first of the housekeepers he has been entirely honest with from the start and he didn’t want secrets to start developing now. He realized that his openness had worked in his favor in-so-far as it had given Grace an idea of the challenge that lay ahead of her.
With every other housekeeper who had attempted the task before, the initial shock at meeting such an antagonistic little girl had been obvious from the beginning and had never seemed to leave them.
There was clearly so much more to Grace than he could have imagined when he first met her. But then when he’d first met her, Josh had had no idea of her recent suffering.
Given her calm, dignified manner, he would never have guessed that she had been so recently bereaved. That she had made that awful journey that he himself had made so many years ago. But Josh had made that journey alone, not meeting his wife until he had moved to Oregon itself.
He knew her grief, but perhaps not quite as keenly as Grace herself had known it.
Without a word, Grace smiled and turned to continue with the dinner.
Janet fidgeted in her seat and looked as if she was getting ready to bolt. It was clear she had no idea what was coming next and was racking her little brains for any recent wrongdoings that might be about to come back and bite her.
The truth was that Josh melted in that moment, his instinct for protection suddenly coming back to him and his need to end his daughter’s few moments of suffering was very strong.
As angry as he’d felt when he’d spoken to Miss Martin in the lumber yard, every bit of it had dissolved now. And that was the problem, it always had been.
It was true that he chastised her when he needed to, but equally true that he had found it increasingly difficult in the last two years.
Whenever Janet behaved badly, so out of character when he compared her to the little girl she had once been, Josh had always known that it came from the deepest pain. But he had tried and tried to reach her, he had tried to let his daughter know that he would keep her safe, that he would love her enough for both him and Eileen. The problem was, he’d never had any idea how to make the stubborn little girl believe him.
“Janet, I had a visit today from your teacher, Miss Martin.” He paused, looking into her little green eyes for any sign that she knew what was coming.
She sat motionless for a moment and it wasn’t until she tried to feign confusion that he saw the flash of recognition. So, she knew she had been behaving badly. She was aware of it, she was conscious of it, and it was something that Janet had decided to do.
His annoyance began to return to him, although not as fully as before.
“She tells me that your reading and writing isn’t going so well.” He spoke again when Janet seemed set to remain silent. “Well, she told me that nothing is actually going well, your behavior included.”
“I just find reading and writing hard is all, Daddy,” Janet said plaintively.
“No, you don’t,” he said with a firmness that made the little green eyes open wide.
“I do, Daddy… I…”
“Janet don’t lie to me.” As soon as he spoke the words, he could see her eyes filling with tears.
It felt like torture to him to have to continue, but he knew it was for her own good. He knew he couldn’t give in as he had done so many times before. But it wouldn’t help Janet, not in the long term, even if it would make him feel better in the present.
“Daddy……” she said as the first of her tears fell.
“Miss Martin told me that you are just about the cleverest child in the class. And you don’t have any struggles in learning anything, not reading, not writing, not counting. But at the moment, the only thing you seem to be any good at in that schoolroom is upsetting your teacher and disrupting all the other children. Now, you know that isn’t fair, don’t you? I raised you better than that, didn’t I?”
“She’s lying, it’s not true,” Janet said, raising her voice, her fury a sure sign that she had behaved just as Miss Martin had said. “I hate it there, I hate that schoolhouse. I don’t want to go anymore.”
“But you will be going,” Josh said tenderly. “And not only that, but you’re going to behave yourself a little better. I can’t have Miss Martin coming to me again and telling me the same things, do you hear?”
“I didn’t do anything.” Janet, realizing that her father was not about to let her off, lowered her voice and returned somewhat hopefully to her plaintiff wheedling.
“And if you don’t go to school and behave better, start your learning again, then I’m going to have to stop you going out and playing with Jimmy. I know it’s not Jimmy Dalton’s fault, but I cannot think of one thing I can take away from you that would make you see sense.”
As he sat and watched her face crumble and the tears flow, Josh had to do everything in his power to steady his breathing and keep his own emotions at bay. He could hardly believe that he’d been forced to promise to take away her only friend in the world and yet he knew that something would soon have to be done to get Janet back on track.
