One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  ABOUKIR THE DYER AND ABOUSIR THE BARBER.

  There dwelt once, in the city of Alexandria, two men, one of whom was a dyer, by name Aboukir; and the other a barber called Abousir; and they were neighbours in the market, where their shops were side by side. The dyer was a swindler and a liar, an exceeding wicked man, as if indeed his temples were hewn out of the rock or fashioned of the threshold of a Jewish synagogue, nor was he ashamed of any knavery he wrought amongst the folk. It was his wont, when any brought him stuffs to dye, to require of him present payment, on pretence of buying dyestuffs withal. So the man would give him the hire in advance and go away, and he would spend it on meat and drink; after which he would sell the stuff itself and spend its price in eating and drinking and what not else, for he ate not but of the choicest and most delicate meats nor drank but of the best of that which doth away the wit.

  When the owner of the stuff came to him, he would say to him, ‘Come to me to-morrow before sunrise and thou shalt find thy stuff dyed.’ So the man would go away, saying in himself, ‘One day is near another,’ and return next day at the appointed time, when the dyer would say to him, ‘Come to-morrow; yesterday I was not at work, for I had with me guests and was occupied with their service till they went: but come to-morrow before sunrise and take thy stuff dyed.’ So he would go away and return on the third day, when Aboukir would say to him, ‘Indeed yesterday I was excusable, for my wife was brought to bed in the night and all day I was busy with one thing and another; but to-morrow, without fail, come and take thy stuff dyed.’

  When the man came again at the appointed time, he would put him off with some other tale, it mattered little what, and would swear to him; nor would he cease to promise and swear to him, as often as he came, till the customer lost patience and said, ‘How often wilt thou say to me, “To-morrow?” Give me my stuff: I will not have it dyed.’ Whereupon the dyer would make answer, ‘By Allah, O my brother, I am abashed at thee; but I will tell the truth and may God harm all who do folk hurt in their goods!’ The other would say, ‘Tell me what hath happened;’ and Aboukir would answer, ‘Indeed I dyed thy stuff on matchless wise and hung it on the rope [to dry;] but it was stolen and I know not who took it.’ If the owner of the stuff were a good-natured man, he would say, ‘God will recoup me;’ and if he were ill-conditioned, he would pursue him with exposure and insult, but would get nothing of him, though he complained of him to the judge.

  He ceased not to do thus till his report was noised abroad among the folk and they used to warn one another against him and he became a byword amongst them. So they all held aloof from him and none had to do with him save those who knew not his character; but, for all this, he failed not daily to suffer insult and disgrace from God’s creatures. By reason of this his trade became slack and he used to go to the shop of his neighbour the barber and sit there, with his eyes on the door of the dyery. Whenever he espied any one who knew him not standing at the dyery-door, with a piece of stuff in his hand, he would go up to him and say, ‘What seekest thou, O man?’ And the man would answer, ‘Take and dye me this thing.’ So the dyer would say, ‘What colour wilt thou have it?’ For, with all his knavery, he could dye all manner of colours; but he never kept faith with any one; so poverty had gotten the better of him. Then he would take the stuff and say, ‘Give me my hire in advance and come to-morrow and take the stuff.’ So the stranger would give him the money and go his way; whereupon Aboukir would carry the stuff to the market and sell it and buy meat and vegetables and tobacco and fruit and what not else he needed with the price; but, whenever he saw any one who had given him stuff to dye standing at the door of his shop, he would not show himself to him.

  On this wise he abode years and years, till it chanced one day that he received stuff to dye from a masterful man and sold it and spent the price. The owner came to him every day, but found him not in his shop; for, whenever he espied any one who had a claim against him, he would flee from him into the shop of the barber Abousir. At last, the angry man, finding that he was not to be seen and growing weary of coming, repaired to the Cadi and bringing one of the latter’s serjeants to the shop, nailed up the door, in presence of a number of Muslims, and sealed it, for that he found therein nothing but some broken pans, to stand him instead of his stuff; after which the serjeant took the key, saying to the neighbours, ‘Tell him to bring back this man’s goods and take the key of his shop,’ and went his way, he and the man.

