The Ghost Variations

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by Kevin Brockmeier


  GHOSTS AND MEMORY One. A Notable Social Event, Two. The Guidance Counselor, Three. A Hatchet, Several Candlesticks, a Pincushion, and a Top Hat, Six. A Long Chain of Yesterdays, Twenty-two. The Sandbox Initiative, Thirty-six. A Blackness Went Fluttering By, Forty. The Soldiers of the 115th Regiment, Fifty-four. Bouquet, Seventy-three. Bullets and What It Takes to Dodge Them, Seventy-four. Knees, Seventy-five. The Man She Is Trying to Forget, Eighty-two. Unseeable, Untouchable, Ninety-two. Euphemisms

  GHOSTS AND FORGETFULNESS Four. Milo Krain, Five. Amnesia, Eleven. A Moment, However Small, Twenty-four. Thirteen Visitations, Thirty-six. A Blackness Went Fluttering By, Forty-six. Playtime, Ninety-two. Euphemisms, Ninety-four. The Ghost Letter

  GHOSTS AND REFLECTIONS Sixty-eight. Another Man in a Mirror, Seventy. A Man in a Mirror, Ninety. Bilateral Symmetry

  GHOSTS AND REPETITIONS One. A Notable Social Event, Six. A Long Chain of Yesterdays, Fourteen. Elephants, Eighteen. A Blight on the Landscape, Thirty-one. A Time-Travel Story with a Little Romance and a Happy Ending, Sixty-nine. The Apostrophes, Seventy-four. Knees, Seventy-six. The Eternities, Ninety-five. A Matter of Linguistics, Ninety-eight. Numbers

  GHOSTS AND DUPLICATIONS Three. A Hatchet, Several Candlesticks, a Pincushion, and a Top Hat, Twenty-seven. The Midpoint, Thirty-five. New Life, New Civilizations, Thirty-seven. The Prism, Thirty-eight. His Womanhood, Thirty-nine. There Are People, They Had Lives, Forty-two. The Way the Ring of a Moat Becomes Comforting to a Fish, Fifty-six. Instrumentology, Eighty-two. Unseeable, Untouchable, Eighty-seven. An Inherited Disorder, One Hundred. The Most Terrifying Ghost Story Ever Written

  GHOSTS AND ACCELERATION Twenty-four. Thirteen Visitations, Twenty-seven. The Midpoint, Twenty-eight. The Whirl of Time, Thirty-two. The Phantasm vs. the Statue, Forty-seven. All His Life, Seventy-three. Bullets and What It Takes to Dodge Them

  GHOSTS AND STASIS One. A Notable Social Event, Six. A Long Chain of Yesterdays, Twenty-eight. The Whirl of Time, Thirty. A Story Swaying Back and Forth, Thirty-two. The Phantasm vs. the Statue, Thirty-six. A Blackness Went Fluttering By, Forty-nine. A Story Seen in Glimpses Through the Mist, Sixty-three. Which Are the Crystals, Which the Solution, Sixty-eight. Another Man in a Mirror, Seventy-six. The Eternities, Ninety-eight. Numbers

  GHOSTS AND PSYCHIC PHENOMENA Fifteen. The White Mare, Forty-three. Spectrum, Forty-four. Every House Key, Every Fire Hydrant, Every Electrical Outlet, Fifty-three. A Matter of Acoustics, Fifty-four. Bouquet, Sixty-two. Real Estate, Eighty-six. Extraordinary Gifts, Ninety-seven. Telephone, Ninety-eight. Numbers

  GHOSTS AND SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS One. A Notable Social Event, Nine. How to Play, Fifty-six. Instrumentology, Sixty-three. Which Are the Crystals, Which the Solution, Sixty-nine. The Apostrophes, Seventy-five. The Man She Is Trying to Forget, Seventy-nine. I Like Your Shoes, Eighty-one. A Source of Confusion, Eighty-five. A Life, Eighty-six. Extraordinary Gifts, Eighty-seven. An Inherited Disorder, Eighty-eight. Prayer from an Airport Terminal, Eighty-nine. Hatching, Ninety-two. Euphemisms

