L-heart just stared at him, shaking her head.
But his mom came over and place a hand on his arm. “Oh, Knud. Is that really what you think? That not allowing yourself to feel…closing yourself off from everyone is the only way to manage your disorder?”
“Mom, it’s not something I think—it’s something I know. You guys were the most loving parents I could ask for and I still turned out all fucked up.”
“No, no,” his mom insisted. “That’s not true.”
“It is true,” he insisted right back. Then he returned his gaze to L-heart. “And I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted things to stop the way they did. But I didn’t know how else to end it.”
“Why did you have to end it at all?” she demanded as if he was the biggest idiot in the universe. “And just when things were getting really good?”
Had she not heard a word he’d said? “Why? Because I’ve got issues. Serious issues.”
She stared at him for a beat, then said, “I know you have issues, Knud. I’ve got them, too.”
He shook his head. “Mine are obviously a shit-ton bigger than yours.”
She laughed. Actually laughed like he, not she, was the naïve one in their duo. “Oh, no they’re not.”
“Try never being able to have a genuine response to anything or anyone because you’re afraid it will end up on social media and reflect badly on your family’s brand. Try having absolutely no private life or never being able to get a good sense of whether people like you for you, or just because of who your mom is.”
She made a dismissive sound. “You’re upset because your mom is trying to get you to propose to me. But try finding out the first boyfriend you thought you might be okay with marrying someday, was vetted and literally interviewed by your father.”
Knud glanced to the side before saying, “Actually that’s pretty common in our community…” But then a new question occurred to him. “Wait, how did you know my mom was trying to get me to marry you?”
“Because all black moms try to get their sons to marry me. That’s just what they do. Even though I talk too much and interrupt and am kind of a know-it-all and a tad eccentric.”
“A tad…” Knud repeated.
Suddenly her face fell, as if he’d hit her, and actually landed the punch. “See, that’s it…” she said with a sad laugh. “That right there is why I liked you. You kept it real with me from the start. You called me out. And looked at me like I was crazy.”
“No one’s ever looked at you like you were crazy?” he said, tone incredulous.
“No,” she answered with a totally straight expression. “At least not directly to my face.”
“Okay, who are you that—?” he began.
She huffed. “Knud, shut up. Just let me talk, okay?”
He did. The use of his real name and her unprecedented rudeness startling him into silence.
She sighed. “You were right about me, you know. I’m always thinking, always watching myself. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to figure out exactly how I should act and speak that I never learned how to just be myself. I don’t even have a concept of self. Only brand. It’s like before you, my whole life had been Photoshopped and I couldn’t even tell what was real.”
Clamping his lips, she looked up at him, all sort of emotions flickering across her face like animals finally off their leashes. “But with you…I could just be. I didn’t have to make a new decision every single second about my language and demeanor with you. The truth is…”
Again her face worked, as if her words had to climb over several obstacles to get past her High Media training. But in the end, they collapsed out of her mouth like a relieved confession. “The truth is, you’ve taught me more about myself in five months than I’d learned from my PR team in 18 years of living a brand. But I’m tired of playing games with you. I’m tired of trying to act as if I’m indifferent to you, or that my heart has gone completely unaffected by our time together. And I know, feelings make you uncomfortable, as do intimate relationships. I know that, and I’m sorry for putting you in this position, but I feel compelled to tell you… I’ve fallen in love with you.”
She nodded to herself, as if confirming the words in her heart, as she said it again, “Yes, I love you very much.”
It took him a moment before he was able to speak over the wolf howling inside his chest. “No…no, L-heart… you can’t love me,” he answered, voice guttural and quiet. “You just found out my real name…and I don’t even know yours!”
“It’s Layla,” she answered, refusing to drop her gaze from his. “My name is Layla, and you were wrong to say I’m fragile. Because I’m stronger than you. Strong enough to finally tell you how I really feel, and you know what…”
She nodded in Alisha’s direction, “if your black mom wants us to marry, then yes, I’ll marry you. Because I love you. Also, because my father’s lawyers excel at prenup agreements—honestly, I could marry a kangaroo and come out okay on the other side. But mostly because I love you. Truly love you. Which is why…”
A trio of gasps went up behind him when L-heart—Layla—carefully sank down to both knees.
No, no, was all Knud could think as his wolf howled like a crazed animal inside his chest. But his human didn’t… couldn’t comprehend what was happening as she said, “Knud Nightwolf, now that I know your name, I would like to ask for your hand in marriage. Not because of who you are or who I am, but because I love you. Like, big time love you—sorry, I’m very emotional right now and I’m finding it hard to construct a poetic enough sentence to express my deep affection for you.”
“This isn’t happening,” Rafes said behind Knud.
Knud was just as stunned. “You really want to marry me? Dr. Thug? The guy that loses his shit when you jump out of a closet?”
“Yes, I really do. So, what’s your answer?”
“Yes, his answer is YES!” a voice squealed in the distance. He looked up to see Tu on the porch of Founder’s Cabin along with Jandro, Grady, and Qim.
At the same time Rafes said, “No…no…you cannot marry her.”
