by Lauren Rowe
“Well,” Mom says definitively. “I’m very sorry for your losses, Josh.”
“Thank you,” Josh says. “Like I said, it’s been a long time.”
“Please know you’re always welcome here. Any time.”
“Thank you,” Josh says. His cheeks are red.
There’s an awkward silence. Mom looks like she’s gonna cry.
Josh shifts in his chair and then, almost like a turtle burrowing himself into his shell, he takes a huge, conversation-ending bite of spaghetti. “This really is the best sauce I’ve ever had,” he mumbles between chews, filling the awkward silence.
Mom’s face is bursting with compassion. “I’m glad you like it—especially since it’s your turn for extras.”
We all exchange looks, nonverbally acknowledging our shock.
From the look on his face, it’s clear Josh doesn’t understand the gift Mom’s just bestowed upon him.
“Whenever Mom makes her spaghetti sauce or chili or lasagna,” I explain, “two or three of us get to take home a huge portion of leftovers to put in our freezer. We call it getting extras.”
“It’s always Keane plus someone else,” Ryan adds.
“It’s not always Keane and someone else,” Mom says defensively. “Sometimes, I don’t give extras to Keane.”
“Mom, it’s always Keane and someone else,” Dax says.
Mom looks to Colby for support, but Colby nods in solidarity with Dax.
“Well, Keane’s not here tonight, is he?” Mom sniffs. “So that means he doesn’t get extras this time.” She pauses, smirking. “If your penile brother would rather dance in his underwear for a bunch of screaming women at a bachelorette party than eat dinner with his dear mother, well, then, that’s his choice, isn’t it?”
Every single person at the table, including Mom and Dad, simultaneously lose their shit.
“You think I don’t know what Keane’s been up to?” Mom says, laughing hysterically.
But Colby, Ryan, Dax, and I can’t compose ourselves enough to reply to her. We’re like flopping fish on a riverbank, incapacitated by our laughter.
Mom shrugs and takes a long sip of her wine, her eyes full of pure evil. “Let this be a lesson to all of you kids: in the age of smartphones, don’t even try to get away with something devious—your mother will always find out.”
My brothers and I can’t stop screaming with laughter.
“Who ratted him out?” Ryan finally asks, clutching his stomach.
“One of my friends from Bunco. Her daughter Deanna went to a bachelorette party the other night, and apparently a certain male stripper showed up to entertain the ladies with some gyrating dance moves.” Mom rolls her eyes. “I must say the photo I’ve got of Keane dancing around in his underwear is definitely one for my memory book—I’m gonna put it right next to the one I have of Keane dancing around in his diapers.”
Everyone laughs again.
“Oh my God,” Dax says, holding his sides. “Best day ever.”
“So, anyway,” Mom continues, “the point is you guys gotta actually show up for dinner in order to get extras—it’s how I bribe you to come home occasionally. Which means Keane’s extras are now Josh’s.” She smiles sweetly at Josh and takes a long sip of her wine.
“Oh, no, I couldn’t take Keane’s extras,” Josh says politely, but even I can hear how much he’s hoping she’ll insist.
“I insist,” Mom says, right on cue, much to my joy and relief.
Josh’s thigh jiggles under my palm.
“I coddle Keaney way too much, anyway,” Mom continues. “It’s time for that boy to get off the teat.”
We all burst out laughing, yet again. Oh my God, when Mom gets a little tipsy, she’s truly hysterical.
Mom leans toward Josh, her eyes sparkling. “You’re in the line-up now, honey, whether you like it or not. Ask the other kids—when it comes to extras, what I say goes.”
“Yup,” Ryan says. “And not just about extras. Mom runs a tight ship all around. Don’t let that pretty face fool you—she’s a barracuda.” He winks at Mom.
Josh beams a huge smile at Mom. “I think I see where Kat gets her backbone.”
Dad and all three of my brothers simultaneously express agreement with that statement.
“Thank you very much,” Josh says. “I’m thrilled and honored to be in the extras line-up.”
“We’re thrilled to have you,” Mom says—and my heart skips a beat at the smile she flashes him.