  Then said Abousir to Aboukir, ‘What aileth thee? Whoever brings thee aught, thou losest it for him. What is gone of this angry man’s stuff?’ ‘O my neighbour,’ answered the dyer, ‘it was stolen from me.’ ‘Wonderful!’ exclaimed the barber. ‘Whenever any one gives thee aught, a thief steals it from thee! Art thou then the resort of the whole college of thieves? But I doubt me thou liest: so tell me the truth.’ ‘O my neighbour,’ replied Aboukir, ‘none hath stolen aught from me.’ ‘What then dost thou with the people’s goods?’ asked Abousir. And the dyer said, ‘Whenever any one giveth me aught to dye, I sell it and spend the price.’ Quoth Abousir, ‘is this permitted thee of God?’ ‘I only do this out of poverty,’ answered Aboukir, ‘because trade is dull with me and I am poor and have nothing.’ And he went on to complain to him of the slackness of his trade and his lack of means.

  Abousir in like manner lamented the slackness of his own trade, saying, ‘I am a master of my craft and have not my equal in this city; but no one is shaved at my shop, because I am a poor man; and I loathe this craft, O my brother.’ ‘And I also,’ answered Aboukir, ‘loathe my own craft, by reason of its slackness; but, O my brother, what call is there for our abiding in this city? Let us depart from it and divert ourselves with foreign travel, carrying our crafts in our hands, the which are in demand in all countries; so shall we breathe the air and be rid of this grievous trouble.’ And he ceased not to commend travel to Abousir, till the latter became wishful to set out, whereat Aboukir rejoiced and recited the following verses:

  Forsake thy native land, it thou advancement seek, and hie Abroad for five advantages in foreign travel lie.

  The putting off of care, the gain of livelihood and lore And manners and the company of noble folk and high.

  If it be said, ‘Distress and woe and severance of loves And hardships still in travel be beneath a foreign sky,’

  I trow ‘twere better for a man that he should die than live Still in humiliation’s house, ‘twixt envier and spy.

  Then they agreed to travel together and Aboukir said to Abousir, ‘O my neighbour, we are become brethren and there is no difference between us, so it behoves us to recite the first chapter of the Koran [in token of agreement] that he of us who gets work shall of his profit feed him who is out of work, and whatever is left, we will lay in a chest; and when we come back to Alexandria we will divide it fairly and equally.’ ‘So be it,’ answered Abousir, and they repeated the first chapter of the Koran on this understanding. Then Ahousir locked up his shop and gave the keys to the landlord, whilst Aboukir left his shop locked and sealed and let the key lie with the Cadi’s serjeant; after which they took their gear and embarked on the morrow in a galleon upon the salt sea. They set sail the same day and fortune attended them, for, of Abousir’s great good luck, of all that were in the ship (and there were therein an hundred and twenty men, besides the captain and the crew,) there was not a single barber. So, when they spread the sails, the barber said to the dyer, ‘O my brother, this is the sea and we shall need meat and drink, and we have but little victual with us and it may be the voyage will be long upon us; wherefore methinks I will shoulder my gear and pass among the passengers, and belike some one will say to me, “Come hither, O barber, and shave me,” and I will shave him for a cake of bread or a para or a draught of water: so shall we both profit by this.’

  ‘There is no harm in that,’ replied the dyer and laid down his head and slept, whilst the barber took his razor and shaving-tackle an
d throwing over his shoulder a rag, to serve as napkin (for that he was poor), passed among the passengers. Quoth one of them, ‘Ho, master, come and shave me.’ So he shaved him, and the man gave him a para. ‘O my brother,’ said Ahousir, ‘I have no use for this para; hadst thou given me a cake of bread, it were more blessed to me in this sea, for I have a shipmate and we are short of victual.’ So he gave him a cake of bread and a piece of cheese and filled him the basin with sweet water. The barber carried all this to Aboukir and bade him eat the bread and cheese and drink the water. So he ate and drank, whilst Abousir again took up his shaving-gear and went round about the deck among the passengers. One man he shaved for two cakes of bread and another for a piece of cheese, and he was in demand, because there was no other barber on board. So he bargained with every one who said to him, ‘Ho, master, shave me!’ for two cakes of bread and a para, and they gave him whatever he sought, so that, by sundown, he had gotten thirty cakes of bread and thirty paras, besides store of cheese and olives and botargoes.

