“I forgot how beautiful you are.” There wasn’t that same love that had been there before his family was brutally attacked. There was definitely something different about the way he looked at me.
“What do you feel?” I asked him.
“Lust.” He looked like he wanted to pounce on me.
“No love?” I felt heartbroken.
“No love,” he confirmed. “The only reason I can remember how I felt for you is because you are not human.”
“I see.” Heart clenching, I fought the desire to kiss his lips the way I had before.
“I have frightened you,” he said, rolling away from me.
“No, I just wish there was something still there,” I whispered. I had known Aaron so much more than I had ever known Wesley.
“You avoided me more than anything,” he laughed softly.
“I avoided being alone with you,” I corrected.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I couldn’t control myself. There was a need in me to own you. To devour you. It brought out the darkness.” I closed my eyes. I was embarrassed to share with him what I had felt toward him in the past — the dark desire to claim every inch of body, mind, and soul.
“It didn’t seem to the last time we were together.” He rolled back toward me.
“That was different,” I laughed nervously. Every moment with him was etched into my memory. I remembered the desire I felt toward him that last night.
“How was that different?” he laughed.
“It just was.” I closed my eyes and tried to push the memory aside. “Will you ever love anyone again?” I questioned.
“Love is a complicated emotion.” He frowned. “I know I will have a mate, but I know there will be no emotional attachment to her.”
“What are you?” I asked, hoping this time I would get an answer.
“I am an Incubus.” He looked at me. “I appear as someone wishes me to be. I can be their long-lost lover, their spouse, a dream. Anything they can imagine, within reason, of course.”
“Wow,” I replied with a smile. “I guess you were what I wanted.”
“Well, I sort of fall into the long-lost lover category,” he laughed.
Chapter 14
What Just Happened?
I had fallen back asleep at some point, and when I woke up, Aaron was gone. I found myself wondering if he was even there in the first place. Nothing had happened between us; we had just talked. I didn’t quite understand how he was brought into the world as an Incubus. Then again, I didn’t know much about them in the first place. I rolled out of bed and stretched. For the first time in forever, I felt refreshed.
I fixed my messy ponytail and walked out into the living room. Shawn was snoring loudly on the couch, and Adam’s door was still shut. It did make me wonder how long he was going to keep it up. Sooner or later, he was going to have to decide what he wanted.
I wandered into the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of orange juice. I was opening it when a glint of white caught the corner of my eye. There was an envelope tossed under the front door. I walked over and reached down, taking the white paper in my hands. It had my name written across the front in beautiful calligraphy.
Dawn,
Oh, my dearest Dawn. I do apologize I could not make it to see you yesterday morning. They felt it best I stay behind. They fear if I see you, my loyalties will change. They are probably right after all.
Please stay protected. I am stuck working with this monster and her progeny, but it is not by choice. You said you would save me months ago and I have finally quit holding out for such a miracle. You are no longer bound to me, so you are no longer required to save me.
I dream of you each night. Your face has become my own worst nightmare, and each morning, you are torn away. Please know that I am doing my best to stop the advances of the Army. However, the dreams of war are often in my head. If we were face to face, I would expect you to end me. I cannot live this life if I am meant to be Satan’s servant.
With all my heart,
Wesley
****
I threw the door open and raced into the hallway. Maybe he was still there. Perhaps I could catch him. I sprinted to the elevator when I heard the voice in my head.
I have not left you, Fire Warden. Peter’s voice sounded sweet and sincere. It was a comfort to know he was still there.
“Oh, Peter!” I felt the tears coming to my eyes, and I longed to hug him.
I know you are torn, young Warden. I know that your heart breaks in three directions. He is good, he is lonely, and he is well guarded. Peter pulled his hood from his head so I could see his face. Though some might find his façade to be quite disturbing, I found beauty to it unlike any other. There was something about the crisscross shape of the sewn xs on his face. They were so intricate; shockingly, you could see his lips were not sealed underneath.
“You have no idea what this means. I have been wondering what had become of him since I last saw him. How did you get in?” I asked, getting as close as I could to him. I wasn’t sure what a Reaper’s touch could do to a Warden since we are not human, but I was not daring enough to find out.
He looked at the ground. His soul called as he died. Her Claim, while it was there, was not reliable. I felt the pull. When I saw him, I knew who he was by the images in your head — the blue-eyed boy with the brown hair. Since I was already able to pinpoint him, I pretty much remembered where I found him. When I had learned that the redhead’s right hand was here, I wanted to speak with Wesley while they were not looking. So, you know, any message you need to relay to him you let me know, and I will send it to him. Keep it related to things that do not divulge location or battle plans. I’m sure he is remaining true to you, but he could flip either way.
“Can you tell him I’m still here and still trying?” I said. My heart fluttered. “Tell him that I’m doing my best; there are just forces far stronger than the two of us right now.”
I will tell him that. If you ever need me, call. He disappeared into a fog, and I was alone in the hallway of my apartment building, looking in the direction of where he was once standing.
