by Lauren Rowe
“Bottles of what now?” Henn asks, his face perking up.
“Scotch,” I answer. “From my uncle’s private stash. Whatever it is, it’ll change your life, I guarantee it.”
“Well, don’t mind if I do,” Henn says. “Thanks, Uncs.” He pats my Uncle on the back.
Uncle William laughs. “You’re very welcome, Peter. Do you boys know anything about Scotch?” he asks, and when Henn and Reed both admit they’re fairly clueless, my uncle proceeds to school both of them on the topic.
“Hey, Jonas?” I say. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
We move to the corner of the bungalow.
“You okay?” Jonas asks.
I nod. “Just a lot more nervous than I expected to be.” I shake out my arms. “It’s taken me a lifetime to get here. I don’t wanna fuck it up.”
Jonas looks at me sympathetically. “Just take a deep breath. It’ll be over soon.”
“No, not the ceremony. The marriage. I don’t wanna fuck it up.”
“You won’t. You never fuck anything up.”
I scoff. “We both know that’s a load of complete bullshit. Got any advice for me?”
“Just imagine everyone naked,” Jonas says. “Except Sarah. Definitely don’t picture Sarah naked or I’ll have to punch you in your pretty face.”
“No, don’t give me advice about saying my vows—gimme your best advice for a happy marriage. You’re the happiest married guy I know.”
Jonas shrugs. “Well, I haven’t been married all that long—but, yeah, I guess I already know the secret. Put her happiness ahead of your own every single day and it’ll come back to you ten-fold.”
“You sound like a fortune cookie.”
He laughs. “Yeah, just add ‘in bed’ to anything I say.”
“Thank you, Jonas,” I say. “That’s exactly what I’ll do. I’ll worship her every fucking day.”
“In bed,” Jonas says. Emotion washes over his face and he hugs me. “I’m so happy for you, Josh. You’ve been my rock my whole life, and I don’t know what I would have done—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I say, pushing him away. “Bro, we just did this exact thing mere months ago at your wedding. Do we really need to talk about our fucking feelings again so fucking soon?”
Jonas laughs. “But, Josh—talking lets the feelings out.”
We both laugh.
“Honestly,” I say, “I love you, bro, I really do, but I don’t have a pressing need to articulate every warm and gooey feeling I have about you more than, say, once a year?”
“Fine by me,” Jonas says, shrugging. “Once a year sounds good. And, by the way, I love you, too.”
“Gah. Stop. What’d I just say? Once a year, bro. How ’bout we do it on our birthday?”
“Great. I’ll mark it on my calendar: ‘Remember to tell Josh I love him today and that he’s the best brother a guy could ever hope for.’”
“I think you just did an end-run around that one-year thing,” I say.
Jonas winks. “I’m smart like that. Remember? I’m the smart one, and you’re the good-looking one.”
“No, I don’t think that’s how things got divvied up. You’re the smart one and good-looking one, Jonas. I’m the charming one.”
“And we’re both the happy ones,” Jonas says.
We share a huge smile.
“Did you ever think life would turn out like this for us?” Jonas asks, shaking his head.
I join him in shaking my head. “Never. Like, literally, never. Things weren’t looking too good for the Faraday brothers for a while, but we’ve pulled victory out of the jaws of defeat, haven’t we?”
“Definitely.”
The wedding planner pokes her head into the bungalow. “We’re ready for you gentlemen now. Time to take your positions on the beach.” She looks at her watch. “We have to time this with the sunset, so you’ve got to be in position in five.”
“Thanks,” I say to her.
Jonas and I hug.
“Congratulations, Josh,” he says.
“Couldn’t have done it without you, bro—you showed me how to do it.”
Jonas flashes a huge smile.
“Thank you, Jonas.”
Jonas nods. “My pleasure.”
I take a deep breath and turn toward the rest of the guys. “Ready, men?”
Everyone says they’re ready and raring to go.
“Reed, hand me that tequila one more time.”
Reed hands me the bottle of Patron and I take another huge swig—and everyone does the same thing right after me.
