It has been mentioned that a Muslim may divorce his wife twice and each time take her back. This he may do, even against her wish, during a fixed period, which cannot extend beyond three months, unless she be enceinte, in which latter case she must wait until the birth of her child before she will be at liberty to contract a new marriage. During this period the husband is obliged to maintain her. If he divorce her a third time, or by a triple sentence, he cannot take her again unless with her own consent and by a new contract and after another marriage has been consummated between her and another husband who also has divorced her.
It is not a common custom, especially among the middle ranks, for a Muslim to have more than one wife at the same time; but there are few of middle age who have not had several different wives at different periods, tempted to change by the facility of divorce.[] The case of ´Alee has been mentioned above. Mugheyreh Ibn-Sheabeh married eighty women in the course of his life;[] and several more remarkable instances of the love of change are recorded by Arab writers; the most extraordinary case of this kind that I have met with was that of Moḥammad Ibn-Eṭ-Ṭeiyib, the dyer of Baghdád, who died in the year of the Flight 423, aged eighty-five years; of whom it is related on most respectable authority that he married more than nine hundred women![] Supposing, therefore, that he married his first wife when he was fifteen years of age, he must have had, on the average, nearly thirteen wives per annum. The women, in general, cannot of course marry so many successive husbands, not only because a woman cannot have more than one husband at a time, but also because she cannot divorce her husband. There have been, however, many instances of Arab women who have married a surprising number of men in rapid succession. Among these may be mentioned Umm-Khárijeh, who gave occasion to a proverb on this subject. This woman, who was of the tribe of Bejeeleh, in El-Yemen, married upwards of forty husbands; and her son Khárijeh knew not who was his father. She used to contract a marriage in the quickest possible manner: a man saying to her, “Khiṭb” (“I ask” — in marriage), she replied “Nikḥ” (“I give”), and thus became his lawful wife. She had a very numerous progeny; several tribes originating from her.[]
For the choice of a wife, a man generally relies on his mother or some other near female relation, or a professional female betrother (who is called “kháṭibeh”); for there are many women who perform this office for hire. The law allows him to see the face of the girl whom he proposes to marry, previously to his making the contract; but in the present day this liberty is seldom obtained, except among the lower orders. Unless in this case, a man is not allowed to see unveiled any woman but his own wife or slave, and those women to whom the law prohibits his uniting himself in marriage: nay, according to some he is not allowed to see his own niece unveiled, though he may not marry her.[] It should be added that a slave may lawfully see the face of his own mistress; but this privilege is seldom granted in the present day to any slave but a eunuch. An infringement of the law above mentioned is held to be extremely sinful in both parties: “The curse of God,” said the Prophet, “is on the seer and the seen:” yet it is very often disregarded in the case of women of the lower orders.
A man is forbidden, by the Ḳur-án[] and the Sunneh, to marry his mother, or other ascendant; daughter, or other descendant; his sister, or half sister; the sister of his father or mother, or other ascendant; his niece, or any of her descendants; his foster-mother who has suckled him five times in the course of the first two years, or a woman related to him by milk in any of the degrees which would preclude his marriage with her if she were similarly related to him by consanguinity; the mother of his wife; the daughter of his wife, in certain conditions; his father’s wife, and his son’s wife; and to have at the same time two wives who are sisters, or aunt and niece: he is forbidden also to marry his unemancipated slave, or another man’s slave, if he has already a free wife; and to marry any woman but one of his own faith, or a Christian, or a Jewess. A Mohammadan woman, however, may only marry a man of her own faith. An unlawful liaison with any woman prevents a man from marrying any of her relations who would be forbidden to him if she were his wife.
A cousin (the daughter of a paternal uncle) is often chosen as a wife, on account of the tie of blood which is likely to attach her more strongly to her husband, or on account of an affection conceived in early years. Parity of rank is generally much regarded; and a man is often unable to obtain as his wife the daughter of one of a different profession or trade, unless an inferior; or a younger daughter when an elder remains unmarried. A girl is often married at the age of twelve years, and sometimes at ten, or even nine: the usual period is between twelve and sixteen years. At the age of thirteen or fourteen she may be a mother. The young men marry a few years later.
