Meet with you? Fine—Matek wanted to keep things businesslike. Maybe he wasn’t here to close the distance between them. Nina stood up straight and tall.
“What’s the good news?”
“I’ve received an invitation from a client in Germany. They’re hosting an event between now and the birthday party. Apparently, nobody else can come close when it comes to setting up effective security perimeters.” Matek flashed her a smile so perfect it almost distracted her from the words that came out of his mouth. “It’ll be two weeks, maybe three, depending on how things go. I’ll be back in time for the birthday party.”
If this conversation were a train, it had just come neatly off the tracks and crashed into the side of a mountain. “Wait. You’re leaving?”
“Yes.” Matek rubbed his hands together, smiling at her with slightly less wattage but still an excitement that tore at her heart. “It’s an invaluable opportunity to network. Who knows? Maybe I’ll come back with my next long-term contract.” His dark eyes narrowed, considering her. Why, why, did his face still look so gorgeous when he was being so awful? “What’s wrong?”
Matek’s words seemed to reach her on the back of a hurricane, the rushing in her ears louder than his voice. Fear and anger twisted around the base of her spine and gripped her tight.
“Haven’t you considered—did you think—wouldn’t you stay here? For my sake?”
Saying the words left her as breathless and terrified as leaping over a deep chasm would. She held her breath and hoped Matek would reach out to catch her. She’d never been so raw, as if her skin was being rubbed with sandpaper. Asking for attention—it would have been inconceivable in Nina’s house growing up. All the asking in the world couldn’t make her family close. Not the way Matek’s was.
“I can’t stay.” His eyes locked on hers, as if he were trying to translate her words from a language he didn’t really understand. “The job needs to be done now, before their event takes place. It’s part of an ongoing—” He shook his head. “No. I can’t stay.”
Her lungs wouldn’t work correctly. “Matek, am I—as your fiancée, as your wife, as anything—am I ever going to be first? Or even…important?”
“I don’t know what this trip has to do with prioritizing you and the baby. This is my job. I have to go where the contracts take me.” He let out a breath of a laugh. “I’m asking you to come with me.”
“No.” Nina planted her feet in the middle of the apartment she had decorated—decorated for him. The apartment that his family had come to celebrate with her. The apartment that was supposed to be her new home, just like the ring on her finger was supposed to be a sign of her new life. Yes, she’d known that Matek traveled, in some abstract way. But he had been in Hamari longer than she had. It seemed like he could stay put for longer than a few weeks or months. This was all wrong, but even if he went... “I’m not going to travel. I’m staying here.”
The shock on his face slammed into her heart. “What do you mean? You’re coming with me. You’re my fiancée. You have to come.”
“I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.” Matek folded his arms across his chest. “I have to keep you safe, and you’re safest when we’re together.”
“But we haven’t been together.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve never been more alone than after I moved here. Until that night with Devra,” she shot back. “I’m not feeling my best when I’m with you. Not anymore.” Nina swallowed hard, and the gravity in the room seemed to shift and swell, keeping her off-balance. “I need people around me right now. I can’t travel from country to country, never knowing—” Never knowing if I’ll find anyone again. “If I come with you, I won’t be with you. I’ll be more alone, and less safe, than ever. I can’t be alone right now.”
His expression hardened, his dark eyes going cold. “That’s not how I live—surrounded by people. All I need are two suitcases and a ride to the airport. Sometimes not even that. I don’t need a palace. In fact, I’m best off when I’m alone.”
Nina sucked in a breath, pain rocketing down her throat as if Matek had slapped her. Her chin quivered. No—no. She wasn’t going to cry in front of him. Not now. Not when he was watching her for any sign of weakness. That’s all he was doing. That was the only reason his eyes were on her, and she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.
“You’re coming with me. I won’t allow you to stay here.”
His words jolted Nina out from under the rolling waves of hurt and into the cold air of reality. “You’re not going to decide where I go.” She drew herself up to her full height. “If you want to go, then walk out the door right now. I’m staying here.”
“You’re forgetting that this is my family home. The people who live here are my family.”
“So what?” Acid coated every word. “They might be your relatives, but they’re my family. Your sister said so. You know when? When they were here, taking in everything I did in your apartment. They were here for me, and you didn’t care.” Tears threatened at the corners of her eyes, but she steeled herself. “You know what, Matek? You act like your family is the problem. Like everything they do is because they’re flawed in some way. Not up to your standards. But I think the real problem is you. Now get out. I’ll be much happier when you’re gone.”
16
Matek’s head hurt from straining to listen in the deadly silence of his apartment.
His flight left in two hours.
He’d been awake all night, wandering through the gardens and stalking the palace halls. When Nina had slammed the bedroom door behind her, the entire place had seemed to close in on him. His lungs couldn’t hold enough air, and heat pounded at his skin—and not a good heat.
Before he’d returned this morning to pack, he’d watched her join Devra and the others in communal dining room.