But Knud’s eyes returned to the woman on her knees. “You should know,” he said carefully. “We wouldn’t be able to have kids. I’m…not up for that.”
“And you should know we can talk about that and figure it out. Either way, it will be all right.”
“You should also know that hu—usual medications don’t work on my mood disorder. So I can’t guarantee I won’t ever go crazy on you again.”
“And you should know my body is literally a lethal weapon. Temporarily blinding you is one of the nicer moves in my wheelhouse. If I wanted to, I could kill you with one blow. So, there are some inherent dangers we’ll both have to deal with—also, you have my solemn guarantee that I will never jump out of a closet at you again.”
“I’ve also got to tell you—”
“Knud, shut up, please. My knees are starting to hurt, and I’m tired of running away from this. I’m tired of running from the things that scare me. And I hope I’m right about you. I hope you’re not a total coward. I hope you’re brave enough to be crazy about me, too. Either way, no more stalling. Just tell me: is your answer to my question yes or no?”
He shook his head at her, because seriously, how was this even happening? “My answer isn’t yes,” he said, his voice low and rough.
His mother gasped a sad, “Knud! Please…”
While he could hear Rafes say, “Thank you for finally seeing reason.”
No falling in love. Ever…
Knud shook his head, remembering the rule that had most tripped him up. Then he stepped forward, and pulled Layla to her feet. “My answer isn’t yes because it’s hell yeah. Hell yeah, I’ll marry you, Layla. And even though I seriously can’t figure out what I did to make somebody as fucking amazing as you love me and accept me as I am, I’m going to say hell yeah, because Hot Social Worker…”
She gazed up at him, her face all
gooey and soft. “Yes, Buddy?”
He took her face in his hands. “I fucking love you, too.”
Just like that, her smile came back. And it was nothing less than the sun after a long, grey winter…coming through extra bright and blasting all the shadows away.
He’d think about that smile a lot in the weeks to come. Regretfully. Mournfully. He’d remember the way his wolf wagged inside his chest. So happy, so caught up in her optimism, so sure if she loved him and he loved her, everything would be okay.
Stupid wolf.
Stupid, stupid wolf.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Please don’t be angry with me about this,” I say to Jared and Santiago as I drive my Tesla right past the barbecue place I claimed I wanted to go to for lunch. I promised them ribs but I’m only serving up intrigue as we speed toward my second non-vetted address of the day.
My request for leniency might have come too late, however. Though I can’t see the expressions behind their polarized sunglasses, the set of their jaws says it all: they aren’t happy with me. Again.
“I would have let you wait for me at the restaurant,” I point out, “But there’s no way you would have allowed me to come here alone.”
“Where is here, Shimmer?” Jared demands from the passenger seat. “We need an address.”
I make a considering sound. “Hmmm. See…I would love to grant that request, and I promise I will grant it…after I’ve paid my foster client a visit.”
“Why not now?” Jared asks, barely able to keep his tone calm and respectful.
“Unlike Kansas, Oklahoma is a drone state,” I answer, “and I would hate for my father to drop in on this particular foster family when all I’m doing is following a hunch.”
“A hunch about what?” Santiago pipes up from the back seat.
That’s a good question. But I can only imagine how quickly my father would drone over here if I provided any further details.
“I’ll tell you if it turns out to be more than a hunch,” I answer diplomatically. “How’s that for a compromise?”
Apparently, it’s not much. Neither guard answers as we drive past a standing wooden sign that has WELCOME TO WOLF HAVEN! etched in big gold letters across its front.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kukunniwi Woods
“No, no, I won’t allow this! I absolutely will not allow you to marry that human!”
Rafes started in on me as soon as the others followed the rest of the family into the Founder’s Cabin, and we were alone. Layla had to finish up the assessment process with Qim. And their semi-retired parents had to pack, having already decided to visit Knud and Layla in Kansas when all was said and done.
Layla, my fiancée, Knud thought with a grin. And this time he couldn’t tell if it was his human or his wolf wagging its tail.
For the first time in his life, he’d been completely honest with a woman and she’d acted like it was nothing. Like whatever problems either of them brought to the relationship could and would be overcome with love and understanding. And the way the red anger had responded to her…. dissolving with just a thought toward her well-being. No, human drugs did not work on the red anger—but Layla? She did. The morning wasn’t nearly over yet, but it felt like a brand new day.
“Did you hear what I just said?” Rafes asked, barging in on Knud’s happy daze. “I won’t allow it.”
This again. “Listen, man, I don’t work for you anymore. You can’t tell me what to do.”
Rafes squinted and pointed a finger at him, “No, you listen to me, Knud. Whatever silly dreams Mom has for you and this woman, you can get them out of your head. Because it will not happen. It will never happen. And if you try to force it to happen, I will bring all my presidential powers to bear and make sure it doesn’t.”
Knud crooked his head at his brother, eyes flaring because, “Damn, Rafes. Black boxes and now this. Do you EVER use your presidential powers for anything besides fucking with people’s love lives?”
Rafes’ body went rigid. “That is an unfair accusation. I understand why Mom and the rest of the family think I’ve turned into the anti-Christ. But you know better, Knud. You know the enemy we’re up against.”