  Amongst the rest he shaved the captain, to whom he complained of his lack of victual for the voyage, and the captain said to him, ‘Have no care for that, so long as ye sail with us; for thou art welcome to bring thy comrade every night and sup with me.’ Then he returned to the dyer, whom he found still asleep; so he aroused him; and when Aboukir awoke, he found at his head bread and cheese and olives and botargoes galore and said, ‘Whence gottest thou all this?’ ‘From the bounty of God the Most High,’ replied Abousir. Then Aboukir would have eaten; but the barber said to him, ‘Eat not of this, O my brother; but leave it to serve us another time; for know that I shaved the captain and complained to him of our lack of victual: whereupon quoth he, “Bring thy comrade and sup both of ye with me every night and welcome. And this night we sup with him for the first time.’ But Aboukir replied, ‘I am sea-sick and cannot rise from my place; so let me sup off these things and go thou alone to the captain.’ ‘So be it,’ said Abousir and sat looking at the other, as he ate, and saw him hew off gobbets, as the quarryman hews stone from the mountain, and gulp them down with the gulp of an elephant that has not eaten for days, bolting one mouthful before he was rid of the previous one and glaring the while at that which was before him with the glower of a ghoul and blowing as the hungry bull blows over his beans and straw.

  Presently up came a sailor and said to the barber, ‘O master, the captain bids thee come to supper and bring thy comrade.’ Quoth the barber to the dyer, ‘Wilt thou come with us?’ But he answered, ‘I cannot walk.’ So the barber went by himself and found the captain and his company sitting awaiting him, with a tray before them, wherein were a score or more of dishes. When the captain saw him, he said, ‘Where is thy friend?’ And Abousir answered, ‘O my lord, he is sea-sick.’ ‘That will do him no harm,’ answered the captain; ‘his sickness will pass off; but do thou carry him his supper and come back, for we await thee.’ Then he set apart a dish of kabobs and putting therein some of each dish, till there was enough for ten, gave it to Abousir, who took it and carried it to the dyer, whom he found grinding away with his dog-teeth at that which was before him, as he were a camel, and heaping mouthful on mouthful in his haste. Quoth Abousir, ‘Did I not say to thee, “Eat not [of this]?” Indeed the captain is a man of exceeding kindness. See what he hath sent thee, for that I told him thou wast sick.’ ‘Give it here,’ answered the dyer. So the barber gave it to him and he snatched it from him and fell upon it, like a ravening dog or a raging lion or a roc pouncing on a pigeon or one who is well-nigh dead for hunger and seeing victual, falls to eating thereof.

  Then Abousir left him and going back to the captain, supped and enjoyed himself and drank coffee with him; after which he returned to Aboukir and found that he had eaten all that was in the platter and thrown it aside, empty. So he took the empty dish and gave it to one of the captain’s servants, then went back to Aboukir and slept till the morning. On the morrow he continued to shave, and all he got by way of meat and drink he gave to Aboukir, who ate and drank and sat still, rising not save to do his natural occasions, and every night the barber brought him a full dish from the captain’s table.

  They fared thus twenty days, at the end of which time the galleon cast anchor in the harbour of a city; whereupon they took leave of the captain and landing, entered the town and took them a lodging in a khan. Abousir furnished the room and buying a cooking pot and a platter and spoons and what else they needed, fetched meat and cooked it; but Aboukir fell asleep the moment he entered the khan and awoke not till his companion aroused him and set the tray of food before him. When he awoke, he ate and saying to Abousir, ‘Blame me not, for I am giddy,’ fell asleep again. Thus he did forty days, whilst, every day, the barber took his tools and making the round of the city, wrought for that which fell to his lot, and returning, found the dyer asleep and aroused him. No sooner did he wake than he fell ravenously upon the food, eating as one who cannot have his fill nor be content; after which he went to sleep again.

