by Susan Hatler
I looked up. “I don’t know how to make her stop comparing me to Grace.”
“She’ll do what she’ll do, but you don’t have to react to it.” Ms. King picked her cup up again. Her slender fingers were pale as she brought the rim to her lips and took a sip. “You just be yourself, Morgan. Your mom will adjust.”
I nibbled on the cookie, which was sweet and crisp. “What if she doesn’t?”
“Then that’s her issue.” Ms. King stood and came to sit beside me on the sofa. Her arms went around me and I leaned into that embrace. “Morgan you have to live your life and live it for you. It’s not enough to wake up in the morning and go about your day, living for someone else. You have to do what’s in your heart. We all do.”
My eyes watered. “I don’t know.”
She gave my shoulder a squeeze before letting go. “Would you be happy if you did exactly what your mom wants and went to work at the bank?”
I wiped my eyes. “No.”
“Then why do it?” she asked, pulling out a lace handkerchief and handing it to me. “Your mom lost her daughter. You lost a sister. But nobody is trying to live their life to make up for your pain, are they? Nobody can ease your loss, just like you can’t ease your mother’s loss. No matter how hard you might try. Your mom is living her life the way she wants to, right?”
My mom loved her life. She was happy in it. Everything she did was because it made her happy. I wanted to do the very same thing. I hadn’t been living my life for me. I’d spent the better part of my twenties doing exactly what Ms. King had said, living my life to try to make up for my mom’s loss. I’d neatly stacked my days the way she wanted, but I hadn’t been living the life I wanted. I hadn’t been truly happy.
I’d finally figured out what made me feel alive: My relationship with Dallas. Running my beauty salon. Being home in Christmas Mountain again.
All of these things made me truly happy. I’d felt more alive these past few weeks than I had in the past twenty years. I didn’t want to lose that feeling. And the only one who could ensure I wouldn’t lose the life I’d chosen was me.
Chapter Twenty
Later that night, my brother picked me up for dinner at the country club with my parents. The last thing I wanted to do was have dinner at the club again, but I knew my mom was telling the whole town I was coming to work at the bank. Clients had walked into the salon today asking me how much longer I’d be open and I had to reassure them I wasn’t closing down.
I couldn’t avoid my mom any longer.
Connor and I walked through the festive lobby and the hostess, Elizabeth, greeted us. “Good evening, Connor, Morgan.” She nodded at each of us. “Your parents are already seated. I’ll take you to their table.”
“Thank you,” Connor and I said, in unison.
I wore a knee-skimming black frock and a colorful cashmere shawl, small hoop earrings, and a dash of makeup. I’d left my hair long and flowing, curled at the ends. Not exactly dressed up for battle, but dressed for myself in any case.
“How was your day?” Connor asked, as we walked through the dining room.
“Interesting,” I said, raising my eyebrows at him. “When I picked up my latte at Sleigh Café this morning, I ran into Brandon Wallace, who was neighbors with Faith Sterling. You know, one of my best friends from the choir team?”
“I remember Faith from the Christmas extravaganza,” he said.
I nodded. “I’d heard Faith was back in town, so I asked Brandon if he’d seen her and he got this shy smile on his face when he said yes. I wonder what’s going on there. Anyway, Brandon mentioned the community center is in trouble and needs funding to save it. I told him I’d do an online auction offering services from the C.M. Salon to raise money.”
“I’ll make sure Reed Bank contributes as well,” he said.
“That’s sweet of you,” I said, knowing my brother had a heart of gold. Grace would’ve been proud of the man her little brother had become. I’d felt her presence in my heart ever since my fall into the river. I hoped Grace would be proud of me, too, especially knowing what I had to do tonight. I glanced at my brother, thinking about his offer. “I’ve seen Ms. King twice since I’ve been back and can’t believe she didn’t tell me about the community center’s troubles when she had to know I’d be willing to help.”
“Maybe she thought you had enough on your plate and she didn’t want you to stress further.”
“That would be so like her to do that. Sometimes I feel like she’s a second mother to me,” I said, grateful to have that remarkable woman in my life.
