by Lauren Rowe
Because this woman can suck a dick and ride a cock and come like a fucking tornado. And I don’t know any man, other than that fucking douchebag, who’d even think of putting a woman down for any of that. Hell no.
Kat stirs again and her eyes flutter open. She smiles and my heart skips a beat.
“Hey,” she says softly. “I drifted off.”
“No worries. I enjoyed watching you sleep.”
“Well, that’s not creepy or anything.”
“Let me clarify: I enjoyed lifting up the sheet and ogling your naked body while you slept.”
“Oh. Okay, I feel better now.” She stretches. “Wooh. Every single muscle in my body is sore. Wow. That was intense.”
She puts her arms around me and I follow her lead, pulling her into me. We lie nose to nose for a long moment.
“I had some sort of episode,” she says.
“Sure looked that way. Damn.”
“Dude. I went blind. Like, lights were flashing before my eyes. I saw white, then pink, then yellow. And then everything went black. I thought I was dying or being beamed up by aliens.”
“Cool.”
“Weird,” she says.
“Awesome,” I say.
“That’s never happened to me before. I think I might have had an aneurysm.”
“Have you ever squirted before?”
“Is that what I did? I squirted? I’ve never heard that term before.”
“You’ve never heard of squirting? Jesus, woman, have you been living under a sexual rock without access to wifi?”
She shrugs.
“Yeah. It’s totally a thing. Watch some Internet porn some time, dude. It’s kind of like the brass ring of porn.”
“Huh.”
“You don’t watch porn?”
“No. It bores me. I like erotic novels a lot. That’s my porn. I love them.”
“Ah. Yet again, you prove you’ve got a vagina.”
“Dude, if your dick sliding into a warm, tight, wet hole between my legs didn’t prove that well enough, then I’m done.”
“Could have been smoke and mirrors, you never know.”
She laughs.
“I like your warm, tight, wet hole, by the way. I like it a lot.”
“Aw, thank you.” She puts her hand on her heart like she’s accepting an Academy Award. “What a lovely thing to say.”
I laugh.
“I kinda surmised you liked my warm, wet hole when you sucked on it like a kitten getting the last drops of milk out of a baby bottle,” she adds.
“Holy shit, Kat. That was so fucking hot.”
She giggles. “Best ever, fo shizzle ba dizzles.”
“Best ever really?”
“Mmm hmm. That’s for damn sure. Feel free to help yourself to my warm, wet hole any ol’ time you like. Jesus God, that was good. Seriously, that right there was the absolute most amazing sexual experience of my life.”
I’m electrified. I push my body into hers and nuzzle my nose into her cheek. “You’re so fucking sexy, Kat. I feel like an addict and you’re my drug.”
She kisses me. “Me, too.”
“And the way you rode that Sybian? That memory will stay with me for the rest of my days.”
She giggles. “That machine was something else. No wonder it’s big in porn.”
“Yeah, but that’s the thing. I’ve seen it a million times in porn, and it never does that to anyone. Not even close. Jesus. I knew you’d get off on it, but I could never have predicted that. It was like you got electrocuted.”
“It was incredible. If I owned one of those things, I’d never leave my house.”
“If you owned one of those things, I’d never leave your house. You wouldn’t need an alarm clock. I’d sit in the corner of your room yelling, ‘Wake up, Kat! It’s Sybian time again!’”
She smiles, but then she pauses, apparently considering something. “I need to tell you something, Josh. I never have sex without a condom—well, unless I’m in a committed relationship and we’ve both been tested. I don’t go without protection casually.”
“I was just now freaking out about the same thing. I never do it, either.”
“You’re sure you’re clean?” she asks.
“I’m positive. Just had my annual physical. You?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. One hundred percent. I was tested two months ago when I went on the pill, and I’ve used condoms every single time since then.”
I exhale, totally relieved. “Okay. Well, then I think we should—” I’m interrupted by my phone ringing on my nightstand. “Hang on,” I say, turning onto my back and reaching for my phone. I look at the screen. It’s Jonas.