  On this wise he passed other forty days, and whenever the barber said to him, ‘Sit up and shake off this torpor and go forth and take an airing in the city, for it is a bright and pleasant place and hath not its equal among the cities,’ he would answer, saying, ‘Blame me not, for I am [still] giddy.’ Abousir cared not to vex him nor give him hard words; but, on the forty-first day, he himself fell sick and could not go abroad; so he pressed the porter of the khan into his service, and he did their occasions and brought them meat and drink four days, whilst Aboukir did nothing but eat and sleep. At the end of this time, the barber’s sickness redoubled on him, till he lost his senses for stress thereof; and Aboukir, feeling the pangs of hunger, arose and sought in his comrade’s clothes, where he found a thousand paras. So he took them and shutting the door of the chamber upon Abousir, went out, without telling any; and the doorkeeper of the inn was then at market and thus saw him not go out.

  Aboukir betook himself to the bazaar and clad himself in rich apparel, at a cost of five hundred paras; then he proceeded to walk about and divert himself by viewing the place, which he found a city whose like was not among cities; but he noted that all its people were clad in clothes of white and blue, without other colour. Presently he came to a dyer’s and seeing nought but blue in his shop, pulled out to him a kerchief and said, ‘O master, take this kerchief and dye it and take thy hire.’ Quoth the dyer, ‘The cost of dying this will be twenty dirhems.’ ‘In our country,’ said Aboukir, ‘we dye it for two.’ ‘Then go and dye it in your own country,’ answered the dyer. ‘As for me, my price is twenty dirhems and I will not bate a tittle thereof.’ ‘What colour wilt thou dye it?’ asked Aboukir; and the dyer said, ‘I will dye it blue.’ Quoth Aboukir, ‘But I want it dyed red.’ ‘I know not how to dye red,’ answered the dyer. ‘Then dye it green,’ rejoined Aboukir. But the dyer said, ‘I know not how to dye green.’ ‘Yellow,’ said Aboukir. ‘Nor yet yellow,’ answered the dyer; and Aboukir went on to name the different colours to him, one after another, till the dyer said, ‘We are here in this city forty master-dyers, neither more nor less; and when one of us dies, we teach his son the craft. If he leave no son, we abide wanting one, and if he leave two sons, we teach one of them the craft, and if he die, we teach his brother. This our craft is straitly ordered and we know not how to dye aught but blue.’

  Then said Aboukir, ‘Know that I also am a dyer and know how to dye all colours; and I would have thee take me into thy service on hire, and I will teach thee my art, so thou mayst glory therein over all the company of dyers.’ But the dyer answered, ‘We never admit a stranger into our craft.’ ‘And what if I open a dyery for myself?’ asked Aboukir. ‘We will not suffer thee to do that,’ replied the other; whereupon he left him and going to a second dyer, made him the like proposal; but he returned him the same answer as the first; and he ceased not to go from one to another, till he had made the round of the whole forty; but they would not accept of him either to master or journeyman. Then he repaired to the S
yndic of the Dyers and told him what had passed, and he said, ‘We admit no stranger into our craft.’

  With this Aboukir became exceeding wroth and going up to the king of the city, made complaint to him, saying, ‘O king of the age, I am a stranger and a dyer by trade;’ and he told him what had passed between himself and the dyers of the town, adding, ‘I can dye various kinds of red, such as rose-colour and carnation, and various kinds of green, such as grass-green and pistachio-green and olive and parrot’s wing, and various kinds of black, such as coal-black and blue-black, and various shades of yellow, such as orange and lemon-colour,’ and went on to name to him the rest of the colours. Then said he, ‘O king of the age, there is not a dyer in thy city who can avail to any one of these colours, for they know not how to dye aught but blue; yet will they not admit me amongst them, either as master or journeyman.’ ‘Thou sayst sooth for that matter,’ answered the king; ‘but I will open thee a dyery and give thee capital and have thou no care for them; for whoso offereth to do thee hindrance, I will hang him over the door of his shop.

  Then he sent for builders and said to them, ‘Go round about the city with this master, and whatsoever place pleases him, be it shop or khan or what not, turn out its occupier and build him a dyery after his wish. Whatsoever he bids you, that do ye and gainsay him not in aught.’ And he clad him in a handsome suit and gave him two white slaves, to serve him, and a horse with housings of brocade and a thousand dinars, saying, ‘Provide thyself with this, against the building be completed.’ So Aboukir donned the dress and mounting the horse, became as he were an amir. Moreover the king assigned him a house and bade furnish it; so they furnished it for him and he took up his abode therein.