The most important requisite in a wife is religion. The Prophet said, “A virtuous wife is better than the world and all that it contains.” “A virtuous wife,” said Luḳmán, “is like a crown on the head of a king; and a wicked wife is like a heavy burden on the back of an old man.” Among the other chief requisites are agreeableness of temper, beauty of form (undiminished by any defect or irregularity of features or members), moderation in the amount of dowry required, and good birth. It is said, “If thou marry not a virgin [which is most desirable], marry a divorced woman, and not a widow; for the divorced woman will respect thy words when thou sayest, ‘If there were any good in thee thou hadst not been divorced;’ whereas the widow will say, ‘May God have mercy on such a one [her first husband]! he hath left me to one unsuited to me.’” But according to another selfish maxim, the woman most to be avoided is she who is divorced from a man by whom she has had a child; for her heart is with him, and she is an enemy to the man who marries her after.[]
Modesty is a requisite upon which too much stress cannot be laid; but this, to an English reader, requires some explanation. ´Alee asked his wife Fáṭimeh, “Who is the best of women?” She answered, “She who sees not men, and whom they see not.”[] Modesty, therefore, in the opinion of the Muslims, is most eminently shewn by a woman’s concealing her person, and restraining her eyes, from men. “The best rank of men [in a mosque],” said the Prophet, “is the front; and the best rank of women is the rear,”[] — that is, those most distant from the men: but better than even these are the women who pray at home.[] Fruitfulness is also a desirable qualification to be considered in the choice of a wife: “it may be known in maidens,” said the Prophet, “from their relations; because, generally speaking, kindred are similar in disposition, etc.”[] Lastly, contentment is to be enumerated among the requisites. It is said, on the same authority, “Verily the best of women are those that are most content with little.”[] To obtain a contented and submissive wife, many men make their selection from among the classes inferior to them in rank. Others, with a similar view, prefer a slave in the place of a wife.
The consent of a young girl is not required: her father, or, if he be dead, her nearest adult male relation, or a guardian appointed by will or by the Ḳáḍee, acts as her wekeel or deputy, to effect the marriage-contract for her. If of age, she appoints her own deputy. A dowry is required to legalize the marriage; and the least dowry allowed by the law is ten dirhems, — about five shillings of our money. Moḥammad married certain of his wives for a dowry of ten dirhems and the household necessaries, which were a hand-mill to grind the corn, a water-jar, and a pillow of skin or leather stuffed with the fibres of the palm-tree (leef), but some he married for a dowry of five hundred dirhems.[] With the increase of wealth and luxury, dowries have increased in amount; but to our ideas they are still trifling: a sum equivalent to about twenty pounds sterling being a common dowry among Arabs of the middle classes for a virgin, and half or a third or quarter of that sum for a divorced woman or a widow. Two thirds of the sum is usually paid before making the contract, and the remaining portion held in reserve to be paid to the woman in case of her divorce or in case of the husband’s death. The father or guardian of a girl under age receives the former portio
n of her dowry; but it is considered as her property, and he generally expends it, with an additional sum from his own purse, in the purchase of necessary furniture, dress, etc., for her, which the husband can never take from her against her own wish.
The marriage-contract is generally, in the present day, merely verbal; but sometimes a certificate is written and sealed by the Ḳáḍee. The most approved or propitious period for this act is the month of Showwál: the most unpropitious, Moḥarram. The only persons whose presence is required to perform it are the bridegroom (or his deputy), the bride’s deputy (who is the betrother), two male witnesses, if such can be easily procured, and the Ḳáḍee or a schoolmaster or some other person to recite a khuṭbeh, which consists of a few words in praise of God, a form of blessing on the Prophet, and some passages of the Ḳur-án respecting marriage. They all recite the Fátiḥah (or opening chapter of the Ḳur-án), after which the bridegroom pays the money. The latter and the bride’s deputy then seat themselves on the ground, face to face, and grasp each other’s right hand, raising the thumbs, and pressing them against each other. Previously to the khuṭbeh, the person who recites this formula places a handkerchief over the two joined hands; and after the khuṭbeh he dictates to the two contracting parties what they are to say. The betrother generally uses the following or a similar form of words: “I betroth to thee my daughter [or her for whom I act as deputy] such a one [naming the bride], the virgin [or the adult virgin, etc.], for a dowry of such an amount.” The bridegroom answers, “I accept from thee her betrothal to myself.” This is all that is absolutely necessary; but the address and reply are usually repeated a second and third time, and are often expressed in fuller forms of words. The contract is concluded with the recital of the Fátiḥah by all persons present.