Yeah, he knew. And spent about a nanosecond feeling shitty about the blanket accusation. But only a nanosecond because, “This isn’t a mission you’re ordering me to scrap. And you’re not my president and commander. Not when it comes to this. Not when it comes to her. Because although I didn’t mean to have this happen…the truth is I’ve fallen in love with her.”
“Really. You’re in love with her?” Rafes repeated, his voice sugary sweet and mocking, before he yelled, “Get over it! She’s a human, and you’ve literally killed people to keep our secrets from humans. By the way, I notice you didn’t bring up your hitman past when you two were playing out that ridiculous marriage propo—”
He abruptly stopped talking mid-rant.
And Knud just as abruptly stopped listening.
Because a smell hit the air like an atomic bomb, a crude mix of sex pheromones, luteinizing hormone, and arousal blasting away their words. The scent was vulgar and nasty. Yet…very familiar.
Layla.
It was Layla.
A human…his human was in heat.
Knud’s first response was guilt, thinking it was somehow his fault. But no…it couldn’t be. He’d never shifted in the same vicinity.
But then what the hell? How was this even happening?
Spontaneous heat…
The words floated into his mind. A memory of his mother’s many fireside stories during their years in the Viking Age suddenly unlocked. And he remembered that according to the stories, not all human conversions into werewolves were due to a wolf scratching or biting a human on a full moon night. There had been a few—not many—but a few reported cases of spontaneous heat between humans and shifters.
And according to both his mother’s Inuit people and his father’s Native tribe, these human women who went into sudden heat were in fact fated mates who for whatever reason had been born without the ability to shift.
Love. Rafes had mocked him for loving her. Had told him to just get over her. But only now did Knud understand how far beyond love it went.
Layla was his fated mate. His fated mate! Which explained everything. His continued desire for her after a lifetime of losing interest as soon as the sex was cold. His wolf’s absolute conviction to be with her from day one.
And now she’d gone into spontaneous heat. Knud turned toward the cabin.
“No! Knud, No!” a voice said behind him, in the same tone Knud had heard humans use to say, “bad dog!”
His brother tackled him from behind, pinning him to the ground with his arm behind his back as they’d been trained to do with unarmed hostiles in Wolf Force.
Breathing heavily on top of him, Rafes said, “I can’t let you do this!”
“She’s my mate. And she’s in heat!” Knud yelled.
“She’s a human you’ve been fucking,” Rafes shot back. “And humans can be sedated out of heat. Grady and Tu are past heating age. They’ll handle getting her under control.”
But Knud’s brain landed on one name. Qim. Qim, the unmated billionaire, was in the same house, the same room as his mate. As HIS FATED MATE.
Argument over. Knud shifted to get out of his brother’s rear wrist lock, and then batted Rafes away with a large black paw like he was a pesky bug.
First rule of Wolf Force?
Fuck the first rule of Wolf Force. His fated mate was in heat.
His mate. His mate. His mate—not Qim’s.
Luckily, he was Viking trained. Unlike his mother and father, Knud’s human stayed in control when he shifted. So he easily shifted back to human with his loose joggers and t-shirt intact.
Back to human, but little more than an animal.
His wolf howled as he rushed toward the stairs to keep Qim from mating with Layla—
Knud stopped short when Qim, the
same male he’d been so afraid of jumping his fated mate, walked out calmly guiding Jandro down the steps as if Layla’s heat smell wasn’t blaring like a tornado siren in the air. Both Qim’s parents and Knud’s followed close behind.
But how was that possible? Unlike Rafes, Qim didn’t already have a mate so Layla’s heat smell should have been driving his wolf crazy with lust.
That’s when a big “oooohhhh” hit Knud. And he suddenly understood why Grady had immediately volunteered his son to foster Jandro.
As if to confirm his suspicion, his mother sing-songed off his “what-the-what?” expression, “If you’d been in touch during the last five years, you’d have been there the Christmas Qim came out.”
But then the time for surprise reveals was over. Another wave of heat hit the air and Knud’s mind was once again consumed by savage thoughts.
His mate. In need. Right now. That was all that mattered. All he could focus on.
He found her behind the couch in the study, and his psyche nearly gave out when he saw the state of her. Naked and panting on her hands and knees. Four fingers shoved all the way in her own sex as she tried to get herself off with hot desperate tears in her eyes. Because she wasn’t a wolf and had no idea what was happening to her or how much worse trying to masturbate made the heat thrall.
“Baby,” he said when he saw her.
She looked up at him, her face streaming with tears. “Something’s wrong with me!” she gasped. “Something’s wrong. I feel like I’m dying. Like I’ll die if you don’t—”
She cut off when another heat wave racked her, seizing up her entire body with lust. “I know…I said I wasn’t…fragile,” she whimpered between clenched teeth, “But this hurts. It hurts so bad...”
That’s all it took for him to place himself behind her, plunge his pants and underwear down, and push into her unbelievably wet opening with a roughness that had nothing to do with level ten. Or level anything.
Always use protection…
The Brothers Nightwolf Trilogy Page 31