Oh my God, this night is going better than I could have dreamed. I rub Josh’s thigh under the table and I swear I can feel an electric current buzzing just underneath the denim of his jeans.
Mom turns her iron-butterfly gaze on Ryan. “You get extras tonight, too, Rum Cake.”
“Yesssss,” Ryan says, fist-pumping the air. “Thank you, dearest Mother.”
“Enjoy, honey. Thank you for coming to dinner—I know you’re busy.” She takes a deep breath and wipes her eyes, betraying the emotion she’s actually feeling, despite her outward swagger. “So, it’s settled: Josh and Ryan get extras; Josh is welcome here any time; and Keaney’s a male stripper. New topic. How’s the planning for Sarah’s wedding coming along, Kitty? Seems like you’ve been running all over town like a chicken with your head cut off.”
It takes a moment for me to regroup—I kinda feel like Mom just gave me mental whiplash—but I somehow manage to reply coherently—sort of—about everything I’ve been doing to help Sarah pull off the wedding of the century in such a short amount of time. But, honestly, though I’m speaking coherently—sort of—my mind is engaged elsewhere—namely, with Josh and his beautiful, damaged heart. Not to mention the palpable electricity I feel buzzing underneath my fingertips as my hand rests on his muscular thigh.
“Well, it sounds like you’ve been an exceptional maid of honor,” Mom says. “Sarah’s lucky to have you.”
“You’ve been doing all that stuff for Sarah and still coming to help me every day, too?” Colby asks. “I had no idea, Kat. I’m sorry.”
“Colby,” I say. “I’ve wanted to help you. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”
“Thank you—I just didn’t realize you were so busy.”
“It’s no big deal. I’m unemployed, remember? I’ve had all the time in the world to help my two favorite people.”
“Hey,” Dax says. “I thought I was your favorite person.”
“Ssh,” I say. “Let Colby feel special just this once—the dude’s got broken bones, after all.”
“No need to make me feel special,” Colby says. “I’ve been feeling a lot better.”
“Yeah, but you’re still on the mend, Colby,” I say. “It’s a slow climb—you can’t overdo.”
“How much longer ’til the wedding?” Colby asks.
“Six days,” I say.
“Okay, then, in six days, you’re officially gonna be done with both your maid-of-honor and Florence-Nightingale duties. Starting a new company’s hard work, Kumquat. If you’re gonna get your PR company off the ground, you’re gonna need to focus all your time and energy on that. I’ll be fine.”
My stomach somersaults. Ooph. I feel sick all of a sudden. I hate letting Colby (and my entire family) think I’m still chomping at the bit to start my own PR company when, in actuality, I put that sucker on the backburner the minute I saw those two little pink lines.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no stranger to lying to my family—I’ve told them plenty of whoppers throughout the years. But telling lies to my family about how many martinis I’ve had or whether I’ve studied for an Algebra test or saying I spent a hundred bucks on a pair fringed boots when I actually paid two isn’t quite the same thing as sitting here impliedly telling every member of my family (except Keane, of course, but he doesn’t count) that I’m planning to launch a new PR company when in fact I’ve got What To Expect When You’re Expecting sitting on my nightstand at home—oh, and, by the way—fun fact!—my “home” these days is actually
Josh’s gorgeous new house.
“Just go on your trip with Josh and have fun,” Colby continues, “and when you get back home, start focusing on your own life for a while.”
“You and Josh are taking a trip?” Mom asks. “Where to? You haven’t told me about any trip.”
“Oh, I didn’t tell you about that?” I ask.
“No,” Mom says. “Where are you going?”
Josh’s palm lands firmly on my thigh under the table and I place my hand on top of his.
“Oh. I thought I told you. Yeah, Sarah’s gonna surprise Jonas during their honeymoon by taking a short detour to Venezuela to see Jonas and Josh’s childhood nanny, Mariela. Josh and I are gonna meet them there.”
“In Venezuela?” Mom says. “Wow. I’ve never even thought of going there. How exciting. Is it safe?”
“Yes, Mom.” I look at Josh. “Josh and Jonas haven’t seen their nanny since they were seven, since right after their mother died. This is gonna be a really special reunion for them both.”
Color rises in Josh’s cheeks. He nods.