I put my hand on Jonas’ shoulder. “Hey, bro, you got a Plato quote for me to think about when I’m up there, just in case I suddenly feel like I’m gonna spontaneously shart?”
“Of course. ‘Courage is knowing what not to fear.’ And the one thing never to fear is spontaneous sharting.”
Everyone laughs.
“Perfect. Thank you. You’re a beast of a best-man, Jonas Faraday.” I take a deep breath. “Now let’s get out there and get me a smokin’ hot wife, shall we?”
Everyone expresses enthusiastic agreement with that plan of action.
“Wife on three,” I say, putting my hand into the huddle.
Everyone covers my hand with theirs. “One, two, three. Wife!” we all shout together, and then throw our hands up.
“I love you, Josh,” Jonas says, slapping me on the back.
“No. Stop it.”
“I love you, too, Joshy,” Henn says, laying his cheek on my shoulder and side-hugging me.
“Me, too,” Reed says, laying his cheek on my other shoulder.
“So do I,” Uncle William says, patting my cheek.
“Look what you started, motherfucker,” I say to Jonas. I shake Reed and Henn off me and they laugh hysterically. “I love you all, too. You’re the best guys I know and I’d be lost without each and every one of you. Now, come on, guys. Quit making me say all this shit. I swear to God if I shart up there, I’m blaming all of you.”
Everyone laughs and high-fives and passes the tequila around one final time.
“All right. Enough fucking around. My fantasy-girl awaits. Let’s get out there and bag me a goddamned gorgeous wife.”
One Hundred Twenty-Four
Josh
The girl walking toward me on her father’s arm is literally the most spectacularly beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on in my entire life, without exception. She’s the precise sum of parts I’d order at the Build-a-Wife store if there were such a thing. Her dress is simple and white—the bottom half of the dress cascading over her round belly and floating like a soft cloud down to the sand.
She’s glowing from the inside-out, shining brighter than any diamond—which maybe explains why, despite all the ice I’ve recently showered her with, she’s opted to wear only two items of jewelry for her once-in-a-lifetime walk down the aisle: the ring I slipped onto her finger when I asked her to be my wife and the fucking amazing tear-drop sapphire-and-diamond earrings Uncle William gifted her from his late wife’s jaw-dropping collection. “Something old and something blue,” Uncle William said to Kat when he gave them to her last week. “But definitely not something borrowed—they’re all yours, sweetheart. Welcome to the Faraday family.”
She’s gliding down the aisle with her father, floating like a glorious feather, smiling at people in the audience, and beaming at her father.
And then she locks eyes with me—and every bit of nerves I’ve been feeling vanishes. Why? Because my future wife is looking at me the exact way Sarah did when she walked down the aisle toward Jonas—the exact way I’ve longed for someone to look at me my whole fucking life, not even realizing it’s what I yearned for most.
Thomas and Kat reach me on the sand, and after kissing Kat’s cheek, Thomas gently guides his daughter toward me.
“Make her happy,” Thomas whispers to me, shaking my hand.
“Forever,” I murmur, taking Kat’s slender hand.
> I kiss Kat’s cheek and whisper to her: “I’m the luckiest man alive.”
“I love you,” she replies.
“I love you, too.”
The officiant—a large Hawaiian guy in a white linen suit, sunglasses, and a lei—welcomes everyone and leads us through our very simple marriage ceremony. Or, at least, that’s what I presume he’s doing—I’m only half-listening. Because, seriously, what mortal man could possibly concentrate on what a Hawaiian dude in a white suit is saying while looking straight into the face of God’s most heavenly creation?
“And now, Josh and Kat have prepared vows for each other,” the officiant prompts—grabbing my full attention. “Kat?”
Kat takes a deep breath and squeezes my hand. “Josh,” she begins. “Joshua. You once asked me if I believe in fate—and I said, no, that I believe in kicking ass.”
I laugh and so does everyone in the audience.
