by René, Dani
When the quiet comes, I sigh inwardly and then he’s on his feet and I realize I’m awake and he heard me. He can hear me and I can’t bring myself to tell him I don’t want him here. I no longer need Daddy to look after me.
“Gia? Can you hear me? Baby, are you there?” I don’t reply. No response means he may just move on. Maybe he’ll finally get the idea of moving on. Of leaving the broken toy. “I’ll never leave you, baby. I’m right here,” he affirms and my heart sinks. I don’t want him here. The only man I need is Carrick.
“Mr. Draydon, can we have a moment with Giana please?” That’s when he finally leaves my hand, but he leans in. I feel his hot breath on me and normally, I’d want it. I’d need it, but not tonight. All I want is to be alone. No men. No one who can ever see me as broken. As shattered. And no one who can ever learn what I really am.
* * *
“You’re awake, I know you are,” the nurse tells me when Eli finally leaves my bedside and I’m alone for the first time in days. When I open my eyes, she’s staring at me. “He loves you,” she tells me in an almost angry grunt as she tugs on the pipes and machines that connect me to life. To this world.
“I love him too,” I tell her earnestly. The only problem is that I don’t know how he’ll ever want someone like me.
“Why don’t you talk to him?” She asks the most practical question, but I can’t answer because I don’t know how. I love Eli more than life itself. He was the one who saved me, in more ways than he even knows.
“Sometimes, when you love someone, you have to let them go. And as much as it hurts.” I cast a quick glance at her, then my eyes find the door again. I continue. “As many times, as that person promises forever, no human can guarantee it. I almost died. He’s already lost someone he loves. I can’t allow him to lose me. The problem is,” I drag my stare over to hers. “Sometimes, no matter how much you’re meant to be with someone, life steps in and breaks it apart anyway.”
She watches me for a moment as if I’ve lost my mind. Perhaps I have. But in my head, I’m making sense. As much as I’m meant to be with Eli, life has fucked that and I can’t ever let myself allow him to love me in that way. He can’t lose me again, he can’t watch another love of his life die. I heard him that night. I heard him utter those words and I vowed in my deliriousness I’ll never be the source of his pain. I’ll never be the one he loses.
“What if you don’t have a choice?” the nurse asks me.
“Everyone has a choice. Get the doctor to sign my release documents. I need to go home. I can’t be here anymore.” This place is making me worse. I’m sick. I need help. And the only way to fix me is to get out of here and focus on a new life. Perhaps even a new city. If Carrick will help me, I’ll be able to get out of here, let Eli live a life of happiness with another toy, and I can try to heal from my injuries.
“He’ll never give up. Even after everything he’s still here. Lovie, he’s never going to give up on you. Mark my words.” She words it ominously. But deep down, I don’t doubt that Elijah will never let me go. No matter how I push, he’ll pull. And like a puppet, I’ll be tugged back by the strings that bind me to him.
* * *
“What are you doing, Gia?” I’m staring at Carrick across the room and I know why he’s asking. Because there’s a man outside the door that’s waiting to talk to me. I’ve avoided him for six hours. It’s a record for me, but now I’m caught and I have nowhere to run.
Savvie, Mason’s submissive, is seated just beside me. Her hand on my leg, holding it steady from bouncing.
“Let him in,” I say in a voice that isn’t my own. The door slips wide and there he is. In all his six-foot glory, the man who still holds my heart.
“Why, sweet girl?” he questions. His voice is husky, filled with emotion I don’t feel. I’m numb. Void of all emotion. I watch him stalk in and he stops just beside Carrick who’s sitting on the sofa opposite me. It’s far enough.
I can’t move. Savvie’s hand is the only thing anchoring me to this life. To the here and now.
“I need you to let me go, Eli,” I plead, but he shakes his head.
“Never.” His voice and tone are adamant. I’ll never be free of him. Not that I want to be, but I want him to be happy. To live a life without the memories of me. Of my brokenness. I’m no longer the woman he loves. If he thinks that then he’s sorely mistaken.