****
“So, he’s still trying to keep the war from happening.” Shawn put the letter down and looked up at me. His eyes were still caked with sleep. Once Peter was gone, I had raced back inside and pounced on him.
“That’s what I’m getting. Along with the feeling he thinks I’ve forgotten him,” I sighed. “This was supposed to be easy. I would track them down, get him back, kick her ass a little, and be done with it.”
“It was never meant to be easy. Sheridan and her daughter know how to play the game.” Shawn stood up and stretched.
“Obviously. Now he’s guarded by a hundred men. Plus, there is no telling where the enemy base is. It could be next door for all we know.” I growled. I hated how Wesley was questioning my motives; I hated myself, even more, knowing that I was letting him down
“There are quite a few factors in place when it comes to Wesley. Dad has been working nonstop, trying to produce a solution. If summoning him to us would get us anywhere we would do it. However, even with all the power, none of us could muster the strength to summon either Lilly or her mother. Our only bet is a fight on the battlefield.” Shawn blinked and rubbed his eyes.
“I had a dream about the battlefield.” I looked at him and smirked. I had yet to tell anyone of the dream I had.
“Do tell.” He looked at me with an intense expression.
I told him every bit of the dream. Every stinking second of it from the start to the end when I was pulled from my sleep. I didn’t know what to think of the face-off between Miranda and me.
“If I didn’t know any better, I would think you had a vision. Either that or you had a dream that you wish would come true.” He cracked his knuckles. “I am not the right person to dig into someone’s dreams. That is something you will have to discuss with Mara or one of the other nightmare dem
ons.”
“That’s what I figured,” I groaned.
Adam and Rose had yet to come out into the living room. It was nearing eleven, and both of them were still sleeping. It wasn’t like Adam not to come running at the sound of excitement. They must have been up late talking, or doing lord knows what.
“How was last night with Aaron?” He asked with one of his remarkable subject changes.
“It was good. I think I need more information on the Incubi. It just seems a little messed-up that this is what he became.” I rolled my eyes.
“There is nothing wrong with an Incubus. They make dreams come true for so many.” Shawn smiled at me.
“But he has to do all those things,” I shivered.
“No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t lie with them! He’s not the actual Incubus. He’s like an apprentice; he messes with people’s dreams and ambitions.” Shawn shook his head. “He’s a dream manipulator at most. He can live quite happily in this world without ever having to do what the Incubi do.”
“Well, that makes me feel a little better,” I laughed. I had hated the idea of him being with anyone else.
“Realize if he were one of them, you would never have seen his face,” Shawn smiled. “He didn’t lie. He can feel what he felt for you in his sleep; when he wakes up, it’s all like a dream.”
“Is it true that he can only remember me because I’m not human?”
“That one I don’t know. I’ve been around for a long time, but I do not know everything.” He touched my knee. “Just be happy, he knows. Be happy they all know what you are. It makes things easier.”
I nodded and tried to smile. I heard voices in Adam’s room, meaning that they had just woken up. It took another hour before they left the sanctuary of his room. Rose’s hair was pulled back, her gauges in her ears more noticeable now than they had been when I first met her. She had no make-up on her face but still had an amazing beauty.
Rose looked up and smiled at me. Her eyes were bright and incredibly green at the moment. Adam walked out, fully dressed. The moment his eyes met mine, they darted back across the room. Shawn shifted uncomfortably and squeezed my hand.
“Coffee?” Rose sweetly asked.
I looked at her blankly then pointed toward the kitchen. She nodded and walked away, leaving Shawn and me with an incredibly nervous Adam.
“You didn’t!” I seethed. It was the only thing I could think of that would make Shawn twitch.
“No,” he whispered, sitting down in the chair as far away from me as he could get. Shawn looked at me and nodded, telling me it was the truth.
“Then what?” I whispered, hoping Rose couldn’t hear me in the kitchen.
“Nothing!” He raised his eyebrows and Shawn frowned.
“It sure doesn’t sound like nothing,” I whimpered.
The fact that Shawn was growing increasingly uncomfortable told me something had happened, but Adam was not ready to tell.
“Nothing, Dawn. Please drop it!” His eyes widened, telling me that now was not the time to discuss what had happened.
Shawn leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Let’s just say it’s things that you have never done.” I nearly vomited. “No worries, he is still pure. If you want to get technical.”
I looked at Adam and frowned. I was disappointed in him for doing anything with anyone. It wasn’t jealousy that I was feeling for not having been the one he did it with. It was that now he was tainted by her. She had done things that I had never tried or even thought of. I cannot even put into words the grotesque things that came to mind when I thought about what had gone on behind those doors.
“You couldn’t tell me this morning what was going on?” I elbowed my brother.
“I turned off the link to Adam when Aaron showed up last night,” Shawn said, looking like he had been punched in the gut.
“Wait – Aaron was here? And here I was worried about you and how you felt. Was it as great as prom night?” He was pissed, almost as pissed as I was about Rose.
“Actually, no. We talked all night about all the things that he had seen since changing,” I growled.
“Well, that’s a first.” It hurt. I will admit it tore through me like a knife.