“But now I know I was wrong about that. You’re my fate, my love—my destiny. I truly believe that every minute of my life up ’til now was engineered by a greater power to bring me to this moment—to you—so that I could become your devoted wife.” She smiles and her eyes twinkle. “One of the things I love about you most is how you take care of everyone you love. As your wife, I vow to be the one who takes care of you, Josh. I promise to love you forever, always making sure your needs and greatest desires are satisfied beyond your wildest dreams. Every single day, I vow to make sure you wake up thinking, ‘Damn, I’m a lucky bastard,’ and every single night fall asleep thinking, ‘I can’t wait for tomorrow.’”
We share a huge smile.
“I’ll love you forever, Joshua William Faraday,” Kat continues. “I promise to love and honor you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, all the days of my life and never, ever leave your side as long as I’m drawing breath into my body.”
“I love you,” I whisper to her. “Thank you.”
“I love you forever and ever, my love,” Kat whispers. “I promise.”
Kat looks at the officiant, signaling she’s all done speaking.
“Josh?” the officiant prompts.
Those nerves I felt before the ceremony slam into me again. I take a deep breath and take Kat’s beautiful face in my palms. “My beloved Kat.” I take another deep breath. “Good God, you’re evil.”
She laughs in obvious surprise.
I take her hands in mine. “And not just evil. Stubborn as hell, too.” I flash her a huge smile. “But you’re also hilarious. Compassionate. Honest. Passionate. Baby, you’re hell on wheels. And, most of all, you’re loving and kind and beautiful.” I stroke her golden hair. “And I love it all—every single thing about you.”
The bottoms of her eyes fill with tears.
“When I first laid eyes on you at Jonas’ house, you waltzed into the living room and marched straight up to me like I’d ordered you out of a catalog—and right then, I knew I was totally screwed.”
Kat laughs along with everyone else.
“But a man has never been so happy or lucky to be totally screwed in the history of time.”
Kat’s face contorts with pure joy.
I take a deep breath. “Katherine Ulla Morgan, you’ve single-handedly taught me how to love—how to be a man in every sense of the word. You’re the answer to a prayer I didn’t even know I had. And I vow to you, in front of God and all these witnesses, to cherish you every single day—all parts of you, even the heinously diabolical parts—especially the heinously diabolical parts—to make your happiness my mission in this life. If someone hurts you, I’ll kick their ass, baby. If you’re sad, then I’ll make you laugh—unless, of course (for some reason only women can possibly understand), you don’t want to laugh, in which case I’ll simply hold you and let you cry on my shoulder.”
She sniffles and laughs.
“Kat, I vow to love you and take care of you and our precious baby.” I touch her belly gently. “All our babies, in fact, because now that I’ve become a part of your awesome family, I’m hoping God will gift us with an entire minivan full of them.”
Kat’s eyes pop out of her head and plop into the sand.
Oh, shit. I don’t know where that came from. I haven’t mentioned my recently discovered desire for a big family to Kat before this moment. Perhaps during our wedding ceremony wasn’t the optimal time for me to lay that idea on her for the first time? Oh, well, fuck it. I am what I am.
I clear my throat and barrel ahead.
“And, most of all, my beloved Kat, I vow to you, right here and now, in front of God and all the people we love, which includes Keane, by the way, just to be clear—”
Every Morgan in attendance bursts out laughing along with Kat and me.
When the Morgans have finally quieted down, I continue speaking again, holding her hands in mine. “Like I was saying, I solemnly vow to you, in front of God and all the people we love, that when I’m eighty, I won’t have a baby with a trampy twenty-six-year-old gold digger, even though she’ll be at optimal child-bearing age.”
Kat hoots with laughter and so do I—and so does everyone watching us, even though, surely, no one but Kat and me fully understands the joke.
I cup Kat’s jawline in my palm. “YOLO, Kat,” I whisper. “Damn, I’m a lucky bastard that I get to live my one and only life with you.” I touch the cleft in her chin. “I. Will. Always. Love. You.” I reach into my pocket, pull out a poker chip, and covertly place it into Kat’s palm. “I promise to make every day of our life together better than any fantasy, baby. Forever.”