When we arrived at the table, my parents were ordering a bottle of Chardonnay from Nina. A frisson of both pain and jealousy ate at my heart when I saw her. I knew she and Dallas had dated many years ago, but I couldn’t help thinking that perhaps he would date her again now that I’d so stupidly demanded I needed space from him.
Mom stood and hugged me. “You look like you’re feeling better,” she said.
“I feel totally fine, Mom,” I said, flicking a glance at Nina.
Connor nudged my elbow. “They say cold water’s great for the skin, right?”
“That’s not funny,” Mom snapped, even though she rarely scolded her golden boy.
Dad stood and hugged me. “Your mother says you’re coming home to work at the bank. I’ll talk to human resources tomorrow about clearing out an office for you.”
An office. At. The. Bank.
I opened my mouth to correct him that I’d only promised mom I’d think about it—
“Hello again, Morgan.” Nina gave me a brilliant smile, gesturing to the scarf wrapped around my neck. “That scarf is everything.”
“Thank you.” I looked down at my scarf, which was a mix of bright emerald and soft blues. I still wanted to correct my dad about the bank, but I didn’t want to be rude to Nina who had always been sweet to me. It wasn’t her fault I was paranoid that she might snatch Dallas up now that I’d alienated him. “I love your hairstyle, Nina,” I said.
“Thanks.” She smiled, patting her elegant twist. “I hear you’re amazing with hair and I’m looking forward to visiting the C.M. Salon the first chance I get.”
Mom bolted upright. “I’m afraid Morgan won’t—”
“Could I trouble you for some tea?” I asked, interrupting my mom before she entirely ruined my business. “In addition to a glass of wine, of course,” I said, hoping she’d bring more than one of the bottles my parents had ordered.
“Right away.” Nina nodded and then dashed off.
I sat down, lifting the white linen napkin from the china holder and placing it on my lap. My nerves jangled as I did, my head starting to ache all over again. I’d cried so much these past two days that my eyes felt grainy and puffy.
I wanted my salon. I didn’t want the bank. And I needed to tell my parents right now.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Nina said, returning to the table, with an awkward gesture behind her. “But he says he’s joining you?”
A sour taste filled my mouth as I spotted Tom Brand standing beside our table in all of his Nordic blondness. He looked older, but also as handsome as ever, just as fit, and well dressed in a gray pinstriped jacket and slacks. His wore a blue shirt and a striped tie.
“Good to see everyone,” Tom said, giving me the biggest smile of all. “I’m glad to join you this evening. Thanks for inviting me, Mrs. Reed.”
My mom had invited Tom Brand to our “family” dinner?
My jaw tightened as my gaze shot to my mom, who looked unruffled by this turn of events. She had totally set us up. Plus, she knew I had feelings for Dallas. How could she set me up with Tom? The guy was a cheater and a liar. Not that Mom knew that, I supposed.
My dad gave Tom a firm handshake and Connor muttered something unintelligible as I lifted my hand in a polite wave.
Tom gave me what I could only describe as a suave smile and took the seat next to me, his leg pressing against mine. Ick. I moved my leg away immediately. H
e placed his napkin in his lap, leaning closer to me and I refrained from the urge to slap a hand over my nose. The guy wore way too much cologne.
Not to mention that nothing compared to the scent of lumber these days.
Suddenly, Connor whipped his phone out and I wondered if he was about to take a picture of us. That would cap off my evening. A photo of me and the cheating jerk, who wore too much cologne, my shame forever captured. Oh, joy.
Mom cleared her throat. “Connor, we have a rule about no phones at the dinner table.”
“Sorry, this is important.” Connor’s fingers flew over the screen and then he tucked the phone back inside his jacket pocket. “It was a life or death situation. Won’t happen again.”
I gave my brother an odd look, since he was usually the star and not the one being scolded.
“You look amazing, Morgan.” Tom turned to me, looking me up and down in a way that made me annoyed. “I can’t believe it’s been such a long time since we’ve seen each other.”