“Really?” My face burned.
“I didn’t mean it that way, Dawn.” He suddenly looked apologetic.
“No, it’s ok; I think you did.” I looked at a wide-eyed Shawn. What was going on between Adam and me? Ever since I kissed him, it seemed like we were being struck with fits of jealousy. Did this mean that we were not meant to be?
“It’s ok, Dawn. He didn’t mean it that way,” Shawn said soothingly. I didn’t believe him. I got up and walked back into my room, slamming the door behind me.
I could count on one hand how many boys I had been with. Yes, Aaron and Wesley were extremely close together. No, I was not proud of that. It was just how it happened. I couldn’t control what my destiny had in front of me. I couldn’t control what my blood wanted me to do. When it wanted to claim a soul, it went out of its way to make sure I did.
I had laid on my bed for about ten minutes thinking; when I heard the door creak open. I rolled over and looked at Adam. He walked toward me and took a seat on the bed next to me.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” he said, touching my shoulder. I pulled away from him. “I wish you would believe me, Dawn. I had no intention of ever touching her.”
“But you did!” I groaned, rolling on to my back and putting my hands to my face.
“You didn’t do anything with Aaron when he was here?” he asked me as if he hadn’t believed me the first time.
“NO.” I looked at him, hurt in my eyes. “We talked. I miss him, yes. I miss the connection we had, but there is nothing there anymore. The way he looks at me isn’t the same as he used to.”
“I believe you.” He looked away from me for a second. “I was dreaming of you when she kissed me. It wasn’t until she was kissing my stomach that I realized it wasn’t you.”
“That’s not helping,” I groaned.
“I don’t expect it to.” He sighed. “…I think I need to let it pan out with Rose.”
“You have something with her you don’t have with me that is for sure,” I said, feeling my heart laughing at me. How could I have been so stupid as to think this would work?
“Do you question my desire for you?” he breathed. “I want to touch you, and hold you, and know what you feel like?”
“I don’t know what you think. I cannot get into your head like my brother can.” My eyes were slits, and I could feel the tears rising.
“Dawn, you have been my dream since I met you.” He reached out and touched my arm, forcing me to look at him.
“But you find that you must do these things with another girl. Not that I would be ok with you going against your morals in the first place. I have always respected your wishes,” I said, my voice faltering. Oh, God, I was about to cry.
“I’m sorry.” He blinked like he was holding back tears himself.
“It’s probably for the best. We should go back to the way we were before all of this.” I rolled away from him and forced myself to my feet.
“Dawn,” he tried to interrupt me, but I was not going to let him talk me out of it.
“I am cursed anyway. I would hate for you to become a hybrid and find you belong with the Queen’s Army, like Wesley.” Oh, how it hurt to say that.
“We can’t go back to what we were, Dawn. I have tasted your lips, felt your heartbeat. I have vowed to protect you at all costs.” He touched my face. “However, with everything that is going on, taking a step backward may not be such a bad idea. Now that we know Wesley is alive.”
I coughed. “I wouldn’t say he was alive.”
“Whatever, Dawn. He’s still holding out for you. He still loves you; you haunt his dreams.” He sighed. “As much as I hate saying it, Wesley is your match.”
“I cannot be with him! Why can’t I get people to understand that? If he t
ouches me wrong, or I burst into flames, I will kill him.” I had to think for a second. “Assuming that he is a vampire, I should say.”
“Are we good?” he asked me, a longing look on his face.
“Yeah. I will be ok,” I lied. I wasn’t going to be ok.
He was supposed to be with me, not with her! I felt the anger slide up my spine and fall in line with the other voids in my heart. I was destined to walk this world alone forever.
“Dawn?” my brother called from the living room. “Just talked to Dad. We head home in two days.”
“Ok,” I replied, and smiled at Adam. “We had fun while we could.”
Chapter 15
Homecoming
“Dawn!” My mother called the moment my feet hit the sidewalk. I had never seen her so happy to see me before in my life.
“Mom,” I acknowledged, putting my bag down so I could hug her better.
“Oh, how I have missed you.” She squeezed me so tight I found it hard to breathe. “We have been so busy since you have been gone. Your father had the barn completed, and we moved as many as we could into the facilities. We are going to have to build another! Can you believe that?” She was overly excited.
“Yes, another one,” my father groaned, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around the both of us. “I have both my girls back in one place.” I raised an eyebrow at him, and he shook his head.
“That’s great!” I heard the footsteps of the other three behind me, and I pulled away from my parents to do the introductions.
“Mom. Dad. This is Rose,” I said, pulling the redhead toward us. She was nervous about meeting my parents. Hell, she had been so worried about leaving Dallas. It took me two days to even convince her to come along.
“Oh, my.” My mother said, grabbing the girl’s hands. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she?”
Rose blushed as my mother doted on her.
“She’s going to take some work. She hasn’t used what she has.” I looked at my dad. “Nobody told her till last year what she was.”
“How old are you, dear?” my mother asked.
“I’m twenty-one,” she answered, rubbing her arms.
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