“Eli—”
“Listen to me, Giana, I fucking love you. I’ll never love anyone the way I do you. If you think, for even one moment, I’ll ever give up on you, then you’re sorely fucking mistaken. I’ll fight to the death to have you again. To put a ring on your finger, give you kids, a home, a family. And even if I manage that on my dying breath when I’m old and frail. I’ll fucking do it.” I don’t doubt him. Hell, I believe him more than I do anything else in my life. Past or present. But, right now, I can’t even stand being in the same room.
“Goodbye, Eli,” my words are a soft whisper. Filled with emotion and yearning, pain and anguish, and as I push up from the chair, and walk toward the door, I feel him. He follows me. His hand on my arm sends anxiety spearing through me.
“This will never be goodbye,” he bites out angrily. Not at me. Not at our situation. He’s informing me that I’m fucked. He loves me and as much as I want him to move on, I’ll never have that happen. He loves me too much.
“There’s a problem when you love someone too much, Eli. It can kill you.” He watches me then. His eyes never leaving mine. I feel him respond. Instead of words. He offers me something more. So much more than I ever thought possible.
Then, a moment later, he nods. His gaze drops to the carpet and I find I miss it. Like the air I breathe, I need him. His eyes on me. His hands keeping me safe.
“Gia, I’m already dead.”
And with that, he turns and walks away. He doesn’t tell me to call. He no longer offers promises. All he gives me is the raw, honest truth. I may not have died, but I killed the only man who loved me.
“Goodbye, Eli.”
And that’s when I break down. My body crumples to the floor in sobs that wrack me inside out. Carrick is gone. Everyone is gone but Savvie and me. She is on the floor beside me in seconds and I let it all out. I let all the loss ooze from me. And I let go of Eli in my tears.
Elijah
It’s been radio silence for days. I can’t take it anymore. She said goodbye and I gave her that, but this is becoming ridiculous. I stalk into Sins to find a barman I don’t recognize. Savvie and Ellie, the girl we saved from the cage is sitting beside her.
“Where is she?” I ask as soon as I reach the two girls.
“She’s not here,” Carrick’s voice comes from behind me before either of the girls can respond. He stalks up to me and offers his hand, which I shake in greeting. “We have something to finish before you can even comprehend going to her.”
I know what he’s talking about. I still haven’t had the courage to go near the fucker that stole my girl. I knew that if I walked up to him, I’d have ripped him to shreds. Granted, he would deserve it, but I can’t sit in prison while Gia is out here alone.
“Let’s go,” Rick says, patting me on the shoulder. Without looking back, I follow him through the club and out into the parking lot.
“Just tell me if she’s okay.” My voice comes out filled with emotion I haven’t felt in a long while. That absence of the person you love ensures that your life is void of color. The once red roses that Gia reminded me of are black as night in my mind.
“She will be. Time is all she needs right now. And you my friend,” Carrick glances my way. “Need closure and vengeance for your girl.”
Nodding, I slip into the passenger seat of a black BMW X5 that I’ve never seen him drive. The windows are blacked out, hiding us from the outside world. The engine purrs to life, my heart hammers in my chest at what I’m about to do. Beside killing him, the only way I’ll find closure is to torture the fucker.
I’ll gladl
y do that if it means my girl will find peace. Knowing he’s gone will make sure her mind is at rest. No longer stressed about him once again finding her.
As we travel through the darkened streets, I don’t talk, I can’t find words to thank Rick for what he’s done. Nothing can ever compare to having friends who will have your back no matter what. He’s become closer to me than any family I’ve had.
Fifteen minutes later, we’re pulling up to an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town. It’s derelict. The perfect place to kill someone and hide a body.
Once the car stops and the engine ceases, we sit in silence for a moment before Carrick pulls a black 9mm from his jacket.
“This is for you. I’m not saying you’ll use it, but…” His words taper off into nothing and I know what he’s saying. If I want to pull the trigger it’s loaded and ready. I’ve never taken a life, never wanted to. Now that I grip the metal, I have the urge to empty the whole round in that asshole’s chest. To see the blood drip from the bullet holes.