  GHOSTS AND SCHOOL LIFE Two. The Guidance Counselor, Forty-three. Spectrum, Forty-seven. All His Life, Sixty-one. The Abnormalist and the Usualist, Seventy-four. Knees, Seventy-eight. Detention, Ninety-eight. Numbers

  GHOSTS AND MULTIPLICITY Three. A Hatchet, Several Candlesticks, a Pincushion, and a Top Hat, Sixteen. Many Additional Animals, Eighteen. A Blight on the Landscape, Twenty. Things That Fall from the Sky, Twenty-nine. Minnows, Thirty-three. Footprints, Thirty-seven. The Prism, Thirty-nine. There Are People, They Had Lives, Forty-three. Spectrum, Forty-four. Every House Key, Every Fire Hydrant, Every Electrical Outlet, Forty-five. The Walls, Forty-six. Playtime, Fifty-three. A Matter of Acoustics, Fifty-six. Instrumentology, Fifty-eight. A Sort of Fellow, Sixty-four. Countless Strange Couplings and Separations, Sixty-six. 666, Sixty-nine. The Apostrophes, Seventy-one. Turnstiles, Seventy-five. The Man She Is Trying to Forget, Seventy-six. The Eternities, Seventy-seven. Too Late, Eighty-one. A Source of Confusion, Eighty-seven. An Inherited Disorder, Eighty-nine. Hatching, Ninety. Bilateral Symmetry, Ninety-eight. Numbers, Ninety-nine. The Census

  GHOSTS AND SINGULARITY Six. A Long Chain of Yesterdays, Twelve. A Gathering, Thirty-three. Footprints, Thirty-six. A Blackness Went Fluttering By, Thirty-eight. His Womanhood, Forty-two. The Way the Ring of a Moat Becomes Comforting to a Fish, Fifty-seven. When the Room Is Quiet, the Daylight Almost Gone, Fifty-eight. A Sort of Fellow, Eighty-five. A Life, Eighty-seven. An Inherited Disorder, Ninety-two. Euphemisms, One Hundred. The Most Terrifying Ghost Story Ever Written

  GHOSTS AND THE APOCALYPSE Twelve. A Gathering, Fifteen. The White Mare, Thirty. A Story Swaying Back and Forth, Thirty-four. Passengers, Thirty-six. A Blackness Went Fluttering By, Forty-one. Action!, Sixty-five. Rapture, Eighty-one. A Source of Confusion

  GHOSTS AND THE POSSIBLE Nineteen. An Ossuary of Trees, Thirty-one. A Time-Travel Story with a Little Romance and a Happy Ending, Forty-five. The Walls, Fifty-one. The Runner-Up, Sixty-one. The Abnormalist and the Usualist, Sixty-eight. Another Man in a Mirror, Seventy-two. A True Story, Seventy-five. The Man She Is Trying to Forget, Eighty-two. Unseeable, Untouchable, Ninety-five. A Matter of Linguistics

  GHOSTS AND THE DIMLY POSSIBLE BUT HIGHLY UNLIKELY Fourteen. Elephants, Thirty-eight. His Womanhood, Forty-one. Action!, Fifty-two. So Many Songs, One Hundred. The Most Terrifying Ghost Story Ever Written

  One A Notable Social Event → Heartbreak, the Past, the Unlucky, Never Getting Up Again, Memory, Repetitions, Stasis, Social Awkwardness

  Two The Guidance Counselor → Solitude, Blowing a Hole in the Bottom of the Boat, Memory, School Life

  Three A Hatchet, Several Candlesticks, a Pincushion, and a Top Hat → Storytelling, Houses, Memory, Duplications, Multiplicity

  Four Milo Krain → Language, the Unlucky, Forgetfulness

  Five Amnesia → Companionship, the Past, Forgetfulness

  Six A Long Chain of Yesterdays → Time, the Past, Memory, Repetitions, Stasis, Singularity

  Seven The Hitchhiker → Time, Borrowed Stories, the Lucky

  Eight Wishes → Language, the Unlucky

  Nine How to Play → Pop Culture, Houses, the Unlucky, Social Awkwardness

  Ten The Scales of Fortune → Balance, the Lucky, the Unlucky

  Eleven A Moment, However Small → Space, Borrowed Stories, the Lucky, Forgetfulness

