by Indiana Wake
“Janet?” Grace said and shook her head from side to side. “I don’t understand.”
“You don’t have to let her look after the baby, not so soon. I know it would worry the life out of you and it sure is nice that you’d go to all this trouble for Janet, but it isn’t necessary.”
“I wasn’t going to leave the baby with Janet, Josh.” Grace wondered if she was ever going be able to get through to him and she suddenly felt angry little tears spring to her eyes. “As a matter of fact, I had thought to leave Janet and Katie with Connie for a while. Just an hour or two, that’s all.”
“Look, we really don’t need to do this.” He smiled again and finally the tears began to roll down Grace’s face.
“Right,” she said and leaned down to scoop Katie’s basket up from the kitchen floor.
“Grace? What’s the matter?” Josh said as Janet opened the door and came wandering in from the garden.
“Why can’t it just be simple?” Grace said and knew that she would never be able to explain properly. She felt foolish, inexperienced, even younger than her years. “Going to a barn dance for a couple of hours shouldn’t be so complicated.”
“Complicated?” Josh began to rise to his feet and looked more confused than ever.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter. You’re crying, of course it matters,” Josh said and spread his hands wide.
“I’m just going to lie down for a while,” she said, and her shoulders sagged as she carried Katie to her bedroom.
Josh stood uselessly in the middle of the kitchen for some minutes before he realized that Janet, hands on hips again, was staring at him furiously.
“Whatever it is, Janet, can we argue about it later?” he said and looked at her hopefully. “Grace is upset about something and I need to go and speak to her. But I’ll be right back out, honey.”
“Just wait a minute, Daddy,” Janet said in clipped tones that would have easily rivaled Miss Martin, the school teacher. “I need to speak to you first.”
“I’m sorry, you’ll have to…”
“It’s about Grace.” She huffed loudly as if she were the adult and Josh the child. “Just sit down a minute,” she ordered in a rather adorable way as she pointed viciously to the seat he had just vacated.
“What about Grace?” Josh said and almost laughed when his daughter sat across the table from him and folded her thin arms across her chest.
“You don’t understand, do you?” She was shaking her head in disappointment as Josh remembered doing to her more than once in the last few years. “You just don’t see it.”
“What don’t I see?”
“Grace wants you to take her to the barn dance.”
“I don’t know how you could possibly know that. You only just arrived in the kitchen, unless you’ve taken to listening around corners.”
“I don’t need to listen like that, Daddy. I already know what’s happening.”
“And what is happening?”
“I’m trying to let you know that Grace loves you.” She was scowling at him now, her green eyes narrowed to slits. “But you probably should have noticed that yourself.” She was telling him off and he didn’t know whether to be amused by it all or intrigued by what she was saying.
“Janet, I’m not sure what game this is now. I am so glad that things are better for you now, better for Grace, and better for me. I don’t want a return to the way things were, honey. I really don’t.”
“Neither do I. But I don’t want Grace to leave either.” She stopped scowling and looked a little more upset.
“What do you mean you don’t want Grace to leave? Grace is leaving?”
“She wants to go back east,” Janet said with such surety that he was taken aback.
“She told you this?” He felt as if his heart had dropped at high speed and landed with a thud in the pit of his stomach.
“She didn’t tell me, she told Laura Price. They didn’t know I was there, and I really wasn’t listening around corners, not on purpose. I was just coming back in from school and they didn’t see me at first. That’s when I heard Grace say that it might be easier for her to go back east because it was too sad for her to love you and know that you don’t love her back.”
“Are you absolutely sure? That’s exactly what she said?” Josh said and felt the doom in his stomach turn into a burgeoning excitement.
“Maybe not exactly, but that’s near enough. That’s what she meant.”
“Now wait a minute, are you just adding to this?” Josh narrowed his eyes in a parody of her own expression some minutes earlier.
“No, I know what I heard. She was sad because she loves you, and she thought she would be too sad to stay.”
“That’s quite a lot to hear for somebody who promises she doesn’t listen around corners.”
“Maybe I did listen a little bit, but you need to do something, Daddy. I don’t want Grace to leave, not now. I want her to stay with us forever, and Katie. If they go, I will never forgive you.” She put her hands on her hips again and made a brief return to her old refuge of a furious look.
“All right, I believe you.” He reached his hand out, waiting a couple of patient moments before she agreed to take it. “Well, we can’t have Grace running away and leaving us, can we?”
“Then you’d better go in there and tell her that you love her. And then you better take her to the barn dance to prove it,” Janet said firmly.
“How do you know that I love her?”
“Because you’re my daddy and I can see. I saw it all along. I was real angry with you about it before, but I’m not now, I’m glad. And I really, really like Grace. I don’t want her to go anywhere. So just get in there and do something about it, Daddy, I’m serious.”
“All right, all right, I’m going,” Josh said and made his way to Grace’s room, trying to fight an urge to run to her.
Chapter 20
“May I come in?” he said, knocking on the door and already pushing it open before she said a word.
“Yes, come in.” She leaned over the crib where she had just placed the sleeping baby.