“Wow,” Dad says. “Where in Venezuela?”
Josh clears his throat. “Just outside Caracas. Mariela just bought a new house there, and I figured as long as Kat and I are gonna be in South America, I might as well take Kat to Brazil and Argentina, too.”
Mom and Dad look at each other, their faces bursting with excitement.
“That sounds fantastic,” Dad says. “Wow, guys. How fun.”
“How come Colby knew about this trip and Daddy and I didn’t?” Mom asks, pouting.
“Because, Mom,” Colby says, “you two were at work when Kat was here, yacking my ear off about it.” Colby shoots me a smile that melts me. “I’d gladly switch places with either of you, trust me—these days, the girl never stops talking to me and I can’t get up and walk away.”
Mom and I share yet another elated look. Yep. It truly seems our beloved Colby is back (or, at least, well on his way)—which means the rest of us Morgans can finally exhale the anxious breath we’ve been holding for four long weeks.
Everyone at the table peppers Josh and me with questions about our itinerary for the trip, as well as about Mariela, and Josh answers each and every question smoothly.
“Jonas and I decided to launch Climb & Conquer right after Jonas gets back from his honeymoon,” Josh says, “so I thought I might as well travel at the same time. I figure this trip with Kat will be a nice little vacation before I start putting in eighteen-hour days.”
“Well, it sounds like perfect timing,” Dad says. “Because Kat will be putting in long hours when she gets home, too, launching her new company.” He shoots me a proud smile that makes my stomach twist.
“You know, Kitty Kat, that reminds me,” Mom says. “I just got some new billing software that’s super easy to use on a Mac. When you come to walk Ralph tomorrow morning, I’ll sit you down and show you how it works. I think it would work well for you, at least to start with. And don’t worry—it’s not complicated. If I can figure it out, you certainly can.”
I can’t reply. My tongue feels thick in my mouth.
“And if you’d like to talk to the guy at my bank about setting up a commercial account—you know, so your business can take credit card payments—I can take you over there and introduce you.”
I nod. Sort of. Oh, God, I feel like I’m gonna barf.
“Kitty, what’s wrong?” Mom asks.
I look at Josh, swallowing hard. Oh my God. I gotta tell my family about the-kumquat-inside-the-Kumquat. I can’t lie like this anymore. It’s time to come clean.
Josh squeezes my thigh under the table and I look at him, pleading with him to let me spill the beans. Josh’s jaw muscles pulse for a moment, and then he nods.
I shift my gaze to my parents, my breathing shallow.
“What is it?” Mom asks, her face awash in anxiety. “Is everything okay, honey?”
I scan the faces at the table. Dax’s eyes are full of sympathy—he knows what’s coming and, clearly, he’s taking no pleasure in what I’m about to do. Ryan looks mildly concerned. But Colby’s blue eyes are killing me—he’s genuinely worried.
I look at Mom and Dad again. “Mom. Dad,” I begin. I take a huge breath and squeeze Josh’s hand under the table. “I’m pregnant with Josh’s baby.”
One Hundred Seven
Josh
There’s a pause, like that moment just before a tidal wave crashes onto the shore. Kat’s parents inhale sharply—and then nothing. No exhale. No words. No sounds. Just silence for what feels like forever, though it’s probably only a nanosecond.
Kat squeezes my leg under the table.
“Oh, Kat,” her mom says. “Honey.”
I look around the table at Kat’s brothers and their facial expressions all convey the same exact sentiment: Holy fucking shit.
“It’s okay, Mom,” Kat says, coming off as much more composed than I’d be able to manage. “It was definitely an accident, that’s for sure—and I totally freaked out when I first found out—but Josh and I are both starting to adjust to the idea pretty well. In fact, I think we’re both starting to get kind of excited.” She looks at me and half-smiles and I nod in solidarity.
I steal a quick glance at Kat’s parents and my cheeks blaze. The way they’re looking at me, I’m positive they’re both imagining me boning their daughter right this very minute. I clear my throat. “Please be assured I’m fully committed to Kat and our baby. I’m gonna take care of them both.”
Kat’s mom breathes a visible sigh of relief. “How far along are you?” she asks.
“Twelve weeks.”