  Twelve A Gathering → Solitude, Companionship, Imbalance, Ecology, the Lucky, Singularity, the Apocalypse

  Thirteen Mira Amsler → Pop Culture, Film, the Future, the Unlucky

  Fourteen Elephants → Animals, Technology, Storytelling, Borrowed Stories, the Senses, Repetitions, the Dimly Possible but Highly Unlikely

  Fifteen The White Mare → Animals, the Bible, Color, the Unlucky, Psychic Phenomena, the Apocalypse

  Sixteen Many Additional Animals → Animals, Balance, Technology, Multiplicity

  Seventeen Bees → Animals, Balance

  Eighteen A Blight on the Landscape → Plants, Balance, Ecology, the Unlucky, Repetitions, Multiplicity

  Nineteen An Ossuary of Trees → Plants, Storytelling, Houses, Ecology, the Senses, the Possible

  Twenty Things That Fall from the Sky → Plants, the Senses, the Lucky, Multiplicity

  Twenty-one A Story with a Drum Beating Inside It → Plants, Balance, Music, the Lucky

  Twenty-two The Sandbox Initiative → Technology, Ecology, Memory

  Twenty-three Renewable Resources → Plants, Time, Technology, Ecology, the Future, the Unlucky

  Twenty-four Thirteen Visitations → Time, Houses, Forgetfulness, Acceleration

  Twenty-five The Office of Hereafters and Dissolutions → Time, Imbalance, Numbers, Borrowed Stories, the Unlucky

  Twenty-six An Obituary → Time, Imbalance, the Past

  Twenty-seven The Midpoint → Childhood, Old Age, Time, Balance, the Past, the Future,
Duplications, Acceleration

  Twenty-eight The Whirl of Time → Time, the Future, Never Getting Up Again, Acceleration, Stasis

  Twenty-nine Minnows → Animals, Solitude, Time, Space, the Past, Multiplicity

  Thirty A Story Swaying Back and Forth → Animals, Plants, Time, Balance, Stasis, the Apocalypse

  Thirty-one A Time-Travel Story with a Little Romance and a Happy Ending → Companionship, Childhood, Time, Technology, Storytelling, Literature, the Past, Repetitions, the Possible

  Thirty-two The Phantasm vs. the Statue → Space, Acceleration, Stasis

  Thirty-three Footprints → Imbalance, Borrowed Stories, the Bible, the Unlucky, Multiplicity, Singularity

  Thirty-four Passengers → Space, Technology, the Cosmos, Ecology, the Future, the Unlucky, the Apocalypse

  Thirty-five New Life, New Civilizations → Space, Imbalance, Technology, Pop Culture, Borrowed Stories, the Future, Duplications

  Thirty-six A Blackness Went Fluttering By → Solitude, Time, Space, the Cosmos, the Past, Memory, Forgetfulness, Stasis, Singularity, the Apocalypse

  Thirty-seven The Prism → Technology, the Cosmos, the Senses, the Unlucky, Duplications, Multiplicity

  Thirty-eight His Womanhood → Companionship, Balance, Technology, Duplications, Singularity, the Dimly Possible but Highly Unlikely

  Thirty-nine There Are People, They Had Lives → Animals, Space, Imbalance, Duplications, Multiplicity

  Forty The Soldiers of the 115th Regiment → Time, the Senses, the Unlucky, Memory

  Forty-one Action! → Film, Never Getting Up Again, the Apocalypse, the Dimly Possible but Highly Unlikely

  Forty-two The Way the Ring of a Moat Becomes Comforting to a Fish → Balance, the Senses, Duplications, Singularity

  Forty-three Spectrum → Companionship, Color, Art, the Senses, Psychic Phenomena, School Life, Multiplicity

  Forty-four Every House Key, Every Fire Hydrant, Every Electrical Outlet → Companionship, Childhood, Houses, the Senses, Psychic Phenomena, Multiplicity

  Forty-five The Walls → Solitude, Old Age, Numbers, Houses, the Past, Multiplicity, the Possible

  Forty-six Playtime → Animals, Plants, Childhood, the Unlucky, Forgetfulness, Multiplicity

  Forty-seven All His Life → Childhood, the Lucky, Acceleration, School Life

  Forty-eight Take It with Me → Balance, Color, the Senses

  Forty-nine A Story Seen in Glimpses Through the Mist → Solitude, Space, the Senses, Stasis

