by Seema Anand
Disguise was an interesting concept in the Kama Sutra. To meet the lover you wore dark clothes on a moonless night or white clothes on a full moon night. It was not to hide yourself from other people, but rather from the eyes of Kamadeva, in case he struck you with more arrows and made you even more lovesick.
60 and 61—Games of Chess, Children’s Games
To amuse the beloved with different games.
62—Good Manners
Bad manners and shrewish behaviour were frowned upon. Refinement in your lovemaking and a deep understanding of the traditions of the time were indispensable.
63—Arthashastra
It was your duty to study and follow this book on commercial success. A poor lover was to no one’s taste.
64—Physical Exercise
Physical fitness was paramount. Wheezing, panting or coughing is not what one wants in a lover.
Vatsyayan finishes by saying such were the sixty-four skills that if a woman was left stranded without a husband in a foreign land, she could make a lucrative living out of teaching them. Or if a man lost his fortune he could teach the sixty-four skills to the members of society. Such was the demand for them that not only would he recoup his fortune, but would gain the respect of society as well.
My Advice
The sixty-four skills of the Kama Sutra are the equivalent of a modern-day finishing school for men and women. They provided you with the many qualifications which would make you the most desirable companion.
Seduction is not a one-way street. The sixty-four skills were essential for both men and women equally. What was the point of being seduced with exquisite refinement if you couldn’t understand the finer nuances of that seduction?
One learnt the sixty-four skills to better one’s personality, to become more interesting and accomplished as a person and to increase one’s own seductiveness.
Padmashri (in his book Nagar Sarwaswam, a tenth-century translation of the Kama Sutra) says it is not possible for any individual to master all of these skills and neither should one try and look for a lover who has them, because a relationship with a person like that could only ever end in failure. He tells the story of a man called Ralkumar who happened to have just such a lover; he always felt so inadequate whenever he was with her and she in turn felt so superior to him that in the end the affair between them collapsed in an undignified mess with loss of face on either side.
So the point is not to know everything but to keep working at it—seduction should be a life goal. Particularly as you get older, it becomes more and more important to develop your interests, personality and mind.
The brain is the most erogenous point, intellect is the ultimate turn-on, personality is sexy.
As Padmashri says, a little bit short of perfection is good—otherwise we would become bores.
*Bouquet of Rasa and River of Rasa by Bhanudatta Misra, edited and translated by Sheldon Pollock, New York: New York University Press, 2009, p. 65.
Acknowledgements
Muses come in all forms.
My mother, grandmother and great grandmother—all highly educated, independent, working women who cemented the road for me so that my journey would be easier.
My utterly special daughter, Tarini—my No.1 fan and supporter. Her pride in my work has made the sun come up every day.
My silently suffering sons (not easy having a mother who works in erotica), Nikhil and Varun, who have applauded me even while dying of embarrassment.
My husband—for suspending his Punjabi-patriarchal-entitled-male identity to keep the home fires burning so I could spread my wings (thank you to my mom-in-law for teaching him well).
My friend and associate, Smita Tharoor, for being my strongest pillar and for cracking the whip constantly—because without her this book would still be on the first chapter.
Bineeta Mitra for forcing me back into the study each time I quit.
Shubham Arora and Minnie Arora for helping translate the indecipherable Hindi and Sanskrit texts.
Sangeeta Talukdar and Namita Kapoor for flying the flag for me.
The Mysterious S—for being a brand ambassador. You are the courtesan extraordinaire.
Monika Mohta, Sangeeta Bahadur, Richa Grover and Sonya Batra for each stepping stone.
Atul Sur for always being a shoulder.
And last but definitely not the least my editor, Simar Puneet, for holding my hand through every meltdown.
Thank you all for making this book possible.