Grace had already dried her tears and was beginning to feel silly, wishing that she had never embarked on the ridiculous idea in the first place. Why hadn’t she just let things be? Now, to add to everything else, she was embarrassed.
“Grace, I am so sorry.” He crossed the room quickly, standing so close in front of her that she was a little taken aback. “I reckon I got myself confused about this barn dance business. I honestly thought you wanted to go so that Janet could have her way and play mamas and babies for the evening.”
“Sorry, I just wanted to go out, that was all. I didn’t mean to get upset. And it doesn’t really matter, it’s only a barn dance,” Grace said and hoped to give the impression that she had already brushed it off.
“I was kind of hoping it was more than that,” Josh said with a slow and confident smile.
“I don’t understand.”
“I guess I was hoping that you were upset because you wanted me to take you to the barn dance. Not just to be at the barn dance, but to be with me. But I reckon that was just wishful thinking. You’ll have to excuse me, Grace, I’ve done a lot of that lately.”
“A lot of…” She felt even more confused, not wanting to trust her perceptions for fear of being wrong.
“A lot of wishful thinking.” He laughed. “You know, about you and me. I know it’s not what I said in the beginning, but things have changed a bit since then, haven’t they?”
“Things have changed a lot.” She felt her heartbeat quicken.
“And I suppose I’ve been trying to hold back for so long that I had myself convinced we’d never get anywhere, that we’d just carry on as we were,” Josh went on. “You had it so difficult, Grace. I know that you were broken to pieces before you came here, I reckon I was just trying to respect that.”
“And I was truly appreciative, Josh.”
�
��I know myself that life goes on, I just didn’t want to say that to you. I didn’t know if you were ready and, to be honest, I didn’t know if you ever would be. I mean, I reckon I’m getting on a bit.” He smiled.
“You look just fine to me,” Grace said shyly as she finally allowed herself to look at that handsome face, those broad shoulders, with longing.
“I honestly had no idea. Not until Janet told me,” he went on and Grace raised her eyebrows into high arches.
“Janet? And just what did Janet tell you?” Grace wanted to be absolutely sure about everything, she wanted to know without a doubt that the man she loved so much loved her in return.
If Janet had a hand in it, there was no telling how much of what Josh told her was real.
“She told me that you wanted to go back east.” He winced as he clearly realized the mistake he’d made.
“Oh, I see,” Grace said and felt deflated again. “And just why would Janet think that?”
“Because she’s always been a bit of an eavesdropper. She heard you saying to Laura Price that you might go back home again if we couldn’t work things out.”
“I see,” Grace said again. “Josh, I know you don’t want me to leave you and Janet, I’ve always known that. And I didn’t really mean that I would go back home again; I am home.” She felt suddenly miserable. “So, nothing’s changed, you don’t need to worry. I’m not going anywhere.” She made to walk around him to leave the room but he reached out and gently caught hold of her upper arm before she got past him.
“Everything’s changed,” he said in a deep, breathy voice. “Everything’s changed for me. And you’re right, in the beginning I was desperate. You seemed to be making some progress with Janet and I was so determined that you wouldn’t leave us. But that’s not the way it is anymore, not now. I don’t want to be two people just helping each other along in life anymore, it’s not enough. I don’t want to be two separate families squashed together for the sake of support. I want us to be one family.”
“I guess we are one family. Janet and Katie have seen to that.”
“Can’t we see to it too?”
“I don’t want you to do and say anything just to keep me here. I’m staying, and that’s it,” Grace said flatly.
“You don’t understand,” Josh said and shook his head just as Janet had done. “I love you. I’ve loved you for so long and it’s been eating away at me for months. I only held back because I never thought you’d feel the same. This isn’t just to try to keep you here, this isn’t selfishness or fear, I love you. And the Lord knows I’ve wanted to tell you every day.” He moved his hands to her shoulders and drew her in to him.
“You really love me? You’re not just saying it?”
“No, I’m not just saying it. I love you so much. You have no idea how difficult it is for me to go into my room every night and lay there trying to sleep knowing that you’re just on the other side of the wall. My wife, a few feet away and one million miles away all at once. Please believe me, I really do love you.”
Josh pulled her into his arms, their bodies touching as he slid his arms around her back. He covered her lips with his own and kissed her passionately, so passionately that she could hardly respond for a moment she was so surprised.
He drew away for a moment and looked at her, his beautiful green eyes staring into hers, his hands firm on her back.
“Well?” he said and raised his eyebrows at her.
“I love you too, Josh. I can’t believe it happened, but it’s true. I love you so much.”
This time, Grace reached for him, pushing her fingers into his thick ashen hair and returning his passionate kisses with some of her own.
They remained that way for a good long while, kissing and embracing, murmuring everything that had been in their hearts so secretly for so long.
“So, do you still want to go to the barn dance?” he asked, leaning back to look at her with his arms still tightly around her.
“I sure do.” She could hardly believe that they were there in that moment, finally together.
The sound of the creaking floorboards outside the closed door made them both start a little before Josh shook his head and started to laugh.