“Oh my gosh.”
“I know—end of the first trimester. The baby’s the size of a lime.”
“A lime? Ohmigosh.”
Kat’s father clears his throat but doesn’t speak.
“Yeah, but no matter how big the baby gets, Josh says it’s still the-kumquat-inside-the-Kumquat. Isn’t that cute?”
Colby can’t keep himself from smiling at that and Kat’s mom shoots me an adoring look—but Ryan and Kat’s dad both still seem to be processing things.
“Oh, honey,” Kat’s mom says. She rubs her forehead. “How are you feeling? Have you been to the doctor? Is the baby healthy?”
“I’m good, Mom. Yes, I went to the doctor—I saw the baby’s heartbeat. So far, so good—knock on wood.” Kat shoots me an anxious look, and I’m pretty sure she’s thinking about the booze and weed she ingested before we knew—something I’ve thought a lot about, too. “I was throwing up nonstop for a while,” Kat continues, “but that’s tapered off a bit. Now it’s mostly late at night and early morning.” Kat squeezes my hand again. “I’m good, Mom. The baby’s good. Josh is good.”
Kat’s mom sighs with relief, yet again. Wow. If I’m not mistaken, I’m beginning to see a glimmer of excitement in Louise’s eyes—just that fast.
“So what are your plans?” Kat’s father asks evenly, breaking his silence. My eyes shift away from Louise’s beautiful face—damn, that woman looks so much like her gorgeous daughter it’s truly freaky—and I’m met with two blue chips of steel. Oh, boy. There’s not a hint of excitement on Kat’s father’s face. It’s all fierce protectiveness.
My stomach clenches.
Kat squeezes my hand under the table. “The plan?” she says, replying to her father. “The plan is I’m gonna move in with Josh—er, actually, okay, to be honest, I already did. Got the last of my stuff moved in yesterday.”
Kat’s father glances at his wife and his face quite clearly conveys deep concern.
“So, you know, we’re gonna live together,” Kat continues. “And have a little tiny human that’s made up of both our DNA. And we’ll raise it together. And be happy. The End.”
“I meant what are your plans? For the child? For the future?” He motions to Kat and me. “For the two of you?”
“Oh,” Kat says, like she totally understands—but then after a beat she cocks her hea
d to the side, apparently perplexed. “What do you mean? I just told you. We’re gonna live together and raise our kid. The End.”
I gently extricate my hand from Kat’s steel claw and wrap my arm around her shoulders. “Mr. Morgan, as far as I’m concerned, the plan is for me to take care of your daughter and our baby in every conceivable way,” I say evenly. “You don’t have to worry about either of them, I promise. They’ll want for nothing. I give you my word on that. I’ll always take care of my baby and the mother of my child, no matter what happens.” I clear my throat. “And not just out of obligation. Because I love Kat, Mr. Morgan. I love your daughter with all my heart and soul.”
Kat twitches against me and I squeeze tighter.
There’s a brief beat of silence during which Kat’s mom visibly swoons and then bursts into tears.
“Mom,” Kat says, holding up her arms.
Kat’s mom leaps out of her chair and lopes around the table to her daughter, sounds of femaleness gurgling out of her as she goes.
“Everything’s gonna be okay, Mom,” Kat says into her mom’s blonde bob.
Kat’s mom sniffles. “I should be reassuring you, honey. I’ll help you—you know that, right? We’ll do this together.” She kisses Kat’s cheek twenty times, making Kat giggle through her tears.
“Come here, Josh,” Kat’s mom says, breaking away from her daughter and reaching for me. She hugs me. “Welcome to the family, honey,” she murmurs into my chest, squeezing me tight.
“Thank you,” I say, my heart racing.
When Kat’s mom pulls away from our hug, Ryan and Dax are standing behind her, offering handshakes and hugs—but Kat’s father is still sitting in his chair, his face unreadable to me.
“Daddy?” Kat says when it’s clear he doesn’t plan to get up and join the hug-fest.
The look on the man’s face makes my hair stand on end.
“So you’re not planning to marry Kat?” he asks me evenly.
“Thomas,” Kat’s mom says, obviously mortified. “They’re adults. It’s none of our business.”