This betrothal, or marriage-contract, is often performed several years before the wedding, when the two parties are yet children, or during the infancy of the girl; but most commonly not more than about eight or ten days before that event. The household furniture and dress prepared for the bride are sent by her family to the bridegroom’s house, usually conveyed by a train of camels, two or three or more days before she is conducted thither.
The feasts and processions which are now to be mentioned are only observed in the case of a virgin-bride; a widow or divorced woman being remarried in a private manner. I describe them chiefly in accordance with the usages of Cairo, which appear to me most agreeable, in general, with the descriptions and allusions in the “Thousand and One Nights.” The period most commonly approved for the wedding is the eve of Friday, or that of Monday. Previously to this event, the bridegroom once or twice or more frequently gives a feast to his friends; and for several nights, his house and the houses of his near neighbours are usually illuminated by numerous clusters of lamps, or by lanterns, suspended in front of them; some, to cords drawn across the street. To these or other cords are also suspended small flags, or square pieces of silk, each of two different colours, generally red and green. Some say that the feast or feasts should be given on the occasion of the marriage-contract; others, on the actual wedding; others, again, on both these occasions.[]
The usual custom of the people of Cairo is to give a feast on the night before the nuptials, and another on the wedding night; but some begin their feasts earlier. Respecting marriage-feasts, the Prophet said, “The first day’s feast is an incumbent duty; and the second day’s, a sunneh ordinance; and the third day’s, for ostentation and notoriety:” and he forbade eating at the feast of the ostentatious.[] It is a positive duty to accept an invitation to a marriage-feast or other lawful entertainment; but the guest is not obliged to eat.[] The persons invited and all intimate friends generally send presents of provisions of some kind a day or two before. The Prophet taught that marriage-feasts should be frugal: the best that he gave was with one goat.[] He approved of demonstrations of joy at the celebration of a marriage with songs, and according to one tradition by the beating of deffs (or tambourines); but in another tradition the latter practice is condemned.[] The preferable mode of entertaining the guests is by the performance of a zikr.
On the day preceding that on which she is conducted to the bridegroom’s house, the bride goes to the public bath, accompanied by a number of her female relations and friends. The procession generally pursues a circuitous route, for the sake of greater display; and on leaving the house, turns to the right. In Cairo, the bride walks under a canopy of silk borne by four men, with one of her near female relations on each side of her. Young unmarried girls walk before her; these are preceded by the married ladies; and the procession is headed and closed by a few musicians with drums and hautboys. The bride wears a kind of pasteboard crown or cap, and is completely veiled from the view of spectators by a Kashmeer shawl placed over her crown and whole person; but some handsome ornaments of the head are attached externally. The other women are dressed in the best of their walking-attire. In the case, however, of a bride of high rank, or of wealth, and often in the case of one belonging to a family of the middle class, the ladies ride upon high-saddled asses, without music or canopy; and the bride is only distinguished by a Kashmeer shawl instead of the usual black silk covering, one or more eunuchs sometimes riding at the head. In the bath, after the ordinary operations of washing, etc., a feast is made, and the party are often entertained by female singers.