“Hey, bro,” I say.
Instantly, just by the sound of Jonas’ breathing across the phone line, I can tell he’s agitated about something.
“Agent Eric just called,” Jonas says stiffly. “The feds want a meeting with Sarah and me in Washington tomorrow.”
“Holy shit.” I sit up from Kat, my heart leaping out of my chest. “So are you and Sarah gonna catch a flight tonight?”
“Yeah, I already booked a red-eye. We’re packing up now.”
“Wow.” I run my hand through my hair. “This is big.”
“What still needs to be done before Henn can make those bank transfers?” Jonas asks.
I look at Kat. She looks anxious.
I think for a minute. “Um. Henn said he needs to take Kat’s passport photo and make her an ‘Oksana Belenko’ passport. But he said that won’t take long.”
“Okay, good. I don’t know how fast this thing’s gonna move once Sarah and I have that meeting. You three need to be ready to make those money transfers as early as tomorrow, just in case.”
“We’ll be ready.”
“Can you come up to my room?” Jonas asks. “I need to talk to you before I leave.” He lets out a loud breath. “There’s something I need to bounce off you.”
“Sure thing, bro. Don’t stress. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. Let me hop in the shower and come right up. Hang on a sec.” I pull the phone away from my face and address Kat. “Jonas and Sarah are leaving in an hour for the airport—they’re going to D.C. to meet the feds tomorrow. You wanna head up to their room with me?”
Kat’s eyes go as wide as saucers. She nods.
I put the phone back to my mouth. “Kat and I will jump in the shower and be there as soon as possible. I’ll call Henn and tell him to join us, too.”
“Kat’s with you?”
“Yeah.”
“And the two of you need to hop in the shower?”
I can’t help grinning broadly. “Yep.”
“I knew you two were fucking! Why have you guys been so secretive about it?”
I ignore the question. “So we’ll be up there in fifteen, okay?”
“You like her?”
I look at Kat’s gorgeous face. She looks anxious. “Mmm hmm,” I answer.
“Awesome. Okay, see you in a few. Oh, and hey, Josh, I need to talk to you privately when you get up here—without the girls overhearing us, okay?”
“Cool. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”
Jonas lets out a long breath. “Thanks, Josh. See you soon.”
“You bet. So, hey, wait, how’d it go with Max after the rest of us left the restaurant? He was like a fucking James Bond villain with metal teeth.”
“No, he’s a villain from Die Hard.”
I laugh. “Exactly. Oh my God, yes.”
“That’s what Sarah says.”
“So what happened after we left?”
“Nothing. We just swung our dicks around for a bit. I called him motherfucker like twenty times and told him not to even look at Sarah and he stomped away like a butt-hurt little baby.”
“Good.”
“Motherfucker.”
“Pussy-ass bitch.” I pause. “Hey, Jonas, now that I’ve seen the guy, I have a weird feeling about him—a really bad feeling. Don’t underestimate him. The d
ude looks like he has no soul.”
Jonas makes a sound of agreement. “Hence the reason I wanna talk to you privately before Sarah and I head to the airport. I’m thinking no loose ends.”
“Yeah, I follow you, bro,” I say. “I agree.”
“I just wanna talk it through. Make sure I’m not missing anything.”
“Gotcha. I’m thinking the fucker from the bathroom at U Dub, too.”
Jonas’ breathing hitches on the other end of the line. “You’ve read my mind.”
“It’s not hard to do. You’re kind of a simpleton.”
Jonas laughs. “Okay, motherfucker, stop fucking the shit out of Kat for a goddamned minute and get up here. There’s a lot to talk about before Sarah and I head out.”
“I’d only stop that particular activity for you, bro, just so you know.”
“Good times?”
“The best of times. Oh my fucking God.”
“Excellent.”
“Kat and I will see you in a few.”
“Okay. Call Henn.”
“Will do.”
I hang up with Jonas.
“What’s going on?” Kat asks, her eyes bugging out.