  Fifty A Lifetime of Touch → Old Age, Art, the Senses

  Fifty-one The Runner-Up → Borrowed Stories, Music, the Unlucky, the Possible

  Fifty-two So Many Songs → Companionship, Old Age, Music, the Dimly Possible but Highly Unlikely

  Fifty-three A Matter of Acoustics → Space, Houses, the Senses, Psychic Phenomena, Multiplicity

  Fifty-four Bouquet → Solitude, Companionship, Old Age, the Senses, Memory, Psychic Phenomena

  Fifty-five The Mud Odor of the Snow Melting in the Fields → Solitude, Houses, the Senses, Never Getting Up Again

  Fifty-six Instrumentology → Companionship, Balance, Music, Duplications, Social Awkwardness, Multiplicity

  Fifty-seven When the Room Is Quiet, the Daylight Almost Gone → Companionship, Childhood, Time, Imbalance, the Senses, the Unlucky, Never Getting Up Again, Singularity

  Fifty-eight A Sort of Fellow → The Senses, Multiplicity, Singularity

  Fifty-nine A Lesser Feeling → Time, the Senses, the Unlucky

  Sixty A Small Disruption of Reality → Space, the Senses

  Sixty-one The Abnormalist and the Usualist → Balance, the Bible, School Life, the Possible

  Sixty-two Real Estate → Space, the Bible, Houses, Art, the Unlucky, Psychic Phenomena

  Sixty-three Which Are the Crystals, Which the Solution → Solitude, Heartbreak, Imbalance, the Unlucky, Blowing a Hole in the Bottom of the Boat, Stasis, Social Awkwardness

  Sixty-four Countless Strange Couplings and Separations → Space, the Senses, the Unlucky, Never Getting Up Again, Multiplicity

  Sixty-five Rapture → The Bible, the Unlucky, the Apocalypse

  Sixty-six 666 → Space, Numbers, the Bible, Houses, the Unlucky, Multiplicity

  Sixty-seven Lost and Found → Companionship, Childhood, Imbalance

  Sixty-eight Another Man in a Mirror → Heartbreak, the Unlucky, Blowing a Hole in the Bottom of the Boat, Reflections, Stasis, the Possible

  Sixty-nine The Apostrophes → Solitude, Companionship, the Senses, the Unlucky, Repetitions, Social Awkwardness, Multiplicity

  Seventy A Man in a Mirror → Solitude, Heartbreak, Houses, the Senses, the Unlucky, Blowing a Hole in the Bottom of the Boat, Reflections

  Seventy-one Turnstiles → Companionship, Imbalance, Multiplicity

  Seventy-two A True Story → Companionship, Heartbreak, the Senses, Never Getting Up Again, the Possible

  Seventy-three Bullets and What It Takes to Dodge Them → Heartbreak, Old Age, Memory, Acceleration

  Seventy-four Knees → Companionship, Houses, the Past, Memory, Repetitions, School Life

  Seventy-five The Man She Is Trying to Forget → Heartbreak, Memory, Social Awkwardness, Multiplicity, the Possible

  Seventy-six The Eternities → Heartbreak, Time, Repetitions, Stasis, Multiplicity

  Seventy-seven Too Late → Companionship, Heartbreak, Numbers, Letters, the Unlucky, Multiplicity

  Seventy-eight Detention → Companionship, Childhood, School Life

  Seventy-nine I Like Your Shoes → Companionship, Numbers, Letters, Houses, Social Awkwardness

  Eighty The Ghost’s Disguise → Old Age, Family

  Eighty-one A Source of Confusion → Childhood, Family, Balance, the Cosmos, Social Awkwardness, Multiplicity, the Apocalypse

  Eighty-two Unseeable, Untouchable → Childhood, Time, Technology, Numbers, Film, the Past, Memory, Duplications, the Possible

  Eighty-three Ghost Brothers → Companionship, Childhood, Balance

  Eighty-four A Second True Story → Animals, Companionship, Childhood, the Lucky

  Eighty-five A Life → Heartbreak, Family, the Unlucky, Blowing a Hole in the Bottom of the Boat, Social Awkwardness, Singularity