“Let’s go,” I utter gruffly. Pushing the door open, I exit the vehicle with the firearm firmly in my tense grip. The crunch of our steps on the loose granite are the only sounds in the dead of night. Darkness envelops us, the sliver of the new moon offers only a small amount of light. “Did you lock him up in this place?”
“My men did, yes,” Carrick answers. Mysterious. Not giving anything away about who he really is which makes me want to question him. To learn more about the man that seems to know people who have derelict warehouses on the outskirts of town where you can hold a hostage.
Once we step inside the barren space, I spot one chair with a slumped form in it. There aren’t any other visible signs of the men Carrick mentioned. As we near the unconscious man, two figures dressed in black and carrying machine guns step forward from the shadows.
“Mr. Anderson, the hostage has been sleeping. Shall we wake him up?” one asks, facing Carrick. One nod from Rick, and the shadowed figure grips William Fredericks’ hair, tugging it back.
“Wake up, asshole.” The deep gruff voice vibrates through the warehouse.
When I get a better look, I notice he’s roughed up, but not as bad as I thought. Or not as bad as I want to hurt him. His eyes open; blood crusted in the corner of his mouth cracks when he smirks.
“Is that little whore alive?” he spits, causing me to rear back and slam the butt of the gun into his mouth. Two teeth fly from his lips, falling to the ground.
“Don’t you speak about her like that you piece of filth.” My words are hissed in his face, and spittle flies from my venomous mouth.
“She was a whore, you know? Her body was nothing but a device to gain pleasure from.”
Rage warms my blood, it rushes through my veins like a poison, a drug. Lifting the gun, I trail the barrel over his bloodied face.
“You know, William… I have two bullets in here with your name on it. One for Gia and one for Ellie. All those times you hurt them, violated them, you will pay. I promise you that,” I vow, dropping my hand to his crotch and pointing it at his stomach.
“You can’t kill me, Elijah. You’re too soft. In love. That emotion weakens you.” His words have no effect on me. Nothing but hatred simmers in my gut for him.
“Oh, I’m not going to kill you,” I tell him with a smirk. My finger presses the trigger easily. The shot resounds, and a cry is wretched from his throat. Blood splatters over my chest, my arm, and my hand. I’m drenched in the crimson liquid of the enemy. “That’s for Ellie,” I tell him, seeing the agony in his expression. The thing about it is I know exactly where to shoot to wound, but not kill.
“Just…” He gurgles. “Arrest me,” he pleads. His voice drops to a whisper.
I’ve learned that words spat are meant to harm. When uttered, they’re meant to console. But when they’re whispered, that’s when they mean so much more. The emotion so profound it chokes you, and all you can manage is a whisper. Whether it’s passion, lust, agony, pain, or sorrow.
Lowering the gun further, right at the filthy cock that’s hurt two women that I know of, but what worries me is the one’s we weren’t there to save, I once again pull the trigger. Lifting my eyes to the men in shadows, I nod.
“Take him to the hospital and call the police.” Once he gets into the emergency room they’ll save him, and then he’ll rot in prison for the rest of his life. Carrick’s team works quickly, and I know they’ll get him there on time. I watch as the blood drains from him and I can’t help smiling. The sick satisfaction I feel only seems to make me happier. I wish I could’ve found him sooner, before he managed to steal Gia, or even Ellie. But now he’ll get what’s coming to him.
“You okay, man?” Rick asks from beside me, and I nod, handing him back his gun.
“I am. Time to move on. Wait for my girl to come back to me.”
It doesn’t take long for us to get back to the city. We do so in silence. Rick pulls into his parking spot at the club and I exit his car.
“Thank you for everything,” I tell him, unlocking my own vehicle.
“You’re welcome to come in for a drink you know,” he says, pointing to the entrance. But I shake my head.
“Time to go home.” I slip into the driver’s seat and start the car. It’s not long and I’m pulling into my garage. The house is empty, leaving another barren feeling in my chest. Pulling out my phone, I hit dial on her number. Gia.