One Hundred Twenty-Five
Josh
“When Josh asked me to be his best man,” Jonas says, speaking into the microphone in his hand, “the first thing I thought was, ‘Oh, shit.’”
Everyone seated in the reception room laughs.
“Because I immediately realized I’d have to give this fucking speech—excuse my language—and anyone who knows me will tell you I absolutely hate giving speeches, almost as much as I hate hip-hop and One Direction and talking about my fucking feelings—excuse my language again.” He grins at Sarah and she beams an adorable smile at him. “So I’m gonna try to keep this short and sweet.” Jonas raises his champagne flute and everyone follows suit. “Aristotle says love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Well, Josh and Kat, when I look at you two together, and the way you fit together like two halves of a divinely designed puzzle, I know in my bones Aristotle’s words remain true to this very day. My wish for you both is that you find eternal light outside the cave together. Welcome to the Faraday family, Kat—and thank you for taking my constantly emoting brother off my hands.” Jonas raises his glass. “To Josh and Kat. Hear, hear.”
“Hear, hear,” everyone says, taking a sip of champagne.
“Damn, we Faradays rock,” Kat whispers into my ear.
Jonas lurches over to Kat and me and hugs us fervently, and then hands the microphone to his adorable wife.
“Kitty Kat,” Sarah begins, smiling. “My best friend and now my sister—oh, I just gave myself goose bumps saying that.” She giggles and everyone joins her. “Anyone can see how beautiful you are on the outside—it’s actually quite unfair how truly gorgeous you are, Kat—but the amazing thing about you, the unexpected thing, is that you’re as beautiful on the inside, too.” Sarah’s voice wobbles. “Most people can only dream of having a best friend like you, Kitty Kat—and I’m the lucky bitch who actually does.”
Everyone in the reception room laughs.
“I love you so much, Kat,” Sarah says.
“I love you, too,” Kat mouths, her hand on her heart.
Sarah looks at me, seated next to Kat at the end of our table. “Joshy Woshy. You’re quite a beast of a man, you know that?”
Everyone in the reception chuckles and cheers in agreement with that statement.
“Josh, I marvel at your sheer amazingness every day,” Sarah continues. “I’m so lucky to be your sister. Thank you for embr
acing me as part of your family. I love you with all my heart.”
“I love you, too,” I mouth.
“And to Josh and Kat together—the Playboy and The Party Girl with a Hyphen—the unstoppable duo. The poet Kahlil Gibran said, ‘Marriage is the golden ring in a chain whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is Eternity.’ It’s been thrilling to watch your first glance at Jonas’ house turn into the beautiful eternity of today.”
Kat rests her cheek on my shoulder and I squeeze her hand.
“But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit you two scare the bajeezus out of me,” Sarah continues, and everyone in the room chuckles. “Seriously, every time I’m in an enclosed space with you two, I find myself immediately scanning for emergency exits and fire extinguishers.”
Everyone laughs again.
Sarah raises her glass. “To Josh and Kat. May you always inspire everyone around you to scan for emergency exits and fire extinguishers. Hear, hear.”
“Aw,” Kat says next to me, raising her sparkling apple cider.
“Hear, hear,” everyone in the room says.
I get up and kiss Sarah’s cheek and take the microphone from her.
“Thank you, Sarah. Thank you, Jonas. We love you guys so much. We Faradays are pretty effing cool, I gotta say.” I turn toward the smiling faces in the room. “I want to thank you all for joining us, not just for today’s celebration, but for this whole past week in paradise. I know you all have busy lives so we thank you for taking so much time to celebrate and party with us this whole week. It’s been incredible, hasn’t it?”
Everyone claps and cheers.
I glance at Kat and the sight of her makes me completely forget what I was about to say. “Hello, Mrs. Faraday,” I say softly, not into the microphone.
Kat blushes. “Hello, Mr. Faraday.”
We stare at each other for a beat.
“Better give your speech, honey,” she prompts. “People are waiting.”