  Eighty-six Extraordinary Gifts → Companionship, Family, the Unlucky, Psychic Phenomena, Social Awkwardness

  Eighty-seven An Inherited Disorder → Family, Time, Imbalance, Borrowed Stories, Duplications, Social Awkwardness, Multiplicity, Singularity

  Eighty-eight Prayer from an Airport Terminal → Family, the Unlucky, Social Awkwardness

  Eighty-nine Hatching → Companionship, the Unlucky, Social Awkwardness, Multiplicity

  Ninety Bilateral Symmetry → Space, Balance, Reflections, Multiplicity

  Ninety-one Parakeets → Animals, Houses, Color, Language, the Unlucky

  Ninety-two Euphemisms → Language, Memory, Forgetfulness, Social Awkwardness, Singularity

  Ninety-three Roughly Eighty Grams → Solitude, Companionship, Heartbreak, Imbalance, Language, the Unlucky

  Ninety-four The Ghost Letter → Letters, Literature, Language, the Past, Forgetfulness

  Ninety-five A Matter of Linguistics → Time, Language, the Senses, Repetitions, the Possible

  Ninety-six Dusk and Other Stories → Companionship, Old Age, Literature

  Ninety-seven Telephone → Childhood, Technology, Houses, Language, the Senses, Psychic Phenomena

  Ninety-eight Numbers → Numbers, the Unlucky, Repetitions, Stasis, Psychic Phenomena, School Life, Multiplicity

  Ninety-nine The Census → Imbalance, Numbers, Borrowed Stories, the Bible, Multiplicity

  One Hundred The Most Terrifying Ghost Story Ever Written → Letters, Storytelling, Literature, Language, Duplications,
Singularity, the Dimly Possible but Highly Unlikely

  A NOTE ON BORROWED STORIES Several of the stories in this collection transform, echo, haunt, or needle at various preexisting materials, either conspicuously or obliquely. “The Hitchhiker,” for instance, references the Twilight Zone episode of the same title; “Footprints,” the spiritual poem known as either “Footprints” or “Footprints in the Sand.” “New Life, New Civilizations” borrows its central philosophical dilemma from Star Trek. “The Office of Hereafters and Dissolutions,” “A Moment, However Small,” and “The Census” pattern themselves after stories in Giorgio Manganelli’s Centuria. “The Runner-Up” owes a debt to the movie Amadeus, and “Elephants” to an anecdote contained in Beyond Words: What Animals Think and Feel by Carl Safina. Finally, “An Inherited Disorder” shares a set of obsessions with Adam Ehrlich Sachs’s similarly titled Inherited Disorders.

  Acknowledgments

  I owe thanks to my editor, Edward Kastenmeier, and his colleague Caitlin Landuyt, who, among many other acts of assistance, helped me devise and satisfy this book’s system of organization; to my agent, Jennifer Carlson, and her associates at Dunow, Carlson & Lerner, particularly Arielle Datz; to the book’s art director, Kelly Blair, for bringing great sympathy and imagination to both the cover design and the interior illustrations; to my copyeditor, Lisa Silverman, and my publicist, Abigail Endler; to production editor Victoria Pearson and proofreader Amy Brosey-Láncošová, for their meticulous work; to Kyle Minor, for surprising me with an author photo that actually looks like I do to myself; to the editors of the magazines and anthologies where several of these stories were originally published, especially Deborah Treisman at The New Yorker, Eliza Borné at the Oxford American, Stanislav Rivkin at Porter House Review, Ben Samuel at Bomb, Doug Carlson at The Georgia Review, and Lincoln Michel and Nadxieli Nieto, the co-editors of Tiny Nightmares: Very Short Tales of Horror; to Brad Mooy and everyone else associated with the Arkansas Literary Festival, where roughly a quarter of the stories in this book were first tested out before an audience, and to Sam Chang and the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, where a dozen of the others were; to Kathleen McHugh, for her help with the earliest manifestations of these stories; to Karen Russell, Brad Minnick, and Amy Frankel, for lending their eyes, their enthusiasm, and their sensibilities to the collection; and most especially to Amy Parker, for her encouragement, inspiration, and creative attention, and for awakening many of the ghosts in these pages.

 

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