Having returned in the same manner to her home, the bride’s friends there partake of a similar entertainment with her. Her hands and feet are then stained with ḥennà, and her eyes ornamented with koḥl; and her friends give her small presents of money, and take their leave. “It is a sunneh ordinance that the bride wash her feet in a clean vessel, and sprinkle the water in the corners of the chamber, that a blessing may result from this. She should also brighten her face, and put on the best of her apparel, and adorn her eyes with koḥl, and stain [her hands and feet] with ḥennà [as above mentioned]; and she should abstain, during the first week, from eating anything that contains mustard, and from vinegar, and sour apples.”[]
The bride is conducted to the house of the bridegroom (on the following day) in the same manner as to the bath, or with more pomp. In Cairo, the bridal processions of persons of very high rank are conducted with singular display. The train is usually headed by buffoons and musicians, and a water-carrier loaded with a goat’s-skin filled with sand and water, of very great weight, which is often borne for many hours before (as well as during) the procession, merely to amuse the spectators by this feat of strength. Then follow (interrupted by groups of male or female dancers, jugglers, and the like) numerous decorated open waggons or cars, each of which contains several members of some particular trade or art engaged in their ordinary occupations, or one such person with attendants: in one, for instance, a kahwejee, with his assistants and pots and cups and fire, making coffee for the spectators: in a second, makers of sweetmeats: in a third, makers of pancakes (faṭeerehs): in a fourth, silk-lace manufacturers: in a fifth, a silk-weaver, with his loom: in a sixth, tinners of copper vessels, at their work: in a seventh, white-washers, whitening over and over again a wall: in short, almost every manufacture and trade has its representatives in a separate waggon. El-Jabartee describes a procession of this kind in which there were upwards of seventy parties of different trades and arts, each party in a separate waggon, besides buffoons, wrestlers, dancers, and others; followed by various officers, the eunuchs of the bride’s family, ladies of the ḥareem with their attendants, then the bride in a European carriage, a troop of memlooks clad in armour, and a Turkish band of music. It was a procession of which the like had not before been seen.[]
The bride and her party, having arrived at the house, sit down to a repast. The bridegroom does not yet see her. He has already been to the bath, and at nightfall he goes in procession with a number of his friends to a mosque, to perform the night-prayers. He is accompanied by musicians and singers, or by chanters of lyric odes in praise of the Prophet, and by men bearing cressets — poles
with cylindrical frames of iron at the top filled with flaming wood; and on his return, most of his other attendants bear lighted wax candles and bunches of flowers.
Returned to his house, he leaves his friends in a lower apartment, and goes up to the bride, whom he finds seated, with a shawl thrown over her head, so as to conceal her face completely, and attended by one or two females. The latter he induces to retire by means of a small present. He then gives a present of money to the bride, as “the price of uncovering the face,” and having removed the covering (saying as he does so, “In the name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful”), he beholds her, generally for the first time. On the occasion of this first visit, which is called the “dukhool” or “dukhleh,” he is recommended “to perfume himself, and to sprinkle some sugar and almonds on the head of the bride and on that of each woman with her (this practice being established by existing usage and by traditions): also, when he approaches her, he should perform the prayers of two rek´ahs, and she should do the same if able: then he should take hold of the hair over her forehead, and say, ‘O God, bless me in my wife, and bless my wife in me! O God, bestow upon me [offspring] by her, and bestow upon her [offspring] by me! O God, unite us, as thou hast united, happily; and separate us, when thou separatest, happily!’”[]
An astrological calculation is often made with the view of determining by what sign of the zodiac the two persons are influenced who contemplate becoming man and wife, and thence ascertaining whether they will agree. This is often done in the present day by adding together the numerical values of the letters composing his or her name and that of the mother, and, if I remember right, subtracting from 12 the whole sum if this is less than 12, or what remains after subtracting, or dividing, by 12. Thus is obtained the number of the sign. The twelve signs, commencing with Aries, correspond respectively with the elements of fire, earth, air, water, fire, earth, and so on; and if the signs of the two parties indicate the same element, it is inferred that they will agree; but if they indicate different elements, the inference is that the one will be affected by the other in the same manner as the element of the one is by that of the other: thus, if the element of the man is fire, and that of the woman, water, he will be subject to her rule. Among other calculations of the same kind is the following: — The numerical values of the letters composing the name of each of the two parties are added together, and one of these two sums is subtracted from the other: if the remainder is an uneven number, the inference is unfavourable; but if even, the reverse.
One Thousand and One Nights Page 1352