“Hello,” she says tentatively. It’s the first time in days she’s answered a call from me and my heart thunders in my chest.
“I miss you.” It’s the truth. I do. My heart aches. My body yearns for her. And she can’t deny she feels the same.
“Please don’t call me again. I’ve already said goodbye.” She hangs up. The beep on the other end of the line is enough for me to want that gun of Carrick’s to take the pain in my chest away.
Sighing, I head into the living room. I pour myself a triple shot of amber liquid, the whiskey that I keep for special occasions. Tonight, I might have won the war, but I lost the princess. And I know somehow, I have to come to terms with it.
Epilogue
Giana
“Are you going to see him?” Savannah asks as she rounds the bar. Ellie and Peyton are sitting along the counter top watching me with both awe and pity. I hate it. Dragging my gaze away from the glass of vodka I’m nursing, I meet Savvie’s big dark blue eyes. They remind me of an evening sky. And they twinkle like stars are hidden in them. Small blue gemstones. Lapis Lazuli.
“I can’t.” It’s the only thing I’ve said for three months. Spending time away from Elijah has allowed me to think. After what happened, I couldn’t bear him touching me. I couldn’t even handle him looking at me. I know I hurt him when I walked away, but I just couldn’t lead him on. Make him love me more when I wasn’t sure that love is something I could ever do.
I don’t blame him. It’s the last thing I do. But deep down, all I remember is pain. The agony. My skin slowly healed over the last few months, but it’s not the outer scars that hurt, it’s the emotional scars. The inner turmoil.
Nightmares have returned full force. I’ve been at the psychologist office more than I’ve been at home. I might as well move in there. I had to get a new doctor. A woman. The only man who can even come within a few feet of me is Carrick.
“You know he’ll never give up on you. Right?” Savvie says, the girls agree nodding their heads. Just then, our sweetheart walks in, Eva.
“Darlings,” she smiles. Her eyes land on me and she sighs. She’s seen Eli, I know he’s been talking to Nate more than anything. I think Rick has been on Eli’s shit list because he’s allowed me back to work, and Nate has become his confidant. The three men, Oliver, Elijah, and Nate have been in the club while I work, but they don’t allow Eli near me.
The first time he walked up to the bar, I lost it. My screech had alarmed the whole club. Carrick sent Savannah and Eva to take me to his apartment and let me sleep it off.
; “Eva, is he…?”
“He’ll be in later. I think you should hear him out to be honest. He’s been shattered, Gia. I’ve never seen any man in such a state. Just once. Even if you want us there. Allow him to talk to you. Please?” She watches me for a moment before I sigh.
I could try. “Will you and Sav be there?” She nods. “Okay, I’ll try. I’m not promising anything, just… I just don’t know how else to make this right.”
“He loves you. There’s nothing you need to make right. He’s going to prove to you that you can be with him.” She seems confident, which makes me smile. Something about this woman makes me smile. “Come here.” She nudges her head to the side and reaches for my hand when I join her. “I have seen Nate’s monster, I asked him for it and he broke me. I’m not saying it’s the same. I could never understand the agony you’re going through, but when a man loves you so truly, so honestly, you need to try. It may take time and that’s okay. I know you love him.” She smiles. It’s a sweet, gentle one and I nod. It’s true.
“I do.”
“I know. That is why I need you to give this a chance. Don’t let love go. If you do, you’re letting that monster win. I know you’re not doing it intentionally, but in a way, you’re allowing him to rule your life.”
“He is, I know he is,” I tell her the truth.
“Then don’t.”
It’s been three months and I’m still running. Still hiding. It’s time to stop. Time to grow some lady balls and hopefully heal. I don’t know how, or if it will work, but I know I’m going to try.
* * *
Elijah
As soon as I walk into the room, I feel her. I’ve always known. Always been connected to her. Magnetized. But this time when I feel her, it’s different. I know it because when my eyes meet hers, I realize it’s not that long-lost love. It’s not chemistry. It’s nothing. There’s nothing there. She regards me with a look that confirms it. It’s over.