Matek hauled his two carryon suitcases from the top shelf of the walk-in closet. He’d stood here for a good five minutes, just feeling the emptiness. There was no point in seeing her before he left. She didn’t want to come with him, and he wasn’t going to stay here and—and what? Settle down? Install himself in his rooms and spend his life protecting his family?
He waved that thought away like a stinging insect.
The only thing to do was to pack and get on his flight. He’d booked a commercial flight to Germany. Matek wanted as much distance as possible between himself and this palace—and the fury in Nina’s eyes. That included not using the family jet. For all he knew, she’d spilled all the details about their fight to his sister and everyone else. He wasn’t about to announce that he’d be using the jet to leave her and his family behind.
He unzipped the first carryon.
In Hamari, he’d bought a few things to add to his wardrobe, but when the time had come to leave, he had donated what wouldn’t fit in his luggage. That was what it meant to take his job seriously. He needed to be able to leave at a moment’s notice, and being weighed down with extra possessions made that impossible.
Only...
Matek took a step back and scanned the shelves of the walk-in closet.
They were fuller than he remembered.
Nina had needed new things. He knew that. But there were other clothes for him, too. He tugged out a traditional outfit that he had no memory of ordering. The long robe was an amber color that caught Matek’s eye. He could almost feel the rayon fabric slipping over his skin. What was this? Not a piece he’d wear on the job. It hung next to a charcoal suit he didn’t remember owning on one side and more traditional robes on the other side, each one with more complex decoration than the last.
Nina had been shopping for him.
He pulled down the neck of one of the robes and found a tag sewn inside—one of the best tailors in the city.
Nina could only have known about him through Devra. His heart jumped into his throat at the thought of his fiancée—was she even his fiancée still?—conferring with his sister
about what to tell the tailor. They’d have looked at fabric together. They’d have debated other options, like the suit. They’d have done it all because his father’s birthday event was coming up, and Matek wasn’t just security at the party.
Clearly—clearly—they expected him to be there as a member of the royal family, if the clothes were any indication.
His stomach sank, a falling feeling that served as an echo from the past right into this present moment. He let the fabric fall back on the hanger and go still.
Had he been wrong all along about how his family felt about him?
If he had, did it matter?
Matek shoved the emotions away. They were nothing but a distraction, and he couldn’t afford to be distracted. Not anymore. He took several suits and shirts and shoved them into a suitcase.
But then he couldn’t tear himself away. Nina had done a wonderful job of building up his wardrobe, even while he spent all his time working on the security system. He wanted to put all of them in the suitcases, but there wasn’t room. He let himself take one additional outfit—a pair of loose cotton pants and a long tunic, similar to Jaleel’s usual style. The woven texture of the clothing made him think of childhood. Of hot days at the oasis. Of chasing his brother through the palace halls.
Matek shook off the sadness that had settled on him like a damp fog and went out into the living room. It still surprised him, even though he’d seen the new decor many times. Nina hadn’t just replaced the furniture. She’d brought it all together in a sea of red and gold that made him want to sink into an overstuffed chair and stay forever. It wasn’t sparse—not anymore. She’d filled the empty spaces with family photos, he noticed with a jolt. Family photos. An ultrasound picture, encased in a tiny frame. He picked up the frame and cradled it in his hands, tracing the ultrasound image with one thumb. So light, so insubstantial for something that had changed everything. And he’d been acting like it changed nothing. But no matter what this little person changed, he couldn’t let himself get carried away by those emotions. He couldn’t let that take over his life.
“No,” he said to the little photo. He put it back. He said it again to the soft blanket that rested over the back of the sofa, waiting to cover someone who needed comfort. He said it again and again, all the way out to the hall.
He’d be back soon.
He hoped.
* * *
“I’m sorry, Sheikh Matek.” The woman behind the counter at the airport gate looked genuinely apologetic. “The flight has been delayed ninety minutes.” She handed back his boarding pass. “If you need anything in the meantime, let me know.”
Matek turned back toward the bustle of the airport. He’d dismissed his security team before he walked up to the counter, so stuck in his head about Nina and the apartment and the baby and everything else that he hadn’t noticed anything was wrong until they’d left.
He cursed under his breath and reached for his phone. He could call them back—but no. He’d be just fine waiting alone. Better that way.
He took the handle of his carryon and moved down the terminal. Only one carryon. He’d done a ruthless repack at the last second, before he left his rooms. One was enough. But he was walking too fast—at this rate he’d be back at the palace before the ninety minutes was up. When he slowed his pace, his attention snagged on a gift shop, three stores down. No, not a gift shop. A toy shop.
A teddy bear pressed its nose up against the front window.
The memory hit Matek like a sucker punch to the heart. That bear—it had been his bear. The one he’d had when he was seven. The one he’d had up until the day his grandfather had taken him to a new set of rooms, just for Matek, away from his brother and sister, and told him in no uncertain terms that it was time to be done with soft things, like crying and teddy bears.