I gave him my sternest look and my sweetest smile. “It has been a long time. I think the last time we saw each other was at the Falls, right before graduation.”
He had the good grace to color.
“You’re wrong, sweetheart.” Mom chimed in, obviously in the dark that I’d been referencing the time Dallas had decked my ex. “Tom was at graduation. I distinctly recall him being there. You were so close to valedictorian, too. Weren’t you, Tom? Morgan’s grades were close as well. Both of you have excelled academically.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Reed.” He nodded and lifted the wineglass Nina had just filled. Then he glanced at me before looking at my mom and dad. “I believe in hard work and would value that in a wife, even with her staying home to raise the kids.”
I choked on my sip of wine at the same time Connor let out a loud cough. Was he implying I might be his future wife? At home with his kids? He had to be talking about some other woman.
Tom’s hand settled on my knee, giving it a squeeze.
Oh, great. Either he didn’t have another woman in mind or he still didn’t believe in monogamy. Whichever the truth, ick. I dropped my hand to his, promptly removing it from my knee as I flared my eyes at him.
Mom nodded as if she approved of his statement. Then she turned to me. “Morgan, did you know that Tom is a hedge fund manager in Bozeman? He travels to New York City for work. Isn’t that impressive?”
“Just grand,” I said, wondering if she’d be as impressed by his uninvited knee grabbing. I knocked back my drink, wondering if I should out him. No, Connor would likely bop him one. The thought momentarily perked me up. “Personally, I’d never leave Christmas Mountain again. I’ve grown up a lot since graduation and if I could go back in time I wouldn’t make the same choices as when I was young,” I gave Tom a meaningful look.
Dad’s gaze moved to Tom. “So, Bozeman. . . That’s not far from us, is it? Just a few hours by car if my mental calculations are correct.”
“Yes.” Tom laid his menu on the table. “And I work from home a lot.” He gave me another smile, one so wide I could see the fillings winking in his back molars. “It seems I have more reasons to come back now.”
My stomach clenched and it was a miracle I didn’t toss my cookies.
Connor cut in. “Hey, Morgan. I’m thinking about calling Dallas to see if he wants to hang out later. Why don’t you and Ruby tag along?”
Mom shook her head. “Morgan doesn’t need to be around that man. He’s reckless and—”
“The accident at Flat Rock was my fault,” I snapped, finally having enough. “You can’t blame Dallas because I had the lame idea to walk along the rocks in the dark. That was my decision. I’m the one who slipped and there’s nobody to blame but me.”
It was true. I’d done that, not Dallas and I knew that if I didn’t speak in his defense my fall would have become one more rumor for the mill about how dangerous and wild he was, rumors that had already cost him in this town.
Dad cleared his throat. “The truffle-and-sweet-pea risotto looks good. So does the steak. Has anyone tried that together?”
Dead silence.
My fists balled on the table and I stared at them, trying to compose myself. My gaze wandered to the fresh manicure I’d given myself earlier, making me think about how hard I’d worked to be able to hang that sign outside my salon to do what I loved the most in the world.
“Morgan will not be seeing Dallas again,” Mom said, looking so stiff even her hair seemed rigid. Her fingers showed white at the knuckles as she clutched the menu. “She’s closing the salon, so they won’t be sharing the space anymore either. Thank goodness.”
I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t sit there and let my mom extol the virtues of the lying cretin next to me. Ms. King had suggested that I follow my heart and live while I could and it was high time I started now.
“I’m going to see Dallas again the first chance I get after this dinner.” The words came from my mouth so loudly, my mom dropped her menu. It fanned open on the tabletop. Connor’s eyebrows went up and a smile played on his mouth. Dad fidgeted, his hand yanking at his tie as he looked from me to Mom. I’d never spoken to my mom that way.
“Morgan,” she said, firmly.
“No.” I held a hand up to halt whatever else might come from her mouth. “This is my life and I get to live it the way I want. I’m not Grace and I never will be. You need to stop pretending that if you make me into her then it will be like you never lost your favorite daughter.”
Mom gasped. “How can you say such a thing?”