“Janet!” he called out loudly. “Mind your own business.”
Epilogue
“But I reckon I’m old enough to go to the barn dance. There are plenty of others going of my age.” Janet was wearing her best dress and having tamed her wild golden hair, looked every bit as if she had expected to be allowed to go all along.
“Janet, you are not yet sixteen,” Grace said with a sigh. “I just want you to wait a little bit longer. It’s not the end of the world, it’s just a few months. But I reckon fifteen is too young for my liking.”
“But Ma Grace, David will be there, and Clay.” She was holding her hands together in front of her as if praying for deliverance. “Please, Ma Grace, I can’t see what difference it makes waiting.”
“But I do. And who on earth are David and Clay?” Grace went on quizzically.
“Just boys from the town,” Janet said with an innocent smile.
“And what about Jimmy?” Grace said, feeling sorry for Jimmy Dalton as she had begun to do for some time.
It was clear to Grace that Jimmy had begun to fall in love with his best friend, the girl he’d raced about the town with, sat in the schoolroom with, even climbed trees with. She couldn’t help but hope that poor Jimmy Dalton wasn’t about to get his heart broken.
But if she could stop Janet going to the barn dance for a few months longer, at least Grace might be able to put it off for a while, give Jimmy a few more weeks of hope.
“What about Jimmy?” Janet said and looked confused. “He’ll probably be there too. If it makes it any easier for you to say yes, I’ll go there with Jimmy.”
“That’s not very fair on Jimmy,” Grace said disapprovingly.
“Ma Grace, you’re always telling me off.”
“You always need telling off, Janet.” Grace laughed heartily and pulled her daughter into her arms, squeezing her hard. “You always, always need telling off.” She released her just enough to kiss her cheek. “And I know you want to go, I know you think the world will end if I say you can’t go to the barn dance, but I’m going to risk it. You are too young, and that’s that. You’re still my little girl, just you remember that.”
“Even though I’m taller than you now?” Janet gave her the little smile of appreciation that she could never hold back when Grace showed her love.
“I don’t care if you get to be as tall as the trees out back, you will always be a little girl to me,” Grace said and finally let go of her. “So, I’m sorry you got yourself done up so pretty, and you really do look pretty, but the answer is still no.”
“All right,” Janet said with surprising magnanimity. “Is Daddy still in the yard?” she asked airily.
“Don’t even think about going out to the lumber yard and trying to twist your daddy around your little finger. If he comes in here telling me that you can go to the barn dance, I’ll un-twist him, believe me.”
“Oooh,” Janet said in a long drawn-out cry of exasperation. “Please?”
“No,” Grace said and laughed. “You can run down into town if you want and tell Jimmy Dalton he can come for his dinner. That should cheer you up, shouldn’t it?”
“All right then, I’ll go and get Jimmy,” Janet said in an amusingly sulky voice before smiling mischievously at Grace. “It was worth a try though, wasn’t it?”
“Of course, it was. I reckon that was your best effort yet. Well done.”
“Thank you,” Janet said and made a big performance in taking a bow, enjoying Grace’s amusement at her little performance. “If I take the wagon, it’ll be quicker. And I’ll take Katie with me then.”
“There’s always a bargain with you, isn’t there?”
“Always, always, always.” Janet was smiling brightly, she was such a beautiful young woman.
; “Yes, all right. But get your daddy to hitch the horse to the wagon please, I don’t want you messing up your pretty dress.”
“All right.” She darted off gaily, her disappointment at not being allowed to go to the barn dance already forgotten.
Grace went into the sitting room where she found Katie, now almost three-years-old, trying her very hardest to squeeze her head beneath the cushion of her daddy’s chair.
“Katie, you do the strangest things,” Grace said and reached down to scoop her up from the floor. “Come on, let your ma just wash your face and then you’re going out for a ride in the wagon with your sister.”
“Yes,” Katie said excitedly clapping her hands. “Janet. Janet. Janet.”
“Yes, Janet. And you be a good girl for Janet now, do you hear me?”
“I’ll be a good girl, Mama. Katie always a good girl.” She grinned.
By the time Grace walked out to the front, Josh was already over from the lumber yard and hooking up the horse to the wagon. As soon as it was done, Janet leaped up into it and reached out to take Katie from Grace’s arms.
“You take it steady now, Janet,” Josh said as he always did when his daughter went out in the wagon.
“I will,” Janet said as if making it clear she was humoring him. “We won’t be long.” She turned to Katie. “We’re going to go get Jimmy.”
“Jimeeee!” Katie squeaked excitedly.
“Well, there they go,” Josh said, putting his arm around his wife’s shoulder as they stood watching the wagon as it disappeared. “Who would ever have thought that Janet would be this happy?”
“If it weren’t for the bright curly hair, I would think she was somebody else altogether.” Grace laughed.
“What’s with the pretty dress?” he said and winced.
“Another attempt at the barn dance,” Grace said and leaned against him. “But I said no.”
“Thank you,” he said with relief. “Otherwise, I would have had to say it and she makes it real hard for me.”
“She’s a good girl, Josh. We’re real lucky.”