Matek went into the store. He couldn’t stop himself. He reached for the teddy bear. The soft fur beneath his hand was exactly as he remembered, and a stab of pain went through him like a lightning bolt. All the love he’d had for this little thing, with its dark brown arms and legs and its tan belly and the tiny embroidered grin, was with him still.
“Please,” said a small voice next to him. “Can we take it with us?” A little boy stood next to the display case, holding the same bear in a different color tight to his chest.
“Give it here.” A woman crossed next to Matek and took the bear from the boy’s hands. Stop, he wanted to shout. Don’t take it from him.
“Don’t put it back.” The little boy’s voice wobbled. “That one’s mine. It’s for me, mama.” He couldn’t have been more than four.
“I’m not putting it back.” The lady ruffled the boy’s hair affectionately, then reached for his hand. “We have to pay for it before we can take it out, but of course you can have it. You can never have too much love in your life.”
“What?”
The woman laughed, the sound kind. “Come on. You can hand the man the money, if you’d like.”
The two of them brushed past Matek and went to the register.
His heart stopped, crushed by longing, and realization dawned. The truth lit him up like a floodlight. Matek had been so used to the dark that it had blinded him.
He didn’t want to live this way.
He didn’t want to keep his emotions at arms’ length. He didn’t want to make every decision in favor of his job. His grandfather had been cruel to separate him from his brother and sister and make him think that missing them was an unforgivable weakness.
Matek found himself gripping the bear tight in one hand. It wasn’t weak to want love. It wasn’t even weak to ask for it.
Nina had asked for it, and he’d turned her down.
What had he been thinking?
Matek tossed the bear back into the display case and walked away. He wasn’t five steps away from the shop when he turned around, so abruptly that the woman and the little boy had to jump out of his way.
“I’m sorry,” he said, but it wasn’t only to them—it was to the rest of his family, too.
“It’s all right,” said the lady, concern in her eyes.
But there was no time to lose, no time to explain. He marched back into the shop, took the bear gently in his hands, and paid for it. Handing over his card felt like the most important moment in the history of the world, there in the airport toy shop.
Back in the terminal, Matek nestled the bear carefully into his carryon and pulled out his phone.
“Matek?” Devra answered on the first ring. “Where are you? What’s all that noise?”
“I’m at the airport.”
“The airport? What are you doing there?”
He laughed out loud, a single, bright ha. “I’m leaving. Right now. But Devra, there’s something I need to do. Something I should have done a long time ago.”
“What’s that?” He headed for the airport exit. The wheels of his carryon bounced over the ridges in the floor. They were slowing him down. He didn’t want to slow down—he wanted to run.
“First, I need to apologize. For...keeping you out of my life all these years.”
“Matek, it’s not really...” Her voice softened. “I forgive you. But it was on both of us, and—”
“I know,” he said. “I know. But there’s something else I need to do, and I should have done it a long time ago. Only I couldn’t see it until right now.”
“What’s is it?” Her voice was filled with hope and suspicion in equal measure.
“I need to ask for your help.”
17
Nina’s heart was as empty and scattered as Matek’s apartment.
She paused just inside the door, a hand to her chest. How long had he been gone? Three hours? It was as long as she could stand to be with the other women. Even getting down on the floor and playing with the children hadn’t dispelled the thundercloud that wrapped itself around her spine.
The suitcase wasn’t helping.
Matek had clearly been in a state when he left, becau
se one of his suitcases lay abandoned on the coffee table in the middle of the living room. It hung open, and clothes spilled out the sides—as if he’d thrown them in and run away. She could hardly picture him doing it. When they’d packed to come to Damarah he’d been fast, but precise. Every shirt folded. Everything in its place. This wasn’t right.
All the outrage from their fight seeped out of her and drained through the floor, disappearing in one breath. What had she been thinking, telling him to leave like that? Why couldn’t she swallow her pride and fight for what she wanted? Because an empty apartment wasn’t it. The space he left behind didn’t seem like an open door for new possibilities. It seemed like a basement with no windows. A dead end.
Nina pushed herself away from the door. Whether Matek came back or not, she wasn’t going to leave the room like this. If he came back, she wanted him to come back to someplace nice. Cozy. The place she’d built for them both. She lugged the suitcase out of the living room and down the hall to the master bedroom.
Oh, he’d been here too. The clothes were slightly askew on the hangers, and he’d pulled one of the robes almost all the way off before leaving it behind. A throb of pain shuddered over her body. One of the items on her agenda had been talking to him about the clothes for the party. Matek might not care very much about his wardrobe at these events, but she knew his sister did—and the rest of his family took note. So she’d split the middle. Matek wouldn’t have to spare the time to choose the clothes, and his family would see that the two of them as a unit did care.
Caring for the others like this came naturally to Nina, even if her childhood hadn’t been that way. All that had mattered in her parents’ house were appearances for people outside the family. The nice clothes they bought were only to show off how much money they had. Within their own household, they didn’t have habits that were shorthand for I love you, I care about you, and I’m committed to being part of this.
The Sheikh’s Pregnant Nanny: Sheikhs of Hamari Book Three Page 10