I explain everything Jonas and I talked about (other than Jonas’ desire to leave no loose ends). “So, hey, let’s hop in the shower real quick and head up to their room,” I say.
Kat’s face ignites. “Oh, so we’re gonna finally leave this room, huh?”
“Yeah, we gotta get the crew together to talk about . . .” I trail off. My heart lurches into my mouth. Oh shit. That’s right. I kiss her. I fuck her. I give her my application. Shit. The jig is up.
“You promised you wouldn’t leave this room without giving me that application,” Kat says evenly.
I exhale a long, exasperated breath.
“You promised,” she says.
“Yeah, I know. But Jonas and Sarah have to go to the airport within the hour and there’s a ton of stuff we all need to figure out before they go. There’s no time for our little game—not right now. We’ve gotta press the ‘pause’ button ’til they leave.”
Kat throws up her hands in frustration. “Seriously?”
“Just ’til they leave.”
She’s fuming.
“Babe, we gotta save the world right now.”
She exhales with exasperation. “Fine. Goddammit. I’ll press the ‘pause’ button. But only because I love Sarah so much and I wanna take those assholes down as much as anyone. But the minute they leave for the airport, you’re gonna give me that goddamned application.”
I take a deep breath. My pulse is pounding in my ears. Shit. Things have been going so well between us. I don’t want to fuck things up.
“Is it on your laptop?” she asks.
I nod.
“Email it to me right now.”
I shake my head. “No way. The deal was you get to read it—you don’t get to have it.”
She rolls her eyes. “Then I suggest you bring your frickin’ laptop with you to Jonas and Sarah’s suite so you can hand it over to me the minute they leave.”
I don’t respond. I guess some part of me was hoping that, after I finally fucked her, Kat would say, “To hell with the stupid application. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Kat touches my chest and goose bumps erupt on my body. “Josh, listen to me. My initials spell KUM. I grew up being called Kum Shot and Jizz. A guy I thought I loved turned out to have a fucking fiancée and told me I’m a slut.” She smiles, but there’s no mistaking the insecurity in her eyes. “Not to mention the fact that I just sucked your gigantic dick while riding an orgasm machine and then came so hard I went momentarily blind.” She shoots me an adorable grin. “And you’re nervous about sharing some stupid sex club application with me?” She strokes my face. “Holy Nothing Can Shock Me Now, Batman.”
I close my eyes. She kisses me gently.
“Holy Give Me Some Credit, Batman,” she whispers, continuing to kiss me.
I return her kiss. My dick is hardening. But, shit, there’s no time. My brother’s waiting. I pull away.
She puts her finger under my chin and kisses my lips gently. “Holy YOLO, Batman.”
I smile at her. What man could resist her? I tried my mighty best, I really did, but even I couldn’t pull it off. “Okay,” I say. “A promise is a promise. The minute Jonas and Sarah leave, I’ll hand it over. I give you my solemn word as a Faraday.”
Forty
Josh
The five of us have gone over Jonas and Sarah’s talking points for the big meeting in Washington tomorrow, twice, and Henn has walked us through the logistics of how our very own “Oksana Belenko” is gonna get The Club’s approximately five hundred fifty-four million bucks transferred out of the bad guys’ twelve bank accounts. During the whole conversation, every one of us has looked on anxiously, but none more than Kat—which is understandable, considering she’s the one who’s gonna have to waltz into each and every bank and commit large-scale bank fraud.
I wish I could do the job for her, I really do. In fact, I’ve pushed Henn to come up with some way to transfer the money that doesn’t rely on Kat, but he keeps telling me there’s no other way: the accounts are all in Oksana’s name and the majority of them require in-person transfers for amounts over a million bucks. Henn and I went around and around, but there’s no alternative. We can’t do it without Kat.
“Don’t worry, Kitty Kat,” Henn says. “I promise. It’s gonna go like clockwork. I’ve rigged it so the banks will think you’re Oksana, no questions asked, and I’ve also figured out a way to block the bad guys’ access to the Internet on their devices during the whole time we’re in the banks, just in case they try to check their accounts while we’re in the middle of things.”