“Why else would you keep trying to make me into her?” I asked, tears welling in my eyes as my throat tightened. I knew I was making a scene, but I didn’t care. It was time to tell my mom the truth, even if she hated me for the rest of my life. “Grace’s accident that day at the Falls was my fault.”
Connor reached for me. “Morgan—”
“No!” My throat tightened as all the guilt I’d been holding in since that day came to the surface and I needed to get it out. “She needs to know the truth.”
Mom made a mewing sound and Dad’s arm slipped around her shoulder. Connor stared at me like he wanted to say more, but I shook my head. Tom stared at the surrounding restaurant, probably because people were starting to stare. But I didn’t care about being the good girl anymore. I would never be the perfect daughter and I was exhausted from trying.
“We’d all wanted to go on that nature walk that day. But I was dancing around and not paying attention to where I was going. I slipped . . .” My voice trailed off as a sob escaped at the admission. “And I’d started to fall off the cliff, but Grace reached out and grabbed me. She pulled me to safety and she fell instead. Your favorite child died because of me.”
I hated that I was hurting her. But I had no other choice. I had to let go of the past. I couldn’t live with the guilt any longer, even if I lost my mom in the process.
“Morgan,” Mom said, her face going white.
“I should’ve told you I’d slipped,” I said, sniffling, knowing I’d lost my mom for good. She’d never forgive me for the mistake that had cost us our family, but I had to learn to forgive myself. “I kept that secret to myself all of these years. I knew you’d hate me if you found out that I slipped and—”
“I already knew,” she said, quietly. “And I love my children equally. You. And Connor. And Grace, may she rest in peace. You’re all a part of me. You should never be afraid to tell me anything. I’m your mother.”
I flinched. “H-How did you know?”
“I told her,” Connor said, his green eyes welling. “I saw you slip, sis. I had no idea you’d been keeping that in. I’ve never blamed you for Grace’s fall, either. She saved you because she loved you. If I could’ve reached you in time then it would’ve been me who’d fallen.”
My mom gasped and I realized tears were falling down her perfectly made-up face. My dad pulled her closer to him as he rubbed her shoulder lovingly.
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br /> “You’re right,” I said, the thought of losing Connor making me sick to my stomach. “If I’d seen Grace or you falling, I would’ve done anything to save you both, too. I never knew you’d seen me slip and I’ve felt guilty all this time.”
“I never blamed you for Grace’s death, Morgan,” Mom said, her tone firm.
“No.” I shook my head. “You’ve blamed Dallas all of this time. He suggested we go on that nature walk, but we all wanted to go. Even Grace. It wasn’t his fault.”
“I know,” she said, shocking me. She brought her hand to her chest and bit her bottom lip, a habit that was usually mine. “I shouldn’t have blamed Dallas when I’m the one who left you kids alone that day. If anyone is to blame, it’s me.”
“Ivy . . .?” Dad asked, his voice broken with shock. “I will not have any of that talk from you or Morgan. Am I at fault for being at work that day? For not protecting my daughter as a father should?” His tone made it obvious he’d weighed that guilt himself. “Grace’s fall was a terrible accident. Nobody is to blame. I’ve let you blame Dallas, Ivy, and I probably should’ve put a stop to it. But you were grieving and no family should have to suffer this loss.”
I stared at my mom, who looked back at me through red eyes. “I’ve been trying to make up for Grace’s death by being who you want me to be, Mom. And I’m miserable. Is that what you want for me?”
“No . . .” She reached across the table, but her fingers stopped just short of touching mine. “I want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. You seem to be floundering. I want to help you get back on course.”
“We all want that.” Tom’s hand came down on my knee again.
“You really need to stop, Tom.” My teeth clenched as I shoved his hand away. “I’m not off course, Mom. I’ve returned to Christmas Mountain and am doing what makes me happy.”
Tom knocked back a sip of wine and then set the glass down. “Morgan, surely you must know that opening a beauty salon is hardly the most financially beneficial way to spend the money your grandparents left you. I could help you with some lucrative investments.”