And if he failed, then he failed Janet. He wanted her to have a happy life filled with people and love, but she was fast becoming the sort of girl that nobody wanted to be around, and it broke his heart.
“I hate you,” Janet squealed before rising from the kitchen table and dashing out of the room.
Grace quietly continued about her business for some minutes until the silence in the room became oppressive.
Josh had sat silently at the kitchen table, his elbows leaning heavily on the top, without uttering a word.
Grace studied him from behind, the back of his head, his thick, dark ash hair. His broad shoulders had slumped, and she wondered just how many times he had sat in silence after failing to get through to the little girl he clearly loved so much.
“She sure is a bright little girl, Josh. And I reckon she’ll knuckle down now that she knows the consequences,” Grace said in as reassuring a manner as she could manage.
She continued to work away with her back to him, determined to give him whatever privacy he needed. When he began to speak, it was clear that he had complete charge of himself and she was relieved to hear it.
“Yes, she won’t want to lose Jimmy Dalton.” He gave a loud sigh. “I sure didn’t enjoy threatening it, but I’ll do it if I have to.”
“She knows,” Grace said gently.
“I just wish Miss Martin had come to me sooner. I mean, she sure is a fine teacher, but I think her kindness let it go on longer than it should have done.”
“But it’s going to be solved now, Josh,” Grace said, trying to give him hope.
“But she’s gotten so far behind, that’s the problem. And I know Janet. If she is trying to knuckle down, as you say, but realizes that all the other children are so far ahead of her, she’ll feel like the world is against her. That’s just how she is.” He sighed again. “And she’ll become more unmanageable than ever.”
“You forget, I have already taught children to read before. There’s no reason for her to stay behind for long. I’ll help her out at home and get her back to where she ought to be.” Grace suddenly felt a purpose again.
She would take this opportunity to help the struggling little girl and, with luck, find some path to friendship with her. And it would allow her to teach again, if only for a little while. She would feel like her old self, a little part of her old life still with her.
“That’s if you can get her to accept the help, Grace. I know her too well and, just like Miss Martin, I reckon I’ve let things ride too long.”
“Perhaps you were just being a good daddy. Perhaps you were just giving her time to come to terms with everything she’s lost. I don’t reckon there’s any telling what happens when grief takes
hold of a person. We’re all different in the end, aren’t we? And children, they hurt too, sometimes they don’t want to show it, are frightened to show it... but they are no different, they’re people just like us.”
“I know, it’s just that it’s been so long and I’m reaching the point where I don’t know how to make things right for her.”
“Well, why don’t I try and speak to her now? I’ll take her in a plate of food and tell her that I’ll help her.” Grace was already spooning meat and vegetables onto a plate ready to take into Janet.
“Thank you, Grace.” Josh turned in his seat finally to look at her, his gratitude clear. “Just don’t go getting your hopes up.”
Grace tapped lightly on Janet’s bedroom door but chose not to wait before opening it. She knew Janet’s belligerence quite well by now and knew that waiting for the girl’s permission would be to play into her hands.
“I brought you in a little dinner,” Grace said gently and set the plate down with the knife and fork on the nightstand next to Janet’s bed.
Janet herself was face down, her head buried under her pillow as she sobbed. She gave no indication that she knew Grace was even in the room, although Grace was certain that she did.
But this time she would not be ignored, not when she knew that the angry little girl needed her. And so, she gently sat herself down on the edge of the bed and reached out a hand which she laid in the center of Janet’s back.
Janet immediately twisted away, moving so sharply it was as if she had been burned. The reaction startled Grace, but she quickly recovered herself and began to speak immediately.
“I’m sorry, Janet, I didn’t mean to make you jump,” Grace began. “And I know you’re upset, but I’m here to help you.”
Janet said nothing, she simply stayed face down on the very furthest edge of the bed that she could manage to be without falling off entirely.
“And I don’t know if your daddy told you, but when I was back east, I used to teach children your age. Everything; reading, writing, numbers. And so, you don’t have to worry that you’re going to be behind, because I can help you. We can work on your reading and writing in the afternoons, can’t we? And on Saturdays, when you’ve finished playing with Jimmy for the day? Even on Sunday after church, I don’t mind.”