Kat bites her lip. “Thanks, Henny.”
“We’ll both be right by your side,” I say, taking her hand in mine. She leans into my shoulder and I kiss the top of her head. “I’ll be right there with you, PG,” I whisper. “Every step of the way.”
“Okay, so are you three good?” Jonas asks.
“Yeah, we’re good,” I say. “Are you two good?”
Jonas and Sarah look at each other. “Do you have any questions, baby?” Jonas asks.
Sarah shakes her head. “No, no questions. But I do have a comment: holy crappola—I’m shitting a brick.”
Jonas laughs and kisses her forehead. “No need for brick-shitting. Your report is gonna do all our talking for us.”
Sarah takes a deep breath. “God help me if I wind up on some government watch-list after all this.”
“Don’t worry. They wouldn’t be meeting us in the first place if they didn’t take your report seriously.”
Sarah nods and exhales.
Jonas looks at me. “Josh, can I talk to you for just a second?”
“Sure, bro.”
“Do you mind, baby? I just gotta talk to Josh for a quick second, and then we’ll head out.”
“No worries. I’ll chat with Kitty Kat.”
Jonas and I get up and Sarah and Kat instantly launch into a rapid-fire conversation behind our backs.
“You two want me to join you or... ?” Henn asks us.
Jonas looks at me for my input.
I nod.
“Yeah,” Jonas says. “Thanks, Henn. We could definitely use your brain.”
The three of us move to a sitting area on the other side of the suite, far enough away that the girls won’t overhear us.
Jonas looks nervously across the room. “There’s not a lot of time, so lemme cut to the chase. I want Max and the Ukrainian Travolta dead.” He clenches his jaw.
Henn doesn’t seem the slightest bit surprised. “Shouldn’t be hard to persuade the feds to do it for you. The feds are gonna want them dead, too.”
“How do you figure?”
“Well, dude. Come on. The Secretary of Defense is one of The Club’s biggest clients? Not good. They’ll do whatever the fuck you ask them to do to keep that
quiet and make sure this deal goes off without a hitch. Offing a couple Ukrainian separatists is a small price to bury that particular bit of information.”
“‘Ukrainian separatists’ isn’t really sexy enough,” I say. “I don’t think the average person watching the news understands all that.”
“True,” Henn says. “Good point.”
“I think we need something easily digestible for the masses—something the media will pick up on and run with—something the feds can feed to them that they won’t even question.”
We’re all silent for a beat.
“Terrorists?” I say.
“Yes,” Henn says. “The media can spin that ’til the end of fucking time. They’ll eat that shit up.”
“Yeah, but Ukrainian terrorists? Americans don’t even know where Ukraine is,” I say.
“That’s true.” Henn says.
“Russian terrorists?” Jonas says.
“Yeah,” Henn says. “‘A Russian terrorist cell.’”
“Ha! Perfect,” I say. “You’re a fucking genius.”
“So I’ve been told,” Henn says.
“I like it,” Jonas says, nodding. He looks deep in thought.
“It’s actually eerily perfect,” Henn says. “It’s got all the bogey-man buzzwords at once, tied up in a neat little package. The news stations will have themselves a field day, whipping everyone into a frenzy, which means the feds will have a free pass to do whatever they need to do in plain sight—all in the name of protecting us all from a huge terrorist threat.’” Henn nods emphatically. “It’s brillz.”
“What if those two fuckers die in a shoot-out during a raid on the ‘terrorists’ compound’?” I ask. “That’s pretty sexy, isn’t it?”
“Perfecto,” Henn says. “Maybe those two fuckers ‘pulled weapons on officers’ during the raid? That’d be the cleanest for the feds and best for us, too—no way to trace anything back to us. Simple. Effective. Believable. The feds save the world. We have nothing to do with it. Great mega-story for the news outlets. It’s a win-win-win.”